JC woke up the next day feeling like death warmed up. His face ached and his lip was sore, there was also a definite pounding headache, but when he listened closer there was also a definite pounding on the door. “I’m coming” He slowly sat up and walked over to the door. He opened it to reveal Justin looking a little worse for wear himself. “Hey, you look like crap” “Gee thanks Justin that’s just what I wanted to hear” Justin reached out and touched JC’s lip. He winced in pain and Justin came further into the room. “O.K. so what are we telling the guys?” “I told you we should just tell them that guy hit me” “O.K. so we’re going with… JC was on his knees in the bathroom sucking off some guy, it wasn’t to his taste so he whacked him?” “Hmm I can see your point” JC sighed and rested his head on Justin’s shoulder “Maybe we should just tell the truth” “But what is the truth? Because I sure as hell don’t understand it. I know that you love Lance, but why are you feeling the need to self-destruct? Because he doesn’t love you back?” “Justin please don’t. I just… I don’t know it just feels like this heavy weight that’s just pressing down on my chest and nothing I do seems to help. But the cutting helps for a little while, being abused at least gives me something else to think about…I’m in serious trouble here Justin” “I know” Just then the guys all burst through the door, well burst as much as several very hung over guys can. They brought breakfast and all sat around the bed drinking, eating and talking but every so often they cast little glances at JC until finally one of them cracked. “Jayce What happened to you?” Justin looked at JC and with his eyes firmly fixed to the floor JC started talking. “Well. I’ve been really unhappy lately… It doesn’t really matter why” Chris tried to interrupt but JC held a hand up to quiet him “When we went to the club last night I was just really drunk and I got into a situation that I couldn’t control… I was doing something I shouldn’t and I got punished for it” “Well that basically tells us nothing, we really want to help you, we love you and we hate to see you like this but you need to tell us what’s wrong” “Fine I was sucking off a guy in the bathroom and he hit me!” There was silence and then Joey coughed a little and the others all turned to look at him “I’m sorry” “Why it wasn’t your fault” “I’m just sorry” Joey leant over and whispered something to Lance who looked back at Joey with wide eyes. Joey asked the other guys to go for a swim and they all went except Lance. As Justin walked out the door he flashed a backward glance at JC who gave a small nod. He carried on walking. “Tell me JC” “Tell you what?” “Is Joey right?” “What has Joey said?” Lance sighed and looked at the floor “I don’t think I can do this” He stood up to leave and just as he got to the door he heard a soft whimper coming from the bed. He turned around and JC was crying softly to himself, his shoulders shaking and his breath coming in tiny gasps. Lance rushed over and put his arm around his friend. “I love you…” Lance could barely hear JC but those words sent little slivers of ice skittering down his spine “What?” “I’m so sorry” JC tucked his head into his knees and started gently rocking. With his head down he started talking “I don’t know when it started, it feels like I’ve been in love with you forever. I remember when you auditioned for the band and I first saw you, you took my breath away but I convinced myself that it was my imagination. You have no idea how many times I wanted to tell you how I felt and I was going to, you remember that night? It was really stormy and I came to your room… I had a whole speech planned out and everything and I walked in and you were with Joey. I saw the way you were kissing him and that was the exact second when my heart broke. I don’t want to be this bitter jealous man but every time I see you with him, it’s like I lose a piece of my soul and I don’t know how much more I have left” There was silence in the room and JC thought that he could hear his own heart beating. He looked up and Lance was staring at him, a single tear rolled down his cheek and JC thought he had never looked so beautiful. “I loved you too. I didn’t think you felt the same; I was so sure I was wrong and I couldn’t wait for you any more. It was too hard and it hurt too much…” A sob caught in his throat and he frantically brushed at the tears, which were now cascading down his face freely. “God JC, I love Joey, I do” JC leant across and brushed his lips against Lance’s, the pain was worth the pure chill that went through his body, he opened his mouth and Lance licked at the wound on his lip finally kissing him passionately, tongues dueling ferociously. Hands tore at clothes and breaths came in ragged bursts. They heard a sound from the other side of the room and Joey stood at the door, no expression on his face, just watching. He turned around and slammed the door so hard that it splintered. Lance picked up his clothes and ran after Joey “Joey, please… you don’t understand” JC just sat open mouthed, unable to comprehend what had just happened until a trickle of blood from his lip ran down his chin and broke his trance. He curled into a little ball and went to sleep.