For as long as we're allowed


When you go out to play this evening
Play with fireflies ‘til they’re gone
And then rush to me, your lover
And play with real fire ‘til dawn

It’s not supposed to be that way
You’re supposed to know that I love you
But it won’t matter anyway
If I can’t be there to console you
— Willie Nelson

Are you feelin’ me?
Let’s do somethin’
— Justin Timberlake

“Do you want to……….spot me?” he said, in that liquefied gold dust voice of his, when he raised his blue eyes and caught me standing there, staring.

And, for one warped second, I could have sworn he’d asked if I wanted to *suck* him. Or maybe that’s what my perverted mind wanted to hear him say. Because, see, here’s the thing. I did. Want to suck him. In every lewd, bloody-perverted, all-out raunchy way imaginable.

That sheen of sweat glistening on his neck, the shiny trickle of it that slowly trailed its way down his chest over that right pec that twitched under the flesh, those dark-brown hairs at the base of his abdomen where the sweatpants dipped down off his hips just a few inches lower than they probably should — silky fuzz slick and glowing with fresh perspiration on the flat, tight skin. And then what lay below, inside the wrinkled gray cotton — creases and folds that concealed and teased, mounds and bulges that beckoned and promised.

Yes, God, yes, I won’t lie. I wanted to suck that. All of it. Every juicy, salty-sweet millimeter. I could taste him on my tongue already. Damn.

*Why do I keep doing this shit to myself? Or, worse, why do I let HIM do it to me?*

Before I could answer his question, I had to wet my lips and swallow back some spit to the Sahara Desert that, 45 seconds ago, had been my throat. “Do you *need* to be……….spotted?”

He swaggered then — and yes, that’s the only word for it because he does it so professionally and expertly and fucking knows it too — around to the side of the weight bench, swung his long leg over it, and sat down, straddling and shifting his ass on the lucky damn thing. The whole while, he kept me pinned to my place in the doorway with those dangerous azure eyes and a cocky half-smile that whispered — oh, fuck — that he’d definitely seen me checking out his body.

Busted. Oh, well. Sue me. He shouldn’t prance around MY HOUSE shirtless and barefoot and half-assed wearing his workout pants like that. Asshole jerk.

“Sure, if you’re not busy. I thought you were in the studio, working.”

“I was. All wrapped up now. I’m free.”

“Excellent. So let’s do it then. C’mon.”

He shrugged one broad shoulder backward to indicate where I should be to spot him, and the bicep muscle under his huge tattooed cross flinched and rippled beneath the damp, sweat-sleeked flesh. For another insane second, I imagined myself walking over, bending down to grab those hard thighs with both hands, and leaning in to lick that freakish big, dark symbol on his arm over and over ‘til it was clean. Then I’d start on his neck and work my way down……….

“Yeah. ‘Kay. I’m on it,” I mumbled and uprooted my feet from the floor so I could get a move on.

He stood again as I passed him, and our shoulders brushed against each other, a feather-light and sizzling touch that I knew was deliberate on my part and was certain he’d meant to do it as well. Then when I stopped behind the bench and turned to face him again, his smug smile and slow lingering glance downward to my crotch confirmed “100 percent fucking intentional” for me. And the heat of his eyes throbbed up and down my dick.

“Man, I think maybe I’ll shed these bitches. They just get in the way and cramp my style………Do you mind, C?”

Do I mind. Was he fucking serious? Do I mind. Arrogant, punk-ass brat. I fucking swear. He knew exactly what he was doing. And it was times like this when I couldn’t decide which I wanted to do more: throw some heavy blunt object right at his head and walk away from the burning temptation that he was or run to him and tackle him down to the mat and fuck him blind ‘til we both couldn’t move.

I heard myself let go of a soft gasp as he shimmied out of the sweats and tossed them aside so quickly that even if I HAD fucking minded it would have been way too late to protest. Why in the hell had I come down here and walked into this room? Where I *knew* he was?

“Um, no, J. Get comfortable, man. It’s, like, your thing, you know.”

*And damn you for looking like a Greek fucking god standing there with your sweaty, marble-slab of a torso, smiling at me with eyes that burn into me like flames and make my dick so hard it’s about to rip right through these jeans. Just damn you.*

“Jace, you’re looking some kind of buff there yourself, dude. That personal trainer’s worth the bills you’ve been slinging at her. What’s her name again? Did she work you out today?”

He said it all at once, spilling it out very breathily and satiny. And I felt the flush hot on my cheeks and spreading over my entire body, concentrating and settling finally in my groin where it scorched over the length of my aching erection. I’m sure he caught the reaction too — my face reddening and my cock jerking.

“Thanks, um, yeah. Alex. Her name is Alex. And she’s, you know, tough but good……….No gain without the pain, or whatever……….And I, yeah, saw her earlier today for a workout,” I fumbled through God knows how many senseless words ‘cause, damn, he still stared at me like he was a starving wild animal and I was dinner he’d just trapped. Maybe that’s how I was looking at him too. Yeah, pretty sure, I’m guessing.

He’d been sleeping in a guest room when I left the house that morning. And when I returned, he hadn’t been here at all. So I’d sent him a text message on his phone to say I’d be downstairs in the studio for a while if he came in unexpectedly. He had, of course, come in. But he hadn’t, of course, disturbed me.

“Well, the results are showing, man. Looking good. You’ll be totally ripped and hot for your *tour-lite* when it kicks off next month.”

“J, you don’t have to flatter me to get me to do this.”

“I’m just saying,” he just said, in a raspy whisper, as he moved toward the bench again. The tip of his tongue shot out to swipe over his bottom lip, and I squirmed with the hot sensation of what that might feel like swiping over the head of my dick. “The wow factor’s working, C. Working mighty fine.”

Then he winked at me with a smile still wet on his ruby mouth. And I know I wasn’t the only one in that room who could hear the dense buzz of lust-charged tension swirling in the air around us.

“Well, thanks again. But you’ve said enough. Now get over here, and let’s get this show on the road.”

He laughed the Charming-Boy-Wonder laugh and lowered his eyes to my crotch one more slow, seductive time. “You wanna lose the 501’s too? And get, say, more comfortable?”

“No. I’m good,” I hissed through clenched teeth. I couldn’t take off my jeans, even though I wanted to groan with pleasure every time my hip movement caused the rough denim to slide against my hard-on. Couldn’t take them off. Nope.

“Okay. That’s cool. Your call,” he whispered and then turned to lie down on the length of the bench again.

I licked my lips watching the long, chiseled body unfold itself just below me. Fuck, what a beautiful specimen of a man that scrawny-ass boy had grown up to be. Lying there on the narrow padded board, even the sway of his hips back and forth was sensual and arousing. Way more so than I wanted it to be. If I had a choice about such things.

Lean and defined in all the right places he was. Thick and stiff in one other *key* area under the snug Polo boxer briefs he was as well. Yes, fuck, he was turned on too. Just like I was. And that was part of all the beautiful. Fuck. My cock ached and throbbed harder and hotter.

“So what are we pressing today, man? One-fifty? Two?”

“Two-twenty-five to start,” he groaned while raising his arms to grab the weighted steel poll stretched horizontal at my waist and lift it from the brackets it rested in. Moving closer so that my legs flanked both sides of his head, I held my hands steady, a whisper of space below the bar, until he had it securely in his grasp.

“Got it?”

“Yeah,” he grunted.

And I think I could have come with the force of a tidal wave right then if I’d grabbed myself and rubbed. Fuck, yes. Rubbed hard. It wouldn’t have taken much. The way every one of his muscles tensed all at once with the upward shove. The way he scrunched up his nose and squeezed his eyes shut with the strain of the heavy weights. The way the taut bare planes of his chest and abs shimmered under the lights like polished porcelain. The way the musky scent of him filled my head and made me want more, as much as I could get of him. Yeah, it was all doing a number on me right then.

I was the one panting when he dropped the poll back into its slots sooner than I’d expected him to. And it occurred to me only then that I hadn’t backed up one inch like I could have but still stood straddling the part of the bench where his head lay.

So then, before I knew it was happening, those huge hands of his were on my legs, climbing grasps up the backs of my thighs until they reached my ass and squeezed. My knees buckled instantly, and I grabbed the steel rod he’d just put down. The thought of backing away from his hold while I still could was having little or no affect on my brain whatsoever.

And now what occurred to me was that the manipulative little shit hadn’t intended to lift weights at all. He’d just wanted me closer. Damn him.

“Take ‘em off, C. You know you want to,” he growled and slid heat between my legs with one hand and clamped down on my cock.

“Fuck, Justin,” I hissed again. “No, damnit……….I don’t want………. Fucking stop it now.” And I was, oh, yeah, some kind of demanding and forceful. Right. I was getting somewhere fast. Oh, yeah.

“Bullshit, Jace. You’ve had a boner since you strolled in here. Don’t try to mess with me.”

He ignored me completely, as usual, and started going to work on the snap and zipper himself. Somehow. From his sort of upside-down-and-over-his-head-position. Pushy, take-charge little bastard.

“I said to fucking cut it out, man……….We can’t……….We shouldn’t……….This is not right……….Don’t,” I tried again, weakly.

“Ah, now tell me something, yo……….What the fuck could possibly be wrong with the way we make each other feel……….Hmm?..........Damn, you’re so hot,” he kept whispering, and the warmth of his hand kept massaging the mound in my jeans.

Fingers from his other hand tore at the metal in the denim to free the swollen thing inside. And that was the point where I should’ve broken away and run. Seriously. But I didn’t. Again. Because, again, it felt so damn good. The way he was touching me, wanting me. I slammed my eyelids shut so that I couldn’t see that fat rise in his own tight shorts or the sky-blue of his eyes or the muscles in his arms bunching up as they stretched and reached for me or those full, red lips half parted and moist and ready for my dick.

“What’s fucking wrong with it, Justin,” I snarled, because he’d just reached inside my pants and closed his hot hand around my hotter erection. “Is that YOU — maybe you need a recap on current events, dude — YOU……….have a girlfriend.”

He laughed quietly, just like I knew he would. Just like he always does. Every time. But nothing — not even me — slowed him from yanking the jeans down off my waist, and they dropped to the floor around my ankles. My cock sprang out in front of me, and when the room’s cool air hit it, I made some kind of throaty sound that was like a strangled sigh.

“My ‘girlfriend.’ Puhleeease, Jace.”

“Puhleeease what, Justin? Pretend she doesn’t exist the same way you do? Hide out from her when you’re in town, over here at MY house like you do?”

“Wasting time with all this chatter……….Come down here,” he said, quietly dismissing my anger with that feathery voice of his, and dug his fingers into my thighs to drag my crotch closer to his face.

I could feel the steam of his breath on my balls as they dangled just above his mouth. Hot and velvety and so achingly near. They burned and hurt with anticipation, and I could hear the strong roar of blood through my veins.

Fuck. How’d I let myself get this far again after promising myself I wouldn’t? Why?

“You’ve got your own sprawling estate just up the damn road, Justin, complete with a whoa-fancy fitness room. And you spend most of your California downtime *here*. At my place. Because you’ve got yourself an A-list Celebrity Girlfriend, who you want to avoid, slung up at yours. You think I don’t notice that shit?”

“I like to use your weight room, Jace. It’s got all the right, comfortable stuff.”

“You like to use ME.”

“I like to……….*taste* you,” he whispered just before his long tongue snaked out and licked at the underside of my balls several times, slowly and gently, barely touching, the rough wet surface sliding over my sensitive flesh, lapping at the round curves of the sac and giving me chills up and down my spine. “You……….You’ve got……….all the right, comfortable stuff……….for me, Jace.”

And……….God……….damn. It was good. He could do some damage with that mouth. And drive me out of my fucking mind. Damn, I felt my whole scrotum tighten and jerk when he sucked each testicle in between those soft lips and bathed them in hot saliva with swirls of his tongue. I gripped the weight pole so hard my knuckles turned snow-white. And still my mind argued against what my body was craving more of.

“Shit, Justin……….This has to stop……….We can’t do this fucked-up dance anymore,” I panted.

And the fucker laughed. Light and airy. He fucking laughed. And I shuddered as the hum of it ached through my balls in his mouth.

“Jace, ssshhh……….You know you don’t wanna stop……….You know you want me to……….get you off and blow your mind.”

I guess maybe I groaned or made some other kind of helpless noise when his whispery breath tingled against the damp skin of my sac. The light fuzz of stubble on his jaw line tickled the insides of my thighs. And no damn way in hell would my knees have held up if I’d managed to convince them to bolt away from this, from him now.

“What I *really* want, Justin……….is for you to go back home to your bitch……….and stop playing me……….This is madness……….fucking crazy.”

“Hmm. I like the blowing-your-mind idea much better……….Ah, lemme blow your cock first……….Bring it closer……….Yesssss, lemme do *that* too.”

I hadn’t realized that I’d peeled one hand off the steel pole and started stroking my dick. Not until he reached higher over his head — make that with no awkwardness at all because of his limber, agile body — and grabbed it from me, replacing my grip with his own massive fist, which slowly slid over my erection from base to tip again and again and made me tremble all over and whimper out some weird gurgled moaning sound. Slick, tight friction from the heat of his palm pressing up and down the heat of my shaft that felt so damn good it hurt.

“Holy *fuck*……….Justin.”

“Hmm. You like that? Really? Me jacking you off? It’s better than you jacking yourself off, isn’t it?..........Damn. You’re so fucking hot and hard, Jace……….and oh, man, you’re leaking too. I can take care of that.”

“Jesus……….Christ,” and all kinds of other hissed, groaned, wounded-animal noises came out of me when he aimed my cock down toward his face, wrapped those warm, perfectly-shaped red lips around the swollen head, and sucked me whole into the steamy fire of his mouth. Hot, wet suction coiling and flickering and slurping and sliding. I had to grab the rod again for balance.

Damn. Fuck. Damn. Is that why I always give in to this sexy-ass snake-charmer asshole? Because he’s so damn good? So damn good at both the allure and seduction as well as the heat-lightning follow-through? Is that why?……….Just damn him.

“Shit, man……….Where’d you learn how to use your fucking mouth like that, J?..........Feels like you’ve had tons of practice……….You evil slut,” I think I growled, wet smacking sounds of a cock — MY cock — being sucked and sucked and sucked echoing in my ears and burning all over me.

He didn’t stop long enough to answer me, just kept bobbing his head back and forth, hot and tight, on my erection. I looked down to watch the length disappear and then reappear again between his lips as he swallowed it all in and then glided back over it once more. I tried not to buck my hips and thrust forward because the urge to come was surging and aching in my balls already, and fucking his face would have surely put me over the edge completely.

Maybe it was right then that something started to snap deep down inside of me. Something cold and brittle, something iced-over and isolated. Something that was thawing and breaking through its frozen prison with all the heat raging and scorching through my body. Or maybe it had been snapping and busting free since I’d come downstairs and found him here — here in the middle of MY things — and recognized what he was doing. Again.

And what was he doing, you ask?

Simple. Playing the devil. The Prince of Darkness himself. Asking in that subtle, sweet way of his “how much?” for my soul. With that cock-sure glint of self-confidence in his fiery, smiling eyes.

He stopped abruptly, pulling his mouth off me and letting his arms fall to the bench next to his body, as if he were exhausted. I gasped in several huge gulps of air, and my dick throbbed and hurt for more. My knees ached too from the unnatural crouching position I’d been in above him, but I barely noticed as I stood up again. My eyes were focused on the tiny beads of sweat glistening on his lower abdomen that seemed to form a little path of their own leading down under the elastic of his stretchy boxer briefs and to the bulge inside that was clearly responsible for the wet spot spreading on the cotton.

He panted and looked up at me from where he lay, that cagey smile beaming as usual. Then, of course, he slowly licked those damn gorgeous lips. Beautiful bastard.

“Yumm. Lotsa sweet JC dripping out. You are 31 flavahs of tase-tee, I’m saying. My tongue has done died and gone to Heaven.”

I smirked, I think, and grabbed my dick again. The stroking movement of my own fist over the hard, slick skin renewed the tremors all over me that his mouth had stirred up. “Your tongue is definitely not dead, you prick. More like very damn alive and well. I can vouch for that.”

He did that demonic soft snicker again, and I groaned when my thumb smoothed over the sticky tip of my heat. “Jace, I let up before you shot your wad because, well, I wanted you to shoot it somewhere else……….I wanna feel you inside me so damn bad.”

The something-cold-inside shattered more layers of ice down in there, gaining strength and force for itself. I felt the sneer take over my face while he watched.

“I should jack this thing the few more times it needs right now and come all over you. I should splatter your face and chest and whatever the hell else I can hit and then leave you down here all by yourself with your hard cock and blue balls,” I said, and continued to massage myself.

Damn, I was so fucking close. And with a body as fine as his all splayed out in front of me, begging to be ravaged like that……….

The conceited, “come on” _expression melted off his features. He sat up and threw his left leg over the bench to plant his foot on the floor next to the other one. Then he turned to me again and whimpered, almost desperately.

“Don’t do yourself and waste it, Jace……….Please……….Hit my *ass* with it instead………..You know damn well that would feel tons better than whacking off.”

“You’re pathetic, Justin.”

“Wanting you with every cell in my system is pathetic?”

While I narrowed my eyes at him, he jumped up and tore off his shorts and flung them away. And I heard my own sharp intake of breath at the sight of him standing there naked, practically golden and perfectly toned from head to foot, with a large hard-on that bounced against his lean upper thigh. The most beautiful creature I’ve ever fucking seen.

*My soul for a mere nickel, Mr. Satan. Take it. It’s all yours.*

“No. Pathetic because you’ve got the twisted idea that I want Cameron fucking Diaz’s sloppy leftovers. Pathetic, Justin, because you somehow think I need a loser-ass weekend lover. Pathetic because to you it’s okay to treat me like just another one of your fucking boy toys……….Skewered, spoiled, and pathetic. That’s what you are.”

His eyes — colors like the intense blue of Caribbean waters — shimmered under the hostile, angry accusations I’d hurled at him. Obviously, he wasn’t taking them too damn seriously, but they’d jabbed him a little. Maybe.

“That’s not……….not the way it is, Jace……….not the way I feel.”

“Fuck you. Yes, it is.”

“Let’s……….Let’s not fight. ‘Kay?”

Fine. And the thing was, see, I had to get my mouth on him then. Had to taste him, had to get the flavor of him on my lips.

I stepped out of my jeans that were still bunched around my ankles, and the flip-flops under them slid off just as easily. After pulling my wife-beater over my head and tossing it, I hurried across the few feet separating us, to where he stood.

He never flinched or backed away even an inch while I knelt down in front of him and grabbed his thighs. But I did feel the hard muscles under my palms tense up, and I did hear him moan and sigh when I pressed closer and lapped at his balls.

They hung heavy and full, and the skin covering them was taut and warm now with his swollen erection. I traced the roundness of each one with the tip of my tongue and then swept over and over and over the underside with the rough, flat part.

Sweaty and salty. Just like I’d dreamed they would be. Hot, moist, briny. The tangy-sweet masculine taste of his muskiness. Damn. I licked and lapped and savored like I’d never get enough. And he writhed and groaned above me, around me, grabbing recklessly at my hair.

“Fucking hell, Jace……….Suck my nuts……….Suck me. Shit……….You always make me hornier than I’ve ever been………ever,” he snarled.

And he didn’t refrain from thrusting either like I’d done. Nope. I felt his hard cock thumping on my cheek as he stroked it and pushed his hips toward my face. But, see, being sucked off was not what he’d begged me for and most definitely not was he was getting. Um, hell no.

I stood up and glared into his eyes, only a few breathless inches from his face, rubbing my own dick again because it ached for some relief. “You still want it, Cover Boy? Super Star? Do you?”

“Yessss. More than fucking anything,” he whispered the throaty moan and stared back at me. That shiny layer of perspiration glowed on his forehead again.

“You sure you want it?”

“I want all of you, Jace……….so much my prick hurts.”

“Humph. Then grab yourself a pillow you can fucking bite when you GET all of me, cocksucker, and lay down on your stomach on the mats. NOW.” I think I must have growled through gritted teeth. It was quiet but aggressive and forceful enough to get him moving.

There were random areas of those foamy, plastic-covered mats everywhere, and I’m not even sure why I ever scattered them around like in the first place. One of my freaky moods, I guess.

So he grunted as he hobbled over to the nearby lounge chair and snatched up a throw cushion before dropping to his knees on the closest mat. He wrapped his arms around the pillow and stuffed it between his chest and the floor when he bent over to hike up his ass up to the “ready” position.

“Look good enough for you to nail, Jace?” he mumbled into the mat. “Will you tap it now? Please?”

From anybody else in the whole world, those ridiculous lines would have sounded like the worst fucking gay porn dialogue ever. But they were exactly what I wanted to hear from his mouth.

His hand was hidden under his body, working himself between his legs, but I couldn’t have cared less. Sure, I could have taken a little more time and made it easier for him — I could’ve massaged the little opening ‘til he moaned louder and louder and backed it up, sobbing for more of my fingers; I could’ve prepared him a bit better and prolonged the pleasure for both of us. But I didn’t. I was all about getting off. At his expense. One final, Earth-rumbling time.

The thing inside me that had triumphantly shaken off its ice shield and revived itself again felt warm now and oddly familiar. Like a blue-hot streak of resentment and regret for giving so much all this time and getting so little in return. Like a razor-sharp twinge of loneliness and longing for more of what I was never permitted to have.

It hurt. I wished immediately that it had stayed buried under the cold, unfeeling iceberg where I’d banished it.

*One final, Earth-rumbling time.*

“Fuck!” he grunted against the cheap plastic when I grabbed his hips and entered him.

Lubed up with nothing but my own hot spit on my hand, I gave him exactly what he’d asked for — all of me — in two or three not-so-gentle shoves. And he felt so fucking warm and tight. Like always. Squeezing around my dick instantly until I moved all the way in, and then relaxing his inner muscles when he was more comfortable with the hard, solid pressure up inside him.

“Is that what you wanted, J? Is it?” I chided him with vicious, rough whispers he wasn’t used to as I started to thrust. Damn, it felt good to give him what he deserved. Vicious, rough, and good. “A big ol’ cock filling up your little asshole like this, huh?”

“Yesss, Jace……….Fuck……….me……….Christ……….That’s the best……….Harder, baby……….Please……….Fuck.”

And I did. Fuck him. Harder and harder. Maybe a little because he wanted it. But a damn *lot* because *I* wanted it. What I didn’t want, however, was to come yet. No, because this connection we had going — even if only an erotic, physical one for him — was something I wanted to feel in all of my nerve synapses for as long as I possibly could. It didn’t come around often enough, so to speak. And, since this was the last big fucking hoorah, I wanted it to last and last. And last.

So I’m selfish. Sue me. Again.

If he’d had any hair to pull, I would have pulled it. I would have yanked his head back hard enough to make him yelp with the pain. But he didn’t. So I resorted to leaning down over the length of his broad back and licking up the saltiness of his neck. But I wanted more, so I sank my teeth into the damp flesh, causing him to cry out something I didn’t even try to understand. His ass tightened even more around my dick as it slid in and out of him. And I could feel fires blazing in my balls.

“Justin……….Why are you such a male whore? Is that what you think *I* have always wanted? Hmm? Or do you ever even think about what *I* want? Do you? All this time you’ve been playing Mr. King Of The Pop Universe……….out there screwing all your music divas and movie stars and groupies and whatever else fucking came along……….eating their pussies and letting them blow you……….But then you come home to ME to get what you really crave, what you really need……….some *good* head and some *real* ass fucking……….the stuff you dig from somebody who knows your damn body better than you know it yourself, Justin.”

“GodDAMN, Jace……….Give it to me……….Fuck, that’s good.”

I was suddenly convinced of two distinct things: 1) I was about to lose control and come with all the sizzling intensity of a firestorm, and 2) he wasn’t hearing a damn thing I was saying to him. Fucker.

“And after all that, Justin, what do I get in return? Jack shit. That’s what. A good lay once in while. Maybe. If it’s CONVENIENT for you, like this afternoon……….Oh, lucky fucking me……….Then you’re gone again, with your babe-of-the-moment……….leaving me behind ‘til you need your damn boy-fuck fix again.”

“Oh, shit,” he hissed and arched like a cat when I apparently hit his prostate. “Jace, you sound so hot cussing me out like that……….Your voice alone is pure, dripping sex……….I’m gonna come any minute, baby.”

“The fuck you are,” I snarled and reached around under him to grab his cock, clamping down forcefully. He moaned with the searing hurt. “And something else you won’t be doing after today, asshole, is fucking me. Or getting fucked BY me. Nope. No way. Not again. Never. Find yourself another fuck buddy, man. I’m not interested in the job any longer. You got me, Justin? This casual sex bullshit is *over*. Once and for fucking all. Don’t come ‘round here looking for it ever again.”

The combined sensations of his hard length in one of my hands and his sweaty hip bone in the grip of my other, along with my erection swelling up enough to explode inside the snug heat of his ass, were sufficient to do the trick for me.

Electric tingling that was burning heat and freezing cold simultaneously — like smoky, dry ice — building and building in my balls and spreading in fountain-like wave after wave throughout my body and lasting for eternity, overwhelming me and filling me to the brim and gushing over the edges because it was too, too much to hold in. Blinded by the hot fierceness of it, I don’t have a clue what I cried out when the blast finally hit me full-force. Most likely his name. Over and over again. Like always. Damn him.

Although I didn’t realize it at the time, he was coming too, seconds behind me, in my hand and around my spasming dick. And I thought I could cuss with the best sailors. Fuck, that boy had a foul mouth at that moment. I could feel the obscenities vibrating out of his body under my fingertips. I think he liked it. I sure as fuck did.

I was still trembling when he slid off me and collapsed onto the slick mat, which I now noticed was sticking to my knees. His eyes were shut tight as he lay there and panted. I watched his damp chest heave up and down for a few seconds while I gulped in a few deep breaths myself.

Then I turned to get up and leave. I had to. Before I gave in again and lay down next to him, to hold him, to feel him breathe. Whatever this all had been was finished. Finally. And, about that, I felt, well……….never mind that. Fuck it.

“Jace,” he whispered.

“What?”

“Don’t go.”

“Why the hell not? You know your way out.”

“I don’t want to go out……….away from you.”

“Grow up, Justin. You’ve got your big ol’ life of your own now, your own career, your own social life, your own sex partners……….And I’ve got mine too. We don’t need to do this shit anymore. It’s old and should be put out of its misery.”

“It’s not, Jace. Old or miserable.”

“Justin, it’s just wrong. We’re not kids anymore. We’re men now. Go home. Be with your girlfriend. I’m sure she misses you all kinds of wicked. Leave me alone…………‘cause I meant everything I fucking said.”

And I did. Sure. I did. Right. Sure. I did. Sure.

“Jace, wait………..”

“Why?”

“Because I love you. *Really* love you.”

For a second then, I shut down completely. Because there was just no way he could have said what I thought I heard him say. No fucking way. And no fucking way I could have picked up on the thick strains of honesty and truth in his voice — that voice I’d been listening to for years — like my soul was telling me I had. Mad delusions, I tried to tell myself. You’re crazy as a loon, man. No way.

I turned my head to peer at him, to see if he was really there and speaking in that quiet, feathery tone or if I was hallucinating. Dreaming. And he opened his bright eyes, waiting for my reaction.

“Um, what?” I stuttered. Quite the eloquent one. That would be me.

But he was ready. No stuttering from him. He sighed and blinked slowly.

“Okay. Show-your-hand time here, man……….I am in love with you, C……….for a long-ass time now. I never told you ‘cause I was afraid to……….You’ve always been so cool and laid-back about everything. I just figured you were fine with the way things were going between us……….the occasional times we had to spend together, the tight friendship no matter what, the here-and-there sex that was always awesome as hell……….I didn’t wanna rock the boat with some mushy, heart-tugging emotional confession bullshit. I didn’t want to scare you……….I mean I never knew what we were doing was hurting you, that you felt like I was being a son of a bitch to you……….I’m sorry, Jace. I honestly wasn’t. Not on purpose……….‘Cause I love you. More than a brother, more than a friend……….A lot. And you’re the only one in the world I’ve ever felt this way about. ‘Kay?……….Believe me?”

I couldn’t speak. Hell, I could hardly breathe. What he’d said had whispered warmth over all of my heart, and I couldn’t doubt one ounce that it was the sincere truth. I knew he was for real. And the only thing I could do was swallow hard, settle down to a sitting position on the squeaky mat, and stare at him, so full of everything.

When I didn’t respond, he rose like fluid in motion and wrapped himself around me. Firm flesh and hugging heat. Pulling me backward, cradling me.

“Lay down with me, ‘kay?”

After a few silent moments of being folded against his hairless, damp chest, I took a deep breath and slid my arm over him. “You’re such a fuck.”

“I know, baby,” he snickered. And I felt the tiny ripples of nervousness in him. “I should be taken out back and whipped. And look. It’s cool if you don’t feel that way about me. I mean I totally understand. I can deal—”

“I love you, Justin. You’ve GOT to know that. You’re not THAT blond.”

His small giggle vibrated against my cheek, freer now of the jittery factor. “I wished for it, hoped for it. That was another reason why I didn’t tell you before. Afraid you’d laugh your ass off and then hate me for being a damn freak.”

“We’re insane. I guess you know.”

Another quivering, tickling laugh. “Maybe we are……….But isn’t this, you and me so close and relaxed together like we are right now, the most awesome shit you’ve ever experienced, man?”

“Considering what we just did……….amazingly……….I’m gonna have to agree, J……….This is the part of it I always dug most……….and was scared to death to tell you too……….So no. I don’t hate you. Not at all. Other way around.”

“Can you deal with more of it? Lots more of it?” he whispered at the side of my head and squeezed me tighter.

“Lay it on me, and we’ll find out.”

“Done, baby.”

“What about HER……….and, like, all future HERs?”

“Beards, Jace. Meaningless. You know that drill, man. You, dude, you’re not ‘blond’ at all.”

I shifted against him restlessly. “Yeah, but the thing is……….You *drill* your *beard* on a regular basis. That’s not how I learned to play the game.”

“No, I don’t. Not anymore. Sure, I did at first. You know, for the orgasm. That’s all. But it got fucking boring. Not all lays are the same just ‘cause they’re a lay……….I wanted *you* instead. I had to admit it to myself, finally. You were what I wanted………..And that’s why I was always ringing your cell when I was on the road, Jace. And it’s why I keep coming ‘round and hanging out. It’s why I’m always here, near you, when I’m in town……….Not to use you, but ‘cause I miss you something fierce when I’m gone……….You’re always on my mind……….and in my soul. See, this, all of this, all of *you*, is what feels comfortable and right for me. Like nothing else does.”

“It’s nice to finally hear you say it, Justin. Heart-tugging emotional confession bullshit is good sometimes. When it’s from you.”

He skimmed down my bare spine with his fingertips and brought a shiver out of me. “I should have said it ages ago.”

“Maybe I should have too……….And it’s not too late to say it lots more times.”

“Hell no, it’s not……….Hey, got an idea. Let’s go upstairs to your bedroom, grab ourselves a long, hot shower together, call out for some pizza and wings, and then make hot, passionate love all night. Sound like a plan?”

I laughed this time. He’d always be one step ahead of me, standing there and smiling brilliantly, waiting patiently for me to catch up.

“What a die-hard romantic you are. And a beautiful sexy-ass too……….I love you……….But can we get Malaysian grub instead? I know a killer place that delivers the best, and they’ll even bring this kicked-up wine if you ask ‘em.”

He snickered again, and I hugged his long, slender warmth closer to me. “Jace, Jace……….Yes. A thousand yes’s for you, baby. Whatever blows your skirt up. I’m game. Order it all. Everything you want. I’m paying. Just don’t make me leave. I wanna stay……….right here with you. ‘Kay?”

“Stay. Yes. Stay. Please. For as long as we’re allowed.”

He brushed the curls of wet hair off my neck and kissed me there, soft and gentle. Tender and loving. “But I’ll always be back, baby. And so will you. Always. Count on it.”

And I did.

I still do.

~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~

FINI



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