He couldn't believe this was happening. How
long had he known? How did he find
out? And what the fuck were
they going to do now?
"You guys can't do this. You can't do this to the group!" he screamed.
Justin squeezed JC's hand as Chris
yelled at them, his eyes blazing with rage.
"Chris, we're not doing anything to the group. No
one knows what's going on between JC and me, and no one will. Please tell
me you haven't told anyone, Chris," Justin said quietly, his eyes pleading
with the older man.
"Fuck, Justin, no I didn't tell anyone. What was I gonna say? 'Hey
guys, turns out Justin and JC are fucking.' Yeah,
that would have gone over real
well." Chris rolled his eyes
in disgust. "But it's only a
matter of time before someone finds out, before someone catches you two in a
corner somewhere. And then we're
fucked. All of us. Just because you two decide you need each other to get
off."
JC sat next to Justin in silence, his head down, his mind reeling. Comforting
as it was to feel Justin's hand around his, JC pulled away.
Justin shot him a confused look before looking back to Chris, who was now pacing
the room.
"Chris..." Justin started.
"You have to tell them. You
have to tell Joey and Lance. And if you don't, I will," Chris said.
"Chris, please. We're not ready for everyone to--"
"NO, Justin. I've been carrying around this secret for over a month now and
I'm sick of it. I'm sick of making excuses for you two when you sneak off
together. I'm sick of pretending I don't know what the little looks you give
each other mean. And I'm sick of seeing the stolen kisses that you think no one
sees. It's gonna end, and it's
gonna end now. I refuse to be the only one who knows anymore. Tell
them." He stalked out of the
room and slammed the door behind him.
JC stood up from the bed, running a hand through his hair. "Fuck,
Justin..." he whispered.
Justin stood behind his lover, wrapping his arms around his slender waist and
holding him close. "It's gonna
be ok, baby," he whispered, kissing JC's shoulder lightly. "I promise."
"How can it be ok, Justin?" JC
spun around angrily, tears stinging his eyes. "Tell me. Tell me how it's gonna be ok. Because I don't
see it. There's a reason I wanted to keep this a secret, Jus. The
last thing we need is something like this to get between us all."
"Josh--"
"No, Justin, let me finish. As much as I love you..." he took Justin's
hands in his and kissed them lighty. "And
you know I love you...this group is my life. Music is my life. Without
it, I am nothing."
"That's not true, Josh..."
Hot tears stung JC's eyes as he continued. "Jus...I...I think we should stop this." The hardest
words he'd ever had to say.
Justin's heart stopped in his chest. This wasn't happening. JC
wasn't going to leave him over this. It had to be a dream.
"Josh, what are you talking about?" Justin asked with a shaky voice.
"It's...it's gotten to risky...we have to stop, for the sake of the group,
for the sake of our careers..." JC whispered, tears streaming down his
face. "It's for the
best."
"NO! Josh, no, please. It'll
be fine, everything will be fine!" Justin
pleaded, his own eyes shiny with tears.
"I'm sorry, Justin...god, I'm so sorry." JC kissed Justin on the forehead, resting his lips there for a
moment, then pulled away, placing a soft hand on Justin's cheek. "My baby
boy..." JC whispered, wiping a tear from Justin's face before turning and
walking out the door.
Justin crumbled to the floor, face in his hands.
JC stood outside the door, his back leaning against it.
What am I going to do without you, Justin?
*******************************************************************************
"Hey, Used To Be Curly," Chris said, a small smile on his lips. "Can
we talk?"
"Get the fuck away from me, Chris," Justin replied coldly, pulling
shut the curtain to his bunk. Back
on tour. Back on the bus. Without
JC.
Chris slid the curtain back open and plopped down next to Justin, who pulled a
blanket over his head. "You
can't ignore me forever, Justin."
"Watch me."
Chris sighed and tugged the blanket away from Justin's face. "How
many times do I have to tell you I'm sorry?"
Justin responded by turning his back to Chris and closing his eyes.
"You know this is for the best, Justin. JC knows it too, which is why he ended it. You'll
meet someone else, Justin. Someone
female."
The last comment set Justin off. He
shot up in the bed, glaring at
Chris with fire in his eyes. "What
the fuck is that supposed to mean, Chris? Huh?"
Justin sneered.
"Nothing...I mean...uh..."
"So I can't be happy with a guy, Chris? That's not normai? Or
what?"
Chris was speechless.
"You have no fucking idea what JC and I have, Chris. None whatsoever. So
get the fuck out of my face, and keep your god damn comments to yourself."
"I'm sorry, man, I didn't mean..." Chris knew it was hopeless to try and talk Justin down from
this one, so he just sighed and walked away. Maybe
JC would accept his apology.
He walked down the hall to the back of the bus to find JC curled in the corner,
head against the window. Chris
could tell he'd been crying; his
eyes were puffy and the bags under his eyes were bigger than usual.
"Hey, C, what's up?" he
asked cheerfully.
"Go away, Kirkpatrick," JC said softly, not even bothering to look at
Chris. He just stared out the
window at nothing in particular.
"Josh, come on. Talk to me," Chris pleaded.
"Nothing to talk about, man. You said your piece the other day. Now if you
don't mind, I'm busy watching the world go by."
Chris sighed heavily and retreated to his bunk. When he found out that JC and Justin had ended it, he agreed
not to tell Joey and Lance. After
all, what would be the point? JC
and Justin weren't fucking anymore, so no one really needed to know that it had
ever happened. Things would be easier that way. Or
so he had thought, anyway. He
thought that if JC and Justin stopped whatever it was they were doing, things
would go back to normal and he wouldn't have to worry anymore. Instead, he was
getting the cold shoulder from two of his bandmates, and on top of that, he had
to watch them suffer.
Way to go, Chris, he thought to himself. Nothing like hurting your best friends in the world just
because you don't agree with what they're doing. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed once again. I
have to make this right.