Part 5


Justin folded his arms onto the steering wheel and roughly rested his chin upon them, lolling his head sideways. He sat dejectedly at the end of JC’s driveway staring painfully up at the small mansion contemplating if he should go up to the house or not. JC had told him they could be friends; they could be together as friends. There was no reason for him to be there, stalking the older brunette. The young singer witnessed a flurry of lights illuminating the interior of the house, accentuating two silhouettes and effectively snapping him out of his reverie. When the men entered his vision he turned away, brushing his lips against his forearm. He whimpered audibly and slowly bounced his head into his folded arms, thinking. Justin suddenly felt his chest tighten and he stopped. He quickly turned his gaze toward the house again, observing only one person; he bit his lip. The blond sat back in his seat still staring. He closed his eyes upon seeing the bedroom lights flick on, determining his course of action. Justin leaned forward, started the car’s engine and shifted into reverse. He haphazardly flung his arm on the back of the passenger seat and turned slightly in his seat, backing out of the driveway.

**

“Come on, baby. I know you want this. I know how much you need this,” the blond mumbled. BT approached the slightly dazed brunette again holding onto a small bag of white powder. “After everything you’ve been through today… after so long without it… all the pain I know your feeling.” He sat down on the bed. “You need this, you need me and this, don’t you.”

JC stared longingly at the bag and unconsciously rubbed the back of his hand across his face. He blinked several times in an attempt to focus his vision. The brunette’s darkened lips trembled as he reached for the presented offering. As JC surrounded the small article with his slender fingers he remembered his promise and suddenly drew his hand away. His saddened gaze never meeting BT’s he remarked, “I…I don’t need it.” JC rolled to his side and curled into a ball, steeling himself for BT’s reaction.

“What?” BT’s voice echoed the hysteria he was feeling. “What about me, then? If you don’t need the coke,” he threw the small bag across the room, “do you need me?”

“Brian,” he whispered. “I don’t need it, okay. I only need Jus…” JC stopped himself before finishing the damning sentence.

The blond ignored the fact JC side stepped his question, curious and intent on discovering JC’s sudden lack of dependency on the drug. “Aren’t you in despair? Didn’t seeing Justin flood you with helplessness and self-loathing?” BT tried convincing and JC smiled at the mention of Justin’s name, which did not go unnoticed. “What are you smiling at?” the blond screamed. JC peered over his shoulder at the larger man, opening his mouth to answer but nothing escaped. “Justin… you were gonna say Justin’s name just now weren’t you.” BT’s agitation and paranoia sky rocked within his drug-laden body and mind. “What did you two do?” his voice screeching in JC’s ear. “Did you let him fuck you? Is that why you’re so fucking late?”

JC smirked, closing his eyes, “BT please,” gaining strength from the simple thought of Justin laying underneath him, in him. “If Justin and I were gonna have sex, we’d need the entire day, not just a couple of hours,” his answer condescending, unaware of the fist falling toward him.

The blond had closed his fist and slammed it down onto JC’s denim clad hip causing the brunette to bite into the pillow and hiss in pain. BT grabbed a handful of golden tresses and when he yanked the head around to face him, his chin collided with a heavy fist. The blond stumbled backwards off the bed, disbelieve written in his eyes, holding onto the side of his face and cupping his chin. “You fucking hit me, you asshole.”

“I’m trying to knock some sense into you, stupid.” JC continued rolling off the bed and gracefully limped into the bathroom, turning the faucet off. “And what, you fucking hitting me is all right. I don’t think so, Brian. If you want us to stay together, than it's gonna stop,” he yelled from the doorway. JC walked back out into the larger room in time to feel the full force of his boyfriend crash into him from his left hand side. His smaller body was easily tackled to the floor, breath forced from him.

“Knock some since into me, eh.” BT wrestled JC unto his back and straddled the slender man’s hips. “You think you could leave me. You couldn’t leave me even if you tried.” He ensnared the brunette’s wrist in a harsh grasp and forced them above the besieged man’s head.

“Brian, get the hell off of me.” JC jerked his arms forcefully in an attempt to loosen BT’s grip and rolled his pelvis determined to knock his boyfriend from his tiring body. “Get off.”

“Answer me this, and I may think about it.”

Hatred glared through JC’s eyes as he snarled at his boyfriend. “Get the fuck off of me,” the brunette screamed, shaking his head from side to side.

BT laughed. “I want to know how you, little bird, could leave me. After all we’ve been through, all the restless nights, the sex, the drugs,” he smirked when a small portion of the brunette seething subsided. “Ah, that’s right. The drugs. Not many people know the extent of your addiction, nor the reason behind it. Do they?” JC glared. “I’m sure, the media would love to hear how two of their angles are actually the devil in disguise.”

“You wouldn’t,” JC hissed, eyes wide with realization. He was trapped in more ways than one. The brunette turned his head away and mumbled into his bicep, “You wouldn’t.”

“Leave me and you’ll find out won’t you. Just fucking try me. You ungrateful son of a bitch.”

JC turned his head sharply, glaring at the crazed man. “I could do the same to you, you know,” the brunette huffed renewing his efforts to escape. “I’d tell them where I got my shit. I lead them right to you and then where would your precious career be, huh. You’re just as deep in this shit as I am.” JC thrust his pelvis up forcing BT to lose his balance briefly. He whined, “Get off.”

BT leaned into JC, “Would you risk Justin’s fame, his integrity? Hmmm, sweet thing.” The blond rubbed his nose against JC’s temple and the brunette pulled away. “Hm…” BT snorted. “I could always wait around and be there for Justin and help him pick up the pieces. I’m sure he’ll be in great sorrow over being betrayed by his friend and offer him what I gave you. What do you think?”

“Go to hell.”

“Really? It seems to me that you’re the one who needs some sense knocked into him.”

He slid up JC’s chest, which afforded him better leverage. He leaned away from the brunette’s warm body while trapping both of JC’s wrists in one hand. He reared the other back.

JC squeezed his eyelids tight and turned his head, anticipating the angry blow. He waited and struggled. The brunette bucked his hips trying desperately to knock the other man off; he waited. When BT’s fist didn’t connect with his cheek, curiosity took over and he stopped moving. JC slowly lolled his head back and fluttered his eyes open. Just as his eyes focused on the man above him and the fist looming over the other singer’s head, he noticed the evil smirk displayed on his boyfriend’s face. He realized his mistake but had no time to react adequately. The brunette renewed his effort to get free as BT’s fist thundered downward upon him striking him exceptionally hard on the left side of his face. JC’s head snapped to the side, his struggling stopped, his confidence lost; his body gave.

BT again grabbed JC’s hair wrenching the singer’s neck, forcing his gaze to meet his stormy glare. JC’s blurry vision couldn’t quite make out what was happening; he stared numbly. “You’re such a fucking wuss, JC,” the blond sneered forcing a kiss onto JC’s partially opened mouth. BT released the brunette’s mouth and sat back, reaching into his pocket. “I’ve got something for you.” He waved the small bottle into JC’s line of sight. “I think you are in need of this, don’t you.”

JC turned his head and quietly mumbled, “I’m done with that shit, BT.

“I don’t think so.”

“I promised…” JC whispered.

“You promised?” BT questioned. “Who? Who did you promise?” He shook the small container. “Fucking Justin.”

“Yes.”

BT again leaned down onto JC’s smaller frame and placed the object near a nostril. “Inhale.”

“BT, stop please,” the brunette tried turning his head. “We’re just friends, please don’t make me do this… I swear.”

“Fucking inhale, JC. It’ll make you forget everything that’s happened.”

“BT…”

“If you don’t I’ll make sure your ‘friend’ does.”

JC looked awkwardly down at the offered drug. He’d never seen cocaine administered in such away, but was afraid of asking. He inhaled.

“Deeper.”

The brunette inhaled deeply, absorbing a large quantity of the brownish substance. His last coherent thought, ‘Since when is cocaine brown.’ In a matter of seconds, JC’s body was flooded with a potent wave of euphoria. The pain radiating from his bruised temple quickly disappeared as well as any despair that rummaged throughout his inner being. JC arched his body and strained against the sudden blissful feeling. He felts so good, so good. All his worries and frustrations melted away, disappeared, replaced with a welcoming sensation of pure unbridled pleasure. JC gasped softly as the effect of the drug rippled throughout his body. He felt so warm, so warm. His body soon relaxed becoming seemingly weightless; he felt like he was flying, his soul soaring over his troubled mind. He leisurely blinked and a smile crept upon his face. The brunette lifted his excessively heavy arm and dropped it roughly over his head. With great effort, his other hand rubbed his flushed skin of his neck. He laughed over his lack of control. The singer licked his parched lips and swallowed hard, trying to moisten his throat and mouth.

BT watched as JC tumbled through his first ‘flash’ experience. He observed the slender man’s body writhe uncontrollably underneath his weight. The blond stared at JC for a few more moments before glancing at the alarm clock. His mind raced with anticipation. “Carlos said the flash wouldn’t last long,” he said to himself. “Then he’ll be on the nod and there won’t be anything he can do about it.” BT chuckled, smiling back down upon his euphoric boyfriend. He rubbed up and down JC sides, running his clammy hands on warm silky skin. “Only a matter of time.”

JC’s moment of ecstasy was promptly exchanged with a mind-numbing lethargic state. His entire body felt heavy and every move seemed to take twice the energy than before. JC has never experienced such an explosive rush before, or the continued intensity of it. He didn’t want it to leave his body; he prayed it wouldn’t but it did. The brunette began leveling out and remained in a state of sedation. He barely felt BT’s weight on top of him, and he really didn’t care that his boyfriend was even in the same room as him. JC was happy, happier than he’d been in nearly six months. He never wanted this feeling to leave, never. JC’s mind scarcely registered Brian’s voice but he could feel the tremor. He seductively blinked his eyes, focusing on BT’s face.

The brunette watched as his boyfriend took on another sinister mask, ripping his shirt open but he didn’t care. He lazily observed BT tear at his pants freeing his lower body from their restraints but he didn’t care. When his under ware was thrown across the room and he was roughly rolled over onto his stomach, hips lifted; he still didn’t care. When he barely felt his aperture stretched forcefully open without preparation, he didn’t care. He felt to good to care.

**

A week had passed since Justin last spoke with JC. He found himself sitting on his massive bedroom balcony staring blankly at the modest Art Deco mansion. In one hand he lazily swirled his nearly empty glass of cognac and the other was absentmindedly rapping on his knee. The young blond didn’t know what to do or think about JC’s overt silence. Justin lifted his glass to his lips and drank deeply from the amber liquid it offered. He sighed and placed his elbow on the high armrest of the wicker chair. The younger singer gently covered his moistened lips with his forefinger and middle finger, while cupping the other three snuggly around his chin in thought. Justin drunkenly fluttered his eyes desperately keeping them focused on the house on the hillside.

The blond turned his head toward the bedroom upon hearing his doorbell chime. He ignored it fixing his gaze on his glass. Whom ever it was, if they were able to get this close to is front door, they could let themselves in. He tore his gaze from the newly empty glass and leaned over the side of his wicker chair. Justin grasped the oddly shaped decanter of liquor and hauled it onto his shaking lap. He precariously balanced the short tumbler onto the armrest and tackled the chore of opening the cognac bottle. The blond wrestled with the stopper for a short time before begrudgingly quitting and rubbing his hands on his knees. The young singer snorted and took two deep breaths before yanking on the top. The stopper gave unexpectedly easy, causing Justin’s elbow to unceremoniously snap back, knocking the tumbler over. Justin flinched as the glass shattered against the treated pine distorting the tranquil night.

“Fuck,” Justin slurred as he looked down at the crystal shards. His eyes twinkled in the moonlight and his skin itched as he resisted the call of the potentially sharp stinging objects, the enticing draw of the jagged edges. Justin rubbed his arm with the stopper filled hand, starring. It had been nearly four days since the last time he cut himself, the last time he pierced his own soul. He licked his lips tasting the last remnants of the liquor. The drunken man unconsciously dropped the top of the decanter while reaching for a shard.

“Hey,” Chris stormed into this bedroom, looking left than right. “Justin?”

Justin snatched his hand back cradling it against his chest.

The eldest singer crept deeper into the room searching for his friend. “Hey, Curly. Are you in here?” Justin didn’t respond. Chris noticed the balcony door was ajar and took it as a sign his young friend was there. He cautiously made his way across the room until he reached his desired location. The brunette slowly drew the door open catching sight of Justin’s depleted form.

“Chris,” Justin pretended to be startled.

“Hey,” Chris whispered afraid he’d scare off the unnaturally timid creature. “You don’t call, you don’t write. What’s a guy to think?”

“Huh…” he slurred in reply. “Oh… ummm….yeah…sorry.”

Chris stepped onto the large balcony and maneuvered to an unoccupied chair; he sat. He observed the broken glass spread upon the floor, pointing at it, “Umm… did you drop your glass?”

Justin blinked and then directed his unfocused attention toward the smaller brunette. “Yeah,” he paused. “I hit it with… my elbow.”

“Seems like a good thing. You’re pretty fucked up.”

“Yeah.”

Chris tilted his head and glared, “Why?”

Justin shrugged and turned his gaze toward JC’s house Chris followed it. “Should’ve known.” He leaned over his lap and folded his hands. “Look, I invited Joey and Lance over today.”

“Here?” he whispered through clenched teeth. He still hadn’t forgiven Lance for hitting him at the Jive meeting or Joey for allowing it.

“I thought it best. We all need to talk.”

“I see.”

“JC may be over as well.” Chris noticed Justin’s body relax. “He said he’d try and make it. So don’t get your hopes up all right.”

Justin’s azure eyes sparkled. “Okay.”

“Are you up to it?”

Again the blond shrugged. “I don’t know. When?”

Chris looked down at his watch and determined the exact amount of time. “Six hours. Will you be sober by then?”

Justin smirked. “I guess I’ll have to be.”

“I guess so.”

**

The room was filled with Justin’s group mates, plus one. Unbeknownst to Chris, JC decided to bring his boyfriend to the group meeting, but it was the only way he could show up. It was a small sacrifice for Justin to make, in order to see JC’s beautiful face. He stared at the young man from the stairwell, knowing the brunette hadn’t seen him. Justin ran his hand through his hair, stirring his courage. He had to talk to JC, even if it meant a confrontation with BT. The blond singer wanted one more chance to convince JC of his love for him, his need. Chris had conjured this meeting up for the purpose of mending wounds and friendships; he might as well use the chance.

Justin azure eyes finally made contact with steel ones as the older man crept out from the bathroom, wiping his nose.

The brunette excitedly sauntered toward Justin with BT in tow and wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug. As the brunette pulled back, Justin gently reached toward JC’s face and tenderly wiped away a small sprinkling of powder and stuck the finger in his mouth.

JC stared dumbfounded.

“You need to be more careful JC, if you’re gonna do that shit.”

JC numbly nodded his head, scratching his arm. The brunette seemed agitated and anxious to Justin, as the young man watched JC’s restless form. He looked at JC, “Can we talk,” he shifted his eyes toward BT, “privately.”

“What the fuck?” Justin felt BT’s hands touch his chest and then was propelled backwards, only slightly loosing his balance. “Stay away from him Justin. He’s mine now. You tore him to pieces and threw him away.”

“I didn’t…” Justin stammered watching JC shift uncomfortably, sweat developing on his upper lip. The blond noticed the other group members surrounding them, observing.

“You did. I was the one who picked up the pieces. I’ve had to use heavy doses of cocaine and sex to glue him back together.” BT glanced over his shoulder at the other three and laughed, “A lot of cocaine and a special something.”

“You fucker. He wouldn’t be with you if it weren’t for his dependency on that shit.”

“You’re wrong Justin.”

“Am I?”

BT huffed and stared intently at Justin, should I tell him, he thought. He smiled evilly, “Why not?” he said out loud.

“Why not what?”

“Why not tell you the real reason JC’s with me.” BT watched Justin carefully, “He’s with me because he didn’t think he was good enough any more, that nobody wanted him.”

“That’s not true…”

BT ignored Justin’s outburst and continued. “Once he found out that Jive wanted you to go solo, he figured that he would be next. The call never came. They didn’t want him. They took away his music. Then you show up on his doorstep and tell him that Jive wants the two of you to call it quits. You agreed with Jive.” He pointed his finger accusingly at Justin, “You didn’t want him. You took away your love.” BT crept closer to Justin and sneered. “But I did, I’ve always wanted him. Since the first day I laid eyes I him, I wanted his body. I wanted to have him and now I do.”

Justin looked away from BT and found JC’s slouching form. He brought a trembling hand to his forehead and rubbed his throbbing temples. The blond glanced again at JC and noticed the brunette absently staring back. JC smiled softly at him and coyly looked away. Justin returned his attention to BT, “So you offer him a chance to make music. In return he offers you his body.”

“That’s right. He wanted nothing more, just to make music. I promised him I’d get him where he wanted to be and in return we would be together. When Jive heard the collaboration, they instantly offered him the opportunity to make his own album.”

“And you instantly got what you wanted.”

“Dear God no. You think I waited that long before I fucked him, I got that the first night we were together. He really is quite easy once he’s had a few lines.” BT laughed and turned from Justin. “Nothing better, don’t you agree?”

“You motherfucker,” Justin spun the unknowing singer around and landed a solid blow to his cheek. BT stumbled backward, catching his self on the back of the couch. He regrouped and dove for Justin, ramming his full weight into the larger man and knocking him into the wall. Joey and Chris instantly moved to grab BT, wrenching his struggling form off of Justin, but not before he landed a solid kick to his kidneys. Justin groaned at the impact. Chris flung the younger man into the couch and pointed at finger at him.

“You fucking touch him or JC again, I fucking pound you into the ground. You mother fucking pieced of shit.”

BT leered at the smaller man and laughed. “Whatever.” He stood up, only to have another fist rock into his face. BT looked up stunned.

“I don’t fucking hear you laughing now,” Joey retorted. “Now keep your ass there, while JC and Justin have a little discussion.”

BT smiled evilly, “I don’t think you’re gonna like the results.” Brian thought back to his conversation earlier in the day with JC.

“ If you want more of the heroin then your gonna have to get back at Justin.”

“Get back at Justin,” JC said shivering and sneezing.

“That’s right. Your gonna make him feel what you felt when he left you. After that then I’ll give you some skag. Do you understand?” JC nodded feeling a wave of nausea wash over him. “Good.”

BT laughed. “I think you’ll be surprised all right.”

**

Justin dragged a semi coherent JC into his spacious kitchen and roughly forced him in a chair. He stared accusingly at the brunette placing his trembling hands upon his lean hips. JC watched intently while BT’s words stumbled through his mind.

“We need to talk,” Justin began.

“All right,” JC sighed, “talk.”

The blond clumsily ran his hand over his head observing the anxious movements of his friend. “About what BT said, is that true.”

“Some of it,” JC answered honestly.

Justin huffed feeling like he was pulling teeth. “Which parts,” he eventually said.

JC slumped back in his chair and crossed his legs. “It isn’t important now.”

“Yes it is.” Justin knelt in front of the brunette. “It’s what matters the most.” He searched the dilating pupils and caressed JC’s cheek. The brunette unconsciously leaned into the affectionate touch. “Why you doing this, JC? You promised you’d stop. Why haven’t you?”

The older man fluttered his eyes closed, unwilling to meet Justin’s gaze. “I’m to weak, Justin. I can’t make it without it.”

“I would’ve helped you, but you never called me or asked me.”

“What about you?” JC accused, becoming angry. “Have you stopped,” he waved his hand, “whatever it is your doing?”

“I’ve done it once since we last spoke,” he admitted.

JC’s voice softened, “Once?”

The blond nodded.

JC looked away, “I wish I were that strong.” The brunette felt Justin’s hand cup his neck, pulling him close, embracing him.

“You are.” Justin nuzzled his cheek against JC’s relishing in the feel of the intimate contact.

“I…I need it Justin. I can’t help it. It’s not that easy, breaking from it.” JC sniffed pulling gently back. “It’s even harder now. I… he’s… I’m.”

“What? Tell me baby. What’s going on?”

“He’s got me snuffing heroin.” JC’s body collapsed against Justin’s clawing at his shirt. “When… when I tried quitting… he told me he’d go to the press. He’d tell everyone about us, about me doing…doing drugs. I couldn’t let that happen. I… I just got you back into my life. I couldn’t let you go again.”

Justin drew JC in close, wrapping his arms protectively around the older man. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so careless with my words.”

“I need it Justin. I… I can’t give it up.”

“Calm down, baby.”

“Justin,” he grappled the flimsy material of the blonde’s silk shirt, entangling it within his slender fingers. “He won’t give it to me. Unless… unless I use you like you used me.

“I didn’t use you, baby.”

“You don’t understand how it felt when you left me. I told him, I told BT that I felt used, that you used me.”

“I didn’t use you,” Justin repeated more forcefully.

“That’s how I felt. Can’t you understand?” JC paused and stared at Justin’s visible skin. “No, how could you understand? You don’t know what it’s like, to be used, do you?”

“I didn’t use you.”

“Shut up. Stop saying that.” JC pushed Justin against the small island in the center of the room.

“If you don’t believe me than make me understand, JC. Make me feel how you felt when I left you alone.” The blond stared into the older man’s steel orbs, “Use me JC,” he whimpered. Justin lifted his body up and sat on the island surface, lying back. “If it’s the only way… the only for you to heal, to help you. Then do it.” Justin turned his head toward the open window and wrapped his hands uncomfortably around his waist. “Just don’t… don’t take this off.”

JC leered at Justin and climbed over the top of him. The older singer turned away and then quickly back determining his next coarse of action. He’d figured that Justin would put up a fight, that he wouldn’t allow him to enter his body. Instead, JC found himself staring at a completely submissive man underneath him. Justin was giving him the opportunity to use him freely, earning JC the fix he needed from BT.

JC eagerly slid off of the young body and quickly unbuckled the brown leather belt. The sooner he was finished with Justin the sooner he could get high, feel free. He unzipped the short zipper guided the hip hugging pants down the narrow hips and passed strong muscular thighs. The brunette squatted down unzipping Justin’s boots and pulling them off, flinching slightly as the sound of them landing on the floor and echoing through the kitchen. Justin’s brown trouser socks and pants quickly followed the boots to the tiled floor, piling at the base of the island.

JC quickly tore of his own pants and ran his hands up Justin’s thighs as he focused his attention on the blonde’s limp phallus. He licked his lips and nuzzled his nose roughly against the freshly exposed perineum. Justin shivered and closed his eyes, knowing the experience would not be a pleasant one for him. The blond felt his legs move upward, being bent at the knees and rocked against his chest. JC followed close behind the powerful legs and crawled back on top of the kitchen island. He continued leaning forward over the top of the giving ex-lover.

The brunette stared down at the grimacing face and almost stopped, but the drive for another snuff of heroin drove him onward. Without a second thought, he aligned his erection against an unprepared aperture and began forcing his way inside. Justin screamed, tossed his head from side to side and bit his lip bloody. The blond arched his head back at the harsh and brutal attempt at entering his body and placed his hands on JC’s shoulders pushing hard against him.

“Stop, it hurts,” he moaned weakly.

JC again gazed down at Justin’s face and the look of pure agony and grief stayed his movements. He blinked several times reducing the haze within his mind from the short line he had done in the bathroom. He felt the pressure of Justin’s hands forcing his body away, stopping him from any further movements. The brunette shook his head trying to gain focus, clearing his mind. He flinched slightly when he determined exactly what he was doing. He gasped at his carelessness and pulled out of Justin. “Sorry… sorry sugah. Let me get something…”

JC was interrupted by a soft shallow voice, “Don’t call me that.”

“Call you what? Sugah?”

“Please, don’t call me that.”

“Why?”

“You’ve called him that.”

“Only because he forced me too, sugah.”

“I said…”

JC placed his forefinger over the top of Justin’s soft lips. “Shhhhh…, sugah.” The brunette lifted his finger from the blonde’s mouth and ignored Justin’s words as best he could while he stroked his own phallus. He collected the dripping precum and spread it over his cock and Justin’s opening. When he was happy with the slick organ he repositioned it and thrust deep inside Justin. The older singer maneuvered the blonde’s knees over his shoulders and pushed them forward until they touched Justin’s own chest. JC inched forward until his feet were parallel with Justin’s hips. He spread the strong legs wider, hooking them with his arms and began an angry pace. JC closed his hungry eyes and ignored the euphoric feeling, emotions; Justin’s body provided him.

The younger man again arched his head at the intrusion, but was pleasantly surprised when the acute pain did not accompany it but only a temporary flash of it. He grasped the edge of the island with one hand while the other continued holding down his shirt, desperate to keep it closed, his secret safe. The two didn’t make eye contact nor did they even touch each other, other than were it was needed. The brunette kept his eyes closed, while Justin managed to focus his gaze out the window, blinking back tears. Justin could feel no love in what JC was doing only hurt and fear; that’s what destroyed the young singer, the most.

The act was hasty and painful. The insidious and careless rhythm carried the same kind of raw pain JC had felt when Justin left. The same kind the blond felt each and every day. Justin knew in his heart that this encounter meant that he would no longer have a chance with JC; that JC’s addiction won over him. He gasped in emotional agony.

JC continued ramming into Justin’s plaint body. All JC’s anger, all his feelings of betrayal poured from his own body ravaging it upon his ex-lover’s. When he finally released his pent up pain and frustration he summoned the courage to open his eyes. He stared down at the side of Justin’s anguished face and watched a parade of tears streak over the bridge of his nose. JC watched as the younger man forced his knuckles into his mouth biting hard, containing his sobs. JC shuddered. He gently pulled out of Justin’s still aching and hard body and leaned back on his knees, allowing the crook of the blonde’s legs to hook over his shoulders. He glided his hands down the sweat-laden skin of the legs and watched Justin breathe unsure of what he had done, what was accomplished. He stared. Justin remained unmoving except for the occasional heaving of his chest as he let out quite sobs.

They remained that way until Justin’s defeated body turned away, rolling onto his side. He gingerly dropped his tired and wobbly legs from JC’s shoulder, his touch and pulled them toward his chest. “Leave me,” he whimpered.

Sighing, JC ran shaking fingers through his sweat drenched hair and moved over the top of Justin’s cradled form. He nuzzled Justin’s ear and whispered in a sorrowful voice. “Justin, when you know the type of pain I went through, when you can’t seem to live another waking minute without the thought of me hurting… maybe…” he closed his lashes and licked the outer shell. “When you cry your eyes to sleep and its peace you seek at night… when your body’s weak… maybe…” he paused, feeling the shuddering body beneath him. “When this, what I did, leaves you with the scars of a tore and ravaged heart then maybe,” he stopped. “No,” he kissed Justin’s temple, “I will come back to you. But not until you realize what I went through, until then I… you’ll never have me again.” JC started climbing off of the shamed man but was stopped when he felt a gentle timid hand surround his wrist. The brunette glanced down and then met the most pain filled remorseful stare.

“Josh,” Justin began barely able to speak the word. The blonde’s lips trembled. “I…” he uncurled his used body and began unbuttoning his thin silk shirt.

“Justin, I already had my fill of you,” he spoke softly, regretting his actions, forgetting his needs. He grabbed Justin’s hands to stop his movements, but the blond pulled free and continued. “Did you not just hear what I said?” JC watched Justin continue removing his shirt. “Justin,” he whispered. “This was it between us, until you know the pain I felt, know the agony I lived with.”

Justin’s eyes closed as he continued opening his shirt. JC removed himself from the younger man’s prone and exposed form and tried prying his wrist from Justin’s grip.

“Justin…” he looked away. “Let go.”

“Please,” the blonde’s tired voice pleaded. JC again faced the anguished laden azures. “I…cover…cover me.” He looked toward the window. “I… I don’t want any…anyone to see.” JC gave Justin a sympathetic look and climbed again on top of the island, covering the blonde’s body.

Justin released the brunette’s hand when he felt the added weight lay upon his frame. The blond sat up, forcing the older man to sit in his lap with his long slender legs wrapped around Justin’s waist. As Justin allowed his shirt to cascade from his shoulders and pool within the crook of his arms he heard a soulful gasp and an agonizing moan. The blond felt a soft caress ghost over the large X that covered his heart. He inhaled deeply when fingers were removed and replaced with the silky caress of JC’s tongue. JC kissed the scar, repeating after every kiss, “No, nonono…nono..no….” The rivulets of tears flowing freely down his face. JC whispered against the Justin’s tormented skin, “I’m sorry…” and laid his head on the X, covering it from view.

“I do JC,” Justin meekly whispered. “I feel it, felt it. The pain.”

“Justin,” the brunette responded remorse dripping from his name.

“Every night…” he placed a hand on the back of JC’s neck, forcing their gaze to meet. “Every night, I do.”

“I’m sorry, Justin, so sorry. I… I didn’t… I didn’t know.” He tore his eyes from Justin’s and lowered his head in shame. An overwhelming surge of guilt and selfishness cascaded through JC’s soul. All thoughts of getting high were lost upon viewing the menacing scars that marred Justin’s body. He shook his head; his long locks brushing against Justin’s skin. “Please…please forgive me.”

For a second time, JC felt Justin lift his gaze as the brunette continued chanting his apologies. He was transfixed by the amount of emotion radiating from the once gleaming eyes. “I’ll always forgive you, baby.”

JC’s eyes filled instantly with tears. “How… how could you?”

Justin grasped handfuls of curly silken hair on either side of JC’s head and pulled lightly, guiding the older man’s lips to his. He brushed them apprehensively over JC’s mouth and whispered against the brunette’s cheek. “Because I love you,” he choked.

JC shivered at the words spoken so earnestly against his skin. He pulled his knees up, surrounding Justin’s torso and affording him better leverage; he pulled back. The older man felt Justin’s still straining erection brush enticingly over the sensitive skin of his inner thigh. JC closed his steel gaze and maneuvered his body. He pulled his knees underneath him and balanced on them, causing his shirt covered chest to press into Justin’s face. The brunette carefully pulled his shirt over his head and dropping it to the floor, baring the rest of his tawny skin. He then wrapped one arm around the blonde’s head pressing it closer to his bare chest and the other engulfed Justin’s phallus.

“JC?” Justin whispered.

“I… don’t want that between us. What I did,” he breathed, panting as he inserted two of his fingers coated with Justin’s precum inside of him. “I need you inside me, please.”

The brunette wiped the tears from his cheeks and stared bewilderedly at Justin. The brunette slowly descended down on Justin’s cock, painfully stretching the barely ready aperture. JC bit his lip at the agonizing pain, but knew it would only be temporary, unlike his feelings from the past. The brunette realized that this feeling of completeness was what he needed, what he wanted. His eyes filled with tears of joy, while Justin’s length filled him, his emptiness. This was his addiction.

Justin watched as his ex-lover slowly impaled himself onto his erection. He sighed, content with the emotions, the feeling of hope spreading throughout his body.

When JC was finally situated he rotated his knees so that they were again wrapped tightly around Justin’s torso. He worried his bottom lip as he rocked gently, and was surprised when his motions were stopped.

“JC?” Justin began, “Why?”

The brunette cupped Justin’s face and placed his lips affectionately on the young singer’s forehead. “I need you. I need you to be my addiction. My reason for living.” JC squeezed his lids closed anticipating rejection. “Please,” he whimpered.

Justin licked the brunette’s neck, “Always.” He kissed under JC chin.

JC’s heart wrenched, and he inhaled deeply, steadying his emotions. “Justin?”

“What baby?”

“How long?”

“How long what?” Justin said softly returning his hands to JC’s hip, guiding the slowly rolling motions.

JC’s body stopped and he pulled slightly away, staring at azure eyes. “How long have I been killing you softly?”

Justin reached one hand up and rubbed his thumb under an eye, collecting the moisture. “Since the beginning, since…since I started killing your soul.”

“I’ll… need… hel…” before JC could finish his statement the two were reminded they weren’t alone.

“Hey, JC. Are you finished in there? I’ve got a little something for you when we get back. Something I think you’ll like.” BT walked into the kitchen and feasted his eyes upon the scene in front of him. His body instantly reacted to the two beautiful men entangled within each other. As his eyes wondered over the two, JC protectively enveloped himself around Justin, drawing the younger man tremendously close, and covering the younger man’s body. JC faced a threatening glare toward BT.

“Get the fuck out of here,” he hissed. “I’ll fucking tell you when I’m done.” JC felt Justin tense in his embrace and he gently stoked his back, soothing him. The brunette kissed his shoulder, gaining strength. He knew what he had to do, what he wanted to do.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” BT started closer, but was stopped by an intimidating grip. “What the fuck?” He looked over his shoulder. “Get your fucking hands off of me, Lance.”

“I believe JC asked you to get out.”

“JC,” Brian warned.

“BT,” JC answered without looking at him. “I don’t need it.” He hugged Justin tighter, trying his best to cover the blonde’s secret.

“You think you can last without another shot of skag.” JC trembled uncontrollably until he felt Justin’s arms constrict around him, supporting him, encouraging him with his last fragment of emotive strength. “You think you’re strong enough for that. Think again.” He started forward for a second time, stopped once more by Lance. “I swear if you don’t let me go Lance, I’ll knock you out.”

“You could try it,” Lance spat.

BT turned toward the united couple, “JC come with me.”

The brunette chafed his cheek against the side of Justin’s head, seeking and giving comfort. He curved his penetrating gaze in BT’s direction, hatred seething from his eyes. “I said get out.” JC pulled Justin impossibly closer. “Get out of here, get out of my house…get out of my life.”

Lance smiled.

“I want you to leave now and never come back. I don’t need your drugs, I don’t need your false hopes and I most certainly don’t need you.” JC’s hand snaked through Justin’s hair unconsciously. “You never loved me, you just loved the thought of having me. Well, no more. I’m tired of it and I’m tired of you.” He clutched Justin’s naked form; “I’ve found my soul again, BT. I don’t need you contaminating it anymore.”

“Why you ungrateful?” Lance pulled the angry man from the room while BT continued ranting obscenities toward JC and Justin.

Justin pulled away from JC’s strong embrace. He ran both hands up JC’s arched back and snared them in golden tresses. The blond kissed the exposed silky skin of the offered neck, rolling his hips up. JC’s mouth parted. Justin removed one hand from its grasp and gently grabbed the brunette’s chin, forcing it down.

JC’s intense eyes bore into Justin’s stealing his words, his breath. The brunette lover’s breath caught when Justin pushed his hips forcing himself deeper, feeding JC’s new addiction. “Jus…Justin.”

“What… what baby?”

“We’re…we’re fucked up.”

“I know that.”

“I’m…I’m gonna need… need help,” he whispered.

“I know.” He continued his slowly and steady movements, “Me too.”

JC wrapped both arms around Justin’s head and pulled him to his heaving chest. “Love me,” he murmured.

“Always.”

The End



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