Part 1
Something
Missing
For the tenth time in as
many days, he woke up feeling not all there.
Like something was missing.
Like he wasn’t himself.
He sighed unhappily and rolled over onto his back, scrubbing at the mess of hair
on his head and closing his eyes again. If he could put words to it, it would be
like gray and black clouds rolling around in his head, clouding his vision,
blocking his view.
He felt like his world was passing before him at light speed, and he was missing
things that were probably important.
He didn’t want to get out of bed. In fact, if he had his way, he’d stay
there forever.
And that bothered him. Because it shouldn’t be that way. He shouldn’t feel
like this, especially since he loved his work so much.
Or did, anyway.
He’d convinced himself that this would pass, that he was just in a slump and
he’d wake up tomorrow feeling bright and chipper and ready to sing his heart
out for the world that he belonged to.
Ten days later, he still felt terrible, and the worst part was, he was beginning
to not even care.
***
“Josh, are you up yet?” came a voice through the door, accompanied by a loud
pounding.
Sighing, he sat up slowly, willing his body to get some damn energy and let
Justin in.
“I’m coming,” he said meekly, trudging towards the door.
“Josh, we have sound check in ten…” Justin frowned at his friend, who had
already crawled back into bed and curled into a ball. “Josh? Are you feelin’
sick or something, man?”
“No,” he said, and it wasn’t a lie. He
wasn’t
feeling sick. He was just wasn’t feeling
good.
“Didn’t get much sleep last night?”
“No, I got plenty of sleep.” Also not a lie. He imagined he’d slept more
in the past ten days than he had in his entire time with NSYNC.
“Then what’s wrong, man?” Justin asked, concerned.
JC looked up into the worried blue eyes of his friend.
Justin.
Justin Randall Timberlake.
He’d been a part of this feeling. This not-good feeling. Every time JC looked
at him, something inside him twisted. It wasn’t painful. It was just there.
And hell if JC could figure out just what it was.
The thing that worried him most was that when he looked at Justin, it was
nothing but a blur.
***
He used to enjoy sound checks. He loved the look on his fans’ faces when he
walked onto the stage, knowing that he’d put those smiles there.
But now, since this feeling had taken him over, he just didn’t care anymore.
He stayed back from the rest of the guys, sipping his tea and tugging at the
silly hat on his head. When they tried to get him involved, he forced a smile
and said a word or two before falling back into his own clouded world.
He watched Justin today, wishing that he could actually see the facial
expressions that the boy was making. He knew Justin was there; he felt the
strength of his presence. And he heard Justin laugh and make jokes and interact
with the fans.
But the blur that was Justin seemed to get blurrier as the time went on. And JC
was starting to get scared.
***
“Justin,” JC said softly from his nestled position on the couch. “Can you
come here for a second?”
“Yeah man, no problem,” Justin said, climbing to his feet and tossing the
video game aside. “What’s up?”
“Closer,” JC said, his voice still hushed. “Kneel down…come closer.”
“JC are you feeling all right?” Justin asked for the umpteenth time that
day.
“Please, Justin, just…come here.”
Justin obeyed, falling slowly, hesitantly, to his knees in front of the older
man.
JC closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again.
Justin was still blurry.
“Closer,” he whispered, and Justin leaned forward. JC strained to see him,
praying that the clouds would be whisked away and Justin’s face would be in
front of him, clear and bright and beautiful as always.
And there it was. That little twist inside of him, the one that was confusing
the hell out of him. He frowned and cocked his head a little, squinting his eyes
at the younger man.
“Josh, what are you doing?”
“Shhh…I’m trying to see you.”
Justin frowned and stood up abruptly, shaking JC from his trance. “Justin, why
did you—“
“I don’t know what’s up with you, JC, but it’s starting to freak me out
a little,” he said shakily before walking out, slamming the door behind him.
JC rubbed his eyes and laid back. The not-good feeling was getting worse.
next
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