Part 1




Lance lay in Joey’s arms. They just breathed together relaxed in each other’s company and totally at peace with themselves. They were on the bus heading for yet another concert venue but it didn’t seem to matter so much when they were lying like this, in the hour before it got light and hours before the rest of the band would even stir.

“I love you Lance”

Joey stroked his fingers through the younger boys hair and Lance made a little sound in the base of his throat, the sort of sound that drove Joey crazy. Lance looked up from his position lying on Joey’s chest and looked deep into his eyes.

“I love you too, I always have”

With those words Joey bent his head down and kissed Lance, so sweetly it hurt. Lance ached for more and deepened the kiss, they linked their hands together and shared breath and warmth and souls.

Above them, quiet in his bunk JC shook with the effort of keeping the tears in. It was like silent torture, he knew that Lance and Joey shared this time together and he also knew it would tear out his heart each and every day to listen, yet without fail he would wake to loving mumbled words and hear the sounds of the kisses his band mates shared. Each day he died a little, feeling the waves of love that flowed around Lance and Joey like an aura.

The bus started to wake and the two lovers stole a quick kiss before Lance returned to his bunk. They knew that the other guys were aware of the status of their relationship but they didn’t want to push it in their faces.

“Get out of the way Spazz”

“Ah the wonderful morning sounds of a grumpy pre cereal Justin”

The boys congregated in the tiny kitchen, getting in each other’s ways as they each made their breakfasts. JC walked in last as usual but this morning Lance actually looked at the older man and he was shocked at what he saw. When had JC got so thin? His eyes were also red as though he had been crying. He didn’t say anything at breakfast because he knew that JC would just clam up and feel like he was being interrogated. He made a mental note to talk to JC later and got on with eating his cereal. Joey slipped into the seat next to his and gently brushed his thigh under the table. Lance turned and smiled, a very rare real smile that was now pretty much only directed at Joey. JC coughed and got up to leave

“Where are you going C?”

“I’m not hungry I’m going back to my bunk”

He left looking like a broken man and Lance had to say something to the others.

“Does anybody know what’s wrong with JC?”

“Erm no but he’s been this way for quite a while, I guess you guys have just been preoccupied”

Lance blushed and looked down at his cereal. When he looked back up Justin was staring straight at him like he was trying to figure something out. He looked away when Joey laid a hand over Lance’s.

“I’ll go and check on him”

Justin got up to leave the table and there was suddenly a very awkward silence.

“Why does it feel like you all know something we don’t?”

“Guys, I’m so happy for you, truly but you need to wake up and realize that your friend is hurting. I can’t tell you why it isn’t my place but just try to be there for him, because I don’t know how much more he can take”

A serious Chris was never a good thing and Lance started to seriously worry. JC hadn’t come to him and that hurt but he also understood why he didn’t, he’d been so wrapped up in Joey that he hardly talked to any of his band mates anymore. He resolved right then that he would spend more time with his friends.

Justin got to JC’s bunk and pulled back the curtain. His friend was curled into a ball, shaking with silent sobs. Tears streamed down his face and he didn’t even look up to see who had pulled the curtain.

“Josh, move up”

Calling JC, Josh was only reserved for the occasions when he needed to feel normal, when he was upset or unhappy. He had once said that the person he spends the rest of his life with will call him Josh too, it was a special name and it got his attention. He scooted over and Justin squeezed in the tiny bunk next to him and took JC in his arms. JC turned and clung onto Justin, his thin body shaking violently. Justin shushed, patted, stroked and comforted. He knew exactly why JC was crying and the thing that hurt most was knowing that there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. Lance and Joey were blissfully happy and totally oblivious to the pain JC was in everyday.

“Josh we all love you”

“He doesn’t”

Justin was silent because he didn’t have an answer.

“Please leave me alone”

Justin tipped JC’s head up and lightly kissed him on the lips.

“I’m sorry”

He got up and left, pledging to check on JC every half hour. He went back out in the lounge where Lance was sat next to Joey, their hands twined but Lance was biting his bottom lip and looking very worried.

“Justin is there anything I can do to help?”

“No”

Lance went back to biting his lip and Justin tried not to think about JC crying in his bunk alone.



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