Part 23


Fifteen minutes later Justin was in front of his building waiting for Lance. He’d rushed out as soon as he hung up the phone, not wanting to risk the chance of Josh seeing him leaving with Lance.

He saw Lance’s car pull up, and he took a deep breath, wiping away a few stray tears and walking towards the curb. Before he even got close, Lance was out of the car and running towards him.

He didn’t object when Lance threw his arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug, because frankly, he needed to be hugged right now. He needed someone to hold him and smooth his hair and tell him everything was going to be all right.

Because he didn’t think it was.

The ride to Lance’s apartment was mostly silent, except for Lance occasionally asking Justin if he was ok. Justin didn’t reply, just nodded silently.

“We’re here, Jus,” Lance said softly as he turned off the car. “You wanna go up?”

And for a moment, Justin seemed to realize what he was doing. He knew he shouldn’t be there, with Lance of all people, alone at Lance’s apartment. Part of him hoped Nick was there so Lance wouldn’t try anything.

But he needed someone. He couldn’t be alone, not now. And if Josh wouldn’t listen to his explanation, he had to let it fall upon ears that were willing to listen.

“Yeah,” he whispered, and he let Lance pull him out of the car and lead him upstairs.

He felt weak, he felt sick to his stomach…he felt empty. And he leaned against Lance like he forgot how to use his legs.

He closed his eyes as Lance unlocked the door, and a vision of Josh immediately flashed in his head. Tears pushed against his eyelids, and it was useless to blink them away.

He let Lance lead him into the apartment, and his eyes scanned the living room, looking for any sign that Nick was there.

“Where’s Nick?” he asked, not even bothering to hide the resentful tone in his voice.

Lance sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Nick and I broke up, Justin. I’ve been trying to tell you that since the day we—well, you know what happened. We broke up weeks before I even saw you at that party.”

Justin sat down on the couch, leaning his head against one of the cushions. “I’m sorry, Lance.”

“Don’t be. I never loved him like I loved you.” Lance sat down next to Justin, a little too close for Justin’s liking, who edged away slowly.

“Don’t, Lance. Please, just don’t. I love Josh. I can’t…please, just don’t.”

“It’s ok, Justin. I’m not going to hurt you, I promise,” he whispered, placing a gentle hand on Justin’s knee. “Now tell me what happened.”

“I don’t know, Lance…the last thing I remember is someone feeding me sleeping pills…and someone’s mouth…” he choked back a sob and took a deep breath. “Someone’s mouth on me. And then I passed out.”

He moved closer to Lance, needed to be nearer to someone, needing to feel safe. “I swear, Lance, I didn’t want it. I didn’t want it to happen, I only want Josh.”

“Shh, Jus, it’s ok…” Lance said, pulling Justin to him, Justin’s head nuzzled in his neck.

“How does Josh come into this?”

“This morning…” Justin whispered. “I woke up…and the person…he…he was still there…and he was on top of me…and…and…”

“Did he rape you, Justin?” Lance whispered, fear closing in his throat. Chris promised NO SEX.

“No…no, he didn’t. But…he probably would have if…” Another sob, and tears dripped onto Lance’s shirt. “If Josh wouldn’t have walked in.”

Lance held Justin, let him cry on his shoulder for half an hour until the younger boy finally pulled away and looked at Lance with sad, innocent eyes. “He doesn’t believe me, Lance. He actually thinks I cheated on him.”

“But you didn’t, Justin, and that’s what matters.”

"No,” Justin whispered, shaking his head. “He’ll never believe me. I lost him. I lost him, Lance…”

"It’s ok, Justin…I’m here…” He reached up and wiped a tear from Justin’s cheek, his finger dancing along Justin’s jaw. “I still love you, Justin.”

And when their lips met, Lance made a mental note to send Chris a thank you card.





Josh pulled himself out of bed and wiped his eyes, sighing heavily. I should let him explain, he thought. I really thought he loved me.

But when no one answered Justin’s door, Josh decided that maybe he thought wrong.



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