clap clap “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands…” clap clap “If you’re happy and you know it, then…” “Daddy!” Ella whined, hands on her hips. “Sing with me!” Justin sighed, rubbing his temples slowly. “Come ‘ere, babygirl,” he said, lifting Ella into his lap. “How was school today?” Her bright blue eyes lit up, and a grin spread across her face. “It was fun, Daddy! We learned a new song! I was just singin’ it for you!” With that, she continued with the song; Justin closed his eyes and didn’t clap his hands. ***** “Justin, you need to get out more.” Justin rolled his eyes at his mother, taking a sip of coffee as he thumbed through the papers on his desk. “I work two jobs, mama. And I have a very busy four-year-old at home. Getting out isn’t really an option.” Data entry wasn’t his first career choice (or his second or third, for that matter), but it paid the bills. Well, some of the anyway. “Honey, you don’t need that other job. I’ve offered to help you with—“ “No,” Justin said firmly. “I can do this on my own.” “Justin, I just want you to be happy. You deserve to get out, to be 24, to meet someone—“ “Enough!” Justin snapped, glaring at his mother. “I have Ella, ok? She’s my main priority and she’s all I need.” “Are you happy?” When Justin didn’t answer, Lynn sighed and leaned forward, kissing him on the cheek. “I love you, Justin,” she said on her way out. Justin sighed, looking over at a smiling photo of his daughter. God, he loved that little girl. He’d do anything for her, even if it cost him his own happiness. Jenny’s pregnancy had been a mistake; she was the first and only girl he’d ever slept with, and he’d only done it to convince himself that he wasn’t gay. It didn’t work, and when Jenny ended up pregnant, he had no choice but to play the happy couple with her. At only 20 years old, he was sure he wasn’t ready for the responsibility of a child, but he was never one to run away from his mistakes. He quit school, losing his dream of becoming a music teacher, and got a job to pay for the apartment he and Jenny had moved in to together. He hated her for it; for convincing him to move in with her, for talking him in to quitting school. Hated her because she was the cause of his unhappiness. He went out nearly every night, screwing around with random men just to get his mind off of what he had to go home to. He never had sex with any of them; that would make it all too real. But when a guy in a club had Justin pressed up against a wall, his mouth hot and wet on Justin’s dick, everything else slipped from his mind, and for those few minutes, he was ok. Jenny accused him one night of cheating on her. He had to laugh, because in his mind, he and Jenny weren’t even together. He was only there for the unborn baby. “You asshole!” she said, shoving him. “I’m carrying your fucking CHILD and you’re off screwing some slut!” He finally managed to calm her down, and the argument ended with her hand down the front of his pants, stroking him to a meaningless orgasm. She whispered “I love you” in his ear, and he threw up in the bathroom. Every bit of hate Justin felt for Jenny melted away the moment the doctor laid Ella in his arms. She was breathtaking, and his heart actually ached with the love he felt for her. He frowned in confusion when the doctor snatched his daughter from his arms, telling him he needed to leave the room. He looked over his shoulder as the doctor was pushing him, and he understood. Jenny was gone. “She just lost so much blood, Justin,” the doctor said. “And she was so small…her body just couldn’t handle it.” Later that day, as he held Ella in his arms, tears flowed down his cheeks. This was his life now. Just him and his daughter. Jenny’s parents wanted nothing to do with the baby; they hated Justin and everything he stood for, and the moment Jenny had moved in with him, her parents vowed not to take part in her life anymore. He’d never felt more alone in his life. The buzzing of his phone shook him from the memories, and he sniffled lightly. “Justin Timberlake.” “Hi daddy!” He smiled, rubbing at his eyes. “Hey, pumpkin. How’s my babygirl?” “I’m fine. Can I have a kitten?” Justin laughed out loud. “What? Sweetheart, you know we can’t afford any pets.” “But Daddy,” she whined. “Ella, we’ve been over this. I promise, some day, when Daddy has lots and lots of money, he’ll buy you a million kittens, ok?” He could hear her pouting on the other end of the line. “Fine. When are you going to be home?” “Not ‘til late, sugar. Daddy has to work at the coffee shop tonight.” “But I miss you!” “I miss you too, babygirl, but I have to work. Gramma will take good care of you. I’ll pick you up later.” “Ok, Daddy.” “I love you, Ella Bella.” She giggled softly. “I love you too.” “Bye bye.” Justin shifted in the chair, getting back to his typing and letting his mind wander. After Jenny died, Justin had to get another job to support himself and Ella. It was hard being away from her all day, but his mom was great about watching her while he worked. He’d missed her first step, and her first word, but she didn’t go without food, clothing, and a roof over her head, and for that, he was grateful. His mother had tried on hundreds of occasions to give him money. He’d refused every time, insisting that he had to do this on his own. It was his bed to lie in, and he wasn’t about to take handouts from anyone. He came home exhausted nearly every day; he worked at the coffee shop three nights a week and every other weekend, and at The Pillar, his data entry job, Monday – Friday. He felt like he didn’t get a minute to himself, and he often worried that he had become a bitter old man at the ripe old age of 24. But when he looked at Ella, he knew it was all worth it, because she deserved to have a good life. And he’d be damned if anyone was going to deny her of that. He looked up at the clock and realized, with mixed feelings, that it was time to go. Past time to go, actually, and he was probably going to be late for work. Shit. ***** “You’re late, Timberlake,” Lance scolded, tossing an apron at Justin. “I know, man. Sorry. Traffic,” Justin explained, tying the apron around his waist. “Justin, you don’t have car.” “Busses take the same path, Lance.” Lance laughed shaking his head at his employee. “No big deal, man. We’re not that busy. It’s gonna be a slow night. Snow’s already starting,” Lance said, nodding at the window. Justin noticed the wet white flakes splattering against the glass and sighed. Winter already. That meant the heating bill was going to skyrocket. He made a mental note to ask Lance for more hours. He settled behind the counter, leaning against a stool, arms folded across his chest. “What’re you up to tonight?” he asked Lance, not really wanting to know but sick of the quiet. Lance grinned from ear to ear. “Hot date,” he said. “Chris?” Lance nodded, tossing his apron aside and clocking out. “He’s taking me to that new restaurant down town…what’s it called?” “Fiera’s,” Justin said. “That’s it!” Lance agreed. “Anyway, he’s taking me to dinner.” “Sweet of him. That place is damn expensive.” “Yeah, it is,” Lance said, and Justin didn’t miss the dreamy look in his eyes. “Have a good time,” Justin said halfheartedly. There’s no way he’d ever make it to a place like Fiera’s. It was McDonald’s and Taco Bell for him, no two ways about that. “See ya later, Lance.” “Have a good one, Timberlake.” Justin reached over and turned on the radio, smiling a little when a soft jazz tune floated through the speakers. He started humming with the beat, tapping his foot in time with the music. He didn’t even notice when then bell above the door jingled, signaling the entrance of a customer and a major change in his life.
“If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands…”