JC
and Justin had always been the best of friends. Since they day they met, then
just a lanky, curly haired blonde and a skinny, buzz-headed brunette, the two
had been inseparable.
They’d grown up together, learned together, loved together, and lived together.
And now, it seemed, they might die together.
Lance sat in a chair at Justin’s bed side, knees huddled to his chest, eyes red and puffy from crying
so many tears.
Chris and Joey looked about the same, Joey by JC’s side and Chris in between
the two. No words were spoken; the
three men simply sat and listened to the sound of beeping machines and labored
breathing surrounding them. The sounds,
though soft and quiet, soon became deafening to Lance’s ears, who shot up from
his chair, his face scrunched into a terrified look, even more tears forming in
his eyes.
“I can’t take this!” he shouted. “This isn’t fair! Why is this
happening?” Joey rose from his
chair and held Lance tight as the younger man sobbed on his shoulder.
”I know, Lance. I know it’s not fair,” he said quietly, holding on to
Lance for dear life.
Chris remained quiet, reaching out and taking Justin’s hand in his own,
praying for some sort of response. “Come
on, Justy. I know you can get through this.
You have to get through this.” A
small sob escaped his lips and he pressed his face to Justin’s shoulder.
Justin’s injuries were worse than JC’s.
The crash left him in a coma, with internal bleeding, a broken
leg, and a collapsed lung. The
doctors didn’t think he was going to make it.
JC had a better chance of surviving, they’d said. His internal injuries weren’t as severe.
But Chris knew,
and Joey knew, and Lance knew, that without Justin, there wouldn’t be a JC.
If they lost Justin, they’d
lose them both.
So Chris continued to plead with Justin. “Justin…please…you have to fight.
You’re a fighter.”
Joey chuckled at Chris’s last words. “Damn
right Justin was a fighter. Remember the time he got in a
fist fight with some guy who tried to get on JC?”
Lance smiled, remembering the night vividly.
“That was the night we all found out the truth about Justin
and Josh’s relationship.”
The
music was loud. It was giving
Justin a headache. A bad headache.
He was crabby. He hated
having to stay away from JC when they went out, hated not being able to be by
his side the whole time. But if he
didn’t stay away, people would know, and they had decided they didn’t want
anyone to know just yet. So Justin
just sighed and downed the drink in his hand before resting his chin in his palm.
His eyes floated over the crowd, searching
for his lover. His heart
stopped in his chest when he saw JC up against a wall, a large man pressing
against him, a frightened look on JC’s chiseled face.
Justin clenched his fists and shot up from the stool, stalking towards the man
that was harassing JC. When he
finally reached the two, a wave of relief washed over JC’s face.
Justin grabbed the shoulder of the man and spun him around before shoving
his fist in his face.
“What the fuck, man!” he yelled at Justin, holding his bleeding nose.
“Stay away from him,” Justin hissed. “He’s
mine.” Lance, Joey, and Chris
watched in awe as Justin
wrapped his arms around JC’s waist and kissed him tenderly.
“You okay, baby?”
“I am now,” JC whispered, pressing his lips to Justin’s forehead.
"My hero..."
“Justin’s the one that could use a hero now,” Joey thought, a single tear
falling down his cheek.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"We should get something to eat, you guys,” Lance said, running a weak
hand through his blond spikes.
“We’ve been here all night, and there hasn’t been any change. If we want
to be here for them, we have to
keep our strength up.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Joey said softly, standing to stretch before he
joined Lance at the door.
Chris was silent. He looked first
at Justin, then at JC, sighed heavily, and turned towards Lance and Joey, his
brown eyes shimmering with tears.
“Come on, Chris,” Lance prodded gently.
Joey draped his arms around Chris’s shoulder and leaned his head
against Chris’s.
“We’re gonna get through this, Chris. I
promise you,” Joey whispered.
Outside, a huge crowd had gathered. Hundreds
of teenage girls, clutching pictures of Justin and JC,
huddled together outside the building, tears streaming down their faces.
The press had come out in droves, and Lance looked at Joey warily. “You guys
ready for this?”
Joey stood between Lance and Chris, grasping each of them by the arm.
Each of the three took a deep breath before walking out the door to brave
the barrage of questions they knew they’d have to face.
“Chris, what’s the condition of Justin and JC?”
”Lance, have the doctors noticed any improvement in their condition?”
”Joey, what does it feel like to know that two of your best friends might not
make it through the night?”
Joey stopped in his tracks, glaring at the reporter who had dared ask him such a
question.
“How the fuck do you think it feels?” he hissed before dragging Chris and
Lance through the crowd.
They finally reached the car and the three piled in, Joey driving, Chris in the
front seat, and Lance in
the back.
“Reporters are such assholes,” Joey commented, resting his heavy head on his
palm.
Chris leaned his head against the window and laughed softly.
“Remember the time that girl caught JC and
Justin kissing, and she took pictures?”
Lance laughed too, remembering the incident and clearly as if it had happened
yesterday. “I’d say JC
handled that one pretty well.”
”Justin, we’re gonna get caught,” JC whispered, his eyes darting around
the room to make sure no one was looking.
“No we’re not, Jace. It’s 3 in the morning, there’s no one in the lobby…”
He smiled up at JC, knowing JC couldn’t resist his grin, and pressed him up
against the wall. “Besides, one
little kiss won’t hurt.”
Justin’s hands were roving over JC’s body, and JC groaned
“Justin, you have no idea what you do to
me.”
The little kiss turned into a full blown make-out session, until JC heard the
snap of a camera and his
eyes popped open. He pulled away
from Justin slowly, and a small grin formed on his lips.
“Looks like we’ve got some company, Justin,” JC said calmly.
Why isn’t JC freaking out? Justin thought.
He turned around slowly to find a wide eyed young woman standing in front of
them. Now Justin knew why JC was so
calm.
“Hi, sweetie,” JC purred, stepping closer to the girl.
“H-hi,” she stuttered.
“You know who we are?”
A broad grin spread across her face. “Yeah! You’re from *NSYNC! I’m a HUGE
fan,” she gushed.
“Thanks, sweetie. So, what are you planning on doing with that film?”
“Uh...I…um…”
“How
about this…how about you give me the film…and I kiss you like I just kissed
Justin.”
All the color drained from the girl’s face, and Justin thought she might faint
right there.
“Wouldn’t it be great to tell your friends that you made out with JC
Chasez?” he said sweetly, taking
another step towards her.
“Ok…yeah….um…”
She
pulled the film out of her camera and pressed it into JC’s palm.
JC handed it to Justin, who whispered, “Are you really gonna make out with
her?”
“Just watch.” He placed his
palm softly on the girl’s cheek. “Ok, baby, come here.”
Before JC could even get close to kissing her, the girl fainted.
“Yep, just what I thought would happen,” JC laughed.
“Jace! We gotta get someone to help her!”
“I know, J, just calm down, we will.” He
kissed Justin’s forehead and smiled.
“Man, Jace, for a minute there I thought you were really going to kiss her!”
“Aww, Jus, do you really think I’d kiss anyone but you?”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Chris swore he saw JC stir a bit. He
didn’t want to say anything to Lance and Joey, for fear that he was
imagining things, so he just scooted his chair closer to JC’s bed and waited.
“Mrmrm…”JC muttered, and Chris thought his heart would jump
out of his chest.
Lance spun around so fast Chris thought he was going to fall over, and Joey shot
up from his chair and
glued himself to JC’s side.
It had been two weeks since the accident, and neither Justin nor JC had shown
any signs of improvement. They
hadn’t gotten any worse, but they hadn’t gotten any better, either.
“Josh?” Chris said softly, squeezing JC’s hand gently. Chris looked at
Joey and Lance; both had their eyes on JC, silently praying that this was
actually happening.
“Come on, Josh, come back to us…” Lance whispered. As if hearing his pleas, JC’s eyes fluttered open and he
moaned soflty.
“Oh god…” Joey said, tears brimming in his eyes.
“Josh?”
JC slowly turned his head towards Chris, who squeezed his hand even tighter.
“Chris…”
“Oh jesus, Josh, thank God. Thank God,” Chris breathed, tears falling down
his cheeks.
“Where…”
“We’re all here, Josh,” Lance said. “Joey, Chris, me…we’re all
here.”
“Justin.”
The room fell silent. Chris looked
at Lance, who looked at Joey, who looked at Chris.
“Where’s Justin, Lance?” JC
asked, his voice low and hoarse.
His green eyes glittered with tears, and he turned his back to JC.
He couldn’t tell him. Not now.
“Chris? Where’s Justin?” JC
asked, a tinge of desperation in his voice.
Chris kissed JC on the forehead, then stood and walked out of the room.
Panic flooded across JC’s face. He
looked to Joey, but before Joey could even answer, JC saw Justin.
“Oh God….no. NO!” JC fought
to sit up, tears welling up in his blue eyes.
“Jace, no, you can’t get up,” Joey whispered, placing a gentle hand on
JC’s chest.
“Joe, please…God, please tell me he’s just sleeping…please…” JC
pleaded.
“I wish I could, Josh…but…the doctors…they said…” Joey sighed, brushing away the tears that wouldn’t stop
falling. “They don’t know if
he’s going to make it, Jace.”
JC paled, his eyes suddenly cloudy. “No…Joey,
no..” JC said, squirming around and once again trying to sit up.
“Jace, you can’t sit up. You’re not strong enough yet,” Joey said,
trying his best to calm JC down.
“Mr. Chasez, glad to have you back with us.”
The doctor entered the room with Chris, who sat down in a chair next to
Justin’s bed.
JC was still writhing around, trying to get out of his bed.
”Mr. Chasez, you need to calm down. Your friends already almost lost you once.
I don’t think they can
handle it again.”
“Justin…” JC whispered, collapsing back onto his bed with a sigh.
“Mr. Timberlake’s injuries were much worse than yours,” the doctor said
gently. “We’re doing everything
we can.”
“You have to do more! You have to get him back! Please! I…” he paused to
catch his breath. It was
hard to fight when he felt so weak. “I
can’t live without him.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
JC was tired. But he couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t even close his eyes.
All he could do was stare at Justin,
hoping and praying that he would wake up and flash that smile that JC loved so
much.
JC needed to be closer to Justin, needed to be able to touch him. So at his
request, the doctors had put his
bed next to Justin’s. JC had been
holding Justin’s hand for almost 3 hours, hadn’t taken his eyes off the
younger man.
“Justin…” he whispered, suddenly feeling the need to talk to his lover.
“Please, Justin…you can’t leave
me…you promised you’d never leave me…”
Tears welled up in JC’s blue eyes; he didn’t bother blinking them
away, just let them fall.
He pressed his lips lightly to Justin’s forehead, tears dripping onto
Justin’s fuzzy head.
“There’s so much I haven’t told you, Justin. You can’t go, not yet…not
before you know how I feel…not before I tell you everything that I’ve never
been able to say…”
He brought Justin’s hand to his lips, kissing it lightly as a small sob
escaped from his throat.
“I love you, Justin. I don’t
think you even know how much. I
love the way you pout when you don’t get your way, the way you stick your
tongue out just a little when you’re concentrating on something.
I love the way you squeeze my hand when you’re scared, and the way you
always try to protect me. I
need you, Justin…please, don’t leave me…”
He was sobbing now, his head face pressed against Justin’s chest.
“Please, Justin…” he mumbled. “I need you…I love you…you
always asked me if I believed in soul mates…and I never gave you a straight
answer…but I do, Justin. I do believe in soul mates, and I know that you are
mine. You are the other half of me. Without you, I’m only half a person…”
The sobs racked his body as he spoke. “You can’t leave me…”
“Josh….” The voice was barely
audible, so soft and weak. At
first, JC thought he was hearing things.
And then he heard it again. “Josh…”
He sat up slowly, afraid to believe he might actually be hearing Justin’s
voice.
“Justin? Can you…can you hear me?” he choked.
Justin’s eyes opened slowly, and JC felt his heart in his throat.
“Justin!”
Justin smiled weakly, closing his eyes slowly, then opening them again.
“Chris,
Lance, Joey!” JC
called, yelling to wake this three friends.
“Josh? Are you ok?” Lance asked, worried.
“Justin! Justin’s awake!”
Joey shot up from his chair and rubbed his eyes before rushing to Justin’s
side. Chris and Lance soon
followed.
Justin smiled again, taking a deep breath.
“Hey guys,” he whispered.
“Justin…I can’t believe…” Joey
stammered.
“What happened?” Justin asked.
“You were in an accident, Jus,” Chris answered. “You and JC both. You’ve
been out for 2 weeks. We…we thought…” he couldn’t finish for fear that
he would break into sobs.
“Josh? Josh, where are you?”
“I’m right here, baby,” JC answered, squeezing Justin’s hand.
“Guys, can you…” he stopped tot take a weary breath. “Can you give Jace and I some time alone?”
“Sure, Justy, no problem,” Lance said, leaning down to kiss Justin’s head.
“We’ll see you in a bit, Sport, “Joey said before the three left the room.
“God, baby…I thought I’d lost you…I don’t know what I’d do if I lost
you…” JC cooed, smoothing his palm over Justin’s head.
“Josh…I love you…”
“I love you too, Justin.”
“Josh?”
“Yeah?”
”Kiss me?”
“You don’t even have to ask,” JC whispered through his tears, pressing his
lips gently to Justin’s.
Justin smiled again, then closed his eyes.
“Never forget that I love you, Josh….I love you…”
His voice
trailed off and he was suddenly silent.
Panic shot through JC’s body. “Justin?”
No response. “JUSTIN!”
God, no, please don’t let this be happening.
The flat beep of Justin’s heart monitor confirmed JC’s fears.
“NO!” he shouted, shaking Justin roughly. “HELP! Someone, please, help!”
But he knew it was too late.
His baby, his love, his best friend…was gone.
He laid his head on Justin’s chest, sobbing uncontrollably, arms wrapped
around Justin’s body.
“JC, what’s wrong?” Joey yelled as he ran into the room. He stopped and
took in the scene in the room.
“Oh god…no…”
Lance and Chris followed, and Chris collapsed into a heap on the floor, face
buried in his hands.
The room was silent except for JC’s sobs and his quiet please.
“No….no….”
* * * * * * * * * * * *
It had been a year. A year since
the accident, a year since Justin died.
The worst year of JC’s life.
He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat…he’d lost so much weight, was so thin,
that Joey, Lance, and Chris were
afraid to touch him, scared they would break him in half.
JC had moved in with Lance after Justin’s death. They’d tried to get him to move on, to live his life
to
the fullest, because that’s the way Justin would have wanted it, but JC quit
the group, quit singing, quit
writing…quit living.
Joey pursued and acting career and has small parts in a few movies; Chris taught
music to underprivileged kids in Orlando. Lance spent his time running Free Lance Entertainment.
And JC didn’t do anything.
Here on the eve of the anniversary of Justin’s death, JC sat in front of the
television set, watching Justin
beat box over and over on the Madison Square Garden tape.
His eyes brimmed with unshed tears, and his body shook.
Lance watched him from the kitchen, his heart going out to his best friend. He
rose from his seat and
strode into the living room, sitting next to JC on the floor and wrapping his
strong arms around his friend’s waist. He
rocked JC back and forth while he cried
“Lance…” JC sobbed. “Why did he have to leave me? Why can’t I still be with him? I want to be with him,
Lance. I miss him so much!”
“Shh, Jace, I know you do, I know,” Lance whispered, rubbing JC’s back
gently. He sighed heavily and
pulled away from JC, looking in his sad blue eyes.
“I have something for you.” He
stood up and walked out of the room, returning a few minutes later with a plain
white envelope in his hand.
He sat down next to JC again and took his hands. “This letter is from Justin.”
JC’s eyes widened in shock as he reached for the envelope.
“He gave it to me a year before he died, and made me promise that if anything
ever happened to him, I would give it to you.”
“Why did you wait this long, Lance?” JC questioned.
“I don’t know, Jace…I just thought it would make things harder for
you…but something tells me that
whatever Justin wrote in that letter is going to make everything ok.”
He smiled at JC reassuringly before
standing to leave JC alone.
“Thanks, Lance,” JC said before curling up on the couch and opening the
letter. He took a deep breath
and began reading.
Josh—
If you’re reading this…it means that I’m
gone. God, I hope you never, ever have to read this, because I
don’t want to know what’s it’s like to be without you. I can only imagine
what you’re going through right now…I know that I wouldn’t be able to
breathe if I lost you.
I know you miss me, Josh. God, I
wish I could be there to kiss all your tears away, to hold you close
and make everything ok. But you
have to let me go, Josh. You have
to move on, you have to live your
life, because you can do great things.
Do you have any idea how much I admire you, Joshua Scott?
I’ve looked up to you since they day we met. I admire your strength,
your talent, your perseverance, and your dedication.
I admire your ability to turn one note into a beautiful song,
your ability to bring tears to my eyes with your amazing voice. I love
you, Josh. I have always loved you,
and I always will. Please don’t
ever forget that.
I’m gone, Josh. I wish it was
different, I wish we could have spent forever together, but I’m gone. God,
I’m crying just writing this, imagining you reading it, imagining the pain you
must be in.
Please let me go, Josh. You will find love again, you deserve to find love
again. You are the best person I
know, and I don’t want you to live your life alone just because you’re
afraid of forgetting me. You will
never forget me, Joshua. I am part of you, and I always will be. You know that.
I’m always with you.
I love you, Joshua. You’ll be
able to do it without me. Just keep
this letter and remember that I believe
in you.
Stop crying, wipe away the tears. Go and give Lance a hug, he’ll always be
there for you. He promised me he would take care of you, so I assume you’re
living with him now. Take advantage
of his friendship, JC. He needs you
as much as you need him.
I know I’ve said it a million times, but I love you.
Goodbye, Josh.
Love always and forever,
Your baby boy, Justin
JC folded the letter and held it to his heart, tears streaming down his cheeks. He
took a deep breath and
stood up, walking towards the kitchen to find Lance.
He was sitting at the table, head bowed, pretending to be reading something.
“L-lance?” JC stammered through his tears.
He looked up and offered JC a small smile. “Hey, Joshy. Feel
better?”
JC sighed and ran a shaky hand through his messy hair. “I still miss him. God,
I’ll always miss him…but…he’s right. I
need to move on. Not forget about him…but move on. Live my life.”
Lance smiled and stood up. “You
have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that, Jace.”
JC stretched out his arms and pulled Lance into a tight hug.
”Thanks for taking care of me, Lance,” he whispered, holding him tighter.
“I’ll always be here, Jace, You know that.”
JC smiled and sighed. Justin
always took care of him.