JC looked up to see Justin peeking over the wall of his cubicle. “Hey,” JC said, smiling at the sight of his lover. “Hey, yourself,” Justin said, coming around the wall and joining JC in the small space. “You almost ready to go?” JC nodded, rising from the chair, kissing Justin quickly before moving around him. “I just need to drop off this copy, then I’m all yours.” “Sounds good,” Justin said. Dropping down into JC’s now vacant chair, he twirling and leaning back, spreading his legs a bit. “Wow, maybe we should get one of these chairs,” he suggested, winking at JC. “Think of the angles.” JC rolled his eyes. “Be right back.” Alone in the cubicle, Justin surveyed JC’s desk area, noting the neat piles of work, the clean coffee cup. His eyes were drawn to the pictures stuck to the walls of the cubicle. Two new ones had appeared since the last time Justin had been here. One was of him, JC, and Tyler at Tyler’s graduation. The other was a profile shot of Justin, taken the same day, but without Justin’s knowledge. Justin stood up to pluck the photo off the wall. It still surprised Justin to see pictures of himself on display at JC’s desk. No one had ever put out pictures of him before. Hell, he wasn’t even sure if his mother had ever taken his picture. “Isn’t my lover handsome?” JC had returned and was now standing next to Justin. Justin blushed, something he didn’t do very often. ‘I guess,” he said, dropping his head a bit. JC reached over and pulled Justin’s face up to his. JC placed a soft kiss on Justin’s mouth. “Very handsome,” he repeated, running his fingers down Justin’s cheek before leaning in again and kissing Justin again. Justin melted into the kiss, dropping the picture as his arms snaked around JC. He leaned back against the desk, spreading his legs and pulling JC into the heat of his erection, eliciting a groan from the older man. Justin smiled against JC’s mouth and deepened the kiss. Cough The lovers froze at the sound. Pulling apart, they both turned to see one of the cleaning crew standing next to JC’s cubicle. “Sorry, Bertha,” JC told her. “We were just leaving.” “And not a moment too soon, I see,” she said, smiling. “You boys have a nice night.” They walked through the quiet office to the elevators. JC felt Justin grasp his hand as the doors opened and they entered the lift. “Wow, I’m hungry,” JC said, punching the button for the first floor. “Where should we eat?” No response from Justin. JC noticed Justin’s eyes were fixed on the elevator numbers, closely following their decent from the fifteenth floor. Without warning, the elevator shuddered and came to a stop. JC felt Justin grip his hand tighter. JC reached over to press the down button. “Third time today,” he told Justin, speaking quickly into the emergency phone. JC felt the hand grasping his start to tremble and he turned to Justin. The younger man’s eyes were wide, his gaze darting right, then left, then back. A fine sheen of perspiration was beading on his brow. “Justin?” Justin moved restlessly in the small area. “Have to get out…” he murmured, shifting to stand in front of the panel and jabbing his finger repeatedly on the door open button. “Have to get out…” JC’s mind flew back to his birthday and Justin’s reaction to the confining space of the fun house. Claustrophobia, JC thought, wondering what to do for Justin until they were rescued. He pulled Justin’s hand away from the panel. “Shh…it’s okay. They’ll get us out soon.” He tried to take Justin in his arms, but he twisted away. JC watched in amazement as Justin climbed up the elevator’s handrail and attempted to push through the ceiling tile. “What are you doing?” he demanded, pulling Justin down. Justin’s eyes were wild. “Getting out,” he said, fighting JC’s hold. “Justin, that only works in the movies,” JC said, holding Justin fast. He bent his knees and pulled Justin down to the floor, getting a better grasp of the squirming boy. “They’ll start the elevator in a second, Justin. It’s happened twice today already.” JC dodged a fist that Justin blindly threw. “STOP IT!” JC demanded, his voice sharp. Justin’s movements froze, but the trembling remained. His eyes were cloudy, distant. “Don’t hurt me.” Justin’s voice was a tortured whisper. JC wished Justin had continued fighting; this broken boy was making JC’s heart ache. “Oh, baby…no!” JC gathered Justin close to him, rubbing Justin’s chilled skin. “I’m sorry, Justin. I didn’t mean to scare you.” JC rocked him back and forth, whispering soothingly to Justin. The distant look was slowly leaving Justin’s eyes, the trembling decreasing slightly. “Have to get out…” Justin repeated just as the elevator car moved again. They both scrambled to their feet, Justin needing to get out of the elevator as soon as possible, JC intent on not letting the boy get away from him once they were outside. Justin burst through the elevators door, sprinting to the exit. JC was close on his heels, ignoring the security guard standing by the elevator bank. They both hit the outside, JC almost toppling over Justin who had stopped just outside the building. The younger man was leaning over, his hands on his knees, taking deep breaths of the cool night air. He jumped when JC touched his back. “Sorry…didn’t mean…” He collapsed down onto the curb, dropping his head onto his hands. JC knew to tread carefully. When faced with his past, Justin had a tendency to disappear, like a wounded animal that hides while the hurt heals. He sat down next to Justin, rubbing Justin’s back gently, letting the boy lead where they’d go from here. Justin looked up, a shaky smile on his lips. “Let’s go home,” he said. *** Justin nervously paced around the apartment. The walls here seemed too small, closing in on him. JC was in the kitchen, but Justin couldn’t wait. He walked out onto their balcony, again breathing deep, his lungs filling with the outside air and his mind filling with the outside space. He heard JC call for him from inside the apartment. “Out here,” he said, gripping the rails of the balcony. JC joined him on the small balcony, sitting on the foot of their chaise lounge and sipping from his beer. He’d brought one for Justin as well, placing the bottle on the small table. “I’m sorry,” Justin said. “I didn’t mean to freak out on you like that.” “It’s okay, Justin,” JC assured him. “The small…it felt…reminded me.” JC remained silent, letting Justin choose his words. Justin sighed. “I actually use to like the closet. My mother…when she had men over, she put me in there. But it was okay, ya know?” He looked at JC. “We never had more than a couple of rooms, and it kept me away from…that. I always had a flashlight or a lamp, so it was never really bad, never as bad as being in the room and watching my mother fuck some stranger for money.” He turned away from JC again, trying to swallow the words, to bury the memory. But JC deserved to know. “It was Jack that made the closet…bad.” JC’s hand tightened on his beer, his anger at Justin’s last stepfather rising. “Jack would put me in the closet, but lock it. Or block the door, whatever. And there was never a light.” Justin struggled for the words. “He’d eventually let me out…but it was never just to let me out, ‘ya know? Jack always followed a trip to the closet with...afterwards he would always…” Rape Justin, JC finished the thought as Justin’s voice trailed off. JC rose from the chaise, walking to Justin and placing his lips against Justin’s shoulder. “Wait here,” he whispered, before going into the apartment. Justin had no plans of going inside anytime soon. He watched the traffic passing before their second story apartment, hearing their neighbor’s televisions and stereos. He really liked Seattle, he realized. A light mist was falling from the gray sky. Even the rain, which he wasn’t used to, but he liked it. JC had told him that some people couldn’t adapt to the rain. He was glad that he wasn’t one of those people. Justin turned as reappeared on the balcony, his arms full pillows as well as the comforter from their bed. “JC? What are you doing?” JC tossed the pillows on the chaise. “It’ll be a tight fit, but I think we can make it,” he told Justin, fluffing out the comforter. JC slipped off his shoes and climbed under the comforter on the chaise. He folded back the cover invitingly. “Hop in.” Justin just shook his head in awe, taking off his own shoes and laying down next to JC. It was a tight fit, but by spooning against the older man, they just fit. JC’s body behind him felt great, and Justin felt his own body started to warm. He waited for JC to comment on this night. “Justin…how do you deal with the elevators at work?” Justin was a hospital aide, and transported patients throughout the hospital. Justin smiled in the dark. “Figures that's what you’d pick up on,” he said. “I’m okay as long as the elevator is moving, and I’m not alone.” “Surely there’s not always someone in the elevator with you,” JC wondered. “Like tonight, when you came to my office. Was there someone in the elevator with you?” “I didn’t take the elevator.” JC rose up on a elbow to get a better look at Justin’s face. “You didn’t take the elevator?” Justin shook his head. “You took the stairs up fifteen floors?” “I always do at night,” he said simply. “I can’t…not by myself. Pretty cowardly, huh?” JC’s eyes flashed in the dim light. “You’re not a coward!” he exclaimed. “You’re the bravest man I’ve ever met!” Justin flipped to his back to gaze up at JC. “A brave man isn’t scared of elevators, Jayce.” “Justin, you’ve survived things other people wouldn’t have been able to, things that would have killed lesser men.” JC reached out and ran the back over Justin’s cheek. “Everyone is scared of something, and yours is perfectly understandable.” “What are you afraid of?” he asked JC. JC averted his eyes. “Oh, the usual stuff. Snakes, sharks, you know.” Justin reached up and pulled JC’s face back to his. “What are you afraid of?” he asked again. “Losing you,” JC whispered. Justin’s eyes widened. “Losing me? How?” JC sighed, playing with the buttons on Justin’s shirt. “I have this fear that one day you’ll realize I’m not what…who you want. That I come with too much baggage that it’s just not worth it, and it’s all been a huge mistake.” Justin was silent. Oh, god, it’s true, JC thought. and I’ve finally given him the opportunity to tell me and he’ll leave and… JC’s thoughts were interrupted by Justin’s mouth on his, kissing him deeply, holding him close as his tongue pressed inside, his arms pulling JC on top of him. Justin broke the kiss, but held JC’s head still. “I’m not going anywhere,” he told JC before taking the older man’s mouth again. Justin’s hand’s slipped down JC’s body, holding JC’s body close against his own. “You’re my home, JC.” JC’s eyes burned at Justin’s words. He buried his face in Justin’s chest, holding the boy tightly. “I love you,” he said, his words muffled. “And I love you,” Justin replied. He took a deep breath. “I think I can go inside now,” Justin told JC. JC looked up. “Are you sure?” he asked. “I’m more than happy to stay out here tonight if you want.” Justin shifted a bit. “I appreciate the offer, but this thing is way too small, our bed is way too inviting, and I’m pretty sure that if we stay out here we’ll get arrested for something, because I really need to fuck you senseless tonight.” He emphasized his words by pressing his heated erection into JC’s hip. “So romantic,” JC laughed, heaving himself off of the chaise and holding out a hand to aid Justin. Justin grasped JC’s hand and pulled himself up. “How about ‘We must enter our abode so I can make sweet, sweet love to you all night long’?” JC laughed again, wincing. “I take it back. I think I prefer “I want to fuck you senseless.” “Good,” Justin said, tossing JC over his shoulder and carrying him inside. “’Cause that’s what you’re going to get!”