The silence at the dining table was heavy, broken only by the faint clink of silver on china, and the soft thump when a glass was lowered. No one had spoken in almost fifteen minutes. The tension, on the other had, was loud and clear. “This is really good,” Justin said, blinking when the others at the table jumped at the sound of his voice. JC looked up from his plate, a tight smile on his face. “Thanks,” he said, his voice soft. His eyes dipped down again. Justin sighed, surveying his dinner companions. Besides JC, there was Tyler to his left. Tyler ate methodically, stabbing his food and chewing angrily, avoiding all eye contact with the person across from him. Who just happened to be Kim, his girlfriend. His pregnant girlfriend. Justin’s eyes shifted to his right, watching as Kim picked at her food, eyes also downcast. Justin sighed again as he recalled how this night came about… “You’re joking.” Justin watched as JC prepared the lettuce for the salad. JC’s movements were fast and rough, his fingers literally tore the green leaves apart. “JC, tell me you really didn’t do this.” JC moved past Justin, slipping the lettuce back into the fridge before picking up a knife. He attacked the tomatoes on the cutting board with the same violence as he had the lettuce. “Yes, I did.” “Are you crazy?” Justin reached into the fridge and pulled out a beer, twisting off the top and taking a swallow before continuing. “Why would you do this?” “What’s the problem?” JC said tightly. “All I’m doing is cooking dinner for you and Tyler and his girlfriend.” “His pregnant girlfriend,” Justin added. “Who he hasn’t talked to in three weeks…” “Whom,” JC corrected automatically. “…whom he hasn’t talked to in three weeks. Who doesn’t want anything to do with him right now,” Justin continued. JC finished his dicing of the tomatoes, and turned to the mushrooms. “It’ll be fine,” he declared. “You’ll see. They’ll work it all out, and everything will be fine.” “Jayce,” Justin said, jumping back when JC turned toward him, knife point almost hitting his stomach. “It’ll be fine,” JC declared again, his mouth set in a firm line. Justin watched as JC returned to his chopping, convinced that this evening would work. Of course, it was a disaster from the beginning. Tyler had been sullen ever since Kim had arrived. Justin had tried to engage them both in light conversation, but neither was having it. They glared at each other, sitting on opposite ends of the sofa, until finally, JC had called them into dinner. Justin watched JC across the table as the older man took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and put down his fork. Justin knew what was coming, and stopped eating as well. “So.” JC said to the quiet room. “What are you two going to do about the baby?” Forks clinked as both Tyler and Kim looked up at JC, then at each other. But no response. “JC asked a question,” Justin said, his voice calm but firm. “I think he deserves an answer.” “It’s none of his business,” Tyler mumbled. “Not my business?” JC protested. “You’re my brother. You live in my apartment. Of course it’s my business.” Tyler blinked. “You want me to move?’ “Is that what I said?” JC said, exasperated. “No, I don’t want you to move. But I also don’t want you two to pretend that nothing is wrong. This won’t go away.” “It can.” Kim’s voice was so soft the men almost missed her comment. She looked around at the faces before her. “It can go away,” she repeated. JC visibly paled at the thought, but didn’t reply. “Is that what you want, Kim?” Justin asked. “I…I don’t know what I want,” she finally admitted. Tyler looked confused. “What? I don’t…oh…no. No way! Not my baby!” Tyler yelled. “It’s not your baby,” Kim countered. “It’s NOT?” Tyler stood up, shaking the table. “I mean, yes, it is your baby, but no, it’s not, it’s my baby.” Kim stood up, too. They faced each other over the meatloaf and potatoes. “I don’t expect anything from you, so don’t feel obligated.” “Don’t…you’re crazy!” Tyler slammed down his napkin. “It’s my baby, of course I’m obligated!” ‘I don’t want you if you’re only with me because you have to be,” Kim shouted. “You’re not making sense!” “And you’re too dumb to understand!” “Dumb?” Tyler shoved back his chair, tumbling it to the floor. “Yeah, I was dumb. Dumb to get mixed up with someone who’d try and trap me with a baby!” “Trap you?” Kim’s chair went flying. “Trap YOU? Why would I want to trap you? What can you possibly give me?” “You tell me,” Tyler said. “You’re the one that got knocked up.” “And you’re the one who couldn’t wait!” Kim accused. “This is not my fault!” “It’s not mine, either!” “ENOUGH!” Justin’s voice cut through the argument, effectively shutting them both up. Tyler gave Kim one last look and left the kitchen, the sound of his bedroom door slamming reverberating through the apartment. Kim also left the kitchen, leaving the apartment completely, the front door closing with a resounding thud. Justin surveyed the kitchen, the over turned chairs, the forgotten meals. He looked at JC. “Well, that was awful,” he said simply. JC played with his napkin, his face still pale. “What? No ‘I told you so’?” Justin rose and started cleaning up. He flipped up the overturned chairs, and began clearing the table. “No,” he said simply. “I figure that you’ll beat yourself up more than I ever could, so why bother?” “What does that mean?” JC asked, eyes narrowing at Justin. Justin sighed. “It means that once again, you’re trying to take on everyone’s problems and make everything perfect, and when it doesn’t work, you blame yourself and see it as another failure with you.” “I don’t do that,” JC whispered. Justin didn’t reply. “I don’t. I just want everyone to be happy, that’s all.” “Jayce, not everyone can be happy all the time,” Justin said, loading the dishwasher. “And sometimes, people make mistakes and do things that you can’t fix.” “You make me sound…desperate.” The hurt in JC’s voice was evident. Justin paused, thinking of the right thing to say that wouldn’t hurt JC more. “Not desperate, just, well, unwilling to accept that you can’t…oh, shit.” Justin looked around and realized that JC had left the kitchen. He looked through the apartment but no luck. JC was gone.
Justin found JC in a bar a few blocks from their apartment. A dim, dark bar that was half straight, half gay, filled a few dancing couples and selling cheap beer. JC was at the end of the bar, drinking from a bottle and looking dejected. Justin signaled the bartender with a bill, thanking the man for his beer. He sat next to JC, waiting until the older man was ready to speak. It was something he had learned from JC, this patience for waiting, for just being there when the other man was ready to talk. For a year, maybe longer, JC had been the one to wait, to be near, to just love Justin enough to make it possible for Justin to open up, face his fears, and put his life together. Now it was Justin’s turn to listen and support. JC was facing stuff that Justin didn’t understand, family stuff with his parents and Tyler and his own past. None of it mattered to Justin. JC was his family. Period. So, whatever it was, Justin would help if he could, listen if he couldn’t, and above all, love JC no matter what. A sigh came from JC. “I don’t mean to be this way, you know,” JC said. “So controlling and obtuse.” “Obtuse?” “Unbending. Unwilling to see things as they really are.” JC shifted a bit to face Justin. “I don’t want to be like this. Believe me, it would make it a lot easier if I wasn’t.” Justin turned as well. “Are you apologizing for something?” JC nodded. “For acting this way. For trying to make everything perfect. For thinking everything can be perfect.” Justin reached out and covered JC’s hand as it lay on the bar. “Jayce, I love you. You. Whatever you say, or do, or act, or feel.” He lifted JC’s had to his lips, kissing them softly. “You have nothing to apologize for.” JC blinked. “But you said…at home…” “Jesus, I’m sorry,” Justin said. “I didn’t mean for you to feel bad. It was just…I spoke without speaking.” “But it’s true, all of it.” “It doesn’t matter,” Justin insisted. JC gave him a sad smile. “It must if you brought it up.” “No, no it doesn’t.” Justin gripped JC’s had harder. “Look, I spoke without thinking. I was upset, and ended up saying stuff that hurt you instead of helping.” “Why were you upset?” JC asked. “You were right. The night was a disaster.” Justin snorted. “Believe me, I would rather have been wrong. I hate seeing you upset and really hate not being able to help you. That’s why I said what I did. Because I couldn’t help, and knew it.” Justin ran a hand through his hair. “Look, this is getting us nowhere. I’m sorry for what I said. I’m like you more than I figured. I want you to be happy, always, and when you’re not, well, I get stupid.” “Not stupid. Honest.” “Whatever.” Justin waved that away. “What matters to me is you. That’s all that ever matters to me. All I care about. So.” Justin grabbed both of JC’s hands now. “If getting Tyler and Kim settled about this baby thing, then that is what we’ll do.” JC shook his head, laughing. “No, no no!” he said. “I’ve learned my lesson. They have to figure it out for themselves. I’m done with meddling.” Justin gave JC a skeptical look. “Okay,” JC returned. “I’m done with meddling for tonight.” “That’s my JC,” Justin said, leaning in and kissing JC soundly. His eyes skidded across the room. “You know what I just realized?” “What’s that? “We haven’t danced in months.” Justin hopped off the stool, pulling JC with him and leading them both to the postage stamp sized dance floor. JC hesitated a bit until he saw the other couple—both men—dancing as well. He walked into Justin’s arms and the younger man pulled him close, moving them both to the sound of the music coming from the speakers. JC slipped his arms around Justin’s neck, melting into Justin, laying his head on Justin’s shoulder. Justin brushed a kiss over JC’s ear before speaking. “I love you,” he said again. JC lifted his head, searching Justin’s face in the dim light. “I’m beginning to wonder why,” he admitted. “I haven’t been the best boyfriend lately, and this thing with Tyler, and when my parents find out…” He rested his head down again. “I wouldn’t blame you if you left, you know.” Justin’s heart skipped a beat. He moved them off to a darker part of the dance floor before raising a hand and pulling JC’s head back. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said before taking JC’s mouth with his own. The kiss was hard and deep and just a bit desperate. JC’s words had chilled Justin more than anything Tyler or the Chasez’s ever could. That JC would think, could think he’d ever leave…he deepened the kiss, marking JC, telling him without words that JC belonged to him, that they belonged together. He felt JC respond in kind, opening up to Justin, holding the younger man closer as the heat built. Justin spied the back exit of the bar and moved them in that direction, never breaking off the kiss. The cool Seattle air brushed their skin as they tumbled into the alley, joined at the lips and the heart. Justin slammed the door shut after they exited, then slammed JC up against the wall of the building. He lifted his head and surveyed his lover in the bright moonlight. JC’s lips were red and wet, his eyes unfocused, his cock hard against Justin’s hip. Justin’s own cock was full and ready and needing to be in JC. He pulled JC’s pants down, then his own, then lifted JC up to his waist. “I’m not going anywhere,” he repeated, licking his fingers wet to lubricate JC’s entrance. With one sure thrust, he surged inside. JC’s back arched as Justin took his body. He twisted closer, wanting all, wanting everything Justin gave him, and giving back everything Justin asked. JC anchored his hands on Justin’s shoulders, using them as leverage to lift himself off before being impaled again on Justin’s cock. The rough wall behind him, the hot boy in him…everything combined to make JC soon tense, then explode. Justin thrust one…two…three more times then he spilled himself into JC with a shout of satisfaction. Only their ragged breath could be heard in the alley for the next few moments. After finally catching his breath, JC gave a soft laugh. “We haven’t done this in a few months, either,” JC said. Justin laughed, too. He slipped his soft cock out of JC, and lowered the older man gently to the ground. They both fastened their pants before Justin spoke. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said for the third time, and what he hope would be the last time. “I believe you,” JC said. “And I love you, too.” Hand in hand, they left the alley and started walking home. A soft mist was falling, and Justin raised his face to it, welcoming the cooling wet to his skin. He turned, seeing JC doing the same thing, when something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. “Look,” he said to JC, pointing across the street. JC looked in the direction Justin was indicating. There, in the window of a coffee shop, Tyler and Kim were sitting in a booth. Together. Talking. Together. JC smiled at the tableau, pulling Justin’s arm close to him and giving him a half-hug. Things might work out after all, he thought.