They’d been married for two years, so it didn’t
come as a surprise to you when they
told you they wanted to start a family. You grinned from ear to ear
and hugged them both tightly, squealing at the thought of having a
“niece” or “nephew” running
around the house.
Unfortunately, they weren’t going to make
it that easy for you.
“We want you to carry our child.”
Once you had picked your jaw up
from the floor and remembered how to breathe again,
Lance led you to the couch and helped you sit down to regain your
composure. He rubbed small circles
on your lower back, lovingly pressing his lips to your temple every few minutes, while JC and Justin sat across the
room, looking at each other
nervously between stolen glances in your direction.
“Are you ok, baby?” Lance
whispered, brushing your hair out of your face. You nodded and leaned against him, taking a deep breath.
You just needed to think, you told
him, because this was a huge decision. You looked at Justin and JC and
smiled, motioning them over.
“Listen, Brit, we know it’s a lot to ask…”
Justin said, reaching out for your hand.
“But we don’t want some random person
to be the mother, and you’re just so…” JC said, smiling shyly.
“We understand if you don’t
want to, Britney. We love you no matter what. But you’re our first choice…”
Somewhere during their babbles, you decided that having their child was the right thing to do. Of course, you
didn’t tell them this yet,
because you had to talk it over with your husband, but in your mind,
your decision was made.
You were going to be a mother.
***
“I love you, Britney,” Lance said that
night after you’d made love. He kissed your forehead and rested his
hand on your bare stomach, nuzzling
your neck tenderly. “And I know how much you care about them, and I know you’re probably going to do this no matter
what I say. So I’m not going to
say anything. I’m fine with whatever you decide.”
When you told him you were going to
do it, he held you close and kissed you again, but you heard him sigh heavily and knew he had major reservations
about the whole thing.
You told him you loved him more than life itself, and this
wouldn’t change anything. After all, the baby was Justin and JC’s.
You tried to ignore the fact that
this would actually be yourbaby inside you, not
just theirs.
***
You’ll never forget the look on their faces
when you told them you’d do it. JC’s eyes lit up and you’d never seen a
smile as bright as the one Justin wore.
“God, Britney, you are the best person
I know,” Justin gushed, squeezing you tightly. “You have no idea how much
this means to us.”
“Thanks, Brit,” JC whispered in your ear, brushing a kiss across your cheek.
“As soon as possible,” they told you when you
asked them when this whole thing was going to take place. Lance avoided
eye contact with you when you
looked over your shoulder at him, and you sighed,
hoping this wasn’t going to damage your relationship with him.
Two weeks later, you went with them
to the clinic, trying not to giggle when a red-faced Justin emerged from behind a closed door and motioned for the
doctor to “pick it up in
there.”
A month and a half later, you found out.
“You’re pregnant, Britney.”
You thought Justin was going to leap out of his skin, and your heart soared when JC pulled him into a crushing hug.
“I love you,” you heard them
whisper to one another.
You placed a hand on your stomach and wondered
what the next nine months of your life were going to be
like.
***
Seeing the baby for the first time on the ultrasound screen was, needless to say, amazing. Your breath caught in
your throat when you heard the tiny
heartbeat and saw the mass that was your child. At that thought,
your brow furrowed slightly, because really, this baby wasn’t yours.
You weren’t going to take it
home, you weren’t going to take care of it, you weren’t going
to be called mommy. You tried to ignore the sick feeling that was
building in the pit of your stomach
and instead squeezed Lance’s hand and focused on the two
men who were also gazing at the screen intently.
JC’s eyes glimmered with tears,
and Justin kissed each one of JC’s knuckles individually, his eyes never
leaving the image of his unborn child. “That’s our baby,” he
whispered, and a single tear slid
down JC’s cheek. Justin reached out and wiped the tear
away.
“I love you,” JC whispered, leaning his head on Justin’s
shoulder.
You squeezed Lance’s hand tighter and tore your eyes away from
the screen, fighting back tears of your own.
***
“Are you hungry, baby? Can I get
you anything?” Lance asked, looking at you anxiously. You smiled and shook your head, propping your feet up onto
his lap.
I’m fine, you told him, just a
little tired, and he relaxed underneath your touch
when you ran your fingers through his hair.
It had been six months since you
found out you were having this baby, and things were going smoothly. Justin
and JC, however, were always underfoot, rubbing your stomach and cooing.
When the baby kicked for the first
time, Justin screamed. Literally screamed. JC ran
to his side, scared out of his mind. “What’s wrong? Justin, what’s
wrong?”
“It…the baby…it…”
When you smiled and told JC that the baby
had kicked, you half expected him to scream, too. But he didn’t. He just
leaned over your stomach and placed a gentle hand there, waiting
patiently for it to happen again. When it did, his smile was enough to
light the evening sky, and he
leaned forward and kissed you cheek. “It kicked, Brit. It really kicked.”
“Do they have to be here allthe
time?” Lance asked you one day,
releasing an exasperated breath. “I feel like I can’t even
touch you anymore.”
You laughed and kissed him on the lips before telling him that they were just excited and didn’t want to miss
anything. He sighed again and
buried his face in your neck, running one hand down the slight bulge of your stomach. “I love you,” he whispered, and you
didn’t protest when he picked you
up and carried you upstairs, because right then, you needed him as much as he needed you.
***
Shooting pains woke you up one morning,
and you shrieked as you sat up in bed.
“Britney?” Lance mumbled,
leaning up on his elbows. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
Contractions, you told him. Painful
ones. You squeezed his hand tightly and took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down and waiting for the next
wave of pain to hit you.
“Should I call Justin and JC?” he asked nervously, kneeling next
to you.
You nodded and laid back down, sure that you weren’t going into
labor just yet and that you probably had about twelve more hours of
contractions to endure before your
water even broke.
“She’s having contractions,” Lance
said into the phone, and you could tell by the tone in his voice that he
was scared as hell. You couldn’t help but laugh as you ran a hand down
his back and he jumped, startled.
“They’re on their way,” he told you as he hung up the
phone. “Is there anything I can do for you? Are you okay?”
You told him to stop being such a
worrywart and puckered your lips, hinting that you wanted
him to kiss you. He smiled lightly and leaned down, brushing his lips
against yours. You told him that
you loved him, and he laid down next to you and buried
his face in your neck.
The loud clamoring downstairs ten minutes later signaled the arrival of Justin and JC, who were bounding into
your bedroom seconds later.
“Are you ok?” Justin gushed, kneeling down next to the
bed.
You smiled and nodded, then looked up at JC, who was still on the
other side of the room.
“Josh?” Justin said. “What’s wrong,
baby?”
“Nervous,” he whispered, swallowing hard.
You loved watching them interact.
The way Justin’s hands knew just where to touch JC to get him to relax, the way his lips fit perfectly against the
older man’s mouth. Justin cooed
into JC’s ear and kissed his cheek before joining hands with him
and leading him to your side.
It was a long day. Justin paced, JC sat quietly,
and Lance…well, Lance stayed attached to your side. The contractions
were coming closer together now, and you whispered to Justin that he
should probably call the doctor.
He rushed to the phone and dialed, speaking
quickly and hanging up. “He said we should get to the hospital.” All
the color drained from JC’s face,
and for a moment you thought he was going to pass out.
Justin noticed it too and ran to his side, cradling JC in his arms and
whispering soothing words. The only ones you could make out were,
“We’re gonna meet our baby,”
and for some reason, you cringed.
***
Things happened very, very quickly
once you got to the hospital. Your water had broken
in the car, and the pain you were experiencing was blinding.
You’d heard of women having very
quick deliveries, but you ever imagined that within twelve hours, you’d be lying on a hospital bed, knees up and legs
spread, dialated to ten centimeters
and ready to give birth.
Despite the pain, a million thoughts
were racing through your head. You’d never really discussed what was
going to happen after this baby was born. What if you weren’t ready to
give the baby up? Were JC and
Justin just going to take their child—which was actually Justin’schild
and yourchild—and run, and
you’d never see them or the baby again? Were they going to shut you out
of the child’s life, making you
pretend that you didn’t carry it for eight and a half
months?
“Come on, Britney, push, hun,” the doctor urged. You clenched
your eyes shut and did as you were told, imagining JC and Justin and your
baby living a happy life without
you in it. You opened your eyes and looked up at
Lance, who had tears in his eyes as he leaned down to kiss your sweaty
forehead. You knew he knew what you were thinking by the way he was
looking at you, and you loved him
for knowing you so well.
“It’s gonna be ok, Brit,” he whispered,
brushing your hair out of your eyes. “I promise, it’s gonna be
ok.”
You sat up a bit and looked at JC and Justin, who were sitting knee
to knee on the other side of the room, eyes closed, fingers laced
together. And suddenly you hated
yourself for thinking all those things. These were your best
friends you were talking about here. They would never do such a thing to
you. They loved you and trusted you enough to ask you to do
something so important for them,
and here you were hating them for it.
They were going to be the best
fathers a child could ever have. And you were going to be the best
mother, because you knew that’s how they would want
it.
***
“She’s beautiful,” Justin whispered as the doctor brought his daughter into the room. JC’s eyes glimmered
wetly; his hand had still not left
Justin’s.
You smiled as the doctor walked towards you and tried to hand you your daughter. You shook your head and
nodded to the two men next to you.
They hold her first, you told him.
“Britney, are you—“ JC said,
eyes grateful.
You shushed him and nodded; you knew you were
glowing with happiness when the doctor placed the baby in Justin’s
arms.
“Hannah…” he whispered, brushing the lightest of kisses across her
head.
“She’s so tiny,” JC breathed, smiling when his daughter squeezed
his finger in her little hand.
“Our daughter,” Justin said, smiling through
his tears. He leaned over and kissed JC tenderly. “I love you so, so
much.”
“I love you too, baby.”
Justin looked up at you and grinned.
“You wanna hold her, mommy?”
Your heart leapt through your chest when
he used the word, and you couldn’t help the tears that spilled down your
cheeks.
“Brit, what’s wrong?” JC asked, frowning.
You didn’t think they were going
to call you that, you told them, wiping at your
face.
“My god, Britney, we would never do that to you. We want our baby
to have a mother…that’s why we asked you do to this…honey, I
can’t believe you thought we’d
just take her away from you.”
You stopped breathing when they
laid her across your chest. She was breathtaking. Absolutely beautiful.
“Room for one more in here?” Lance poked his head into the room and you
smiled. “You doing okay, sweetheart?” he asked you, and you nodded,
rubbing small circles on Hannah’s
back. “Beautiful baby you guys have here,” he said to
JC and Justin, who just nodded and clung to one another, eyes never
leaving their daughter.
Hannah cooed softly in her sleep, and your heart beat faster.
So this is what it felt like to be a mother.
***
She’s two months old now, and getting more beautiful by the day. You can already tell she’s going to have curly
hair just like her daddy, and
he’s proud as a peacock.
You don’t see her every day. You told them
you didn’t want to confuse her or make her think that you would always be
there, because you wouldn’t. You were her mother, but not full time,
and they were going to be there with her all the time.
You’ve heard that sometimes children
lower marital satisfaction, and that jealousy can rear its ugly head
when a baby comes in to play. It’s the total opposite for them. Their
eyes gleam with the same love and
adoration for one another as they always have. Hannah
seems to have only added to their devotion, and you couldn’t be happier
for them.
You lean back against Lance’s chest and think about how far you’ve
come and how many different things you’ve been during your life. A best
friend. A girlfriend. A lover. A
wife. And now, a mother.
You look up and smile at your
husband, kissing his chin and nuzzling into him.
Things couldn’t be any more
perfect.