Part 11


“From the top, guys…” Wade said, running the back of his arm across his sweaty forehead.

Justin sighed and got into place.  He hated rehearsing.  “Wade, dude, we’ve rehearsed this 20
times!”

”Yeah, J, I know, but we only have a few days left before we start the second leg, and it has to be
perfect.”

Justin didn’t respond, just shook his head lightly and waited for the music to start.  One, two, three, four…he counted along to the beat as he danced, all the moves falling into place, hoping everyone else knew the choreography is well as he did so they could get the hell out of there.  

The music stopped, but the pounding in Justin’s head continued.   He looked to Wade pleadingly.  “Done now, man?”

Wade grinned.  “Yeah, J, we’re done.”  A sigh of relief escaped Justin’s lips.  

“Thank god,” he muttered, pushing his wet curls off of his forehead.

“Nice job guys, we’ll see ya’ll tomorrow,” Wade said, waving as he walked out the door.

Justin looked at himself in the huge mirror in front of him.  Bags under his eyes, sweat dripping from his brow. Look at you, Justin, he thought to himself.  You look like shit. It was no wonder.  He’d barely slept in the past two months.  He saw JC’s reflection in the mirror.

And it’s all his fault.

It had been two months since the TRL appearance. Two months to the day.  Since then they’d been in Orlando rehearsing for the second leg of the tour, and since then, JC had avoided Justin at all costs.  It’s not like he wasn’t nice to him.  He was;  they just weren’t close anymore.  No late night conversations, no one on one basketball games, no long hours spent in the studio writing together.  It was like they were only acquaintances.  

Justin looked at JC’s reflection again, his heart stopping when he caught JC’s eyes.  JC offered a small smile before grabbing his bag and walking out the door.

Justin sighed.  Two months since he’d heard the words he’d been waiting forever to hear.

“I do love you, Justin.”

If only he could believe that.  

*******************************************************************************

JC let the hot water pound against his back.  Eyes closed, he ran his fingers through his wet hair,
sighing tiredly.  An image of Justin popped in his head…the thick curls, the sparkling blue eyes, the outline of his abdomen against his shirt.

“I’m in love with you.”


The words buzzed through JC’s head every time he was anywhere near Justin.

Two months since he told me he loved me, JC thought, then laughed quietly to himself.  J would be shocked if he knew I remembered that.

But how could he not remember?  With those words, Justin had turned JC’s whole life upside down.  He thought about Justin day and night…but from the way JC was acting, Justin would never know it.  He avoided his young friend as much as possible, making up stupid excuses not to spend time with him.  

He didn’t mean to do it. He hated seeing Justin like this.  But he was so damn scared of his own feelings that he avoided the situation instead of confronting it head on.   

Still naked, he sighed and fell back on to his bed, covering his face with his arm.  

I need a nap, he thought.  Just as he began to doze off, he heard his door click open.  Sitting up slightly, he craned his neck to see who it was.  No one appeared. Maybe I was imagining things, he thought, lying down and closing his eyes.

Around the corner, Justin finally took a breath.  He’d been holding it since he walked into JC’s room, not sure if really wanted to be there or not.  

You have to do this, Justin.  You’ve been miserable long enough.

Taking a deep breath, he walked into the room and saw JC on the bed.

“Oh, fuck,”  he muttered, bowing his head as he turned away.

JC shot straight up.  “Justin! Dude! Have you heard of knocking?”  JC asked, flustered.

Justin had to laugh at that.  “It’s not like I’ve never seen you naked before, JC.”

JC chuckled as he slid in to his boxer briefs.  “Good point. But you startled the hell out of me.  I thought I heard you come in. What were you doing, hiding in the corner?”

Justin blushed, and JC finally noticed the drastic difference about him.

His eyes widened.  “Oh my god…Justin…you…”

“Yeah, I did.”  Where his thick head of curls had been now was just fuzz.  Justin was tired of being called “Curly”, tired of his hair being in his face all the time.  But that wasn’t what drove him to shave his head.  JC always told Justin how much he loved his curls. And Justin was pissed. So he cut them off.  

“Wow.”

“You don’t like it?” Justin asked, running his palm over his head.

“I…I didn’t say that. It’s just…different,” JC stuttered, unable to drag his gaze away from Justin.
He stood up and walked towards the younger man.  “I like it,” he said softly, rubbing Justin’s head playfully.    

Before Justin could protest, JC wrapped strong arms around him and held him close.

“God, Justin…” JC whispered.  “You have no idea how much I miss you.”

Hot tears pricked Justin’s eyes as he reciprocated JC’s hug, his fingers pressing into the soft flesh of JC’s naked back.  

JC felt Justin’s tears on his shoulder and pulled back slightly, searching Justin’s eyes.  

“Justin…why are you crying?”  JC asked, cupping Justin’s cheek in his palm.  Justin nuzzled into the warmth of JC’s hand and closed his eyes.

“I never thought I’d be this close to you again,” Justin whispered.

JC pulled Justin to him again. “I’m so sorry Justin…I’m so, so sorry.  I never meant to push you away…I just…”  He pulled away from Justin’s grasp and crumpled to the floor, hiding his face in his hands.

Justin knelt down beside him and ran his fingers though JC’s thick wet hair.   “You just what, JC?”  

“I was scared, Justin. Fuck, I still am scared.  When you told me you loved me…”

Justin cringed, preparing himself for the worst.  He wished JC hadn’t brought this up.  

“When you told me you loved me, it was like everything in the world was ok.  All my problems just disappeared, because nothing mattered as long as I had you.”  JC stopped to brush away a tear.  

Justin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Then why don’t you want to be with me, JC?” he whispered, running a gentle finger along JC’s jaw.

“I’m scared, Justin. I’m scared of what will happen to the group. I’m scared of what my family will think.  I’m scared of getting too close to you because you might…” he trailed off, looking away from Justin.

“Because I might what?  Because I might leave you?”

JC nodded, fighting back his tears.  

“Joshua Scott Chasez. Look at me,” Justin demanded, turning JC’s face towards his.  Justin gazed into the blue sea of JC’s eyes as he spoke.  “You are my best friend. You mean more to me than anything.  I love you, JC.  You don’t have to be afraid of me leaving you, because that is never going to happen.  And as for the group, and your family, we don’t have to tell anyone until you’re ready.”

“You’d do that for me?”  JC whispered.

“I’d do anything for you," Justin said softly, leaning closer to JC, his eyes traveling to the bulge in JC's boxer briefs.  JC blushed furiously.

"Josh...I want to be with you.  Please say you feel the same."

Without saying a word, JC pressed his lips to Justin's, remembering the warmth of Justin's kisses.  Justin returned the kiss, pressing JC's lips open with his tongue.  Moaning into Justin's mouth, JC fiddled with the buttons of Justin's shirt.  But Justin stopped him.

"I don't want this to be about sex, Josh," Justin said.  "I want to be with you because I love you, not because I want to sleep with you."

JC leaned his head against Justin's chest and sighed, wrapping his arms around Justin's waist.
"Thank you, Justin."

"You don't need to thank me, babe.  I told you I'd do anything for you."  

"I missed this...having my arms around you, being this close to you," JC whispered, pressing his lips against Justin's neck.

Justin smiled and kissed the top of JC's head.  "I did too, Jace. More than you could ever know."

The two began kissing again, so wrapped up in each other that they didn't hear the door click open.



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