Grey


It's a grey, muted afternoon. Dull light, muffled by clouds, filters through the large panes of glass into the living room where JC lies on the sofa. One hand is thrown back behind his head, while he absently traces patterns on his stomach with the other. He stares up at the ceiling, enjoying one of those rare moments of complete and utter blankness.

He gets up when the light changes to the fuzzy candy-colours of dusk and walks slowly into the kitchen, entranced by the way the light has stained his white walls a watery lilac. He opens the fridge and gazes in. After a few moments of staring desolately at a plate of wilted lettuce, he takes out a yoghurt and eats it leaning back against the refrigerator door; eyes fixed on the clock above the kitchen table.

Ticktickticktick

JC doesn't think he's watching the time for a reason, but when the doorbell rings he jolts to alertness and realises he's been waiting unconsciously for this moment all day. Placing his empty yoghurt pot and spoon in the sink, he walks over to the door.

Justin smiles shyly when JC lets him in.

They walk silently into JC's living room. JC sits down on his white leather sofa and Justin comes and curls up around him, his head resting on JC's shoulder. He sighs. JC looks down at him and smiles. Justin smiles back and blows softly on his neck. JC lets out a little shivery laugh then looks away and turns on the TV. They watch some nameless sitcom. The audience laughter echoes bluntly through the house, distorted by the hollow quiet. Eerie, JC thinks.

JC flips the TV off and the house is plunged into a hush of shadow. JC guesses he forgot to switch on any lights. He claps and as the sound rings out two table lamps glow into life. JC knows they've not yet spoken a single word. But that's how it is.

On long grey days, Justin will come over to his house. Not to talk, or to eat...just for company; another's presence. As both JC and Justin live on their own, JC figures on days like these Justin feels the loneliness, too. They both know that if you're not careful, the greyness outside can seep in... can seep into your thoughts and fog your mind and heart with a bleeding despondency.

Justin lifts his head off JC's shoulder and looks at him,

"C, you hungry?" he asks softly, voice slightly furred from having not spoken in a while

JC thinks about this,

"Yeah," he says, "I guess. You want pizza or something?"

Justin nods and gets up to make the call while JC goes to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of water. A few minutes later Justin comes in and joins him, leaning against the counter. JC takes a sip and feels it trickle coldly down his throat. It makes him think of quicksilver. Quickice. Does that exist?

Justin stares at the floor,

"I miss Brit" he mumbles

JC doesn't reply; it wasn't a question. Instead he looks at Justin, who looks up at him, and smiles in what he hopes is an understanding way.

"Yeah," JC finally says, "being on your own can get pretty lonely"

It comes out more patronising than he intends.

Justin nods, to himself more than anything, and JC goes over to stand next to him. He puts his arm around Justin, who chokes back a small sob.

Justin's never been good at being alone because he's never gotten used to it. There was always his mom, or NSYNC or Britney...but now theres no one. JC knows how he feels.

He pulls Justin into a tight hug, trying not to think about his own emptiness. Justin cries a little, his slightly taller frame trembling miserably and JC strokes his back and whispers sweet nothings until his breathing evens out again. JC hates seeing him like this. No matter how often boys are told, 'It's OK to cry' JC still thinks there's something strangely pathetic about it.  He closes his eyes; tries to look away, spare Justin his dignity.

Justin breaks away and rests his forehead against JC's, looks down at him and presses a soft, brief kiss to his lips,

"Thanks" he says, and for a moment his sincerity completely floors JC.  

"Any time" JC says, and means it.

JC pauses,

"You wanna crash here?"

"Yeah, thanks," Justin lets out a shaky laugh, "God, I don't think I could handle going back to my place tonight"

The pizza arrives and they sit at the table, eating in a contemplative silence. Justin finishes first,

"Should I get back together with her?"

JC looks at him, startled and exclaims an emphatic,

"No!," Justin looks downcast so JC continues, "I mean no, J, I don't think you should. Do you remember how unhappy she made you?"

Justin looks thoroughly wretched so JC amends quietly,

"I just...I don't think its a good idea."

Justin doesn't look up at him,

"Yeah you're right," he says softly, "I was just...today...you know how it is"

JC nods.

Later, when the sky has gone completely black and starless, JC and Justin sit up on JC's double bed, talking; a whole days worth of conversation.

They're both collapsed on the bed; JC's run out of things to say. He turns his head to look at Justin beside him. Justin grins,

"God, C, I like cannot even begin to thank you for today. Really, I feel a hell of a lot better"

JC smiles,

"Yeah. Back at ya"

Justin leans towards him and looks down at JC contemplatively. JC looks back at him, meeting his gaze unwaveringly, wondering what he's thinking. Justin kisses him, softly. A simple, chaste kiss. It's an amalgamation of friendship and loneliness... and the need to feel something; anything. Anything other than the interminable vacuity that the grey winter brings. He lies back down, curled with his head on JC's chest, smiling, and they fall asleep.

JC wakes up and golden sun is streaming in through the window.



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