Part 8


In the Dark

He decided that the dark made everything easier. In the dark, he didn’t have to worry about opening his eyes, because he wouldn’t be able to see anything anyway.

In the dark, he could avoid the fact that what used to be the face of his best friend was now just a mesh of colors and smudges.

He kept the lights off as much as possible for the next week. He’d retreat to his room after a concert and flick the light off as soon as he walked in, falling onto the bed, shivering with cold despite the sweat dripping from his body.

When the countdown to the last show began, he only got worse. He was fighting tears at every second of every day, choking on his own breath as he gasped for air.

“Someone HAS to do something,” Lance hissed on the last day of the tour, watching JC gasp once more and fall to a crouching position, hands on his knees. “Fuck, just LOOK at him.”

Justin’s heart thumped wildly in his chest as he watched the older man suffer. “There’s no way he’s going to make it through the show tonight,” Joey said sadly, shaking his head.

Lance looked pointedly at Justin, nodding his head slowly. “J, talk to him. He needs you.”

Justin scoffed angrily, swallowing hard. “Needs me? Right. Which is why he blamed this entire whatever-it-is on me, right?”

“Yeah,” Lance said seriously. “That’s exactly why.”

“He’s right, man,” Chris said, patting Justin on the shoulder. “And you know it.”

“I don’t get it.”

“This all started when you made your little announcement,” Joey said, waving his arm. “As soon as he found out you were leaving us… him…for eight months, it’s like he died inside.”

“Come on, Joe. There’s no way that he’s like this because of me taking a break from this.”

“Oh really? You sure about that, Timberlake?”

Justin nodded, eyes narrowing at Joey.

“Explain, then, why the only time I’ve seen JC happy in the recent past is the day that you told him you loved him.”

Justin frowned, scratching at the back of his neck. “What?”

“He asked you why you wanted to help him. You told him, ‘Because I love you, man.’ The look on his face said it all. He needs you, Justin.”

Justin sighed and looked over his shoulder at JC, who was now on the floor leaning up against the wall, eyes closed. “Fine,” he said softly. “You guys get the hell out of here. I need to talk to him.”

JC squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could, trying his best to create the dark atmosphere he was craving. He jumped when he felt a body next to his.

“Hey,” Justin said softly, nudging JC with his elbow.

JC let his head fall forward, shrugging his acknowledgment.

“We need to talk, man.”

“Turn off the lights.”

“What?”

“The lights. Turn off the lights. I need it dark. Please, Justin. Just…I want it dark.”

Justin frowned in confusion but complied with the request, fumbling his way through the dark room to find his way back to JC.

“Thank you,” JC croaked, his voice just above a whisper.

“Talk to me.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You could start by trying to explain to me what it is you’re going through.”

“Too hard.”

“Try?”

“…”

“For me?”

JC sighed and scooted closer to Justin, hesitantly laying his head on Justin’s shoulder. Justin noticed the hesitation and whispered “Shhh,” stroking JC’s hair lightly.

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“This.”

“JC…”

“I can’t see you, Justin. Do you know how scary that is?”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s like…in my head…it’s cloudy, and dark, and gloomy. And it’s affecting my entire life.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“You said it was.”

“It’s not.”

“Is it because I’m leaving?” Justin said in a whispered, wincing when he felt JC’s body stiffen.

“No,” JC breathed.

“Are you sure?”

“No.”

“Why do you—“

“No more. Please, Justin. No more.”

Justin sighed and pulled JC closer to him, brushing a kiss across his temple. “Ok.”

As they sat there in the dark, Justin began to wonder if he’d ever see the light.



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