You don't have to be alone


JC climbed the staircase and leaned over the tree to place the star on top--the finishing touch.

He sighed and trudged back downstairs, flipping the lights off before sprawling out in front of the fireplace. The room was lit only by the dying fire and the white lights of the tree, and he sighed again, blinking back the tears that threatened to trickle from his eyes.

Christmas was supposed to be his favorite holiday. He loved giving gifts, he loved the music, he loved the decorations. But this year, it just wasn’t the same.

This year, he wasn’t with Justin. His angel.

He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, wondering why he couldn’t just get over it. It had been eight months since he and Justin and decided to go back to being just friends.

Well, Justin had decided. And JC had no choice but to comply, because after all, he just wanted Justin to be happy.

Too bad Justin’s happiness was making him miserable.

He tried his best to act normal around the younger man. And it had become easier, to an extent. Things weren’t nearly as awkward anymore, and JC didn’t flip out every time Justin had a date.

Didn’t flip out at Justin anyway. When he was alone, he cried so hard his entire body hurt.

Unable to get comfortable, he rolled over on his stomach again, resting his chin on his hands and staring into the fire. He hated being alone on Christmas.

It wasn’t like he couldn’t have gone over to Justin’s. He was invited, and all the guys were there. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t just go over to Justin’s house and pretend like he didn’t still love him. Because he did. And it was killing him.

He thought about the week before, when Joey had asked him what he wanted for Christmas. The sad look in JC’s eyes was all Joey needed, and he pulled JC into a tight embrace. “I’m so sorry, Jace…it’ll get easier, bud, I promise.”

JC snorted, remembering the comment, and the sound echoed through the living room. “It won’t get better,” he muttered, a single tear sliding down his cheek. “He’s all I’ll ever want.”

He rolled on his side and looked at the tree, the lights sparkling. And he thought back to last Christmas.

“JC, come on, tell me what you got me!” Justin whined, jumping around the tree like a five year old.

JC giggled and pulled Justin into a soft kiss. “Nope. You’re just gonna have to wait and see. The guys will be here soon, and then we can open presents.”

“But—“

JC shook his head and silence Justin with another kiss, this one more passionate. Justin sighed into the kiss and smiled. “Fine. But they better hurry up!”

The doorbell rang and Justin bounded to the door, throwing it open and hugging Joey tightly. “Merry Christmas, Joe!” Then Chris. “Merry Christmas, Chrissy!” And finally Lance. “Merry Christmas, Lansten!”

Lance laughed and hung up his jacket. “What the hell is he so hyper about?”

“He wants to open his presents,” JC said, shaking his head and laughing as well.

“And now that you guys are here, we can!”

“Not so fast, Timberlake,” Joey said, wagging a finger at Justin. “First we sing.”

JC cocked an eyebrow at Joey. “Sing?”

“Yep. I brought a list of songs, and we’re gonna sing them, because it’s tradition at the Fatone house.”

“This ain’t the Fatone house!” Justin whined.

“It is now,” Joey said, laughing. “Come on, Jace, you play piano.”

Justin groaned and followed JC to the piano, along with Chris, Lance, and Joey.

“Ok, Fatone. Make it quick. What songs are we singing?”

Joey pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, unfolding it and smoothing it down onto the piano. “Well, lets see, we have Oh Holy Night…Jingle Bells…Silent Night…"

“How about All I Want for Christmas is You?” Lance laughed.

“No, I wanna sing Kiss Me at Midnight!” Chris exclaimed.

“How ‘bout Under My Tree?” Justin giggled.

“OH no. No way. Don’t wanna give you and Jace any ideas,” Lance said, shaking his head.

“Like they need our help for that,” Chris said, shoving Lance playfully.

“Ok, let’s get this show on the road,” Joey said, bringing everyone’s attention back to the objective.

JC started playing, and Justin sat next to him, head on his shoulder, as they sang through the songs Joey had selected.

“Sleep in heavenly peace…” they finished, smiling at one another warmly.

“Ok, Joey, you’re right. That was a good idea,” Justin admitted. “Now lets open presents!”

And Justin was delighted with the baby blue turtleneck sweater JC gave him.

And even more delighted with the gift he gave him after everyone left.

“Jus, I have one more thing for you,” JC whispered, kissing Justin’s neck lightly.

“Mmm…I think I’m going to like this…” Justin breathed, turning in JC’s arms and kissing him hard on the mouth.
JC laughed and pulled away. “Not sex, babe.” Justin pouted. “Ok, not sex right now. Later. But I have something else, too.”

Justin’s eyes lit up when JC reached under the tree and pulled out a long box and handed to him, waiting excitedly for him to unwrap it.

The look on his face when he finally did was priceless.

Shock. Complete shock. And then the tears started to fall. “God, JC, it’s beautiful,” he whispered, running the gold bracelet between his fingers, staring at the inscription.

Josh & Justin--Christmas 2000 'til Forever

Forever didn't last very long anymore.

With a heavy heart, JC closed his eyes and slipped into sleep in front of the fire, plagued with a loneliness that he feared would never go away.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice.

Outside the winter seems so cold...

He curled himself into a ball, pretending that he wasn’t going crazy.

Your heart is frozen like the snow…

He covered his face with his hands and took a deep breath, willing the voice in his head away.

And there's no one home to keep you safe and warm...

He rubbed his eyes, figuring that if he woke up, his sanity would come back to him.

Your eyes are red because you've cried...you fell asleep by the fire side...but there's one thing you should know...on this Christmas baby, you don't have to be alone...

He sat up slowly and turned around, his heart leaping to his throat. "Justin..." he whispered.

And there he sat, on JC's couch, donning the blue sweater JC had given him the year before.

Justin stood slowly and walked towards JC, kneeling down next to him.

The fire reflecting in his eyes revealed a shimmer of tears, and JC wanted nothing more than to gather Justin in his arms and tell him that it would be ok.

"Josh...I..." The tears were pooling in the corners of Justin's eyes now, and JC hesitantly raised his hand to Justin's face to brush them away.

He was surprised when Justin leaned into the touch, grabbing JC's hand and holding it there before bringing it to his lips and kissing it tenderly. "I have something for you," Justin whispered, reaching behind him to pull something from his jacket, then handing it to JC.

Tears filled JC's eyes when he opened the gift. It was the same bracelet he had given Justn the year before. The exact same bracelet.

"Read the inscription," Justin breathed.

Josh & Justin--Christmas 2001 'til Forever on one side.

I love you--you don't have to be alone on the other.

JC's hands were shaking as Justin took the bracelet from his hand and slipped it on his wrist.

Tears streamed down his cheeks when Justin tugged up his sleeve to reveal that he was wearing his too.

"Take me back?" Justin asked, his eyes wide.

JC pressed his lips to Justin's in an emotion-filled kiss, then nuzzled his face in Justin's neck and laid down on the floor, pulling Justin with him, falling asleep in the arms of the man he loved.



Amanda Stories
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