JC watched the passengers deplane from the Orlando flight. How ironic was
it that now that he was in Tennessee, Justin had moved back to Orlando? But this
summer, they’d both somehow convinced Lynn to let him come to Nashville, stay
with JC, and do some demo work. Something they’d been talking about all winter
and spring.
JC smiled as he remembered Justin’s frantic phone call from last week…
“Dude!” Justin screamed into the phone. “Get next week off, Josh, I’m
coming to Nashville.”
“Really?” JC asked. “Your mom said it was okay?”
“Yep.” Justin giggled. “Said she was tired of watching me mope about it,
and to get myself a plane ticket, and get the hell out of here for a while.”
JC laughed. “That sounds like her,” he agreed. “So when are you coming
in?”
“10:30 a.m. on Monday, dude,” Justin said. “I cannot wait to see
you again…
JC felt the same way, but a nervous thought came to him. His feelings for
Justin, well, they were the same as they’ve always been. Part big-brother,
part-wanting to jump his bones. JC knew that Justin had had a crush on him
before he’d left Memphis last year. Would he still feel the same? Should he
feel the same, and should JC even encourage it? Justin was just a boy; only
15…JC was almost 20. It was wrong, on so many levels.
JC’s breath caught when he spied Justin coming thru the gangway. Wrong? Maybe.
But he’ll gladly go to Hell, just for a chance at heaven.
The two boys grasped each other tightly as the swarm of people moved around
them. They stood clasped like that for a good three minutes, just holding each
other, neither one ready or willing to move away first. Finally, they both
shifted and released their arms, leaning back to see each other’s faces.
JC’s eyes widened as he realized Justin’s were almost the same level as his
own. “Damn, Justin!” he exclaimed. “What did you do, grow six inches in a
year?”
Justin nodded. “That’s what my mom says,” he replied.
JC shook his head. “Where’d my little brother go?” he pondered reaching
out a hand to Justin’s curls, only to have it grabbed and held by Justin.
The younger man’s eyes were serious. “I’m not your brother, Josh,”
Justin said. “Not really.”
JC felt Justin’s fingers curl around his own, and felt Justin’s thumb gently
rub the sensitive cords in his wrist. A shoot of desire poured through JC, who
quickly removed his hand from Justin’s grasp and turned to pick up his bag.
“Let’s get something to eat, and I’ll fill you in on what’s going to
happen this week.”
JC was glad when Justin didn’t answer, but followed silently.
******************
“Let’s see,” Justin said around a French fry. “What else did I do this
summer? Went on lots of auditions, but got no jobs from them.” He slurped a
bit of soda. “Met some cool people, though, one guy in particular who works at
Universal who is a crazy lunatic, but in a good way.” He cocked his head
thinking. “Oh, yeah. I lost my virginity, too.”
JC choked so badly on his milk shake it caused half of the people in
McDonald’s to look at him in concern. “What?” he croaked.
Justin just smiled calmly, handing JC a napkin. “I lost my virginity. Last
month.” He stuffed fries in his mouth. “With a girl.”
JC closed his eyes, whether to block out the thought of Justin with a girl or to
block out the thought of Justin with anyone, he wasn’t sure. “Why are you
telling me this?” he asked.
“I thought you should know,” Justin said quietly.
JC opened his eyes again. Justin had that oh-so-serious look on his face, the
one he always had when he needed to talk about things. JC took a deep breath to
prepare him for what was coming. “What…I mean…who…”
“A girl I met at an audition,” Justin said. “We went out a few times, and
well, it just happened.”
“And?”
Justin sighed. “It…wasn’t what I expected,” he confessed. “I thought
there would be fireworks and shooting stars and all I got was moans and sweat
and a cramp in my leg.” He shrugged. “Maybe it’ll be different next
time.” He looked up and their eyes locked. “Maybe it’ll be different with
someone I really care about.”
JC was silent as their eyes held.
**************
The week in Nashville flew by. JC had taken a week off from work and together,
JC and Justin had hit all the major recording studios and record companies. They
sang for producers and songwriters, and even got a few jobs singing demos for a
country label. Justin laughed hysterically when JC had to repeatedly sing
“ya’ll need to get them boots off my floor,” so much so he was banned from
the recording studio while JC finished. At night, the boys would meet up with
the few friends JC had made in Nashville, or go to the movies, or just stay at
JC’s apartment and work on music. It was these nights that caused the most
heartache, but created the happiest feelings in JC. Working with Justin again…it
was magical. But JC kept this distance, and as much as he wished, or wanted it,
he did not give into the way he was feeling about Justin. It was wrong, he kept
telling himself, over and over and over.
It was Justin’s last night in Nashville. He was leaving on the noon plane to
Orlando the next day, and JC lay awake all night, tossing and turning and trying
to keep Justin out of his head. Wrong to feel like this. Wrong to want him.
Wrong to…
“What’s wrong, JC?”
Justin was standing in the doorway to his bedroom. The light from outside the
room was behind him, so JC couldn’t really see his face.
“Nothing’s wrong,” JC assured him. “Why?”
Justin’s outline shrugged. “I heard you, in here. Moving around so much like
you couldn’t sleep, and wondered what was bothering you so much.” Justin
moved further into the room. “I thought you could sleep anywhere, anytime.”
JC sat up as Justin approached the bed. “I’m just…not tired, I guess. Why
are you up?”
Justin sat down on the edge of the bed. “I don’t know…guess maybe I
don’t want tomorrow to come.” He picked at the blanket, looking down at his
fingers. “I don’t want to leave Nashville,” he whispered, finally looking
up. “I don’t want to leave you.”
The tension between them was like a living force. “Justin…” JC said, his
heart racing.
“Do you know why I told you about the girl I slept with?” Justin asked. “I
wanted you to know, to notice that I’m not a little boy any more.” He
scooted closer on the bed. “I wanted you to see me as a man, I guess.”
“Justin…” JC said, swallowing as he came even closer. “Justin, you…”
“I?”
There lips were inches apart.
“You…” JC groaned when Justin’s tongue peeked between his lips.
“I?”
JC sighed as Justin’s breath wafted across his skin. “You don’t know what
you’re doing.”
“Don’t I?” He smiled. “Why don’t you show me what I’m doing wrong.”
With that, Justin closed the inches separating them and melded their lips
together.
The kiss was as soft as a feather, as sure as a promise. Their mouths moved in
perfect harmony with each other, each learning the feel and texture of the
others lips before a tentative tongue peeked out. Whether it was JC or
Justin’s, no one was sure. It might have been both, seeing as how by just the
act of kissing made them one person, one soul.
Then the kiss deepened, and JC took over. He pulled Justin’s head close to him,
opening wide the younger man’s mouth, sweeping in with a sure and steady
tongue to discover the boy’s tastes and secrets, secrets that Justin was more
than willing to give, more than willing to share. He pushed himself closer to
JC, sucking JC’s tongue, nibbling at his lip, holding onto JC so hard, as hard
as a person could hold another without actually breaking them.
JC ended the kiss, but moved down Justin’s throat, kissing and sucking and
licking the flesh found there. His hands were busy, too, pulling Justin into his
lap and finally, finally, holding Justin close and letting him feel what he did
to him. He heard Justin’s gasp at the first feel of JC’s hard cock, but then
JC himself groaned as Justin pressed down against him.
JC pulled his mouth away from Justin with reluctance. “Justin, stop, wait,”
he said.
Justin shook his head, reaching for JC’s mouth again. JC pushed the boy off,
tumbling him across the bed. Justin tried to pull JC down to him, but JC grasped
his hands, belaying his movements. “Stop. We have to talk,” JC ordered.
Justin looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes. “We do?”
JC chuckled. “Yes, we do,” he affirmed, reaching over and turning on a lamp.
Justin scurried up the bed, sitting Indian style right next to JC. “I love you,”
he told JC simply.
JC blinked as the words hit him like a shot of whisky. “Justin…”
“No, don’t say it,” Justin said. “Don’t tell me I don’t know what
I’m talking about, I don’t know what I’m feeling, I shouldn’t think of
you that way, I’m not really gay, you’re too old for me and all that
bullshit.” His voice cracked with emotion. “I’m in love with you, Josh.
I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you.” He reached up and
touched JC’s mouth with his fingers. “And I think you love me, too.” He
replaced his fingers with his lips, whispering against JC’s mouth. “Don’t
you?”
JC groaned against Justin’s mouth, taking it again in a searing kiss of lips
and tongue. It was hot and sweet and oh, god, to JC it felt like the most
heavenly place on earth was kissing Justin. And he’d only done it twice! He
reluctantly pushed Justin away from him, groaning again when he refused to move
more than a few inches, and, in fact, plastered himself to JC’s side. “You
do love me,” JC heard Justin say against his chest.
JC tilted Justin’s face up too look at him. He saw the liquid blue eyes, so
young but so hopeful. His thumb brushed off a tear that had slipped down his
cheek. “Yes, I do love you,” JC admitted.
Justin’s smile was like sunshine breaking through a cloudy day. “I knew it!”
he exclaimed. He leaned in for another kiss, but JC held him off. He blinked
owlishly at the rebuff. “Don’t you want me?” Justin asked.
For the third time in three minuets, JC groaned again. “Yes, but Justin…we
can’t. Not yet. Not now.”
“Why not?” Justin asked, scrambling away and kneeling on the bed.
“For one thing, it’s too new for both of us to rush into sex,” JC
explained. “For another…Jesus, Justin, you’re fifteen! It’s fucking
illegal—or should I say, illegal fucking!”
Justin howled with laughter. “Illegal fucking…I like the sound of that,”
he said, wiping his eyes.
“I mean it, Just.”
“I know, Josh, and I’m sorry.” He looked at JC expectantly. “Can we at
least have this night, this last night until who knows when, together? We
don’t have to do anything, just…I want to be with you.”
JC sighed, but drew back the covers so Justin could scoot under. “Come on,
let’s get some sleep.” He pulled Justin close to him, smiling softly as the
younger man yawned and snuggled into JC’s chest.
“I love you,” Justin whispered as sleep took him for the night.
JC, though, lay awake for hours, holding Justin close, and realizing that his
life would never be the same again.