January
2001
“So, you understand what I’m saying, right?” Justin said, his eyes
searching JC’s face.
JC looked at him calmly. “I’m not that dense, Justin. I know what you’re
saying, I just don’t know why you’re saying it.”
Justin rose from the chair and started pacing the hotel room. And though the
eyes that followed Justin were calm, inside JC was in shock. They were in Tampa,
at the Super Bowl, only hours until they perform in front of a billion people.
And had Justin chosen this moment to break up with him.
“I just think it’s time to end it,” Justin explained, not looking at JC
now, but staring out the window at downtown Tampa.
“Really?” JC scoffed. “Who’s been talking to you, Justin?”
“No one.”
"Bullsiht." JC waited. Something was prompting this, some outside
influence. Justin squirmed under the continued silence, and JC soon had his
answer.
“Johnny feels I should be spending more time with Britney,” Justin finally
said.
JC laughed. “Oh, Johnny feels, is that right?” JC walked across the
room and stood behind Justin. “And what about what you feel? Is this what you
want?”
Justin turned around quickly, and for a second, JC saw doubt in Justin’s eyes.
But then they closed over, and he pushed past JC and stood in the middle of the
room. “Yes, this is what I want.” Justin squared his shoulders, seemingly
gaining some kind of inner strength. “It’s over, JC. It was fun while it
lasted, but now it’s over.”
*slap*
JC’s hand left an angry red mark on Justin’s cheek. “Don’t you ever
deride what we feel for each other!” JC’s voice was cold and controlled.
“Pretend all you want…listen to Johnny…be with Britney. But do not EVER
imagine it was anything less than love between us!”
JC walked past Justin and left the room.
May 2001
“God, is there anyplace worse than New Orleans when it rains?” Chris moaned,
looking out the window at the soaked and flooding French Quarter.
“FELLAS!” Joey yelled as he entered the hotel room. “I’ve got the
solution to our rain-soaked boredom.” He held up a bottle of tequila and five
shot glasses. “Truth or Dare and tequila!”
Joey put the bottle and the shot glasses on the table. Lance barely got out of
the way as Joey sat on the small couch, scrunching next to JC, who was at the
end, causing JC to look up from his book.
“Justin, come on, turn off the television and join us, would you?” Joey
unscrewed the top of the bottle and poured five shots. “Okay, rule is, we ask
a question, and if we don’t believe your answer, you have to do a shot.”
“What if you don’t want to answer?” Justin asked.
“Then you have to do a shot.” Joey lined up the glasses. “And of course,
who ever has the best answer to the question…”
“Has to do a shot?” the other four chimed in.
Joey just grinned. Chris and Justin sat on the floor in front of the coffee
table, and Joey, Lance and JC moved closer on their seats on the couch.
“Okay, I’ll start.” Joey thought for a moment. “Let’s begin with an
easy one. Where’s the most dangerous place you’ve ever had sex? In the sense
of getting caught dangerous.” He turned to his left. “Lance?”
“Um, let’s see.” He scratched his head. “I’d have to say at the
dentist.”
His band mates hooted with laughter. “Gives a whole new meaning to the term
‘rinse and spit,’ doesn’t it?” Chris said. “Okay, me next. I’d have
to say on the tour bus.”
“Where any of us on the bus at the time?” Joey asked, and Chris shook his
head no. “Not too exciting, there, are ya, Frodo?” Joey looked smug.
“I’m gonna say, in Chyna’s trailer at the VMA’s.”
His band mates seemed shocked. “We thought that was just a rumor!” Lance
said, his eyes huge.”
“Nope, all true.” Joey reached for the shot glass in front of him. “Guess
I win,” he said, raising the glass, only to have JC reach across Lance and
stop his movements.
“Not so fast, Fatone.”
“Come on, JC,” Joey scoffed. “You couldn’t possibly top that!”
JC locked eyes with Justin, a small smile of remembrance creeping onto his face.
He took the glass out of Joey’s hand, indicating for Justin to pick up one as
well.
“At TRL. In the Photo Booth.” Open mouths greeted that statement, causing
JC’s smile to widen. “Oh, and did I forget to add, it was during the show?”
He knocked back the shot and Justin did the same.
After an hour, with additional shots consumed by all of them, the questions were
alternating between the silly and the serious. But it was Chris’ question that
broke up the party.
“What do you regret doing most in your entire life?”
Again, their eyes locked. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the months
of pent up desire; maybe it was because he still loved Justin beyond all reason.
But JC couldn’t be in the same room with Justin anymore. He picked up his
glass, drained the shot, and left the room.
Justin’s gaze followed him out the door. He got to his wobbly feet, thanking
Chris when he offered a steadying hand, and followed JC down the hall.
What the hell did he mean by that? Justin wondered. Did he regret
being with me? Or that we’re not together anymore? Justin’s booze-fuzzy
mind forgot that it was he who did the breaking up, and he looked longingly at
JC’s hotel room door. He raised his hand to knock, then shook his head,
remembering Britney and Johnny and his career. Remembering that JC couldn’t be
a part of it, not like that.
JC was leaning against the other side of door, tears silently falling down his
cheeks as he slid slowly to the floor.
July 2001
Joey wiped the sweat from his face. “This is not a basket ball game,” he
protested to Chris, throwing the towel on the bench. “It’s a fucking war!”
Chris nodded, his eyes glued to the two combatants on the court. “And could
they be any more obvious?” he asked. He looked over to the other bench,
catching Lance’s eye. “What’s going on?” he mouthed. Lance just shook
his head.
Lance knew what Chris and Joey were thinking, because he was thinking it, too.
The annual CFTC Basket Ball game had turned into JC and Justin’s private war.
Both had so many fouls, the refs had stopped counting. Both couldn’t stop
covering each other up and down the court, no matter what their coaches said to
do. And both couldn’t seem to stop touching each other, with their hands and
with their bodies.
Joey, Chris and Lance wished they would just get back together already. They’d
all wondered what had happened, but neither would talk about it. Only that
they’d broken up at the Super Bowl, and it was over. But judging from their
actions on the court today, their desire for each other was far from over.
Lance winced as a particularly illegal elbow hit JC in the chest, letting Justin
steal the ball. Then Lance smiled as JC got Justin back with a quick feel down
his ass, causing the younger man to trip and lose the ball. JC quickly gained
control and sprinted down the court, Justin on his heels. JC made the lay-up,
but Justin was coming too fast, running into the stopped JC and knocking him on
the ground.
They lay there for a second, breath rapid, eyes locked, cocks hard. The sound of
the crowd became muffled as Justin lowered his head slowly…
BUZZZZZ
At the sound, Justin jumped off JC and ran to his bench, thankful the game was
over.
“Let
me get my stuff,” Justin said, going back into the shower area of the arena.
He spied his bag on the bench in front of the lockers and picked it up, his
glance landing on the shower area. The bag landed back on the bench with a small
thud as his fingers lost their strength. Justin was frozen, staring at the sight
that greeted him.
JC.
In the shower.
Naked.
In the shower.
Hot. Wet.
Naked.
Justin swallowed hard, watching the water run over JC’s body. Justin moaned as
JC picked up the soap, scrubbing up a foamy mass of bubbles in his hands before
transferring it to his chest. Justin groaned as he watched the soap slip from
JC’s chest to his groin, catching and pooling at JC’s slick and beautiful
cock. And Justin almost fainted when JC stood completely under the showerhead
and turned completely around under the spray showing every inch of his lean,
beautiful body. A sound from outside shook Justin out of his trance. He grabbed
his bag and ran from the room.
JC turned off the water and picked up his towel, a knowing smile on his face.
September
2001
They had a lot to celebrate. They’d won four VMA’s. There were again the
darlings of MTV. They’d even danced with Michael-fuucking-Jackson. Yes, there
was a lot to celebrate.
So why didn’t Justin feel like celebrating? He took a sip of his Jack and Coke,
eyes skimming the dance floor of Fifty-One, the club where the *Nsync party was
being held, and watched the reason he wasn’t happy. Watched as he danced with
everyone, male and female. Watched as he had a great time. Watched as JC happily
celebrated.
Happily without Justin.
Justin’s eyes narrowed as a handsome dancer leaned in and whispered in JC’s
ear, making the older man laugh with pleasure. Justin seethed as JC laid a hand
on the dancer’s arm in a friendly touch. And Justin growled low in his throat
when the dancer’s hand covered JC’s.
But then Justin smiled when JC removed his hand. That’s my boy, Justin
thought. Don’t fall for his smarmy lines…you know better than that.
JC looked up right at that moment and caught Justin’s gaze.
Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the music. Maybe it was the fact that he
looked so good in those torn jeans and that white shirt. But whatever the reason
for it was, Justin only knew one thing for sure.
JC
had barely opened the door before Justin pushed inside. He pinned JC against the
wall, his mouth adhering to the older man’s, tongue pushing inside. Justin
pressed his body against JC’s, pressing his hot erection against JC, rubbing
almost painfully. Justin felt JC’s hands on his body, pulling at clothes,
grabbing at skin. They battled to see who could get the other unclothed the
fastest. Justin felt JC’s hands pushing his pants down and grabbing his cock
roughly. Justin did the same, then fell to his knees, engulfing JC with his
mouth, tongue and teeth feasting on the hard, hot flesh. Justin felt hands
pulling at his hair and JC’s hips pumping against his mouth. He swallowed as
JC came in a groaning rush.
They locked eyes as Justin rose to his feet. Still breathing hard, Justin pulled
the older man over to the bed, tossed him down, and covered him with his own
body, pushing apart JC’s strong thighs and entering him in one powerful
motion. Justin pumped his hips once…twice…three times before coming,
screaming JC’s name.
They made love three more times that night.
But Justin woke up alone.
November 2001
"And I will take…you in my arms…and hold you right where you belong.
Till the day my life is through…this I promise you."
JC smiled as the sound reverberated off the glass walls of the aquarium. This
would be a perfect place to bring the guys down to sing. Maybe he could even
talk the director into filming a bit of it for the special. He turned at the
sound of someone approaching, thinking it was Joey, who he knew as looking for
him.
Justin.
They hadn’t seen each other since that night in New York after the VMA’s. JC
wondered what was on Justin’s mind these days. He had everything he wanted.
Fame, popularity away from the group, Britney. And except for that one night,
he’d managed to stay out of JC’s bed for almost a year. He leaned against
the glass as Justin approached.
Justin stopped in front of JC as he stood in the aquarium. He pushed his
sunglasses to the top of his head, eyes smiling at JC. “You sounded good in
here.”
JC raised a brow at Justin’s casual conversation. “Yeah, the acoustics in
here are awesome.” He looked at the fish behind the glass, tapping gently as
one stopped in front of him. “I was thinking of suggesting it to the CBS
people, maybe do an a capella segment for the special.”
Justin grinned. “That’s a great idea, Josh.”
Both men seemed startled by the use of the name. Silence stretched between them.
JC watched as Justin slowly leaned closer, licking his lips, eyes trained on
JC’s softly parted pink mouth. But then he blinked quickly, backing away as
the sound of voices echoed toward them.
The
taping of the special had gone well. The group had lost nothing in the way of
performance magic. If anything, the separation made them tighter, each of them
wanting to prove they were still a team.
But all the same, the performance had made JC nervous, mainly because he’d
felt Justin’s eyes on him the whole time, felt the quick touches during the
dances, felt the sexual tension building in him. So when the knock came on
JC’s door later that night, it didn’t really come as a surprise.
But it was not to be a repeat of September. JC stepped nimbly away from Justin
as the younger man grabbed for him. He turned quickly away from the door,
putting space between them.
Space JC knew he needed to say no.
Justin’s face mirrored his surprise. “No?” He walked toward JC, but
stopped when JC backed up even farther away.
“No.” JC smiled sadly. “I can’t, I won't, be a casual fuck for you,
Justin.”
“So you don’t want me?” The idea seemed incredulous to Justin, bless his
massive ego.
“I didn’t say that,” JC said.
“The you do want me!” He approached JC so fast the other man didn’t
have time to move away. Justin ran his fingers through JC’s curls.
JC pulled Justin’s hand away. “It’s never been a question of want, Justin.
I’ll always want you.” He pushed by and walked to the door. “But I love
you, Justin. And it hurts not to have you, not like we were.” JC opened the
door, but Justin slammed it, putting their faces inches apart.
“What do you want from me?” Justin asked.
“Nothing, except to stay away from me, at least until you decide what you do
want.”
“I want you!” Justin exclaimed.
“Maybe so. But do you want me enough to choose me over your fame? Over being
Justin the Great and Mr. Britney Spears? Enough to face Johnny with your
decision?” JC shook his head. “I doubt it. You’ve never done anything but
what people expect of you your whole life.” JC pushed Justin back far enough
to open the door. “Until you decide what you want, I can’t be a part of
it.”
JC pushed Justin out of the door, throwing the safety bolt home, locking Justin
out.
December 2001
Britney blinked at the ring in complete confusion. She looked at Justin as he
knelt in front of her, then back at the ring.
It was beautiful, no doubt about it. Two, probably three carats, platinum
setting. Not too gaudy, but just the right sort of ring that someone like Justin
would give.
“Well?” Justin asked expectantly. “Don’t you like it?”
“Yes, of course I do!” Britney smiled. “I’m, well, surprised, that’s
all,” She cocked her head, pinning Justin with a questioning look. “I just
don’t understand…”
“What?” Justin asked expectantly.
“Why?”
“Why?”
Britney nodded. “Why? Why now? Why marriage?” She searched Justin’s eyes.
“Why, Justin?”
He shrugged. “Because I love you,” he said simply, ducking his head a bit.
“Justin.” She reached out and lifted his head until their eyes met. “Are
you in love with me?”
Justin blinked. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Britney sighed. “I mean, are you in love with me? Can you never, every imagine
being without me? Can you say you want to spend the rest of your life with
me?”
“Yes, I do,” Justin answered.
Britney rolled her eyes. “Justin, we haven’t even slept together, how can
you say you love me?”
“What does that prove?” Justin rose to his feet and walked to the window.
“I love you. You love me.” He looked out the window for a moment, peering up
at the houses on the Hollywood Hills, spying one in particular with its lights
on, smiling slightly. Then he remembered The Bahamas, and turned back to
Britney. “Everyone wants us to get married. So let’s get married!” He
looked at her eagerly. “What do you say?”
Britney weighed her options. She loved Justin. She knew he was good for her
career. Their getting married would give them both what they wanted. But on the
other hand, she’d seen the look Justin had given the houses on the hill. She
knew about Justin’s past, and knew that by asking her to marry him, he’d
made his choice.
So it was now her decision. She smiled sweetly at Justin, pulling him close.
“For once, I know exactly what to say.”
JC
lifted the glass of wine toward the lighted tree in the corner. “Merry
Christmas,” he said to the tree before downing the wine. “And a Happy
fucking New Year.”
He poured himself another glass of wine and started unwrapping his presents. He
smiled at the gifts his friends had sent. Lance had found a first edition of The
Hobbit for him. Chris gave him a compete set of *Nsync bobblehead dolls.
Joey’s gift was a casting of Brianna’s feet. He ran a finger over the small
indentations, smiling at the thought of his god daughter. Tony and Dale had each
given him new songs they’d written. Other presents were from his family. But
as he finished opening the gifts, he realized something was missing.
There was nothing from Justin.
JC blinked back the hurt from this omission. It’s just late in getting to
me, JC thought. That was it. Because even though they weren’t together,
Justin wouldn’t forget to get him a present, even small one. He heard the
chimes of the doorbell and smiled. That’s probably Justin’s present now,
he thought, rising to his feet to answer the door.
He was half right.
Justin shuffled his feet as he stood on JC’s doorstep. “Can I come in?” he
asked shyly.
JC stood aside. “Sure, come on in.”
Justin entered, then followed JC to the front room. JC reached into the kitchen
and snagged a second glass, pouring Justin a glass of wine.
Justin bravely took a sip, grimacing at the taste but swallowing it down. He
turned toward the tree, smiling at the unwrapped presents. “You never can wait
for Christmas morning to unwrap your presents, could you?”
JC smiled. “No, I can’t.” He poured himself another glass of wine, then
sat on the couch, indicating Justin to sit as well. “What brings you here,
Just?”
A smile flickered on Justin’s lips at the nickname. His eyes locked with
JC’s, then moved away quickly. He looked at the tree again. “I asked Britney
to marry me tonight.”
The news hit JC like a blow to the solar plexus. He couldn’t breathe, it hurt
so bad. He gripped his wine glass tightly, concentrating on breathing and
keeping his voice calm. “Congratulations,” he finally managed.
“She said no.”
JC blinked owlishly. “She said what?”
Justin chuckled. “She said no, she wouldn’t marry me.” He turned to watch
JC’s reaction. “She said it wouldn't be fair to either of us, due to the
fact that I…”
Their eyes locked. “The fact that you…” JC encouraged.
“Due to the fact that I’m in love with someone else.” Justin slid off the
chair, landing on his knees in front of JC. He lifted a hand, running his hand
through JC’s curly hair. “I’m in love with you, Josh. I can’t deny that
anymore.”
JC’s eyes welled with tears. “Justin,” he said in a whisper. “Please
don’t say anything you don’t mean.”
Justin felt his own eyes burn. I’m dead serious, Josh,” he said, kneeling
between JC’s legs and pulling him close. “Being without you this past year
has been hell. I don’t ever want to go though anything like this again.”
“What about Johnny? What about your image?” JC asked, his voice slightly
accusing. “I thought that’s what you wanted. What would make you happy.”
“I thought so, too.” Justin shook his head. “Turns out I missed your love
more than I could say, more than I could stand.”
JC looked skeptical. “You sure did a good impression of it all year,” he
said.
“Then I guess I’m a better actor than we all thought.”
JC slapped his hand away. “This isn’t a joking matter, Justin. This is our
lives.”
Justin nodded. “And I want to spend our lives together.” He reached up and
grabbed JC’s chin, making the older man look into his eyes. “You were right,
back in January. I tried to make myself believe there wasn’t anything between
us, not really.” His hand moved to caress JC’s jaw. “But I was wrong. The
most important thing between us is love.” He leaned in and brushed his mouth
against JC’s, lightly touching his tongue to the other man’s soft lips.
“Please, Josh…take me back.”
JC lifted a hand and snagged Justin’s curls, fisting them tightly as he pulled
the boy closer to him.
January 2002
"Happy Birthday, dear Justin, happy birthday to you!"
Justin smiled as JC held out the cupcake with the candle on it, blowing out the
small flame. “Josh, all this fuss! You really shouldn’t have!”
JC laughed, watching Justin as he fixed the covers around him. JC put the
cupcake on the bedside table, lifting his hand to lick the frosting that had
slipped onto his fingers.
Justin’s eyes sparkled at the sight, pulling JC’s hand away from his mouth
and moved it to his own. “Hmm,” he said, liking the chocolate off JC’s
hand. “Delicious.”
JC’s breath caught at the site of Justin’s pink tongue darting out to lick
his hand. “So,” he said unsteadily, “how does it feel to be twenty-one?”
Justin wriggled his brows, pulling the hand he’d been licking down his body to
under the covers, placing it on his now fully engorged cock. “Why don’t you
tell me?” he said, moaning slightly as JC began moving his hand against him.
“Hmm, let’s see,” JC said mischievously, pulling the covers down
Justin’s body, exposing the boy to his gaze. “Don’t look much
different.” JC ran his hand from base to tip, scraping lightly on the
sensitive head. "Don't feel much different." JC cocked his head in
thought. “Wonder if you taste any different?” Justin yelped as JC’s mouth
covered his erection.
Justin’s last coherent thought for quite a while was that this was a great way
to celebrate his birthday.
A truly great way to start a brand new year.
A new year with Josh.