The
rest of the day went by without any real drama. Justin decided to basically keep
to himself while waiting for his boyfriend to make the first move. JC spent the
day busying himself with writing and discussing the upcoming performance with
Johnny. He was not intentionally ignoring Justin but that was how it was
preserved. The blond nearly burst into tears when JC announced he would not be
eating dinner with them that he was still working. JC did not notice when Justin
sat quietly with Joey after dinner making arrangements with the other brunette
to sleep in his room.
It
was not until late at night that their paths met. Justin was headed toward the
vending machine when he saw JC coming down the hall. He tried turning around and
escaping back into the room but a slender hand stopped him grasping around his
forearm. “Hey,” a gently voice whispered.
Justin
looked at JC for a brief moment before turning his gaze toward the floor.
“Hi.”
“Justin?
Why are you avoiding me? Are you mad at me?”
The
blond suddenly moved toward JC and engulfed him into a hug. Fresh tears were
falling from his distressed eyes while he nuzzled his boyfriend’s neck.
“Don’t leave me!” he wailed. “Don’t leave me for him.”
“For
whom, Justin. Who do you think I’d leave you for?”
“T…Tony.
He’s never hurt you or hit you. It would make sense for… for you to go back
with him.”
JC
hugged Justin tighter pulling him closer. They stood in the hallway for a few
more minutes just savoring the feel of their bodies touching. Justin hastily
broke their contact, unlocked the door and slipped inside the room before JC
knew what was happening. The stunned brunette looked dumbfounded at the door. He
realized the room he was standing in front of was not theirs but Joey’s. Tears
immediately found there way down JC’s cheeks when he figured out what exactly
was going on. Justin was not going to stay with him tonight. He was staying with
Joey, then why did he pack our things together, if he wasn’t planning on
staying with me. He dejectedly turned from the closed-door shoulders
drooping forward; he walked down the hallway a few feet. He pulled his key card
out and swiped it through the lock opening it. JC entered the dark lonely room
and instantly made his way toward the bed. He searched for the overnight bag and
found it missing. JC tore the blankets off the twin bed searching desperately
for the bed. Where is it? he thought. After a few minutes of looking and
not finding the bag, JC miserably collapsed onto the bed. The brunette rolled
over onto his back with his hands covering his face. “Why Justin? Why?” He
cried.
“You’re
such a coward, Justin. I mean shouldn’t it be you who is groveling at JC’s
feet and not the other way around?” Joey asked. “You’ve got this all
backwards. JC is the one who is suppose to be staying elsewhere; not you. He’s
the one who should be mad.”
“Joey,”
Justin whined. “I’m not mad. He told me he wanted his space.” Justin
peeked up into disbelieving eyes. “Honestly, he told me that. I’m just
giving it to him.” Joey looked into puffy blue eyes reading the sincerity in
them.
“You
actually think this is what JC wants? You think he wants you to hide from him.”
“I
want him to decide on his own about our relationship. I don’t want to
influence him or force him into a decision he isn’t ready to make.”
Joey
sat down on the bed thinking about what the young singer just told him. “Okay,
let me get this straight. You think that in order for JC to make a clear
decision, you can’t be in the same room with him.” The young blond nodded
his head. “Justin you’re taking away the one thing JC does see clearly, your
love for one another. Right now you’re punishing him and it should be the
other way around.”
Just
as Joey finished his statement and before Justin could reply the telephone rang.
“Hello,” Joey answered.
“Hey,”
a soft voice replied.
“JC?”
“Yeah,”
he sighed. “Is Justin there? I…I miss him.”
Joey
covered the receiver and barely whispered, “JC’s on the phone, do you want
to talk to him.” Justin shook his head. “Come on. He misses you. You can’t
do this to him. Damn it! You’re making this all his fault and that ain’t the
truth.”
“Joey?”
JC asked, “Does he want to talk to me?”
“Hang
on sweetie, I’ll ask.”
“K.”
Justin
was still shaking his head no. Joey quickly thought of an excuse. “Um, he’s
in the shower, I’ll have him call you back, all right.”
JC
sniffed loudly, “He doesn’t, does he? Oh, God,” he sobbed. “You… you
don’t have to Joey; I think he’s mad at me again. Maybe it’s better he
doesn’t see me right now.”
“No,
this isn’t your fault JC. Justin will call you as soon as he is out of the
bathroom, I promise. Okay, beautiful.”
“O…Okay.
Thanks, Joey.”
“No
problem. Bye sweetie.”
“Yeah,”
JC whispered.
The
dial tone sounding through the receiver told Justin his boyfriend had hung up.
When his gaze met Joey’s he was afraid. The slightly older brunette came
storming across the room, grabbed Justin’s shirt and pressed him hard against
the wall. “Do you love him?” Joey screamed. Justin nodded his head. “Then
what the fuck are you doing in here? Why aren’t you with him? I tell you he
misses you and you don’t even want to talk to him. That’s just fucking wrong.”
“Joey,”
Justin began, “I love him so much. I know the reason why JC always went back
to Wade, because Wade never left him alone. He would never allow JC space in
order to sort out his thoughts. He threatened him with his very presence. I
don’t want to do that. I want JC to make up his own mind.”
Joey
slowly lessened his grip from Justin’s shirt as the younger man’s words sunk
in. He looked up into Justin’s azure eyes. “Justin, he wants you there,”
Joey stated. “He misses you, even after what you did, he still wants you
around him. You’re his security. He needs you.”
“And
I need him to forgive me on his own.”
“Baby
J, I think he has all ready forgiven you. You just need to show him that he’s
made the right decision. Right now he is in your room thinking you’re mad at
him and wondering what he did wrong.” Joey walked away from Justin keeping his
back turned he spoke, “I know you were angry about Tony, but have you allowed
JC to explain what he was doing there. Have you given him a chance?” Justin
shamefully looked down at the carpeted floor. “I didn’t think so. If
you’re so worried about it, then ask him. He’ll tell you. You can’t be
afraid of his answer, Justin.”
“I’m
not,” Justin lied.
“Call
him, now. Call him before I hurt you and explain to him what is wrong, what your
feeling. Trust me on this, J.”
“Okay,
fine. You win.”
Joey
exited the bedroom and entered the living area leaving Justin alone with the
phone. He stared at it like it was a two-headed monster. Joey was right; Justin
was scared of JC’s answer.
JC
lay on the bed waiting impatiently for the phone to ring. He reached for the
third time for the receiver before pulling it quickly back. The brunette felt
like a little schoolgirl waiting for her first boyfriend’s call. After an hour
of staring at the phone, he finally gave up on Justin. JC slowly rolled off the
bed and began changing into his nightclothes, which he found laying out on the
bathroom vanity. When he was finally ready for bed he reached across the
nightstand and flicked off the light. The brunette laid his freshly dried hair
into the pillow pulling it as close against his body as possible and cried. He
needed Justin. He needed to feel his body pressed against his own. Tonight would
not be a good night for the older man.
Justin
set his thoughts aside and hunkered down, he was going to make the call. He
reached across the bed and grabbed the phone. He dialed JC’s number and waited.
The
phone startled JC out of his restless slumber. He sat right up, carelessly
rubbing his eyes forgetting the menacing bruise; he winced. I’m I hearing
things, he thought. The brunette heard the phone ring a second time and he
lunged toward it before the person on the other end could hang up.
“Hello,”
he whispered. There was no answer, just soft breathing. “Jus…Justin,” he
stammered. “Is it you?” JC began sobbing at the faint sigh at the other end.
“Please… don’t be mad, come to bed.”
“Oh,
baby, don’t cry.” Justin shifted on the bed. “Please, don’t. You
didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Then…then
why…?”
“Why
ain’t I there?” he finished for JC. “I thought it best, to give, give you
some time alone. You said you wanted some time,” Justin’s voice cracked.
“No,
not away from you. I…I just needed to figure some things out for myself,
that’s all. Please, sugah, please come back.”
“JC…Do…do
you love…love him.”
“We…we
need to talk. I… I don’t want to talk about this over the phone.”
Justin’s
heart wrenched. His boyfriend did not deny his accusation. JC had completely
avoided the question. The blond pop star was not going to let him off the hook
that easily. “I asked…I asked you a question. Do you love him?
“Who?
T…Tony.” Justin went silent. “No,” a soulful voice whispered. “Please
come to me,” JC whimpered.
Justin’s
heart raced upon hearing his boyfriend’s hurt voice. He could not hold out any
longer. “Baby, I’ll…I’ll be right there.”
“Okay.”
Justin
hung up the phone and raced out into the living room, he noticed that Joey was
sleeping on the couch with the TV turned on. He walked over toward the
television and shut it off. Then he sauntered over to Joey, picking up a blanket
along the way and placing it onto his sleeping friend. He leaned over and
whispered into Joey’s ear. “Thanks Joey, for everything.” He crept out of
the room.
When
JC heard the phone hang up he hastily returned his own. He pulled the covers off
of his body and rolled out of the bed. The brunette then carried himself through
the suite’s living room and toward the door unlatching it, so Justin could
walk right in. JC sat down on the plush couch waiting, again.
It
did not take long before the door was slightly pushed open and a familiar form
came through the door. JC stood up. “Justin?”
The
blond fully entered the room and noticed his lover standing in the middle of it
with his head bowed and hands folded in front of him. He quickly covered the
space between them and crushed JC’s smaller frame in an enormous hug. “Baby,
I missed you.”
“Me,
too.”
Justin’s
arms moved up and down JC’s back as he squeezed his lover. He reluctantly
pulled away from the older man tipping his chin up. “Look at me, sweetie.”
JC’s
eyes opened and took in the distraught face of his boyfriend. “I’m sorry.”
“For
what, C. I’m the asshole here remember.”
JC
shook his head. “No, you’re not an asshole, you’re just confused.” He
motioned Justin to sit down. Once the blond was seated JC began explaining.
“Tony was only with us because Jive wanted him there. They thought that it
would bring him good publicity if he were seen not only on tour with us, but
also hanging out with us as well. I begged them to ask someone else, but they
wouldn’t budge. They said it had to be me cuz I’m the one with the
connection. I didn’t want to Justin you’ve go to believe me.” JC threw
himself down onto the couch beside Justin and looked over at him. The blond man
had his eyes closed, deep in thought.
“What
about during the night, JC?” Justin asked with a hint of anger in his voice.
“Why were you dancing up on him like that?” The younger man met JC’s gaze.
“I mean if they told you to hang out with him then I’m cool with that, but
I’m sure no body would tell you to get freaky with him on the dance floor.”
Justin was speaking between clenched teeth. He was becoming more and more
jealous as he continued. “Well, why?”
JC
shrugged his shoulders and looked away from his boyfriend. “I guess, cuz, I
knew it was safe.”
“Safe?
Fucking safe, that doesn’t make any sense. I mean you were doing it right in
front of me. How’s that safe?”
JC
smiled slightly at his boyfriend’s misunderstanding. “No, sugah. I mean that
he’s safe. I can dance up on him and it wouldn’t matter, cuz he knows that
I’m with you. I don’t have to worry about him wanting to take me home.”
“JC
that still doesn’t make any sense to me. I was there, why didn’t you dance
with me?”
JC
faced him once more; this was the moment of truth. “Because I know I embarrass
you. Because you don’t like to do things in public and because it was a way
for me to be in control.”
Justin
only caught one word from JC’s entire confession, “Control?”
“Did
you even hear what else I said?” JC voice raised an octave.
“Hmmm…”
the blond answered.
“The
whole part about me embarrassing you and not doing things in public.”
“I
didn’t acknowledge those things, cuz, they aren’t true. You don’t
embarrass me. In fact, I think I’m the luckiest person in the world cuz
you’re with me.” Justin twisted to his side and placed a loving hand on
JC’s cheek. “And we don’t do things in public because we can’t, but the
nights; the nights are ours. Don’t I treat you right then, baby?”
JC
pulled his face away, “That’s just it, Justin. You fuck me just about every
night.”
“I
don’t fuck you,” Justin interrupted.
“Fine
whatever, but I’m never in control. Not just at night but ever, and when I do
take control of something I fuck it up.” JC threw his hands above his head.
“What
difference does it make?”
“Justin.
The whole time I was with Wade, I was never in control. He made all the
decisions and if I didn’t do things his way he got angry and hit me,” Justin
was about to speak but JC put his hand up, “let me finish.” The brunette
turned his body, facing Justin, “I’m not comparing you.”
“It
sure the hell sounds like it.”
“Please,
just hear me out.” JC paused. “He had the whole fear factor thing going for
him. I was afraid to do anything. It’s different with you. A lot different,
but I still feel like someone else is running my life, whether it’s you or
Jive. So, I made the conscious decision to freak with Tony and tried doing
something on my own. And look where it got me, a black eye and a boyfriend who
thinks I’m gonna leave him.”
“So
you were testing me and I failed.”
“No,
sugah. That’s not it at all.” JC moved closer toward Justin. “I wanted to
do something on my own; not what someone else wanted me to do. Had I done what
you wanted me to do; sit my ass down and drink, then none of this would’ve
ever happened.” JC bowed his head, “I’m the failure.”
Justin
reached for JC and embraced him, rocking him back and forth. “That’s not
true, baby. Come on don’t think that.”
JC
sniffed, “It’s true.”
“No.
No it isn’t. Stop doubting yourself.” JC tried moving away but Justin’s
grip tightened. “Look, I’m a natural at being bossy and this may seem rude,
but I never thought about it from your perspective. I just assumed you were all
right with it cuz you never said anything.” JC nodded his head. “Hey. Hey,
you gonna be all right, baby.” The brunette nodded his head once more. “You
sure,” he tipped his lover’s face toward his noticing tears. “Oh, baby,
don’t.”
“I’m…I’m
sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you and having you doubt my love for you.” The
brunette eyes moved quickly back and forth searching Justin’s soul, “I love
you. Only you.”
“Baby,
can I have that kiss now?”
“Please.”
Justin
tucked his right hand into JC’s curls and his left moved instantly onto his
lover’s right hip. He pulled the brunette closer until he was nearly sitting
in the blonde’s lap. Justin licked caressingly over the bruise under JC’s
eye and across his nose. The brunette’s eyes closed upon contact. The blond
littered the area with small butterfly kisses that just ghosted across the
darkened eye and bushed his cheek against it. He then blew delicately over the
wet skin sending a chill down his lover’s spine. He pulled slightly away.
“Baby, open your eyes.” The brunette opened them. “I love you,” Justin
whimpered as a lone tear rolled down his cheek. JC opened his mouth intent on
speaking. Justin darted his tongue into it, just inside, licking around the
outside of the partially parted lips. The older man moaned as his eyes again
shut. The blond continued licking the outer edges and dipping his tongue into
the hot moist mouth of his lover; teasing him. Justin moved closer arms wrapping
around the slim man’s body and running up into chestnut hair. He gently
grasped the tresses with both hands and breathed over teased red lips.
“Please, forgive me.” Justin leaned in and impassioned lips met fervent ones.
Mouths parted, each inviting the other to delve into their inner sanctums and
desperately hungering for the familiar feel and taste of the other. Their
tongues dueled for dominance as they both were determined to possess the other.
Hot, wet sensual sounds emanated from their sweltering kiss. Finally,
reluctantly, Justin gave in with a small whimper.
Upon
feeling his lover’s submissiveness, JC’s tongue dove deep and hard into his
lover’s awaiting throat, penetrating powerfully and vigorously, fucking
Justin’s mouth. The blond fell back against the arm of the couch, groaning
into the kiss, while pulling JC with him. The older lover did not break his
assault, moaning while he continued his needy plunder of Justin’s passion
swelled lips. Their breathing was becoming erratic as each of their bodies were
filling with desire.
Justin
tenderly pushed JC back breaking their lustful kiss; amazed at the intensity.
The blond stared at JC’s wet mouth. He watched with passion-crazed eyes as his
lover leisurely ran his tongue around the outside of it, lapping up Justin’s
unforgettable taste. JC’s hand joined in; soothing his kissed raw lips.
“Baby?”
Justin whispered, pulling JC taut body against his needing to feel its warmth.
“Mmm….”
JC cuddled into Justin’s chest rubbing his face against it and moving his
hands up and down the blonde’s side. He was coming down from the most heart
felt kiss he had ever received.
“Hey,”
he kissed the top of his lover’s head. “You tired.”
“Yeah,”
JC mumbled.
“You
want me to carry you to the bedroom.” He felt JC’s head shake brushing soft
tentacles of hair against his chin. Then the brunette stretched out like a cat
covering his entire body.
“I’m
comfortable here.”
Justin
chuckled, “Are you now?”
“Yeah,”
JC looked up, “I love you Justin.”
The
blond turned his head away from JC’s penetrating stare. A tear rolling down
his face, he brought his hand toward his mouth staying his sobs. It didn’t
work, he thought. He still hasn’t forgiven me. He felt soft skin
touch his face and force it around. His watery eyes met determined steel ones.
He sniffed.
JC
leaned in and placed a soft tender kiss on his lover’s lips. “I forgive you,
Justin.” Justin smiled through his tears, “I forgive you.” The brunette
again kissed Justin lovingly and nestled back down onto the younger man’s
chest intending on sleeping there. He delighted in the feel of Justin’s strong
hands running up and down his back, he never wanted it to stop. JC closed his
eyes waiting for sleep to over take him, when he heard Justin speak, quietly
brokenly between sobs.
“Thank you God. Thank
you.”