Part 10


Justin wouldn't let go of me, his hands were clasped together and his palms were pressed at either side of my neck. I was smiling at him, softly.

"Josh, stay the night please?"

"Justin, I have to go back and rehash the music so we can finally do the final touches tomorrow, and get that much deserved time-off…for the first time this year…"

Justin smiled…

"Do it here then!"

"I can't…"

"Why?"

"I can't work with you around…"

"Is that a compliment..?"

"It is."

"I-I just don't understand why you don't want to move back!?" there was an annoyed and even exasperation staining that sentiment that fell from Justin's mouth.

"Let's take it slow Justin…"

"I know, I'm sorry I'm impatient."

I smiled. There was really nothing wrong with what he was doing, I found it flattering, so I make my move pulling him close until we found ourselves kissing torridly in the car, kissing with that blind passion that I felt myself slipping down to that chaotic state where I could not control anything, even myself…We moved and I slammed here and there, jerking sideways over and under, only Justin could stir such violent bursts of pleasure from me…almost inside him, panting in the small car we were in…When suddenly everything in me and about me shut down…I couldn't feel him, I was disoriented. That certain feeling overwhelms me, and suddenly I'm unsure.

"Josh?"

"S-sorry, Justin I'm just tired…"

I felt him stomp his foot on the carpet -

"Don't lead me on like that ever again Joshua! You hate being treated as a toy…so don't do it to other people!"

"Sorry."

Before I could say anything else he had slammed the door shut

*****

I knocked on the front door and I could hear Justin crying. He wasn't loud…for once he wasn't, so it was obvious that he was crying behind the door.

"Justin, please…just open the door."

Crying still…

"Justin, I'm sorry, please let me explain, I didn't do it on purpose to hurt you, c'mon let me explain…"

"Just go away Josh! Is this your idea of revenge, leading me on and purposely dropping me like I was scum!"

"Justin…I told you it's just sex, and I can explain please…"

"Go away. It's more than just sex to me!"

That made sense to both of us, he had tugged at my bait and I was sure as hell happy with his answer…but I kept on…

"Justin…"

"GO AWAY!"

*****

I gave up knocking and pleading, but I didn't go, somewhere there was hope…I knew it. I sat there by the door all night, I managed to fall asleep, only to be awakened by a soft touch on my shoulder. It was Justin in a bathrobe and he was sleepily tapping my shoulder and searching for my hand with half-closed eyes, he was taking me in for the night.

I followed quietly, my eyes lidded with sleep as well, I built my momentum with intent that I was going to sleep in the bedroom. I felt Justin's hand..hard on my chest, stopping me.

He was smiling…softly

I looked up…

"I think you should sleep on the couch tonight…I'll bring pillows and a blanket for you…" He spoke quietly, silently moving about, I sat quietly in the dark sitting on the couch until he came out again and I took the items from his hand.

He smiled and slowly walked back to the room, shutting the door.

As I laid down on the couch a smile played on my lips….this thing Justin and I share, it's beginning to feel like a real relationship to me. Justin and I were starting to interact as people with pride and feelings and mistakes, for the first time we were getting to know each other and demand respect from one another. It was beginning to feel real.

That was enough to get me through tonight.



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