I've reached the breaking point long after I've broken myself. But no one would really understand. I don't expect anyone to. I guess it's all just a matter of time before I crumble and turn into some unknown.. person.. thing. I hate you. I love you. I hate you. I built my life around you, but you had other plans. I am the fool. I am the only fool, because I loved too much, I felt too strong, I was too sweet and in the end it meant nothing because all you really wanted was entertainment from your busy schedule and worthless contradictions. Liar. Both of us are. The lesser of two evils. I am no saint. Faith. Faithful. It doesn't mean anything now, when all the while I thought it meant everything. I don't even feel guilty watching Justin's face break and cry when I snapped my fingers, as though I had casted some evil spell on him. I don't want to care anymore. I want to stop. I want to walk away. He slept with a friend. Tony. My best friend. I have to drink some water or else I'm gonna fall apart and I'm going to cause a road accident and I'm going to kill people right before.. whatever season it is. Sometimes Starbucks deems itself as a godsend. I must reiterate that.'sometimes'. I'm drinking an Iced _Mocha, how I was able to say that without choking and dying on this crap. I don't know. But at least the smooth blend is taking my mind off things and preparing my psyche for a long night ahead. I'm moving out of that place. I guess this is the right time for me to go and live at this place I got years ago in Woodgroove. It's going to be real tough getting my life together, and I don't even know if I'm strong enough, but I've gotten this far. There's no turning back. ***** A cold and empty house. Something we thought we could give life to. But then again who am I fooling? It was only me who wanted that, only me who dreamed for the both of us and it got to be very tiring. I'm tired. I'm always tired these days. Too many things ignored just wells up inside and it shatters. I think that's the last of my casuals and I zip the bag and drag it halfway across the living room before I drag the garbage bag filled with shoes out from the hall. Two minutes and I have it all inside my car. As I was driving out, I saw Joey's car flash in and park, while mine slides away. I saw Justin's eyes.. so cold, then in a moment flicker with panic. He's not a fool, he knows what I did. I don't know if it was the child in me showing himself but I did hover and wait for him go up those steps, go inside that house and watch him swiftly come out, eyes narrowed and tear- filled. before I revved up and left. I was cruel. I was retaliating. ***** Why the hell does it look so different, my eyes narrow with annoyance once I parked and looked at the façade of the place I owned and it was soon to be my fort. It really didn't look this ugly when I first looked at it.. It was plain and there were no plants that livened the place. It was logical though, I hadn't been here in months..no..maybe years. I huffed and made my way inside URGH! That rickety door needs repairs as well, it's cause for alarm since it's a sliding door and a rickety sliding door is not a good door. I make mental notes. I quietly make my way to the bedroom. And take off the plastic over the bed, I think I'll be sleeping on dirty sheets tonight. Without the slightest certainty of warmth.