You hate him for it.
Hate him for acting like you ceased to exist once he and Britney became “official.”
Hate him for only calling you when she isn’t around. Hate him for only talking
about her during one of the rare times it’s just the two of you hanging out.
You used to be best friends. You used to spend all your free time together. He
used to share a room with you ever night, curling up to you when he slept, one
arm draped around your waist, face buried in your neck.
You used to think that maybe he felt the same way about you that you felt about
him. You almost told him.
And then she came along, and suddenly he was gone.
You hate him for that.
And hate him even more when he shows up on your doorstep tonight, eyes red and
puffy, hands shoved deep in his pockets, sniffing his tears away.
You hate him because you’re still in love with him.
“Justin? What’s wrong?”
You know what he’s going to say. He does this at least once a month. Calls you,
usually, to tell you about some random argument he and Britney got into. Frankly,
you don’t care, but since you love him, you roll your eyes and listen.
“Britney and I got in a fight.” Or “Britney hurt my feelings.” Or—
“I broke up with Britney.”
No, you definitely aren’t expecting him to say that.
“What?” No, he’s lying. There’s no way. Is there?
“I broke up with her. Can I…”
“Oh, yeah, sorry, man, come on in,” you stammer, moving aside as he brushes
past you and throws himself on your couch.
You hate him for looking so pitiful, curled up in a ball on your couch, tiny
sobs shaking his body.
“I just…I can’t do it anymore, Josh…I just…I can’t.”
You run your hands through your hair and sit next to him on the couch, afraid to
touch him. “Can’t do what, Justin?”
“It’s not real, Josh. I don’t love her. I don’t think I ever loved
her.”
“Then why—“
“I don’t want to talk about it, Josh. Please. Just…I just needed you.”
You scoff, only realizing you had done it when he looks at you with wide eyes.
“Why did you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Make that noise. That ‘hmff’ noise.”
You sigh and rest your face in your hands, wondering if you should just get it
all out in the open.
“Because.”
“Are you mad at me or something?” he asks softly.
“Truth?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
“But…why?” he whimpers, wiping at the tears on his cheeks. “I don’t
understand. You’re supposed to be my best friend, and—“
“Yeah, Justin. And you’re supposed to be mine. But where have you been the
past year? Huh? Where have you been when I’ve needed you?”
“I—“
“You were with her, Justin. That’s where. And the only time you even
attempted to spend time with me was when you needed to talk. About her.”
“Josh, I—“
“It’s like I’m an afterthought to you or something. Second best. Only like
me when you want something, or need something.”
“That’s not—“
“And it hurts, Justin. It fucking hurts. I miss you like fucking
crazy, and I hate admitting that, because I shouldn’t miss you. You just
up and abandoned our friendship over a fucking girl, and I shouldn’t
miss you. But I do.” You take a deep breath and lean back against the couch.
“I do.”
“I didn’t…god, Josh, I didn’t know you felt that way…”
“Yeah, well, now you do.”
“I’m so sorry…” he whispers, squeezing your hand in his, and when did he
get so close to you?
“Yeah, well…”
“Josh, please. I didn’t know you felt this way, honestly. I never meant to
hurt you, and god, you know I miss you too.”
“Really? Sure as hell doesn’t seem like it.”
He sighs and looks at his lap, pulling his hand away from yours and wringing it
with his own. “I’m sorry, ok? But I do miss you. I do. I miss…”
“You miss what, Justin?”
“I miss staying up until three in the morning watching movies with you. I miss
playing basketball early in the morning. I miss the grin on your face when you
beat me.”
Your heart flutters in your chest, and damn it, he’s making it hard for you to
hate him right now.
He raises his head and looks at you, blue meeting blue. “I miss laying in your
arms at night…miss having my face nuzzled in your neck…miss the warmth of
your body next to mine…miss the soft kisses you’d put on my forehead when
you thought I was asleep.”
Your face flushes red at his comment, and he smiles at you shyly.
“I need you, JC. I need my best friend. I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting
you. I’m sorry if I hurt you. But please…I really need you tonight.”
You sigh and wrap an arm around his shoulder, pulling him to you. “Ok, Justin.
Tell me everything.”
He rests his head on your lap, and you sigh again, wishing he didn’t have to
be so damn beautiful.
“My life is a waste.”
“What?” you almost shout, the fingers that were playing with his hair
stilling. “What did you say?”
“I’m nothing. What am I, Josh? I’m a trophy boy. A pin up heart throb. I
put my heart and soul into what I do, and no one cares. All they see is a pretty
boy with halfway decent voice and an equally famous girlfriend.”
“Justin, I can’t believe you’re—“
“Not like you, Josh. You’re…like…this amazing singer and songwriter, and
people recognize that talent, and they respect you for it.”
“Justin, how many of my songs have been released?”
“That’s not the point, Josh. They only release my songs because they want to
boost my popularity, push me as the front man. I hate it.”
“What does this have to do with Britney?”
“She’s part of the reason I hate myself.”
“Wait—you hate yourself?”
He nods against your lap, and you feel the wetness of his tears through your
jeans. “I don’t want to be the person that she makes me. I don’t want to
be cocky, and I don’t want to flaunt myself. I don’t want to be the
‘Golden Boy’. And with her, I don’t have a choice.”
“I thought you loved her.”
“Never. I never loved her.”
“Then why—“
“At the time I thought it was the right thing to do…I thought that it would
help promote the group. Turns out I was wrong. Turns out I ruined everything.
The guys are pissed off at me, and my best friend hates me.”
“I don’t hate you, Justin. God, I could never hate you.”
He rolls over so his nose is nuzzling your stomach, and your heart flutters
again. “Thanks, Josh. That means a lot.”
“You wanna watch a movie, Justin?”
He looks up at you and smiles gratefully. “I’ll go grab a blanket. You know
I get cold in your house.”
You nod and smile, laughing as he scrambles up the stairs to your room to grab
his favorite blanket. It’s been forever since you’ve done this.
“Got it,” he calls from upstairs, and seconds later he’s next to you on
the couch, curling up against your side. “What movie?”
“Moulin Rouge,” you say, not ashamed to admit that this movie is your
new obsession.
He wrinkles his nose at you and you can’t help but laugh at how adorable he
looks. “Have you ever seen it?”
He shakes his head “no”.
“Then shut up. It’s awesome.”
He sighs and leans his against your shoulder, and you jump when his hand comes
to rest on your thigh.
“You ok?”
“Yeah, you just startled me is all.”
“Mkay.”
Two and a half hours later, your lap was damp with Justin’s tear again, and
you heard him sniff lightly. “You ok, Justin?” you ask, fingering his soft
curls.
“That was so…sad…” he whispers, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
“I know. Good though, huh?”
He nods, yawning. “Tired,” he mumbles against your shoulder.
“You wanna stay here tonight?”
He nods. You grab his hands and pull him from the couch. “Come on, kid.
Upstairs.”
“Too far.”
You laugh and tug on his hand. “Let’s go.” He follows you up the stairs
obediently, collapsing on your bed the minute he gets in the bedroom.
“What makes you think you’re sleeping in here?” you tease, and his eyes
snap open, wide with surprise.
”I can’t sleep in here?”
”I was kidding, Justin,” you say, slipping underneath the covers next to
him.
He slides his arm around your waist and curls against your side, just like he
used to, and you sigh happily as you reach over to turn off the light.
“Josh?”
“Hmm?”
“Thanks. For everything.”
“I’m always gonna be here, Justin,” you whisper, kissing his forehead
lightly. “Always.”
“Come what may?” he says with a smile.
You smile back. “Come what may.”
And suddenly he’s hovering over you, his eyes filled with something you
can’t quite pinpoint, something you’ve never seen before. And he’s leaning
closer to you, and fireworks are going off behind your closed eyelids, because
his lips are moving against yours, and they’re so soft, and so sweet.
As quickly as it started, it’s over, and he buries his face in your neck
again. “I love you,” he whispers, so softly you think you might have been
imagining it.
When you wake up, he’s gone, and now you’re pretty sure that you imagined
the whole thing, not just the kiss and the whispered “I love you.” You
stretch and rub your eyes, your attention suddenly focused to a very bright red
rose lying next to you.
With a note attached.
Your frown and pick it up, rubbing your eyes again so you can read it.
Never knew I could feel like this, like I've never seen the sky before.
Want to vanish inside your kiss...every day I love you more and more.
Listen to my heart, can't you hear it sing.
Telling me to give you everything.
And now you’re wondering if maybe you haven’t completely lost your mind,
because Justin couldn’t have written this…could he?
You take a deep breath and walk to your bedroom door. As you step out, your foot
kicks something, and you look down to see another red rose and another note.
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place.
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace.
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste.
It all revolves around you.
And there's no mountain to high no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Your heart is going to beat out of your chest, you know it, and you have to
collect your thoughts and tell your feet to move forward.
You walk shakily down the steps, looking around when you finally reach the
bottom.
And you see him, standing out on the patio, his back facing you, the sun dancing
through his golden curls.
Another deep breath and you walk to the door, sliding it open. Your heart stops
when he turns around, and tears form in your eyes when he starts singing.
“Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide. But I love you till the end of
time…Come what may...come what may...I will love you until my dying day.”
He takes another step towards you, brushing a tear from your cheek. “For you,
JC. I broke up with her for you.”
“Justin, I—“
“I love you, Josh. It’s always been you. But I was scared. I still am. But
it doesn’t matter. Because I’m going to love you no matter what life throws
at us. No matter what people think, no matter what people say…I’m going to
love you.”
“Come what may?” you whisper, your voice quivering.
“Come what may,” he breathes before pressing his lips to yours, and those
fireworks are back, and you realized that you never hated him. You’ve loved
him all along.