Lance watched as Justin sipped his coffee, knees drawn up to
his chest, feet buried between the cushions of the couch.
“Justin?” he said quietly from across the room. “It’s ok, Justin. I’m
not going to hurt you.”
“I know,” Justin whispered, shaking a little. “I…I’m just scared.”
“Can you tell me what you’re scared of?”
“I shouldn’t be scared anymore…I should be happy…I should…I should…”
He couldn’t continue as he choked on sob after sob, and Lance rushed to his
side, hesitantly wrapping his arms around Justin and holding him as he cried,
whispering soothing words into Justin’s hair. Justin sniffed and wiped at his
nose, the sobs finally subsiding, and he cuddled closer to Lance. “You won’t
hurt me, Lance. Will you?”
Lance’s heart broke into a million pieces when he heard Justin’s tiny voice.
“Of course not, Justin. I would never hurt you.”
“Thank you,” Justin whispered. They sat there, curled into each other, until
Lance finally got the nerve to speak again.
“Justin? Can you tell me what happened?”
Justin sighed and closed his eyes, nodding into Lance’s chest. “He took me
away.”
“Who, Justin? Who took you away?”
“Joe. He took me away from someone…he was jealous…he took me away…”
Justin’s words were cryptic, and Lance found his heart beating wildly in his
chest. “Justin. Take a deep breath and try to tell me everything, ok? I’m
here to help you.”
Justin pulled out of Lance’s embrace and looked at him with wide, trusting
eyes, nodding as he settled back into Lance’s arms. “I don’t remember all
of it…I don’t remember who he took me away from, and I don’t remember the
nights he hurt me, because I blocked that all out. I would wake up with my eyes
swollen shut or my nose bleeding, but I couldn’t remember why. I’m glad of
that…because I don’t want to remember.”
Lance played idly with Justin’s hair as he spoke, wanting the boy to feel as
safe as possible. He waited for Justin to continue.
“I remember that I lived in Orlando…in a big house…with someone. I don’t
remember who, or where…but I know that Joe took me away because he was jealous.
He told me so.”
“Jealous of what, Justin?”
“Of me. He wanted to be with the person I lived with…and he said that if he
couldn’t have him, no one could.”
Lance nearly choked on his own breath. “Him?”
Justin nodded.
“Were you…were you in love with the person you lived with, Justin?”
“I don’t know,” Justin whispered, tears dripping down his cheeks. “I
can’t remember.”
“It’s ok, Justin. It’s ok to cry,” Lance whispered, pulling Justin
closer. “Can you tell me how you got away?”
“I killed him,” Justin said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“You what?”
“I killed him. I killed Joe. I killed him, I took his money, and I ran. Hopped
on a bus to Orlando…because that’s the only thing about myself that I could
remember…and here I am.”
Justin entire body was trembling, his eyes shiny with tears. “I killed him,
Lance…I killed him…”
“Justin…we should call the police, tell them—“
Justin tore himself away from Lance’s arms and shot him a fearful glare.
“NO!”
“Justin, why—“
“No, Lance! No! He said…he said if I ever told the police…he would…he
said…” He was shaking again, his arms wrapped tightly around his own body
and he rocked himself back and forth.
“Shh, Justin, it’s ok, we won’t call the police, ok? I promise, it’s ok,”
Lance whispered, his hand rubbing gentle cirlces on the small of Justin’s
back.
“I’m sorry, Lance…I’m sorry…”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Justin.”
“He told me that he has people watching me…that if I call the police,
they’ll take me away again,” he said softly, leaning back into Lance’s
body.
“Justin…Joe’s dead…he was just telling you those things to scare you,”
Lance said, squeezing Justin’s hand.
“I don’t care, Lance. Please. I just…I want to start over…I don’t want
to remember it, I just want to get over it.”
“Ok, Justin. Ok,” he said, mind reeling.
“Thanks, Lance,” he whispered, leaning his head into Lance’s lap before
falling into a sound sleep, leaving Lance to ponder what exactly he was going to
do next.