Girlfriend


You’re completely content playing the role of Justin Timberlake’s girlfriend.  You love Justin, and Justin loves you. But Justin’s not in love with you.  He’s in love with JC Chasez.  Hence your role as Justin’s girlfriend.  But you don’t mind. You couldn’t be happier to be helping them, because you love them both more than anything, and you’ve never seen anyone as happy as the two of them are.  You’d die for either one of them, and you know they’d do the same for you.

So for the past six years, you’ve been at Justin’s side at awards shows, on vacations, during interviews.  Saying sweet things like, “Justin is the love of my life,” and “No one knows me like he does. I’m sure I’m going to marry him.”

JC gets jealous. Insanely jealous.  You remember at the VMA’s in 2001 when he didn’t bring a date.   You and Justin were on the red carpet in front of the rest of the guys, and Justin kissed you.  You turned back to smile at JC and saw the wave of jealousy overcome his face, so you walked back to him, squeezed his hand, and whispered that you’d kiss him too if you weren’t so sure that the headline in all the tabloids the next morning would be Britney’s Boy Band Threesome.

He laughed, and the sparkle came back to his eyes.  “Thanks, Brit.  I love you.”

“Love you too, Jacey baby.”  A wink, a smile, and back to Justin’s side.

And at the Teen Choice awards in 2001, when you went up to receive your award and Justin kissed you, JC’s eyes were so sad that it made you want to cry.  But you caught the shy grin that Justin shot his way, and you knew that with that simple look JC would be back to his old self and would remember just exactly what you were there for.

They were your best friends.  

In 2003, they finally decided to take a very long break.  They wouldn’t tour that year, and they’d take some much needed time for themselves.

Justin and JC wanted to go to Hawaii.  Just the two of them.  But you all knew that that wasn’t possible, so they asked you to come with them.  Of course you agreed, because seeing them happy was what made your life worth living.

So off you went, the three of you, to spend three weeks in paradise.  During the day, you played the girlfriend role. Giggling at everything Justin said, holding his hand as you walked along the beach, stealing tiny kisses when you knew people were watching. And of course JC was always jealous of this. You couldn’t blame him, because a part of you was jealous of the time he got to spend alone with Justin.  

At night, you played the best friend role, retreating to your own room, which, for the purpose of keeping up appearances, was connected to theirs.

You heard them laughing every night, talking softly, making love.  

And during those times, it was you that was jealous.  

Not because you were in love with Justin.  And not because you were in love with JC.  Jealous because during these times, you were alone.

They felt selfish, they told you one day.  “Brit, we see how sad you get when the two of us leave you.  We feel like we’re holding you back, like you can’t go out and fall in love like you deserve to. You’re 22 years old, you should be out having fun, out meeting someone that will love you like you deserve to be loved.”

And you sighed, and smiled, and hugged both of them close to you, and told them at as long as they wanted to keep their relationship a secret, you were going to be there to protect it.  

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” you said, kissing them both on the cheek.

Part of you knew that they were right, though.  You longed to have a relationship like they had, dreamed of someone holding you close all night, kissing you awake, making love to you in the morning.  

But you couldn’t just abandon them.  You refused too. They belonged together, and you weren’t going to jeopardize that just because you were lonely.  

Imagine your shock when they came to you in 2004 and told you that they were ready to tell the world about their relationship. Not only that, but they were getting married.

You couldn’t speak, because you didn’t know what to say.  You just stood there and stared at them.  They were beaming, clinging to each other. They both had tears in their eyes.  “Brit? Are you ok?”

And then you smiled and told them how happy you were for them, gushed about how amazing the wedding was going to be, pleaded with them to please let her help you decorate the new house they were planning to buy.  

They laughed and held you tight, and the three of you stood in that embrace for quite some time.  

“We’re going to miss you, Brit.”  

You told them not to be silly, that they’d still be seeing you, it wasn’t like you were going to disappear into thin air once they got married.

But you knew what they meant. Because you’d miss them too.

Three weeks later, the men of *NSYNC held a press conference.  You were there with them, sitting beside Justin, as they told the world about their relationship.  You squeezed Justin’s hand when his voice cracked, and you rubbed small circles on JC’s back when he stumbled over his words.  

And then one of the reporters asked you, “What made you go along with this for so long, Ms. Spears?”

You smiled, look over at Justin, then at JC, then Chris, Joey, and Lance.  They were all smiling back supportively.  

You told him it’s because you love Justin, and because you love JC, and because you’ve never seen anyone as happy as they are.  You told him that when they asked you to help them, you couldn’t say no, because you knew it was the only way that they could be together.  You couldn’t deny them their happiness, because you loved them too much.

The reporter smiled back at you, and Justin kissed you on the cheek.  You didn’t think you’d ever seen JC smile as brightly as he was smiling at that moment.

And when they announced that they were getting married, your heart stopped in your chest, because you could hear a pin drop in the room when Justin stopped speaking.

Worry filled the eyes of your best friends, and they looked at you as if they were terrified.  

But when a single pair of hands started to clap, the worry started to fade and they looked back to the crowd.  Another pair of hands joined the first, and soon the entire audience was applauding the two men.

Justin was beaming.  JC had tears in his eyes.  And when they kissed, a collective sigh floated around the room.

Tears stung your own eyes, and you blinked them away.  Lance looked up at you and smiled knowingly, and you forced yourself to smile back.

Justin and JC sent ten dozen flowers to your hotel room that night, each dozen a different color.  Each card read either “Thank you” or “We love you”.  

You sighed and sat on the edge of your bed, finally allowing yourself to bury your face in your hands and cry.

So here you are, just two weeks later, at their wedding, remembering all the times you shared with them and what it took for them to get here.  You’re sitting beside Lance, leaning your head on his shoulder and holding his hand.  

“You okay , Brit?”

You tell him that you’re fine, you’re just worn out from all the wedding planning and all the excitement.

Lance knows you well enough to know that you’re lying.

Justin is waiting nervously at the alter, chewing on his bottom lip, a nervous habit he’s had since the day you met him.  He was chewing on his bottom lip they day he and JC asked you to help them.

And when he smiles, you know JC is walking down the aisle.  You look back and can’t help but smile yourself, because JC looks happier than you’ve ever seen him.  He smiles back at you, his blue eyes dancing delightfully.

And when he gets to Justin, tears spring to his eyes, and you know it’s because he can’t believe this is finally happening.

They recite their vows, beautiful words that they wrote themselves, and it announced that they are now legally married.

And you cry.  Huge tears that roll down your face and catch at the corner of your mouth, and Lance embraces you.

Because he knows.

He knows the tears you’re crying aren’t tears of joy.

He knows you’re crying because it’s over.



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