A Year in the Life


January 2001

“So, you understand what I’m saying, right?” Justin said, his eyes searching JC’s face.

JC looked at him calmly. “I’m not that dense, Justin. I know what you’re saying, I just don’t know why you’re saying it.”

Justin rose from the chair and started pacing the hotel room. And though the eyes that followed Justin were calm, inside JC was in shock. They were in Tampa, at the Super Bowl, only hours until they perform in front of a billion people.

And had Justin chosen this moment to break up with him.

“I just think it’s time to end it,” Justin explained, not looking at JC now, but staring out the window at downtown Tampa.

“Really?” JC scoffed. “Who’s been talking to you, Justin?”

“No one.”

"Bullsiht." JC waited. Something was prompting this, some outside influence. Justin squirmed under the continued silence, and JC soon had his answer.

“Johnny feels I should be spending more time with Britney,” Justin finally said.

JC laughed. “Oh, Johnny feels, is that right?” JC walked across the room and stood behind Justin. “And what about what you feel? Is this what you want?”

Justin turned around quickly, and for a second, JC saw doubt in Justin’s eyes. But then they closed over, and he pushed past JC and stood in the middle of the room. “Yes, this is what I want.” Justin squared his shoulders, seemingly gaining some kind of inner strength. “It’s over, JC. It was fun while it lasted, but now it’s over.”

*slap*

JC’s hand left an angry red mark on Justin’s cheek. “Don’t you ever deride what we feel for each other!” JC’s voice was cold and controlled. “Pretend all you want…listen to Johnny…be with Britney. But do not EVER imagine it was anything less than love between us!”

JC walked past Justin and left the room.


May 2001

“God, is there anyplace worse than New Orleans when it rains?” Chris moaned, looking out the window at the soaked and flooding French Quarter.

“FELLAS!” Joey yelled as he entered the hotel room. “I’ve got the solution to our rain-soaked boredom.” He held up a bottle of tequila and five shot glasses. “Truth or Dare and tequila!”

Joey put the bottle and the shot glasses on the table. Lance barely got out of the way as Joey sat on the small couch, scrunching next to JC, who was at the end, causing JC to look up from his book.

“Justin, come on, turn off the television and join us, would you?” Joey unscrewed the top of the bottle and poured five shots. “Okay, rule is, we ask a question, and if we don’t believe your answer, you have to do a shot.”

“What if you don’t want to answer?” Justin asked.

“Then you have to do a shot.” Joey lined up the glasses. “And of course, who ever has the best answer to the question…”

“Has to do a shot?” the other four chimed in.

Joey just grinned. Chris and Justin sat on the floor in front of the coffee table, and Joey, Lance and JC moved closer on their seats on the couch.

“Okay, I’ll start.” Joey thought for a moment. “Let’s begin with an easy one. Where’s the most dangerous place you’ve ever had sex? In the sense of getting caught dangerous.” He turned to his left. “Lance?”

“Um, let’s see.” He scratched his head. “I’d have to say at the dentist.”

His band mates hooted with laughter. “Gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘rinse and spit,’ doesn’t it?” Chris said. “Okay, me next. I’d have to say on the tour bus.”

“Where any of us on the bus at the time?” Joey asked, and Chris shook his head no. “Not too exciting, there, are ya, Frodo?” Joey looked smug. “I’m gonna say, in Chyna’s trailer at the VMA’s.”

His band mates seemed shocked. “We thought that was just a rumor!” Lance said, his eyes huge.”

“Nope, all true.” Joey reached for the shot glass in front of him. “Guess I win,” he said, raising the glass, only to have JC reach across Lance and stop his movements.

“Not so fast, Fatone.”

“Come on, JC,” Joey scoffed. “You couldn’t possibly top that!”

JC locked eyes with Justin, a small smile of remembrance creeping onto his face. He took the glass out of Joey’s hand, indicating for Justin to pick up one as well.

“At TRL. In the Photo Booth.” Open mouths greeted that statement, causing JC’s smile to widen. “Oh, and did I forget to add, it was during the show?” He knocked back the shot and Justin did the same.

After an hour, with additional shots consumed by all of them, the questions were alternating between the silly and the serious. But it was Chris’ question that broke up the party.

“What do you regret doing most in your entire life?”

Again, their eyes locked. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the months of pent up desire; maybe it was because he still loved Justin beyond all reason. But JC couldn’t be in the same room with Justin anymore. He picked up his glass, drained the shot, and left the room.

Justin’s gaze followed him out the door. He got to his wobbly feet, thanking Chris when he offered a steadying hand, and followed JC down the hall.

What the hell did he mean by that? Justin wondered. Did he regret being with me? Or that we’re not together anymore? Justin’s booze-fuzzy mind forgot that it was he who did the breaking up, and he looked longingly at JC’s hotel room door. He raised his hand to knock, then shook his head, remembering Britney and Johnny and his career. Remembering that JC couldn’t be a part of it, not like that.

JC was leaning against the other side of door, tears silently falling down his cheeks as he slid slowly to the floor.



July 2001

Joey wiped the sweat from his face. “This is not a basket ball game,” he protested to Chris, throwing the towel on the bench. “It’s a fucking war!”

Chris nodded, his eyes glued to the two combatants on the court. “And could they be any more obvious?” he asked. He looked over to the other bench, catching Lance’s eye. “What’s going on?” he mouthed. Lance just shook his head.

Lance knew what Chris and Joey were thinking, because he was thinking it, too. The annual CFTC Basket Ball game had turned into JC and Justin’s private war. Both had so many fouls, the refs had stopped counting. Both couldn’t stop covering each other up and down the court, no matter what their coaches said to do. And both couldn’t seem to stop touching each other, with their hands and with their bodies.

Joey, Chris and Lance wished they would just get back together already. They’d all wondered what had happened, but neither would talk about it. Only that they’d broken up at the Super Bowl, and it was over. But judging from their actions on the court today, their desire for each other was far from over.

Lance winced as a particularly illegal elbow hit JC in the chest, letting Justin steal the ball. Then Lance smiled as JC got Justin back with a quick feel down his ass, causing the younger man to trip and lose the ball. JC quickly gained control and sprinted down the court, Justin on his heels. JC made the lay-up, but Justin was coming too fast, running into the stopped JC and knocking him on the ground.

They lay there for a second, breath rapid, eyes locked, cocks hard. The sound of the crowd became muffled as Justin lowered his head slowly…

BUZZZZZ

At the sound, Justin jumped off JC and ran to his bench, thankful the game was over.


“Let me get my stuff,” Justin said, going back into the shower area of the arena. He spied his bag on the bench in front of the lockers and picked it up, his glance landing on the shower area. The bag landed back on the bench with a small thud as his fingers lost their strength. Justin was frozen, staring at the sight that greeted him.

JC.

In the shower.

Naked.

In the shower.

Hot. Wet.

Naked.

Justin swallowed hard, watching the water run over JC’s body. Justin moaned as JC picked up the soap, scrubbing up a foamy mass of bubbles in his hands before transferring it to his chest. Justin groaned as he watched the soap slip from JC’s chest to his groin, catching and pooling at JC’s slick and beautiful cock. And Justin almost fainted when JC stood completely under the showerhead and turned completely around under the spray showing every inch of his lean, beautiful body. A sound from outside shook Justin out of his trance. He grabbed his bag and ran from the room.

JC turned off the water and picked up his towel, a knowing smile on his face.


September 2001


They had a lot to celebrate. They’d won four VMA’s. There were again the darlings of MTV. They’d even danced with Michael-fuucking-Jackson. Yes, there was a lot to celebrate.

So why didn’t Justin feel like celebrating? He took a sip of his Jack and Coke, eyes skimming the dance floor of Fifty-One, the club where the *Nsync party was being held, and watched the reason he wasn’t happy. Watched as he danced with everyone, male and female. Watched as he had a great time. Watched as JC happily celebrated.

Happily without Justin.

Justin’s eyes narrowed as a handsome dancer leaned in and whispered in JC’s ear, making the older man laugh with pleasure. Justin seethed as JC laid a hand on the dancer’s arm in a friendly touch. And Justin growled low in his throat when the dancer’s hand covered JC’s.

But then Justin smiled when JC removed his hand. That’s my boy, Justin thought. Don’t fall for his smarmy lines…you know better than that. JC looked up right at that moment and caught Justin’s gaze.

Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the music. Maybe it was the fact that he looked so good in those torn jeans and that white shirt. But whatever the reason for it was, Justin only knew one thing for sure.


JC had barely opened the door before Justin pushed inside. He pinned JC against the wall, his mouth adhering to the older man’s, tongue pushing inside. Justin pressed his body against JC’s, pressing his hot erection against JC, rubbing almost painfully. Justin felt JC’s hands on his body, pulling at clothes, grabbing at skin. They battled to see who could get the other unclothed the fastest. Justin felt JC’s hands pushing his pants down and grabbing his cock roughly. Justin did the same, then fell to his knees, engulfing JC with his mouth, tongue and teeth feasting on the hard, hot flesh. Justin felt hands pulling at his hair and JC’s hips pumping against his mouth. He swallowed as JC came in a groaning rush.

They locked eyes as Justin rose to his feet. Still breathing hard, Justin pulled the older man over to the bed, tossed him down, and covered him with his own body, pushing apart JC’s strong thighs and entering him in one powerful motion. Justin pumped his hips once…twice…three times before coming, screaming JC’s name.

They made love three more times that night.

But Justin woke up alone.


November 2001


"And I will take…you in my arms…and hold you right where you belong.
Till the day my life is through…this I promise you."


JC smiled as the sound reverberated off the glass walls of the aquarium. This would be a perfect place to bring the guys down to sing. Maybe he could even talk the director into filming a bit of it for the special. He turned at the sound of someone approaching, thinking it was Joey, who he knew as looking for him.

Justin.

They hadn’t seen each other since that night in New York after the VMA’s. JC wondered what was on Justin’s mind these days. He had everything he wanted. Fame, popularity away from the group, Britney. And except for that one night, he’d managed to stay out of JC’s bed for almost a year. He leaned against the glass as Justin approached.

Justin stopped in front of JC as he stood in the aquarium. He pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head, eyes smiling at JC. “You sounded good in here.”

JC raised a brow at Justin’s casual conversation. “Yeah, the acoustics in here are awesome.” He looked at the fish behind the glass, tapping gently as one stopped in front of him. “I was thinking of suggesting it to the CBS people, maybe do an a capella segment for the special.”

Justin grinned. “That’s a great idea, Josh.”

Both men seemed startled by the use of the name. Silence stretched between them. JC watched as Justin slowly leaned closer, licking his lips, eyes trained on JC’s softly parted pink mouth. But then he blinked quickly, backing away as the sound of voices echoed toward them.


The taping of the special had gone well. The group had lost nothing in the way of performance magic. If anything, the separation made them tighter, each of them wanting to prove they were still a team.

But all the same, the performance had made JC nervous, mainly because he’d felt Justin’s eyes on him the whole time, felt the quick touches during the dances, felt the sexual tension building in him. So when the knock came on JC’s door later that night, it didn’t really come as a surprise.

But it was not to be a repeat of September. JC stepped nimbly away from Justin as the younger man grabbed for him. He turned quickly away from the door, putting space between them.

Space JC knew he needed to say no.

Justin’s face mirrored his surprise. “No?” He walked toward JC, but stopped when JC backed up even farther away.

“No.” JC smiled sadly. “I can’t, I won't, be a casual fuck for you, Justin.”

“So you don’t want me?” The idea seemed incredulous to Justin, bless his massive ego.

“I didn’t say that,” JC said.

“The you do want me!” He approached JC so fast the other man didn’t have time to move away. Justin ran his fingers through JC’s curls.

JC pulled Justin’s hand away. “It’s never been a question of want, Justin. I’ll always want you.” He pushed by and walked to the door. “But I love you, Justin. And it hurts not to have you, not like we were.” JC opened the door, but Justin slammed it, putting their faces inches apart.

“What do you want from me?” Justin asked.

“Nothing, except to stay away from me, at least until you decide what you do want.”

“I want you!” Justin exclaimed.

“Maybe so. But do you want me enough to choose me over your fame? Over being Justin the Great and Mr. Britney Spears? Enough to face Johnny with your decision?” JC shook his head. “I doubt it. You’ve never done anything but what people expect of you your whole life.” JC pushed Justin back far enough to open the door. “Until you decide what you want, I can’t be a part of it.”

JC pushed Justin out of the door, throwing the safety bolt home, locking Justin out.



December 2001

Britney blinked at the ring in complete confusion. She looked at Justin as he knelt in front of her, then back at the ring.

It was beautiful, no doubt about it. Two, probably three carats, platinum setting. Not too gaudy, but just the right sort of ring that someone like Justin would give.

“Well?” Justin asked expectantly. “Don’t you like it?”

“Yes, of course I do!” Britney smiled. “I’m, well, surprised, that’s all,” She cocked her head, pinning Justin with a questioning look. “I just don’t understand…”

“What?” Justin asked expectantly.

“Why?”

“Why?”

Britney nodded. “Why? Why now? Why marriage?” She searched Justin’s eyes. “Why, Justin?”

He shrugged. “Because I love you,” he said simply, ducking his head a bit.

“Justin.” She reached out and lifted his head until their eyes met. “Are you in love with me?”

Justin blinked. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Britney sighed. “I mean, are you in love with me? Can you never, every imagine being without me? Can you say you want to spend the rest of your life with me?”

“Yes, I do,” Justin answered.

Britney rolled her eyes. “Justin, we haven’t even slept together, how can you say you love me?”

“What does that prove?” Justin rose to his feet and walked to the window. “I love you. You love me.” He looked out the window for a moment, peering up at the houses on the Hollywood Hills, spying one in particular with its lights on, smiling slightly. Then he remembered The Bahamas, and turned back to Britney. “Everyone wants us to get married. So let’s get married!” He looked at her eagerly. “What do you say?”

Britney weighed her options. She loved Justin. She knew he was good for her career. Their getting married would give them both what they wanted. But on the other hand, she’d seen the look Justin had given the houses on the hill. She knew about Justin’s past, and knew that by asking her to marry him, he’d made his choice.

So it was now her decision. She smiled sweetly at Justin, pulling him close. “For once, I know exactly what to say.”


JC lifted the glass of wine toward the lighted tree in the corner. “Merry Christmas,” he said to the tree before downing the wine. “And a Happy fucking New Year.”

He poured himself another glass of wine and started unwrapping his presents. He smiled at the gifts his friends had sent. Lance had found a first edition of The Hobbit for him. Chris gave him a compete set of *Nsync bobblehead dolls. Joey’s gift was a casting of Brianna’s feet. He ran a finger over the small indentations, smiling at the thought of his god daughter. Tony and Dale had each given him new songs they’d written. Other presents were from his family. But as he finished opening the gifts, he realized something was missing.

There was nothing from Justin.

JC blinked back the hurt from this omission. It’s just late in getting to me, JC thought. That was it. Because even though they weren’t together, Justin wouldn’t forget to get him a present, even small one. He heard the chimes of the doorbell and smiled. That’s probably Justin’s present now, he thought, rising to his feet to answer the door.

He was half right.

Justin shuffled his feet as he stood on JC’s doorstep. “Can I come in?” he asked shyly.

JC stood aside. “Sure, come on in.”

Justin entered, then followed JC to the front room. JC reached into the kitchen and snagged a second glass, pouring Justin a glass of wine.

Justin bravely took a sip, grimacing at the taste but swallowing it down. He turned toward the tree, smiling at the unwrapped presents. “You never can wait for Christmas morning to unwrap your presents, could you?”

JC smiled. “No, I can’t.” He poured himself another glass of wine, then sat on the couch, indicating Justin to sit as well. “What brings you here, Just?”

A smile flickered on Justin’s lips at the nickname. His eyes locked with JC’s, then moved away quickly. He looked at the tree again. “I asked Britney to marry me tonight.”

The news hit JC like a blow to the solar plexus. He couldn’t breathe, it hurt so bad. He gripped his wine glass tightly, concentrating on breathing and keeping his voice calm. “Congratulations,” he finally managed.

“She said no.”

JC blinked owlishly. “She said what?”

Justin chuckled. “She said no, she wouldn’t marry me.” He turned to watch JC’s reaction. “She said it wouldn't be fair to either of us, due to the fact that I…”

Their eyes locked. “The fact that you…” JC encouraged.

“Due to the fact that I’m in love with someone else.” Justin slid off the chair, landing on his knees in front of JC. He lifted a hand, running his hand through JC’s curly hair. “I’m in love with you, Josh. I can’t deny that anymore.”

JC’s eyes welled with tears. “Justin,” he said in a whisper. “Please don’t say anything you don’t mean.”

Justin felt his own eyes burn. I’m dead serious, Josh,” he said, kneeling between JC’s legs and pulling him close. “Being without you this past year has been hell. I don’t ever want to go though anything like this again.”

“What about Johnny? What about your image?” JC asked, his voice slightly accusing. “I thought that’s what you wanted. What would make you happy.”

“I thought so, too.” Justin shook his head. “Turns out I missed your love more than I could say, more than I could stand.”

JC looked skeptical. “You sure did a good impression of it all year,” he said.

“Then I guess I’m a better actor than we all thought.”

JC slapped his hand away. “This isn’t a joking matter, Justin. This is our lives.”

Justin nodded. “And I want to spend our lives together.” He reached up and grabbed JC’s chin, making the older man look into his eyes. “You were right, back in January. I tried to make myself believe there wasn’t anything between us, not really.” His hand moved to caress JC’s jaw. “But I was wrong. The most important thing between us is love.” He leaned in and brushed his mouth against JC’s, lightly touching his tongue to the other man’s soft lips. “Please, Josh…take me back.”

JC lifted a hand and snagged Justin’s curls, fisting them tightly as he pulled the boy closer to him.


January 2002


"Happy Birthday, dear Justin, happy birthday to you!"

Justin smiled as JC held out the cupcake with the candle on it, blowing out the small flame. “Josh, all this fuss! You really shouldn’t have!”

JC laughed, watching Justin as he fixed the covers around him. JC put the cupcake on the bedside table, lifting his hand to lick the frosting that had slipped onto his fingers.

Justin’s eyes sparkled at the sight, pulling JC’s hand away from his mouth and moved it to his own. “Hmm,” he said, liking the chocolate off JC’s hand. “Delicious.”

JC’s breath caught at the site of Justin’s pink tongue darting out to lick his hand. “So,” he said unsteadily, “how does it feel to be twenty-one?”

Justin wriggled his brows, pulling the hand he’d been licking down his body to under the covers, placing it on his now fully engorged cock. “Why don’t you tell me?” he said, moaning slightly as JC began moving his hand against him.

“Hmm, let’s see,” JC said mischievously, pulling the covers down Justin’s body, exposing the boy to his gaze. “Don’t look much different.” JC ran his hand from base to tip, scraping lightly on the sensitive head. "Don't feel much different." JC cocked his head in thought. “Wonder if you taste any different?” Justin yelped as JC’s mouth covered his erection.

Justin’s last coherent thought for quite a while was that this was a great way to celebrate his birthday.

A truly great way to start a brand new year.

A new year with Josh.



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