BT paced the enormous living room of JC’s mansion, frantically awaiting his boyfriend’s arrival. He feverously rubbed his hands together while standing in the large picture window and then absently sitting on the plush sofa. The blond stood up again and walked the length of the room. “Where is he?” He bantered out loud, repeating the statement over and over again. The time ticked abstrusely by and BT glanced at the large antique grandfather clock reading the face. “11:00. He should’ve been here hours ago.” The fretting man sat down and then stood up, “Damn him. He’s probably gone and run off with that fucking Timberlake.” The dirty blond ran his fingers anxiously through his hair and then inattentively stuck it in his pants pocket. His hand brushed against a small plastic object nestled in the corner of the material, causing the man to smile. The cocaine. It hadn’t been used. It the mitts of the commotion across the hallway, he and JC never got to actually taking the drug. He’d remedy that. It was sure to calm his anxiety that hindered his thought process. The anxious man rested his body back down on the regal couch and reached underneath it, removing his favorite cutting glass. BT set the glass down on the coffee table and quickly emptied the bags contents. He patted his body instinctively searching of something to cut the powder. When he found nothing usable, he sighed and examined the surrounding area. The producer abruptly stood up unconsciously wiping his sweaty palms on his thighs and moved toward the living room door. He attentively gazed back at the enticing uncut powder and was suddenly hit with a revelation. The blond cover his mouth and gasped. “JC didn’t do any.” BT mumbled into his hand and grabbed a handful of his hair, “None, for three days now. This isn’t good. Not good at all.” He pulled at his tresses, “I won’t lose him. I need something stronger. Something he can’t say no to.” His eyes opened wide when the answer dawned on him. The blond turned his attention to finding the telephone and dialing a friend’s number. He was sure what his buddy had to offered would do the trick, and allow him to keep JC with him forever. It would be risky, but having JC, his body, was well worth it. “You won’t win Justin, even if it kills us all.” ** Justin cautiously opened the bathroom door and peered down the hallway. He had finished cleaning the majority of his ‘accident’ and now somehow needed to make it back to the office. The younger singer slipped his conduit to salvation into his pants pocket as he peered through the newly formed crack. The blond was astonished when he realized the dimly lit aisle way and the eerie quiet mocking him. He took a hesitant step out into the corridor and turned facing the unoccupied room when he finally maneuvered his self from its boundaries. He seized the door handle in his grip, placed his free hand on the wooden door and gently latched the door shut behind him. Justin peered over both shoulders drinking in the silence of the building and softly sighing when he looked down at his watch. He had never actually passed out before. Since he had started nearly six months ago, he had never bleed dizzy and it had scared him. He closed his eyes, looking upward and silently prayed he wouldn’t ever have experience it again. Justin made his descent down the lonely hallway and approached the office he had taken the scissors from. He absentmindedly reached behind him and felt the cold stainless steel object in his back pocket. Walking into the darken room, he navigated his way toward the desk. The blond was startled when he heard a soft moan radiate from the couch. He slowly turned around and faced the piece of furniture and let out a small gasp. “JC?” he whispered, transfixed by the shallow rise and fall of his ex-lover’s chest. Justin moved gently across the small interior finding his self next to the sleeping form. The blond fell to his knees and watched. The brunette’s left arm was carelessly thrown over his eyes, palm side up and the other rested uncomfortably across his lean stomach. One leg was bent slightly and hung precariously over the edge of the couch while the other remained confined, pinched between the cushions and the back. JC’s mouth lay partially opened, invitingly as he moaned. Justin watched as JC rippled his body in a liquid movement revealing a thin sliver of tawny skin of stomach to the blonde’s feasting eyes. The brunette’s hand scraped unconsciously across his abdomen and then unexpectedly grasped his shirt firmly. His head rolled forcefully to the side, displaying his long elegant lashes and the pensive look forming on his face. Justin leaned closer, raising a shaking hand toward JC’s exposed cheek. He sharply drew it back when the older man forced his bottom lip between angry teeth; eyes squeezed tight, water escaping from their corners. He’s dreaming, Justin thought again reaching his hand out toward the brunette. The cold surface of the blonde’s hand cupping JC’s cheek startled the man out of his restless slumber. He jerked up, eyes batting rapidly shoeing away the tears. “Were you dreaming?” the blond asked softly. JC stared. Justin tilted his head and peered into brilliant blue eyes. “Baby, were you dreaming?” JC leaned into Justin’s comforting palm and sighed. “Yes,” he answered, voice cracking. The brunette continued gazing at the younger man, unbelieving. He blinked his eyes again. “Is it you?” he spoke softly fluttering his lashes, “or am I still dreaming?” The blond moved closer, resting an arm above JC’s head while the other brushed lightly over the brunette’s cheek. Justin’s eyes searched JC’s face. “It’s me,” his voice dancing quietly over the distance between them. Justin watched as the older man closed his eyes and swallowed deeply while Justin caressed his fingertips down the smooth surface of JC’s neck and dipping into the hallow. “Justin,” JC said breathless. His eyes opened meeting Justin’s. The brunette reached his hand toward Justin’s face and rested his fingers on the large menacing cut. “Sugah,” he whimpered as his hand flowed over Justin’s soft skin, remembering the feel. “Justin,” JC sighed contently. The young singer closed his eyes, “JC,” his voice whispered, laced with unbridled emotion. Justin tenderly ensnared JC’s wondering hand and pressed the palm to his lips. He rubbed his uninjured cheek into the wet flesh, nuzzled it, inhaling it. The blond gazed down at JC and kissed the palm again. He pulled the lying man up gently, trailing smaller kisses down the wrist and forearm. The blond ignored the angry red ring that encircled the thin delicate wrist and continued assailing the smaller man. Justin stopped placing his lips on JC’s arm when he reached the elbow, grateful there were no signs of needle marks. He looked up gracefully into sullen eyes and he smiled awkwardly. The blond, without a word passing, wrapped his physically strong, but emotionally weak arms around JC and pressed him tight. JC meekly stroked Justin’s back, drawing intricate patterns on the long sleeve shirt, lost in the feel of his ex-lover. He sighed, knowing this feeling wouldn’t last, he absorbed as much as he could, as much as he body would allow. “You’re still here,” Justin whispered into JC’s chest. JC’s hand smoothed over Justin head, “Why wouldn’t I be?” “Cuz…cuz of what happened.” “Justin,” the brunette sat up and helped Justin move onto the couch with him. JC folded his legs underneath him and strongly grasped Justin’s hands. “I told you we’d talk. I told you we’d talk after the meeting, but you ran away. I didn’t know what to do, so I stayed here. Where you last remembered me being.” He tilted his head sideways and pierced Justin with an emotional gaze. “I prayed you’d come back, so we could talk.” Justin looked away gathering his newly found emotional strength. “We’re just friends. Why would you wait this long,” he looked back, “for me?” JC swallowed hard and blinked back tears. “I’m sorry for what Brian did. He had no right to touch you.” Justin shrugged his shoulders and moved his gaze to the floor, realizing JC had changed the subject. He felt JC’s slender fingers slip under his shirtsleeve and caress the skin there. Justin slightly shocked by the tender gesture, jerked his hands free and tucked them around his torso and under his arms. “Forget it,” he huffed. JC nodded and reached for Justin chin. He lifted the blonde’s gaze with three gentle fingers and forced Justin’s eyes on him. “We’re friends Justin.” He leaned his body forward pushing Justin onto his back. JC helped guide the younger man’s legs into a more comfortable position and then straddled them. The brunette pressed his self against Justin’s confused frame and laid his head on the blonde’s chest. JC absentmindedly drew circles around the younger man’s nipple and smoothed his cheek over it. Justin flinched, breath hitched as JC’s weight pressed against his fresh cuts. JC startled by his friends actions, sat up quickly. “I’m sorry. Were you uncomfortable? Did I hurt you?” The younger singer turned away, biting his nails. “I thought we were just friends.” “Justin. I can still hug you and comfort you. I don’t have to be your boyfriend to do that, do I?” Justin’s body trembled and JC sighed. “Whatever,” the blond mumbled, trying to be strong. He stared sullenly at JC and modestly ran a hand up and down the brunette’s thigh. “Let’s talk Baby J. Tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours.” JC looked sternly at Justin and added softly, “And don’t tell me we’re just friends cuz it doesn’t change the fact that you are gorgeous. Justin turned his azures away and internally flinched at his ex-lover’s words. If only you could see all of me. I wouldn’t be so pretty. “I… I just want to try again. I… I thought maybe you would too.” The blond man wiped a careless hand over his eyes, avoiding JC’s gaze. The older man cupped the side of Justin’s face forcing the younger man to meet his sorrowful stare. “It’s too late for that. I’m with someone else now, Justin.” The younger singer suddenly sat straighter, “He isn’t good for you,” Justin shouted, waving a hand in front of him. JC sat back on Justin’s legs. “What and you are? I don’t want to be with someone who uses people, who throws everything away for a chance at success.” “But I…” “I know what happened, Justin. I know that Jive set the whole thing up,” he started shaking. “I know that you were told to break up with me. I’m happy to know that it wasn’t your decision, but you still did it. You were the one in the end who did it, and you fucking broke me Justin.” He balled is fist up and struck Justin’s chest, the blond hissed and fought against the shooting pain radiating through his body. He bit his lip and continued listening to his ex-lover’s pain. “I couldn’t eat,” he paused composing his thoughts. “I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t do a fucking thing. I was lost.” The brunette shook his head from side to side, “So fucking lost. I had nowhere to go.” “I tried explaining,” Justin whispered. His face washed in agony as he stared at JC. “I fucking wrote you nearly everyday,” the blond screamed. “You ignored them. You never wrote back. Did you even read them?” “No.” JC kept his knowledge of the letters a secret from Justin. He wanted to read them before really making a final decision about their relationship, but his emotions were to raw. He needed to wait. The blond stared wide-eyed at JC, his bottom lip trembling. “I understand,” Justin tore his gaze away. “Get the fuck off me.” “Justin.” He glared at the brunette. “I said, get the fuck off me.” JC slowly removed his slender frame from Justin and sat beside the young man. His own body was trembling uncontrollably. He grasped Justin’s hand. The blond pulled it away. “Justin?” “It’s time for you to go home, JC. I’m sure Brian has a little something something for you to take the edge off.” Justin curled into a ball, “At least I never made you do drugs,” he whispered. JC placed a tender hand on Justin’s hip and leaned over him, speaking into his ear. “Yes you have Justin. Why do you think I use them?” The brunette moved his hand up and down the younger man’s side in a comforting gesture. “Using is the only thing that makes me forget, makes me stronger. I couldn’t make it without you. That’s when Brian came along. He helped me get back on my feet. BT made me realize that I could make it without you.” “But… can you?” Justin soulful glare penetrated JC’s heart causing the brunette to look away. The blond continued and a whispery voice, “I mean now you can’t make it without the cocaine. How is that better for you?” The blond paused, poising his self and then continued in a stronger tone. “If BT is so fucking high and mighty, the savior of all saviors than why are you still using?” Justin grabbed JC’s hand and held onto him while rolling over onto his back. “Why?” he whispered. “Because it still hurts.” “Yeah,” Justin whimpered, “same here.” The younger man let go of the shaking hand and squeezed his eyes shut as the tears flooded them. He turned his weary body onto his side toward his brunette friend. He whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.” Justin wrapped his arms around JC’s neck and drew him into a hug. “Please,” he softly spoke, “please stop killing yourself. I’m not worth it.” JC pulled way from Justin’s embrace and cupped the side of his face. “It’s the only thing that keeps me from missing you.” He rubbed his thumb under Justin’s eyes, gathering the wetness. “I know we can’t be together but I still want to be your friend, I still want to be close to you.” “Why?” the blond fell back from JC. “Why keep reminding yourself of what still might be?” “Because it’s a step in the right direction.” “But, it’ll only hurt more.” “So, you don’t want to be friends. Is that what you’re trying to say?” Justin shook his head slowly. “No, I want to be friends. I know that I can’t win you back right away, that I’ll have to work on it. Its gonna hurt seeing you with BT and stoned all the time, cuz you don’t need that shit.” “I’ll tell you what. I’ll try quitting as a first step to renewing our friendship.” JC smiled and then suddenly became serious again. “How does that sound?” “Pretty fucking hard.” “You’ll help me right, sugah? You’ll help me get through this, right? Justin sighed upon hearing his pet name, closing his eyes. “That’s what friends are for, right?” he answered back. “Justin,” he cupped his friend’s face. “Yeah,” he said softly, eyes hopeful. “If you’re gonna help me, then I’m gonna help you.” “What do you mean?” Justin unconsciously wrapped his arms around his torso. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you’ve gotta promise to stop. The guys told me what happened the other day and I want for you as a first step, to stop whatever it is.” “What do you mean?” the blond asked again, staring at the ceiling. “Chris told me how you acted toward them the other day at your house. He said you were rubbing your arm and when he asked you about it, you flipped out on them.” The brunette scooted closer to his friend’s taut body. Justin flinched. The brunette leaned into his ex-lover’s body, “I can feel it,” he whispered. Justin pulled his face away and rolled again onto his back, “Can feel what?” “I can feel you get tight, get defensive.” “So, maybe I don’t like what your saying.” “Maybe I didn’t like what you said, but I listened and I’m willing to try for you.” Justin grabbed JC’s wrists and pulled the smaller man on top of his chest. “You should do it for yourself,” he murmured into JC’s temple, brushing it with his lips. “Justin.” The brunette haphazardly struggled within Justin’s loose grasp. “I’ll try.” “I’ll try,” he whimpered, “for you, I’ll try.” “Thank you Justin. I think this is a good plan for us. Don’t you think?” “Are you happy?” Justin asked suddenly in a quiet voice. “What? With BT?” JC looked away contemplating his answer. He shrugged instead. Justin tipped his head up and stared hauntingly. “Are you happy now?” he repeated. JC removed Justin’s hands and stood up. He turned away and began exiting the room. “JC?” Justin nearly screamed. “Answer me, please.” The brunette peered over his slumped shoulder, biting his bottom lip. They’re eyes met, “Not since you left me,” he finally answered and continued through the door, leaving Justin broken behind him. ** “Well, what do you think?” Lance stared up at Joey and Chris from his seated position on the large navy blue couch. His hand resting on a towel filled with ice, which was pressed against his jaw and cheek. “I think it worked,” Chris stated matter of fact. “It was all we could do to keep him in the room with us, while Justin threw his little triad.” “Yeah, and telling him about the letters, that was brilliant Chris,” Joey said as he watched Chris walk over to his fridge and pull out three Heinekens, setting them onto the counter. “I just hope the drug fiend doesn’t get a hold of them. Otherwise, I think we all may be in a little bit of trouble.” He reached into a draw, shuffling through the hodge-podge of utensils until he found the opener, and snapped the first cap off. “How so?” Lance asked. “I just think that asshole would start some trouble with the group, especially with Justin and JC. I can just picture the shit wad going to every magazine possible and spilling his guts about us, our secrets.” He accentuated his point with the bottle opener, “He’s got a lot of shit on us, too much if you ask me.” “You mean, about us,” the startled blond pointed between his self and Joey. “Most definitely,” Joey sighed upon hearing Chris’s answer. “The press would have a field day, with four of us gay, one doing hardcore drugs, and one who the hell knows what he’s on, but it ain’t good.” The brunette smiled at the blond sitting across from him, “But lets not think about that, okay Chris.” While on the third bottle Chris turned slightly facing Joey and changed the subject. “How did it go before hand? I see,” he pointed to Lance with an open bottle before handing it to Joey, “JC was pissed enough to strike back.” “That fucker hits hard,” the blond answered, reaching for the offered beer. Lowering the towel, “I just hope the two of them will forgive me when all is said and done.” The bass singer stared at Chris with wide emerald eyes, “They will won’t they.” Joey crossed the room to Lance’s side and sat down, wrapping his arm around the younger man’s shoulder. “Of course they will, baby. As soon as they see that they still love each other and that you were only trying to help… they won’t be mad.” Lance peered up at the brunette, “You think so?” He leaned into Joey’s embrace allowing the bundle of ice to fall to the floor. “I know so.” “Quite honestly,” Chris started, “I doubt they’ll even remember.” He sat on Lance’s other side and placed a reassuring hand on his lap, squeezing lightly. “They’re so caught up in whatever little game they’re playing that they probably never noticed what was really happening.” “There’s no doubt in my mind that JC still has feelings, and strong ones at that, for Justin. I just don’t think JC realizes it.” “That’s why we set this whole thing up. It’ll only be a matter of time before JC sees he’s still in love and wants Justin back.” Chris stood up and slowly turned to face the couple on the couch. “We just need to be patient and take our plan one step at a time.” “Shouldn’t we tell Justin what’s going on?” Lance asked. “No, we can’t tell him, it needs to seem real and the less Justin knows the more likely we are to pull this off.” “But what if it doesn’t work, then what? What’s Justin gonna think about our behavior toward him.” “Lance, I know it’s gonna be hard for us and I’m sure it will hurt Justin, but it will all be forgotten when Justin and JC are back together. Trust me on this one. I know how Justin operates.” “I just hope your right Chris,” Lance murmured into Joey’s chest and felt his boyfriend’s arm tighten around him. He looked up into gorgeous auburn eyes and he sighed. ** JC sat inside the confines of his car chasing his gaze back and forth between the red Audi that was parked carelessly in the driveway and the unlit mansion. He closed his eyes and allowed the soft jazz tune to soothe his mind and soul. The brunette tipped his head back against the unmoving rest and rocked his head from side to side, thinking, needing. JC needed two things right now, Justin and a line of cocaine. A smile gently crossed his face when he realized how long he had been without the powerfully addictive drug. Justin had helped him fight the narcotic without even knowing it. JC trembled with the plausible possibility that Justin's friendship would be enough to help him get over his addiction. Perhaps he could replace the substance with his love for Justin, just as the drug had substituted for his young lover. His smile broadened and then faded when he faced his mansion once again. He sighed. JC climbed out of his silver Mercedes and sauntered up the path. He unlocked the large mahogany entrance and slipped inconspicuously into his mansion. The young singer exhaled heavily upon realizing BT wasn’t anywhere to be found. The brunette singer tip-toed through the foyer, taking his coat off and setting his keys on the small phone stand near a stack of envelopes. JC laid the coat over the back of a chair while he picked up the mail. He flipped through the pile briefly noting several bills and set them back down, “He could at least pay for some of them,” JC whispered. He slowly navigated his way through the darkened house, timidly passing the living room. The brunette quickly glanced into his lover’s favorite room and caught a glint of light, a reflection. “Shit. He’s fucked up,” JC remarked as he flipped a switch sparking the lights on. As he approached the coffee table he heard a noise behind him, but before he could turn around BT had shoved him roughly face first into the couch. “What the fuck?” the brunette yelled, turning swiftly around, facing his angry boyfriend. “Where’veyoubeen?” “What?” The dirty blond closed his eyes and concentrated on his words. “Where…have… you been?” The man stalked closer, breath coming rapidly. JC looked away from BT, knowing he couldn’t lie to his face. “I was at the meeting.” “It’sfucking 1:30.” The brunette shrugged, “It went longer than we expected.” “You’re fucking lying to me.” “Look, I’m tired and I want to take a hot soothing bath and go to bed. Can I do that without you accusing me of something or asking stupid fucking questions?” the brunette yelled. JC moved from the couch and cautiously walked by BT, heading for his room. As he climbed the stairs, he heard Brian following him. He entered the master bedroom and hurriedly made his way across the large room and toward the bathroom. The singer bent over the tub and turned the water on, testing the temperature with his hand. When JC returned to the outer room he noticed BT standing furiously in the doorway leaning against the frame. JC felt uncomfortable, discerning the leers coming from his boyfriend and recognizing the trouble he soon would be in. “I said where’ve you been?” “I don’t want to do this tonight, okay.” “I don’t’ fucking care what the hell you want.” “You make that painfully clear every fucking night Brian.” “Just fucking answer me!” BT’s voice boomed. He stormed the short distance between them, grasping the slender man’s shoulder in a painful grip, turning him around. The blond glared into JC’s betraying steel eyes. “Fucking answer me JC. Where have you been?” “Get your hands off of me.” “Answer me,” he seethed. The raw intensity in BT’s voice scared the brunette profusely and he began to draw back from him. JC roughly pulled his shoulder out of his boyfriend’s grasp and moved slightly away from him. The brunette nervously ran his hand up and down his forearm, averting his gaze, fearful of Brian’s response. “Stop yelling. Can’t we just go to bed?” the singer finally voiced. He turned away from BT and walked toward the bathroom intent on taking a long hot bath. BT reached for the retreating figure clutching an elbow and forcing JC to face him once again. “Don’t you fucking turn your back on me. I’m talking to you,” he screamed. JC tried pulling free, “No… you’re yelling at me.” The blond hands quickly found their way to JC’s chest shoving the smaller man into the wall near the bathroom door. BT glared with intense hatred, but not for JC but rather whom the brunette had been with. The brunette’s head snapped back and then forward upon impact, causing a wave of dizziness to crash over his head. He refocused his stare and whispered while sliding his weary body to the floor, “How much?” he asked, knowing he was in for a long night but wanting to know just how long. He closed his eyes. “Huh? What the fuck are you talking about you ungrateful son of a bitch,” the dirty blond sneered while menacingly approaching him. “How much coke did you do?” BT grabbed a fist full of JC’s shirt and hauled him onto his feet, pushing him toward the bed. His eyes were unfocused and he forced JC into a sitting position on the mattress. “You were with Justin?” he accused. “No…I…” The flow of JC’s words was stopped when the back of BT’s hand struck the side of his face. “Liar,” he screamed reaching quickly for a fistful of golden curls before JC could crawl away. “Yes,” JC moaned. He silently prayed that his quick admission would stay his boyfriend’s hostile advances, his anger. JC knew there were no boundaries to BT’s anger when he did a heavy dose of coke. The smaller man shivered, closing his eyes for what was to come.