Part 13


He couldn't believe this was happening.  How long had he known?  How did he find out?  And what the fuck were they going to do now?

"You guys can't do this. You can't do this to the group!" he screamed.  Justin squeezed JC's hand as Chris yelled at them, his eyes blazing with rage.

"Chris, we're not doing anything to the group.  No one knows what's going on between JC and me, and no one will. Please tell me you haven't told anyone, Chris," Justin said quietly, his eyes pleading with the older man.

"Fuck, Justin, no I didn't tell anyone. What was I gonna say?  'Hey guys, turns out Justin and JC are fucking.'  Yeah, that would  have gone over real well."  Chris rolled his eyes in disgust.  "But it's only a matter of time before someone finds out, before someone catches you two in a corner somewhere.  And then we're fucked.  All of us.  Just because you two decide you need each other to get off."

JC sat next to Justin in silence, his head down, his mind reeling.  Comforting as it was to feel Justin's hand around his, JC pulled away.  

Justin shot him a confused look before looking back to Chris, who was now pacing the room.

"Chris..." Justin started.

"You have to tell them.  You have to tell Joey and Lance. And if you don't, I will," Chris said.

"Chris, please. We're not ready for everyone to--"

"NO, Justin. I've been carrying around this secret for over a month now and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of making excuses for you two when you sneak off together. I'm sick of pretending I don't know what the little looks you give each other mean. And I'm sick of seeing the stolen kisses that you think no one sees.  It's gonna end, and it's gonna end now. I refuse to be the only one who knows anymore.  Tell them."  He stalked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

JC stood up from the bed, running a hand through his hair.  "Fuck, Justin..." he whispered.  

Justin stood behind his lover, wrapping his arms around his slender waist and holding him close.  "It's gonna be ok, baby," he whispered, kissing JC's shoulder lightly.  "I promise."

"How can it be ok, Justin?"  JC spun around angrily, tears stinging his eyes.  "Tell me. Tell me how it's gonna be ok. Because I don't see it. There's a reason I wanted to keep this a secret, Jus.  The last thing we need is something like this to get between us all."

"Josh--"

"No, Justin, let me finish. As much as I love you..." he took Justin's hands in his and kissed them lighty.  "And you know I love you...this group is my life. Music is my life.  Without it, I am nothing."

"That's not true, Josh..."

Hot tears stung JC's eyes as he continued.  "Jus...I...I think we should stop this." The hardest words he'd ever had to say.

Justin's heart stopped in his chest. This wasn't happening.  JC wasn't going to leave him over this. It had to be a dream.

"Josh, what are you talking about?" Justin asked with a shaky voice.

"It's...it's gotten to risky...we have to stop, for the sake of the group, for the sake of our careers..." JC whispered, tears streaming down his face.  "It's for the best."

"NO!  Josh, no, please.  It'll be fine, everything will be fine!"  Justin pleaded, his own eyes shiny with tears.

"I'm sorry, Justin...god, I'm so sorry."  JC kissed Justin on the forehead, resting his lips there for a moment, then pulled away, placing a soft hand on Justin's cheek. "My baby boy..." JC whispered, wiping a tear from Justin's face before turning and walking out the door.

Justin crumbled to the floor, face in his hands.  

JC stood outside the door, his back leaning against it.  

What am I going to do without you, Justin?

*******************************************************************************

"Hey, Used To Be Curly," Chris said, a small smile on his lips.  "Can we talk?"  

"Get the fuck away from me, Chris," Justin replied coldly, pulling shut the curtain to his bunk.  Back on tour. Back on the bus.  Without JC.  

Chris slid the curtain back open and plopped down next to Justin, who pulled a blanket over his head.  "You can't ignore me forever, Justin."

"Watch me."

Chris sighed and tugged the blanket away from Justin's face.  "How many times do I have to tell you I'm sorry?"

Justin responded by turning his back to Chris and closing his eyes.

"You know this is for the best, Justin.  JC knows it too, which is why he ended it.  You'll meet someone else, Justin.  Someone female."

The last comment set Justin off.  He shot up in the bed,  glaring at Chris with fire in his eyes.  "What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Chris?  Huh?"  Justin sneered.

"Nothing...I mean...uh..."

"So I can't be happy with a guy, Chris? That's not normai? Or what?"

Chris was speechless.

"You have no fucking idea what JC and I have, Chris. None whatsoever.  So get the fuck out of my face, and keep your god damn comments to yourself."

"I'm sorry, man, I didn't mean..."  Chris knew it was hopeless to try and talk Justin down from this one, so he just sighed and walked away.  Maybe JC would accept his apology.

He walked down the hall to the back of the bus to find JC curled in the corner, head against the window.  Chris could tell he'd been crying;  his eyes were puffy and the bags under his eyes were bigger than usual.

"Hey, C, what's up?"  he asked cheerfully.

"Go away, Kirkpatrick," JC said softly, not even bothering to look at Chris.  He just stared out the window at nothing in particular.  

"Josh, come on. Talk to me," Chris pleaded.

"Nothing to talk about, man. You said your piece the other day. Now if you don't mind, I'm busy watching the world go by."

Chris sighed heavily and retreated to his bunk.  When he found out that JC and Justin had ended it, he agreed not to tell Joey and Lance.  After all, what would be the point?  JC and Justin weren't fucking anymore, so no one really needed to know that it had ever happened. Things would be easier that way.  Or so he had thought, anyway.  He thought that if JC and Justin stopped whatever it was they were doing, things would go back to normal and he wouldn't have to worry anymore. Instead, he was getting the cold shoulder from two of his bandmates, and on top of that, he had to watch them suffer.

Way to go, Chris, he thought to himself.  Nothing like hurting your best friends in the world just because you don't agree with what they're doing.  He ran his hand through his hair and sighed once again.  I have to make this right.



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