Part 11


Josh sat down on his bed next to Justin and ran a hand through his hair. “So let me get this straight…”

Justin gulped and avoided eye contact with him, just concentrated on his hands, which were suddenly very interesting.

“You’re gay.”

Justin nodded, cringing inwardly and waiting for the worst.

“And Lance is your ex boyfriend. The one you were talking about when you said you got dumped.”

Justin nodded again, wishing for a hole to crawl in to.

Josh must have sensed Justin’s insecurity, because he placed one hand on Justin’s knee and smiled. “It doesn’t bother me, you know.”

“What doesn’t bother you?”

“The fact that you’re gay. You could have told me, Justin. I have lots of gay friends.”  Including myself.

“I didn’t…I guess I didn’t want you to freak out or something. I mean, you were the first person I met here, and I didn’t want to scare you off by telling you I was gay. Back home…well, lets just say I didn’t get treated very well when people found out.” He fought the tears the pricked his eyes, not wanting JC to see him cry.

“You can talk to me, Justin. You can tell me what happened. It might help to talk about it.”

“Lance was my first boyfriend, my first kiss…my first everything.  He’s older than me, and I fell hard for him.  One night after a game, he snuck into the locker room…and we were fooling around when one of my teammates came in and caught us.”  He paused and took a shaky breath, his heart pounding in his chest.  “Basically, he beat the hell out of me and told the entire team that I was a fag.”

Josh was suddenly angry.  His brow was creased in a frown, and his fists were clenched at his sides. “Justin, if I would have known you then…”

“But you didn’t, Josh,” Justin snapped. “You didn’t know me then, and even if you did, there was nothing you could have done.”

Josh winced at the tone in Justin’s voice. “Calm down, Justin, I’m not the enemy here.”

“Fuck…”  Justin pulled one knee to his chest and rested his chin on it, sighing. “I’m sorry, Josh. It’s just…I’ve never told anyone about this, except my mom and Lance…and it’s hard, ya know?”

“I know, Justin. Believe me, I know.”

Justin’s eyes flew to Josh’s.  “What do you mean, you know?”

Shit, Josh thought, cursing himself for being so loose with his words. “I just meant I know what it’s like to be treated like shit.”

Justin looked like he accepted the answer, and Josh breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh.”

“So why did you and Lance break up then? And what the hell is he doing here?”

“After the thing in the locker room…after everyone found out about me…I got really depressed. I just couldn’t handle all the teasing, all the ridicule…so I quit the team. Basically I just quit trying. And Lance said I was too depressed to be in a relationship…so he broke it off.”  

Now the tears were spilling down his cheeks, and he knew there was nothing he could do to stop them.  
“He met some new guy a week later…Nick or something, I don’t know…and I didn’t see him anymore after that. I really loved him, Josh…” More tears, sliding down his cheeks faster now. “Then last night, he shows up out of nowhere. Knows Chris or something. He moved out here, got an internship at an ad agency…and he wants me back. And it was like…everything came flooding back, and when he hugged me…and asked me to leave with him…I just…”

“Justin. Tell me you didn’t…”

When Justin looked up at him with sad blue eyes, Josh knew.

“You did. You slept with him.”

Justin didn’t respond, just went back to studying his hands.

“Jesus christ, Justin, WHY? After what he did to you? After how he hurt you? You don’t fucking deserve that shit!”

Justin looked at Josh and frowned, standing up.  “Excuse me? What right do you have to tell me what to do with my life?  You don’t know me at all! You’ve known me for not even a week and you think you can just jump in and start giving me advice on my love life? Fuck you, Josh!” Justin spat, pacing the room.

“Justin, I didn’t mean—“

“Whatever, Josh. You have NO idea what it’s like, OK? NONE! Do you have any idea how fucking lonely I’ve been the past eight months of my life?  No friends, Josh. Not a one.  So when Lance came back, and told me that he still loved me, what was I supposed to do?  Huh?  What would YOU have done?”

“I’m sorry, Justin…I just…I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Thanks for caring, but I can take care of myself,” he sneered, slamming his door on the way out.
Josh laid back on his bed, sighing.  Way to go, Josh.


When Justin returned from his shower, Lance was still in his bed, half asleep.  

“Get up, Lance,” Justin grumbled, sitting down on the bed and shoving at Lance’s sleeping form.  

“Mrrmfrrmm…” Lance mumbled, rolling over on his side.  He frowned when he saw how tense Justin was, and slid a hand up Justin’s arm.  “You ok, baby?”

“Fine,” Justin snapped, pulling away from Lance’s touch.

“Woah,” Lance said, sitting up and wrapping his arms around Justin’s bare waist. “Obviously you’re not fine, baby. What happened.”

“Nothing. I got in a fight with Josh, no big deal.”

“You sure are pissed for it being no big deal,” Lance mumbled into Justin’s shoulder.  “Does he know you’re gay?”

“He does now.”

“Did he freak out on you, Justin? Because you’re gay?  Because if he did…”

“No, Lance, it was nothing like that.”

“What then?”

”He’s pissed that I’m back with you.”

“What? How the hell does he even know about me?”

“He saw us leave together last night…I bumped into him this morning on the way to the bathroom…and I told him everything.”

“Justin, you didn’t have to—“

“Yeah, I did, Lance. I owe it to him to tell him the truth.”

“Mind explaining what you’re so pissed about then?”

Justin sighed and leaned back into Lance’s arms, burying his face in Lance’s shoulder.

“He’s pissed that I’m back with you. He thinks that you’re going to hurt me again. And I freaked on him.”

“Justin,” Lance said softly, cupping Justin’s chin in his hand and turning Justin’s face to his.  “I love you, ok?  What happened between us…that’s in the past. I was stupid. I gave up the most wonderful thing I’ve ever had.  I promise, baby. I’m not going to do that again.”

If only I believed you, Justin thought, letting himself curl around Lance’s body, closing his eyes as his thoughts drifted to Josh.



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