Justin smiled his thanks as Maggie placed his breakfast in front of him. It was sunny and bright, the cool air from the open port holes drifting in and brushing the flowers, sending a soft, fragrant breeze through the room. He poured cream into his coffee, taking a sip of the hot liquid before starting on his food. A loud click of china and a small cough brought Justin’s attention to Catherine as she sat opposite him. Her face was closed, her expression blank. Justin braced himself for what might be coming. “I thought you might visit me in my room last night,” Catherine said, sipping her own coffee. “Catherine,” Justin said. “I would never dishonor you that way.” “No?’ Catherine arched a brow. “But you’d dishonor me by going below decks. To dance with whores and sleep with that man.” Justin slammed his cup down, shattering the delicate china. “They’re not whores,” he replied, his voice tight. “And I didn’t sleep with him.” “But you were with him.” Justin closed his eyes. “Yes, I was with him,” he whispered. “I warned you, Justin,” Catherine said. “I asked you not to go to him, to come to me if you needed that kind of recreation. But you couldn’t do that, could you?” “It wasn’t like that, Catherine.” He rose from the table. “It was just a party. All I did was dance with some girls and meet some new people and drink some beer.” Catherine rose from the table as well, coming to stand before Justin. Her eyes were still cold, but her cheeks were flushed by anger and her lips were tight with rage. “You kissed him,” she accused. “You were seen kissing him.” Justin’s eyes flashed over to Maggie, who was blushing furiously and staring down at her shoes. “You had Maggie spy for you?” “I certainly wasn’t going down to Third Class,” she scoffed. “Did you kiss him?” “Catherine, what I did is none of your business.” A loud crack sounded in the room as Catherine’s palm landed against Justin’s cheek. “Yes, it is.” Her voice was icy. “I’m your fiancée. What you do reflects on me. Not to mention my father is bailing you and your mills out of debt. Your business is my business, Justin, and unless you want this engagement to end and your mills to go bankrupt and your mother to lose her home, you had best remember that.” She gathered her skirts and sailed out of the room. Justin rubbed his cheek, sitting back down at the table. He was vaguely aware of Maggie hovering behind him and turned. “It’s okay, Maggie,” he said. The maid came to the table, her hands shaking as she cleaned up Justin’s broken cup. “Sir, I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice full of tears. “But Miss Catherine, she said I had to go look for you, and tell her exactly what you were doing, or she’d fire me and leave me stranded in New York and…” Justin covered Maggie’s hands with his own. “I understand, Maggie,” he said, patting the girl. “We both have to follow our orders, don’t we?” Maggie smiled sadly. “It seems that’s true, sir,” she said, gathering up the broken cup and leaving the room. *** JC waited for his opening, slipping swiftly over the rail up to the First Class deck. He moved quickly along the deck, checking inside the plush rooms, searching for Justin. He’d barely slept the night before, his mind reeling with thoughts of Justin and what could make him so sad, but so determined to marry Catherine Hill. He wanted to know what was wrong, why Justin was willing to throw away his happiness for a marriage he didn’t want. JC peered into another window, noting the room was filled with people, people like Jacob Astor and Col. Gracie, but not, to his discontent, Justin. He turned from the window, jostling someone behind him. “I beg your pardon…Molly!” he exclaimed as he recognized Margaret Brown. She stood there, arms akimbo and staring JC down. “What are you doing, peeping into windows like that?” “I’m looking for Justin,” JC said. “Have you seen him?” “Seems I just saw him, getting a tour of the ship with his fiancée and her mother,” Molly said. She peered at JC closely. “What’s between you two, anyway?” JC felt a blush creep up his neck. “I have to talk to him, Molly,” he said. “He’s…I need to…and Catherine, that’s just wrong…and please. Can you help me?” Molly looked at JC for a full minute, then clasped his hand in her own. “Come with me,” she said. “I’ll track him down and send him your way.” JC ducked under Molly’s wide rimed hat, kissing the older woman on the cheek. “Thank you, Molly.” “No thanks necessary,” she said simply. “I’m just a sucker for true love.” JC blushed even harder, making Molly roar with laughter. *** “The ship is over forty-six thousand gross tons, almost nine hundred feet long.” Thomas Andrews’ voice was full of pride as he guided Justin, Catherine, and Mrs. Hill around the ship. “As I told your fiancé at the beginning of the voyage, she’s the largest moving object ever made by the hand of man.” “She’s quite impressive, Mr. Andrews,” Justin said. “How many passengers, total?” “Two thousand, four hundred thirty five.” “And crew?” Justin asked, his brow puzzled. “Eight hundred eighty five,” Andrews replied, seeing a frown pass over Justin’s face. “What’s bothering you, Justin?” “Forgive me, Mr. Andrews, but…that number of passengers, plus crew. And what you told us about the life boats…there’s not enough, is there?” “He’s a sharp one, Miss Hill,” Andrews told Catherine. “He doesn’t miss much. No, Justin, there’s not enough. In fact, this deck was designed to hold a second row of lifeboats, but that idea was vetoed by the line, saying it would clutter the deck.” “Then…” Justin began. “Worry not, Justin,” Andrews said. “I’ve built you a grand ship. She’ll see you’re safe and dry.” “Well, there you are!” All heads turned as Molly Brown’s voice boomed behind them. “Did I miss the tour?” Justin and Thomas Andrews smiled as Molly approached them. “Not at all, Molly,” Andrews said. “But…our tour is suppose to be just us,” Catherine said sharply. “That’s how Daddy wanted it.” “Actually, it’ll have to be just us girls, Catherine,” Molly said. “I heard there was something going on that Justin had to be a part of. Something about J.J. Astor, a deck of cards, and a bottle of whiskey.” Catherine’s eyes lit at Astor’s name. “Justin, you must go,” she cooed. “We’ll catch up with you later.” “Are you sure?” he asked, wondering why Jacob Astor would want to play cards with him. “After all, your father arranged this tour for us.” “And Father would want you to be nice to Mr. Astor,” she insisted. “Where is he, Mrs. Brown?” “Uh, Cabin 43. Don’t even knock, he’s waiting.” Molly laced her arms through Catherine and Mrs. Hill’s, leading the women away away. Still wondering what was going on, Justin made his way to Cabin 43, rapping sharply on the door before opening it and entering the cabin. “Mr. Astor?” Justin called out, stopping short at the sight of JC in the room. “Justin, wait,” JC called out as Justin made to leave the room. “Why?” Justin asked, staying in the room and shutting the door. “I asked…I begged you to leave me alone. Why can’t you do that?” “Because I need to understand, Justin,” JC said. “I need to know why you’re so willing to throw away happiness for a lifetime of misery. And don’t tell me that marrying that girl wouldn’t be misery.” “That’s not the point, JC,” Justin hedged. “Then what is?” Justin sighed, sitting down on the settee in the cabin. “What do you know of my family, JC?” JC came to sit next to Justin, not too close, but close enough to grab him should the younger man try to flee. “Enough, I think. You’re one of the oldest families in Boston, all of New England, in fact. Your family runs mills throughout Massachusetts and Rhode Island and Connecticut. Your family has had one or two senators, and one governor…” “And I was being groomed for the White House,” Justin finished for him. “But all that’s over. The mills, the money, the plans. I have nothing, JC. Nothing.” “Nothing?” “No money, no mills, no home.” He laughed dryly. “Even my ticket on this ship was bought by Catherine’s father, the man who owns my mills and my future.” He looked at JC with sad eyes. “Now you see why I have to marry Catherine?” JC shook his head. “No, no I don’t. There’s more to life than money, Justin. More to the world than Boston. You can leave her, come with me.” “Yes, there’s more to the life than Boston,” Justin retorted. “But not for my mother. Not for my employees, some of who will starve without the mills. What do I say to them, JC? That I denied my obligations because I fell in love?” “Yes.” “It’s not that simple.” “Yes, yes it is,” JC demanded. “We’ll take care of your mother, Justin. We’ll find a way. And the mills? Mr. Hill isn’t stupid, Justin. They make money. He won’t close them. There are ways to make this happen for you, for us. If you’ll only take the chance.” “I can’t.” JC’s eyes narrowed. “Can’t? Or won’t? Maybe I’m deluding myself with all this. Maybe you don’t feel the same way as I do. Is that it?” Justin’s head bent away from JC. He reached out and pulled Justin’s face toward him. “Is that it?” he demanded. “No,” Justin whispered, pulling away from JC. “Then why?” JC’s voice was raw. “Don’t jump, Justin. Don’t take the easy way out. You’re stronger than that. You’re braver than that.” Justin didn’t answer, merely shook his head. JC saw the slump of his shoulders, the bright tears ready to fall, and knew it was over. Justin couldn’t, or wouldn’t take the chance on JC, on himself. JC gathered both of Justin’s hands in his, kissing each one softly before placing them back into Justin’s lap. “I love you,” JC said. “Remember that.” With that, JC left the cabin, shutting the door with a soft click. “I love you, too,” Justin said to the empty room and to his empty heart. *** “And then, Mrs. Astor had to leave the table and rushed to the water closet!” Catherine told the table. “I do believe she was having,” her voice lowered, “morning sickness!” She let out a peal of laughter. “Imagine! Traveling and showing herself out in society in that condition!” Mrs. Hill added sugar to her tea. “I certainly hope you won’t attempt to do that when you’re in that delicate condition, Catherine,” her mother advised. “Heavens, no,” Catherine said. “I plan on spending most of my time in bed, thank you very much. And I expect everyone to take exceptional care of me,” she concluded, tapping Justin on the wrist with her spoon. “Of course Justin will take care of you, dear,” Mrs. Hill said. “That’s all a husband is good for at that time, isn’t it?” Catherine nodded. “And it’s not as if Justin will have much else to do, will he?” That pulled Justin out of his stupor. “What do you mean by that?” he asked, noting that Catherine and her mother looked upset by Catherine’s words. “I just meant that when I’m carrying your child, you’ll be with me most of the time, that’s all,” Catherine hedged. “No, I don’t think so,” Justin countered. “I think you meant something else, and I want to know what it is. Does it have to do with my mills?” “Father’s mills, you mean,” Catherine said. “Your father owns the notes on the mills, Catherine,” Justin said. “Not the mills themselves.” “Isn’t that really the same thing, though?” “Explain what you meant, please.” “Very well,” Catherine said. “I’m glad it’s out in the open anyway, I was tired of listening to you chatter on and on about those damn mills.” “Catherine!” Justin’s voice was sharp. “Father isn’t going to let you run the mills, Justin,” Catherine said simply. “He feels they’ve been run into the ground by Timberlake’s, and that their management should be by him and his staff. And I agree, really. Your main duty is to see that me and my family is finally accepted by your social circle, and you can’t exactly do that while scurrying all over New England running those mills, can you?” Justin knew she was speaking the truth. He’d always known that the Hill’s wanted him mainly for his name and his ability to get them noticed by the social elite, but he’d thought, had counted on being able to run his mills. Overseeing them would have given him a purpose, a goal outside of the social world he was supposed to inhabit. And now. Now all he was, all he was supposed to be was a name, and a potential breeding stud. And Justin finally realized that if he accepted that, accepted to live like that, it really would be the coward’s way out. Justin rose from the table, murmuring his excuses. Catherine and her mother didn’t even notice him leaving, caught up once again in their gossip. With a silent goodbye, he left them. *** JC enjoyed the cold spray of the salty air, breathing deep and hoping it would wipe away his sadness. He smiled as he watched the dolphins swimming in front of the ships bow, unaware of anyone else on the deck until a hand touched his arm. He turned, surprised to find Justin standing behind him. Bundled into an overcoat, the wind kissing his cheeks pink, his eyes smiling, he held out a hand to JC. “When we dock in New York, I’m leaving with you,” he said simply. JC’s eyes widened at Justin’s words, his heart starting to race. He nodded, pulling Justin into his arms and holding the younger man close. “I’m glad,” he whispered, his lips skimming Justin’s curls. “I’m glad,” he said again. They stood there for a long moment, finally breaking apart and just smiling at each other. JC was still lost for words; Justin was still overwhelmed by his decision, so both seemed unable to speak. A smile split JC’s face as he pulled Justin closer to the rail. “Here,” he said. “Close your eyes.” Justin closed his eyes, feeling JC position him positioned next to the railing. “Lift up, yes,” JC instructed, anchoring Justin’s foot on the rung, and lifting him a bit until his other foot caught as well. “What?” “Shh, keep your eyes closed,” JC instructed. Justin smiled, but did as he was told. He felt JC climb up behind him, then startled a bit as JC pried Justin’s hands off the rail. “JC…” “Shh, trust me,” JC said, holding out Justin’s arms, and grasping the boy around the chest. “Now. Open your eyes.” Slowly, Justin did so, feeling a bit disoriented as all he saw below him was the rushing water. He looked out at the horizon, a feeling of floating through the air overcoming him. “JC! It’s like…I’m flying!” He spread his arms wide, lifting up onto his toes, stretching even higher with his head as sensations rushing trough. “You said you wanted to fly, didn’t you?” JC teased, his words hot against Justin’s ear. “I promise, I’ll try and make all your dreams come true,” JC vowed. Justin turned to JC. “I don’t deserve you,” he said. JC shook his head. “Yes, you do. You deserve more.” He linked their fingers together and pointed them both again toward the sky. His voice was soft and light in Justin’s ear. Come Josephine in your flying machin
When we go up and down…up and down…