Another night, another room filled with service men. JC served drinks and made conversation, all the while keeping an eye on the door, hoping to see Justin walk through it, at the same time dreading that would happen. Last night…JC shook his head, pushing the memories of last night away again. It wasn’t the end of the world if Justin never came back. A commotion sounded at the door and JC gazed hopefully, his heart dropping when he saw it wasn’t Justin this time, only a group of sailors. He realized someone was speaking to him. “JC!” A hand waved in front of his face. Marge, the manager was standing next to him. “Are you okay?” she asked, setting out a fresh plate of doughnuts. JC smiled, nodding. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said. She looked at him quizzically, not really believing him. “If you say so,” Marge said, “but seems to me like you’re a bit preoccupied tonight.” “I’m sorry.” “No, I wasn’t blaming you.” She waved away his apology. “You just seem quieter than usual, not that you’re a talk-a-minuet kind of guy anyway.” Another commotion at the door turned his head, his expression hopeful. Again, no Justin. Marge followed his gaze, completely misreading his actions. “I get it now,” she said with a wink. “You’re waiting for one of the girls to come in, aren’t you?” JC blushed furiously. “Something like that,” he murmured. Marge patted his arm. “I’m sure she’ll be here soon,” she said. “In the mean time, run down to the cellar and get some more sodas, will you? These boys seem to inhale the stuff!” JC nodded, moving slowly down the cellar stairs, Marge’s words playing in his head. He was waiting for Justin, but shouldn’t be. Last night. This time, the memories could not be kept away…. *** They’d walked in silence to JC’s apartment, Justin following behind JC as they climbed the stairs. JC unlocked the door and moved inside, his hand automatically turning on a light only to be stopped by Justin’s hand over his own. JC allowed Justin to push him inside the apartment and close the door. The light from the windows was the only illumination, casting the room with a soft, shadowy glow. JC slipped away from Justin just as the other man approached. “I can put some coffee on,” JC said, slipping off his jacket and tossing it on a nearby chair. He limped across the room and turned on the radio, a slow song filling the quiet apartment. “Or, if you’re hungry, I can make you something to eat? I used up all my egg rations already this month, but can probably make a sandwich or something.” He was rambling, he knew, but his nervousness was making him do so and Justin’s nearness wasn’t helping. “No, I’m fine,” Justin finally said, moving to sit on the small couch. His eyes traveled around the small room, his gaze ending up, JC saw, on the bed in the corner. “I like your place,” he said. “Have you lived here long?” JC shook his head. “A few months,” he replied. “I moved out west last year, and was living at the Y until I found this place.” JC walked from the radio to the couch, sitting down a bit away from Justin. He reached up to turn on the lamp next to the couch, but was again stopped by Justin. The younger man had scooted closer to JC on the couch, his grip softly pulling JC’s hand away from the lamp. “Leave it off,” Justin said softly. “Please.” JC swallowed. Justin’s nearness was quite disconcerting, to say the least. He could smell Justin’s scent, could feel Justin’s breath. JC felt Justin’s fingers rubbing gently against his wrist, and he wondered whether Justin could feel his rapid pulse through his skin. “JC,” Justin said, his free hand lifting to JC’s face and turning it toward Justin’s. “You’re not…seeing anyone, are you? It’s okay that I’m here?” JC blushed, grateful for the dim lighting. “No,” he whispered. “No?” Justin murmured, his lips close to JC’s. “No, you’re not seeing anyone, or no, it’s not okay that I’m here?” he said, a smile in his voice. JC swallowed again. “I mean yes. And no.” He sighed. “I mean, I’m not seeing anyone, and it’s okay that you’re here.” “Good,” Justin said, his lips skimming lightly across JC’s jaw. “Justin…” JC’s breathing increased as Justin’s mouth traveled down JC’s throat. Hot and wet, nibbling and sucking, the sensations were rapidly making it hard for JC to think. But he had to… “Justin,” he said again, his hand coming up to touch Justin’s chest. “Hmm?” Justin said, his mouth now at JC’s ear, his tongue delving inside with quick strokes before biting gently on the lobe. JC shivered. “Justin, you need to…I have to tell you…oh, god.” JC’s hips shifted as Justin’s hands traveled down his chest, pulling at a nipple before settling close to JC’s crotch. “Tell me what?” Justin said, his lips hovering again over JC’s. “Tell me that you want me?” Justin’s hand closed over JC’s erection. “I think I know that already,” he said with a sly smile. “No, I mean, yes, I want you,” JC said, his hips moving against Justin’s squeezing hand. “But you should know…I need to tell you…” Justin pulled JC down under him, pushing himself between his legs, pressing his own erection against JC’s. Justin anchored JC’s hands above his head, his lips hovering above JC’s mouth. “I want you,” Justin proclaim, leaning down to take JC’s mouth. “I’ve never done this,” JC said before Justin claimed his lips. Justin paused inches from JC’s mouth. “What?” JC’s eyes lowered. “I’ve never been…never…Oh, god, don’t make me say it.” JC could feel his cheeks heat and was glad again for the dim light in the room. “You’re a virgin?’ Justin said, scrambling off JC and standing up. JC struggled to a sitting position. “If you mean have I ever had sex with a man as being a virgin, then yes, I am.” This time, Justin didn’t stop JC when he turned on the lamp. “I just thought you should know before anything happened.” Justin paced the room. “But, you do, Jesus, you are…” JC nodded. “The word you’re looking for is homosexual, and yes, I am.” Justin sat back on the couch, rubbing his face in his hands. “Jesus, I never expected…” JC shifted a bit closer. “Why does it matter?” he asked, lifting a hand and placing it on Justin’s leg. Justin bolted off the couch like a shot. “It does matter! I can’t…not with a…I mean, I’ve never…I have to go.” He looked around the room, spying his dropped hat on the floor and picking it up quickly. “Bye.” Before JC could react, he was out the door, his footsteps sounding loudly on the stairs. JC sat for a moment in stunned silence. What the hell had happened? he wondered. Slowly, he got off the couch and walked to the window, looking down at the foggy street. He watched as Justin walked past his building, saw the bright blonde head look up at his window, then disappear into the gray night. *** JC was still wondering what had happened even now. The attraction that he and Justin had felt had been strong, overpowering, real. He’d thought, no, he’d known that Justin was the one, the right person to be with the first time. But Justin had been scared, or worse, repulsed by the idea of sleeping with a virgin. And that had hurt, JC thought. It had hurt a lot. “JC! Where’s that soda?” Marge called down the stairs. JC shook away the memories and climbed back up to the club, the case of soda’s balanced in his hands. “I’m here,” he called, pushing the door shut with his elbow and turning toward the bar. And almost dropping the sodas when he saw Justin sitting there. “Where’d ya go for them, Oakland?” Marge called, taking a few from the case. “Hey, there, Marine,” Marge said, pouring a Coke for Justin. “You enjoying your time in San Francisco?” Justin nodded, his eyes glued to JC as the older man put the sodas in the cooler. “Yes, ma’am,” he said. “Thank you.” Marge winked. “Don’t mention it, love. There’s lots of girls here, go dance!” Justin smiled at her quickly, then looked at JC again. “Thank you, but I’m not much for dancing.” Marge shrugged and walked away. JC served the other customers at the bar, avoiding Justin. Finally, he was the only one left, the others off dancing or at tables around the dance floor. “You going to ignore me all night?” Justin asked. JC came over to him, taking his empty glass. “I’ll get you another drink,’ he said. Justin snagged JC’s hand, holding him there. “Please. Talk to me.” “What is there to say?’ JC said. “It’s not like we really know each other.” Justin smiled sadly. “Yes, we do know each other,” he accused. “And you know that.” “Maybe,” JC said, pulling his hand from Justin’s grasp. “But let’s just chalk it up to what might have been, okay? I don’t need…” “Don’t need what?” JC’s eyes pierced Justin’s with a look. “To be hurt again.” He walked over to the ice bin and refilled Justin’s drink, turning back to the Marine with a fresh one. Only to find Justin gone. *** The fog was thick again as JC walked from the USO club. A foghorn gave a sad whistle as he opened the door to his building and slowly climbed the stairs, his body tired and his heart heavy. He cursed himself, wondering how he’d let Justin get to mean so much to him in such a short time. Maybe it was better that nothing really had happened. Justin wasn’t long term. There was no future for them, nothing real could come from a relationship. It’s better this way…it’s better this way. JC said the words softly to himself with each step. But soon realized he was lying to himself. Especially when JC saw Justin sitting at his door. Justin’s face lit up at the sight of JC, his smile hesitant, his eyes beseeching. JC’s heart beat fast as he approached Justin, holding out a hand and pulling the boy to his feet. JC opened the door and allowed Justin back into his room. And into his heart