Justin stumbled forward into
the bunk area with tears streaming down his face. His mind was reeling with the
vision of his fist striking JC’s flawless face and the brunette’s blood
running from his nose. “Oh my god, oh my god…oh god, he’s gonna hate me.”
When he entered the bunks he was breathing erratically gasping at the illusive
air forcing it into his lungs. His knees gave a little and he instinctively
braced a hand against the partition. The blond glanced at the supportive hand
and recognized a splotch of blood on it. Justin stared transfixed. What’ve
I done? I said I’ never to that to him, said I’d never hit him in anger. Oh
God, he closed his eyes, Please let him forgive me. Please, I… I
can’t live without him. “I’m such a fuck up,” he screamed.
Three heads popped up from
behind the main curtain upon hearing the blond man’s voice. When their visions
fell upon Justin, they noticed he nearly crumbled body along with the fact he
was mumbling incoherently and they could not understand what he was saying. Joey
scrambled out from behind the single curtain first and jumped up, greeting
Justin, placing a comforting arm around the young man’s shoulders. Justin
leaned into Joey’s larger frame for support.
“Hey, baby J. What’s
wrong? Why all the tears?” The younger brunette moved his hand up and down
Justin’s drooping shoulder. Justin did not answer Joey. Instead he looked at
his hand that was still residing on the partition. He sighed. Then looked back
over his shoulder in the direction of the living room. “Come on, Justin. You
can tell us. What’s got you crying?”
“Joey, will you give it a
rest and let Justin relax a bit before he tries telling us what’s going on.”
“Lance, he’s upset. I
think we should address the problem like yesterday.”
“And we will Joey, just as
soon as Justin calms a bit and his able to focus on you.”
“Fine.” The three stood
around Justin for what seemed like an eternity before the young singer tried
speaking.
“J…C…mad…,” Justin
was having a difficult time forming the words he needed in conveying his meaning.
“What about JC and why
would he be mad at you? You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“He’s… he’s…”
Justin slipped out from under Joey’s arm and crumbled onto the floor. The
blonde’s hands automatically covered his face as his body was raked with
another round of intense crying. Joey followed the young singer down making sure
he kept some sort of physical contact.
“Look, you two stay with
him. I’m gonna go check on JC,” Lance announced. “This looks bad. I
don’t like the feel of it.”
“Okay, Scoop, see if he is
any better at explaining what the hell is going on.”
“All right, Chris. I’ll
be back in a few.” The bass singer sauntered out of the main bunk area and
cautiously entered the living area, leaving Joey and Chris to figure out what
was wrong with Justin.
Chris walked over toward the
two grown men on the floor and knelt down. He placed his hand on the top of
Justin’s thigh and squeezed gently. Justin’s relentless sobbing stopped for
a moment as the young lead singer refocused his attention upon Chris. Chris’s
hand traced small reassuring circles as he thought of what he should ask. Then
he finally broke the mind numbing silence. “What did JC do?”
Justin’s eyes were still
unfocused and blood shot, but they still were able to look up and met Chris’s.
“I…I saw…him…with…with Tony.” Justin let out a heart-wrenching sob.
“They … they were… dancing and,” he inhaled deeply, “together.”
Chris looked over at Joey and
gave a small smile. “Justin, sweetie… you need to calm down for a second.
Can you do that? I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” The blond
shook his head no. “Why not?”
“Cuz…cuz…it hurts.”
Joey piped in, “Your head
hurts. Do you want something for it?” Justin was again shaking his head,
“you sure cuz it’s not like a big deal or anything.”
The blond singer was becoming
frustrated. “No,” he yelled. His hands balled up into fists before he even
realized it. Oh no. I can’t be like him. I can’t be like Wade. He
slowly unclenched his hands and stared at them wondering why he was becoming
violent.
“Okay, fine. I was just
trying ta help.” Joey moved slightly away from Justin, but the young blond
grabbed him at the waist holding Joey against him.
“Joey, I honestly don’t
think his attitude really has anything to do with us.” Chris moved his hand
unto Justin head still moving in a circular pattern. “He’s just taking it
out on us.”
“What do you think it is
Chris?” Joey eyes were filled with concern. “I mean nothing…serious
right.”
“Joey you should know
better than that. If any situation deals with JC and Justin, you know it’s
gonna be serious. Especially if they’re fighting.”
“But you really don’t
know that for sure right, Chris.”
“Right, Joey. I don’t
know that for a fact.”
“K.”
Justin stirred and gathered
himself, “Would you two please stop talking like I’m not here?” Justin
quietly spoke.
Joey pulled Justin into his
arms impossibly close. He wrapped his arms tightly around the trim waist and
snuggled the back of Justin’s neck. “What’s bothering you, baby J?”
Justin took another deep
breath in preparation for the small tale he would be telling. “He’s mad,”
a small hiccup escaped his lips, “at me.”
“We’ve gathered that but
why. Why is he mad?” Chris asked becoming anxious. “How’s he mad at you?
What did you do wrong this time?” The older brunette’s chocolate eyes stared
directly into Justin’s.
“That’s just…that’s
just it. It’s my fault. He…didn’t really do anything.”
“What do you mean it’s
your fault? It takes two to argue. So what part in this evil twisted argument
does JC play?”
“I…I…” Justin’s
eyes fell quickly to the ground shamefully. “I hit him.”
“Come again,” Joey said
moving Justin away from him.
“What?” Chris began
angrily staring dumbly at Justin’s hidden face, “how could you? How could
you hit him after everything that’s happened?” Joey held a hand up toward
Chris, signaling for him to stop. Chris huffed and placed his arms across his
chest. Joey reached forward and lifted Justin’s chin up and softly spoke,
rubbing his thumb upon his cheek.
“Baby J, what happened?”
“I hit him,” Justin tried
moving his face, but Joey tightened his grip. “We were arguing and… and I
said some things that he didn’t like… and.”
Chris unfolded his arms.
“Wait a minute,” he paused, “what are these ‘things’ you’re talking
about?” Joey glared at Chris.
“Umm… I… accused him of
being with Tony and …and.” Justin finally pulled free from Joey and quickly
stood up. He turned around and headed for his bunk. “Look, I just need to be
left alone for a while. I need to gather my thoughts and think things… through.”
Justin felt a hand grasp his arm and pull him back into the sitting area of the
bunks. He tried pulling free but the hand would not let go. The blonde’s mind
again was assailed with visions from moments before and he now understood how JC
felt when he held JC against his will.
“I really don’t think
that’s a good idea.” Joey said, “I think we should know what the hell is
going on with our two best friends.” Joey lowered his voice. “We’ve a
right to know, Justin.”
Chris moved closer toward
Justin still extremely anger at the younger man. “Yeah, Justin. So why did you
hit your boyfriend. I mean didn’t you make a promise to him. Didn’t you say
you weren’t ever gonna hit him, like Wade used to.” Chris was just inches
from Justin’s face as he spat his words. “Why did you break your promise?
What was so difficult for you to deal with that you had to use force against the
most innocent and harmless man I know?”
Justin looked away from
Chris’s stare and again down toward the floor. “He…slapped me.” The
older brunette’s head jerked back upon hearing the younger man’s words.
“He hit you?” Joey asked
dumbfounded. “Little JC hit you? Our JC. Your JC, I can’t believe he would
strike anyone. Here let me look you over. I don’t see any marks, you’re not
bleeding.”
“He slapped me Joey, all
right. With an open hand and I did what came naturally, I struck back. I… know…I
know that’s not an excuse or anything, but I didn’t know how else to respond.”
“So you swung at him.”
Chris slowly shook his head, “How many times is he gonna have to live through
that nightmare.”
“I didn’t mean to Chris,
honestly. I didn’t mean to.”
“You may not have meant to,
Justin, but you did. Just like Wade those many times before,” Joey chided.
“He made you promise before he started dating you that the relationship would
never come to blows.”
Justin’s deep sky blue eyes
were losing focus again as the tears welled up inside. “I know, Joey. That’s
why it hurts so much, cuz; I’m the one who is wrong here, not JC. Yet, I hit
him. I was rough with him. I used my strength to over power him and try and get
what I wanted.”
“What did you want, Justin?
What was so important to you that you’d risk everything with JC?”
“Chris,” Justin’s body
was again tormented by sobs. “I wanted…wanted him to give me…answers.”
“About…?”
“Why… why Tony went with
us? I… I wanted to know why JC spent more time with Tony than me,”
Justin’s anger was boiling toward the surface once again. “Why was Tony with
us, that’s all I wanted to know.” The blonde’s eyes shot up as tried
explaining what had happened.
Joey interrupted, “You
wanted to know why Tony went with the group a couple of nights ago? That’s
what this whole argument is about?”
Justin slowly moved his head
back and forth and whispered, “no”. “I… accused him of spending more
time with him and… and I got angry when I didn’t hear the answer I wanted,
so I… I called him a slut.”
“You of all people should
know that isn’t the case. I can’t believe you called him that. You can be
such an asshole, sometimes.”
“I know Joey, okay, I know.
I just don’t know how I’m gonna make this up.” Justin moved toward his
bunk and sat down resting his hands onto his head. “I don’t know what to
do.”
“We can help,” Chris
offered. “Even though you were a complete idiot. You should know that JC is
completely in love with you. You should never worry about him being unfaithful.”
The brunette walked toward the weeping boy. “He’ll forgive you Justin, you
just have to give a sincere apology and allow JC some time to explain Tony’s
presence, cuz, I’m sure there is a perfectly good reason, why he went.”
Justin nodded his head and
looked painfully up, “Should I go now?”
“No, let him cool down as
well. You have ta know he is extremely upset, right now,” Joey said. “This
whole thing has probably brought up some horrible memories for him right now.
Especially cuz it deals with you, he loves you far more than he ever did Wade.
The simply fact you hit him, probably hurts more than the actually contact.
He’ll need some time, Justin, definitely. Maybe you should wait until tomorrow
night or something, when were in a hotel and not on the bus.”
“Okay,” the blond singer
pulled his curtain all the way back. “I’ll just take a nap, or something
while I wait for the right moment to approach JC.”
“Yeah, Baby J that sounds
like a great idea. We’ll wake you if something else comes up,” Chris offered.
“By the way, we’ll be in Toronto in like an hour.”
“Whatever comes first I
guess,” Justin suggested.
“Will do,” Chris smiled.
The two older men watched as
Justin closed his curtain. They looked at each other shaking their heads,
speaking no words but saying everything they needed to with a simple look. The
two had no idea how this was going to play out, but like Chris said they would
help anyway they could. Chris turned and went toward his bunk. He too, jumped
into bed and pulled the curtain closed around him, “Have a nice nap,” he
yelled out.
“Yeah, thanks,” Justin whispered. “I don’t
think I’ll be able to,” he continued without anyone hearing him as he again
began crying. What have I done?