Lance was dumbfounded. Justin had…god, he couldn’t even
say the word.
He raped me.
The words rang in Lance’s head as he rocked a sobbing JC back and forth,
holding him tightly. How could this have happened? He didn’t understand…why
didn’t JC say anything?
But things were going to get worse, as Lance would soon find out.
JC’s sobs slowed, he caught his breath, and he finally laid still against
Lance’s chest.
“Lance?” he said, his voice raspy.
“Yeah, baby?”
“It wasn’t just once.”
All the air was sucked from Lance’s body in an instant. It wasn’t just
once? What? How…but… Even in his mind, he had trouble forming a coherent
sentence. He felt numb.
“Lance?”
He didn’t answer, just pulled JC as close to him as he possibly could, never
wanting to let him out of his sight again.
“Lance, talk to me…please. I can’t stand the quiet.”
“Josh…I…I don’t even know what to say…I can’t…”
“Hard to believe. I know. I wouldn’t believe me either if I were you.”
“No! Jesus, Josh, I’m not saying I don’t believe you! Of course I believe
you! I know you’d never lie about something like this…something
so…so…” A single tear slipped from the corner of his eye, tracing a wet
path down his jaw.
“Horrible. Something so horrible.”
“Yeah,” Lance sniffed. “That.”
JC sighed, snuggling closer to Lance, if that was even possible.
“Josh, you have to tell me what happened. He has to pay for what he did. You
can’t just pretend it never happened.”
“I know, Lance. Can we talk about it in the morning? I’m so tired…” JC
yawned, his eyes fluttering shut.
“Ok, Josh…just go to sleep.” Lance kissed the top of his lover’s head,
and the two fell asleep in a warm embrace.
Upstairs, Justin had finally fallen asleep as well, after much coaxing from
Joey.
“He’ll leave, Joe! If I go to sleep, he’ll leave!” Tears poured from
Justin’s eyes; he looked so innocent, so frightened, so different from the man
Joey had seen when he first came in the house. “You can’t let him leave,
Joe. Please, don’t let him leave…”
This is fucked up, Joey thought as he whispered soothing words to Justin,
holding him, trying to get him to sleep.
And it finally worked. Justin was sleeping soundly, wrapped up in his blankets.
“Chris, it’s Joe,” he said into his cell phone.
”Where the hell have you guys been, Joe? I’ve been trying to call your cell
for hours!”
Joey sighed, ran a hand through his dark hair. “I’m not sure what’s going
on here, Chris. But when I came over here, I found Justin on top of JC…JC was
bloody…and screaming for Justin to stop…”
“What!?! Is Josh ok? Where’s Justin?”
“Justin’s asleep, JC is downstairs. Lance must be with him, because I heard
someone come in. It was weird, Chris…when I got here, Justin’s eyes were…god,
I was scared of him. But when I pulled him off of JC, asked him what the fuck
he’d been doing, why JC was all bloody…it’s like all the anger drained
from his body…he scooped JC up and brought him into the living room…he was
clinging to him like his life depended on it…and he was crying…”
“Jesus.”
“I have no idea what’s going on…but I’m not leaving Justin here alone
with Lance and JC, so I’m just going to crash here tonight.”
“All right, man…let me know if you need me…”
“I will. Later.”
Joey laid his head on the pillow next to Justin’s and watched the younger man
sleep. What’s going on with you, Justin?
“Lance?” JC said softly, looking down at the angelic face of his lover.
“La-ance…” he sang, kissing Lance’s lips softly.
Lance smiled against JC’s lips, mumbling “Good morning” into the kiss.
Then he remembered what had happened the night before, and a frown replaced his
smile. “Are you okay?” he asked JC, playing with the soft hairs on the back
of JC’s neck.
JC nodded and laid his head on Lance’s shoulder, sighing contentedly. “I
should take a shower…”
“Yeah…we should get you cleaned up. Your face is still all…” He choked
on the last word. “Bloody.”
Lance led JC up the stairs to the bathroom. Before they could get there,
Justin’s door opened. JC’s hear stopped in his chest, and he clung to Lance
for support.
Justin stepped out of the room, rubbing his eyes. When he saw Lance and JC, his
expression darkened.
“What are you doing here?” he hissed, glaring at Lance.
JC swallowed hard, releasing his grip on Lance and stepping toward Justin.
“Justin…don’t.”
Justin eyes went from dark to light when he looked at JC. “You didn’t
leave,” he whispered.
“I told you I wouldn’t leave.”
Lance frowned, suddenly very confused.
“I’m sorry, Josh…” Justin said softly, his head to the ground. “I
never meant to hurt you, I love you, I didn’t mean it…”
Lance’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Justin, and his fists clenched at his
sides. Sensing Lance’s building aggression, JC turned to face him.
“Lance….it’s ok…just let me handle this, ok…I’ll explain everything
later, I promise.”
Lips pursed, Lance nodded. “I don’t want him here,” Justin said, nodding
towards Lance.
“That’s too bad, Justin. He lives here, and he and I are together.
Remember?”
“But you love me,” Justin insisted, teeth clenching.
JC sighed, reaching out to touch Justin’s face. Justin leaned in to the touch
and closed his eyes. “We’ve been over this, Justin,” JC whispered. “I
love you. But not the way I love Lance. If you love me, you’ll let me be
happy.”
Tears filled Justin’s blue eyes. When he looked past JC at Lance, he noticed
the tiny smirk on Lance’s lips. A smirk that said He’s mine. It set
Justin off.
“No!” he shouted, shoving JC into the wall. The tears that had been in his
eyes dried up as he stalked towards Lance, determined to do whatever he could to
get him out of JC’s life.
“Justin…” Lance said, putting his hands up in defense.
“Fuck you, Lance,” Justin growled. “You don’t love him like I do.”
Justin raised his arm, his hand forming a fist, but before he could throw the
punch, a strong hand caught his arm and spun him around.
“Justin!”
“JC, stay the fuck out of this. It’s between me and Lance.”
“Anything that involves Lance involves me, too, Justin. And I’m not going to
let you do this.”
Justin was speechless. JC had never stood up to him before.
“Remember yesterday, Justin? When you said you’d never hurt me?”
Justin nodded.
“If you hurt Lance, you’re hurting me. Is that what you want? For me to
hurt?”
Justin shook his head. “I want you to love me. Love me like you love Lance.”
“I can’t do that, Justin. I can’t. I’m
sorry.”
Lance was shocked when Justin collapsed in a heap on the floor,
sobbing uncontrollably. JC knelt beside him, smoothed his hand over Justin’s
head. “It’s gonna be ok, Justin. We’re gonna fix everything.
Everything’s gonna be ok.”
“It’s only for a little while, Justin. And when you’re finished,
everything will be the same again. You just need a break, J.”
“I don’t want to be here, Josh. I’m not crazy like these people.”
“No one said you were crazy. But you need some help, Justin. You can’t deny
that.”
After JC told everyone what had happened, they all decided that Justin was in
need of psychiatric help. After an evaluation from a psychologist, they decided
the best thing to do was to put him in a private institution until his mind was
clear again.
JC looked at the young man in front of him, the dark circles under red, puffy
eyes. “I want you to get better, Justin. Because I love you.”
“We all do, Justin,” Lance said quietly, placing a comforting hand on
Justin’s shoulder.
“Yeah right, Lance,” Justin scoffed, brushing Lance’s hand away. “You
hate me.”
“I could never hate you, Justin. Believe me or don’t believe me, it’s up
to you. But I don’t hate you.” Lance kissed JC’s cheek before walking
away. “I’ll wait for you in the car,” he called.
“Josh?”
“Yeah, Justin.”
“I really am sorry…I swear it…I…I let things get out of control…I
didn’t know what I was doing…I just love you so much.”
“Justin, stop. Please, stop apologizing, and stop saying that you love me. OK?
Just go. Go and get better. That’s all I want.”
Justin sighed dejectedly, kicking at a rock at his feet. “When I get
better…when I get out of this place…” he motioned to the large brick
building behind him. “Can we be friends again?”
“Of course we can, Justin,” JC said, hugging Justin tightly. “Now go.”
He watched as Justin trudged into the building, sighing with relief. Warm arms
wrapped around his waist, and he leaned into the body behind him.
“You know, JC, there was one good thing that came out of Justin’s little
crush on you.”
JC chuckled. “I wouldn’t call it a little crush, but ok…what good thing
came out of this?”
“You and me.”