Part 3


Cry

FLASHBACK

Justin unconsciously licked his lips; the small gesture was more than enough. Ever so briefly, his tongue touched JC’s bottom lip. JC’s eyes slamming shut at the contact he leaned forward into the touch. Their lips meet in a soft butterfly kiss.

The loud sound of the lock clicking on the door blasted through the peaceful beauty that was their first kiss. They both jumped back from the other stunned to silence.

Joey, Lance, and Chris entered the room stopping in their tracks at the sight before them.

Two men about as far away from each other on a couch as you could get without sitting in another chair. Red faces, shaky breathing, their eyes making them look like the proverbial deer in headlights.

They kissed!!! They all thought glancing at each other knowingly.

FLASHBACK ENDS

I'll always remember

It was late afternoon

It lasted forever

And ended too soon

Justin and JC had been avoiding the probing looks the guys were giving them for days now. They didn’t even know what was going on let alone trying to explain it to someone else. They’d kissed. It was a little kiss barely a touch of the lips but it was enough to send both their minds and worlds into a tornado of emotions.

Justin could only think of one reason behind JC’s actions. He was playing with him. In his saner mind he knew that JC would never do something like that but that was the only thing he was capable of thinking. It had all been too perfect, that entire day, so it had to be a set up.

JC didn’t know what to think. He was still sure that Justin was in a relationship, he was always talking to someone on the phone, it had to be Him…. whoever ‘He’ was. That thought made him feel so guilty and jealous all at once that he couldn’t take it.

Their friends were just as confused as the two of them. They had suspected that the two had feelings for each other. Now they both were avoiding each other and avoiding talking about anything to do with the other. The guys were worried. This never happened. JC and Justin had never gone out of their way to stay apart. There was a connection between the two that no one had ever really understood. They always hugged each other, comforted each other. When the group had started out Justin had naturally fallen back into the comforting arms JC offered since the MMC. They had a relationship that was so set that people knew that they were meant to meet each other, when they were together they radiated a happiness, a feeling of completeness that people understood as them being best friends then. No one was the wiser. Until now, at least now their friends were starting to take notice of the feelings beneath the actions. The morning they’d started acting strange had been a small instance. Josh had gone out of his way to save food for Justin when the cleanup crew was starting to clear out the buffet because Justin was yet again late, taking forever and a day to roll out of bed. Its not that he’d saved him food, but that he’d specifically gotten all of Justin’s favorites, even having them make Justin more bacon when he saw there was none left.

They had always taken care of each other. They both definitely had their moments where they’d back away now and then, everyone needed space now and then but it had never lasted more than a day. When Josh retreated into his own world of music, lyrics, staring into nothingness, Justin backed off because he knew that JC needed time to work out whatever feelings were driving him to the pen and paper before him. Though now that the guys really thought back, that had been going on a lot more lately.

Justin had kept his space now and then in the past from them all, usually they chalked it up to him and Britney fighting but it was obvious that had not been the case. In fact, when he’d turned away from the group to ‘concentrate on Justin’ he’d often done it because he was too close to the edge. He’d be on the brink of letting his feelings over rule his brain, letting his body act on the natural impulse to wrap an arm around JC’s waist while they walked, hold his hand, brush away that stray hair that always seemed to get in his face during rehearsals. He’d be on the edge of letting himself indulge in staring at the beauty of the man he loved, and he hadn’t been ready then. 

JC walked up to the roof. He and Justin had been doing everything under the sun to avoid talking about what happened. Neither of them knew where to or even how to start the conversation they desperately needed to have. After thinking over all that had happened JC had finally come to the decision that if things were this weird now and they’d just barely kissed then if by some weird play of fate Justin had feelings for him there was no other choice. He would have to turn him down.

A relationship between the two would risk too much. He cherished being able to call Justin his best friend, even though they sometimes had their differences he always looked to Justin in times when he needed a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to hang with when he was bored. There was no way he could risk loosing that in any way. Besides, Justin probably only kissed him out of some unknown sense of need. He probably missed his boyfriend and was lonely. That’s all it was JC tried telling himself. It was starting to get dark outside. They’d been on the go all morning but had the night off, concert scheduled for the next night. JC had finally been confronted by Lance a half hour earlier.

FLASHBACK

JC was sitting in a chair on the balcony staring off into the distance. It was an average day, not sunny, but not bad weather either. The forecast for that night was for a storm but right now everything was calm. JC heard the glass door behind him slide open. Hesitant footsteps walked out, closing the door behind them.

Lance stood in silence just watching JC for a minute. He really didn’t know why JC and Justin were avoiding this. The guys had thought that maybe they’d shared some kind of ‘moment’ a few nights back but where they thought it would just bring the two closer, make them act on the feelings that their friends could obviously see under the surface, instead it had pushed them apart.

Lance took in a breath turning his attention to the setting sun. “JC, talk to me man” he began.

“I don’t know what to say Lance,” JC sighed. 

“Why are you acting this way…? None of us have ever seen you or Justin keep this kind of distance between you for this long…there’s something wrong with the world when the two of you aren’t glued to each other day in and day out. I mean…sure you’ve done this kinda thing before…space and all but never this long and never with this kind of tension.” Lance paused unsure of how to continue his probing of exactly what had happened between his two friends. 

“Lance, it-it was so wonderful. That whole day was just so perfect…” JC took in a shaky breath, “I don’t know…we hung out like old times got ice cream and came back to chill ya know…” JC smiled. 

“You two had fun that day?” Lance smiled slightly at the wistful look on his band mates face. 

“Yea…it was cool, it wasn’t the easiest thing I’ve ever done…bow down to the gods of jeans because that outfit Ju had on drove me crazy!! It’s illegal to look that hot in a pair of jeans and a sweater…I mean…hot…pure hotness!” JC chuckled lightly.

Lance laughed at that comment. “Well what happened that made things like they are now?” 

JC shook his head. “We were here after we got the ice cream we came back here to relax. It was normal. We were sharing ice cream, you know how we both like the same kinds, it was…nice, JC smiled, well anyway…we were talking and just hanging out and I noticed that there was only a little bit of my ice cream left and Justin scooped it up and brought it up for me. Its like my brain forgot how to function. My heart was slamming against my chest so hard I just knew he could hear it. I ate it, Lance I don’t know how….I just noticed a little left of the other ice cream so I scooped it up. I was going to eat it myself but I looked at him and its like I couldn’t resist, so I fed it to him. Lance, oh my gosh, the look on his face…so absolutely gorgeous.” JC sighed and paused to bring his shaky breathing to normal.

Lance sat silently in shock at hearing what happened; patiently waiting for what he was sure came next.

“I sat there looking at the _expression on his face, it was like someone just took away all the common sense I had, I couldn’t help it…I kissed him” he finished.

FLASHBACK ENDS 

Justin was scared. He really didn’t know what to do. He wanted to explain to JC but after the way he left when the guys walked in on them that afternoon he just couldn’t. He was hurt enough on the inside to try and talk to JC about it.

That day when the guys had walked in Justin and JC had sat there for a moment before JC stood up. He brushed off what happened without so much as a glance in Justin’s direction. Mumbling something about having some papers to look over for an artist he was helping produce a song for he’d all but ran from the room, from his friends…from Justin.

Justin had kept his distance the day after figuring that JC needed time to think. When he’d approached him two days later, JC had practically ignored him, said he was too busy to talk, pulled out his cell phone and walked away dialing some random phone number leaving Justin to stare after him. 

The only time JC had willingly interacted with him was when they were on stage, seeming to the crowd to never miss a beat but all their friends knew that tension that was like a glass wall between the two. They saw each other but were both afraid to break the glass standing between them and risk the cuts and bruises that were inevitable. So instead Justin watched JC from the opposite side of the glass wanting so much to reach out and touch but finding the wall stopping him every time. It was getting to the point where he thought he’d go insane. He’d always been a ‘touchy’ person. Everyone knew that. He loved to touch people, he found comfort and reassurance in the small hugs or smiles from the people close to him, none more so than JC’s.

Needing to clear his mind Justin reverted to his old ritual. Waiting until everyone was settled in their rooms. He gathered his belongings and headed up to the private penthouse pool. Mike was waiting for him at the elevator giving him a knowing smile and shake of the head. He knew something had happened recently because Justin and JC were avoiding each other like the plague. They stepped out of the elevator onto the screened in area where the pool was. It was a heated pool with lights under the surface, soft lights surrounding the area for visibility. Small plants that Justin thought he recognized as some type of rose on either side of the pool. Lounge chairs were set up on one end of the pool and a diving board at the other. Justin settled in to his spot next to Mike on a chair.

Mike sat back and waited. Every hotel they came to Justin eventually went out to the pool for alone time, and Mike was always right there with him, sometimes joining him in the water when it was late at night, other times sitting listening to a CD player. Mike knew that Justin did this to relieve stress and that the times when it was too much to hold in he’d sit down and talk to him about it. It never failed and tonight seemed to be a night for Justin to talk.

They sat there for a few moments lying back in the chairs watching the gray clouds roll in overhead through the glass skylight.

“Mike I cant do this anymore…I’m loosing my best friend and I cant take it anymore” Justin choked out as tears formed in his blue eyes.

“What happened J?

“Member’ a few days back, me and JC spent the day out?” When Mike nodded he continued. “Well we came back with the ice cream and well…we were sitting and talking sharing the ice cream and when there was only a bit left JC held it up to my lips on his spoon for me to eat…. I decided that I wanted to do that too so…. I just wanted to so bad…so I did….I fed him some ice cream….

FLASHBACK

JC’s hand stilled about to dip into Justin’s cup of ice cream for the last bite. Justin snuck his spoon in scooping up the last bit of ice cream in his bowl. Smiling evilly he held the spoon for JC. “You want?” he asked in a low voice. Swallowing visibly JC’s eyes widened at the seductive tone to Justin’s voice. Hesitantly moving forward he opened his mouth closing his lips around the spoon of the cool treat, eyes closing briefly savoring the moment. OH MY GOD! Can he be any hotter! Justin shouted to himself feeling a familiar heat rush through his body.

FLASHBACK ENDS 

Mike sat back after hearing the story. He couldn’t help but sympathize with his young friend. To be young and in love he thought.

“J, I don’t know what advice I can give you other than talk to him. You’re so afraid that he’ll say something to hurt your feelings but aren’t you already hurting now…that’s the only way you’ll straighten everything out…no pun intended, he smirked, I know I gave the same advice before but its really the only way to go man….”

Shrugging his shoulders Justin moved over to the diving board, moving under the water seconds later.

Mike looked up hearing the doors to the pool open. JC was standing their looking back at him. Mike stood up in understanding and made his way inside to give them privacy.

He watched Justin’s body move, water flowing over him as he pushed through the water. After five minutes of swimming under and on top of the water Justin finally swam to the stairs and came out of the water. JC watched as the water trickled off of Justin’s body cursing the towel Justin picked up to dry himself ending his fun of watching the patterns of water on his body.

JC sighed heavily.

Justin’s head snapped in his direction. He knew that sound anywhere. JC.

“Uh…um…what are you…I mean, hi” Justin stumbled over his words.

JC sat watching him dressed in a pair of smokey blue sweatpants hung low on his hips that Justin remembered him getting to replace a pair that had been destroyed in a prank when Chris ‘accidentally’ dropped a red sock in with JC’s white socks and undershirts, ultimately dying them all a light shade of pink. A simple muscle shirt covered by matching zip up hooded sweatshirt topped off the look.

“I came to talk to you Justin, about what happened.”

Justin slightly grimaced at the use of his full name…JC hardly ever called him that unless in public, it was always Ju, or JuJu. Fans thought he hated the nickname but in truth he only hated when anyone other than JC called him that. It was special, just like he called JC Josh and the rest of the guys called him Jayce or C.

Justin moved and sat across from JC in a chair.

“Josh, I know what you’re here about…. the, um kiss…”

“Justin, listen…I know that you think you need to explain…but don’t please….”

A flash of lightening lit the sky and Justin looked up trying to force the tears that came with the disheartening tone of JC’s voice. Justin could tell by the way his voice sounded whatever he was about to say…. he really didn’t want to hear. 

JC took a breath while looking at his feet trying to decide how to say this. It would be the hardest words he’d ever have to say. He glanced up and looked at Justin’s profile in the dim lighting.

You were all by yourself

Staring up at a dark gray sky

I was changed

Lightening flashed again, and JC’s breath caught in his throat. He’d come up here to tell Justin that whatever was going on had to stop because a relationship, or whatever it was they started that night, couldn’t happen but looking at him now…he wondered exactly how he’d ever do that. This man sitting in front of him had been in his heart for so long…the unthinkable had actually happened…they’d shared a moment together, however brief that made all the heartache of unrequited love in the past more than worth it. In the seconds the kiss lasted he’d been completely happy.

In places no one would find

All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)

It was then that I realized

That forever was in your eyes

The moment I saw you cry

The moment that I saw you cry

JC sat thinking and watching Justin and then something happened. Something he never wanted to be the cause of. A single tear rolled down Justin’s upturned face, and JC saw Justin’s eyes clamp shut to keep the rest at bay. Justin lowered his face and turned to JC. Tears were shining brightly in his soft blue eyes.

“Justin…”

“No…don’t JC…I don’t want to hear you make excuses for what happened, give me something better than that…please…anything but that” Justin whispered. 

It was late in September

And I've seen you before (and you were)

You were always the cold one

But I was never that sure

You were all by yourself

Staring at a dark gray sky

I was changed

Justin sat and watched as JC looked out the glass surrounding the pool. Sheets of clear water were cascading on the glass surface, pulling JC into a tranquil state of mind where he thought of his feelings for Justin for the millionth time that day. 

In places no one would find

All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)

It was then that I realized

That forever was in your eyes

The moment I saw you cry 

Justin sat and watched as JC cried. Justin’s breath caught in his throat at the first sight of a tear. When JC’s gaze turned to meet his Justin couldn’t hold back his own any more and they just sat there for a moment looking at each other crying unsure what to do. Both were thinking the same thing.

I wanted to hold you

I wanted to make it go away

I wanted to know you

I wanted to make your- everything, all right....

Later they wouldn’t be able to say who moved first but in the next moment they were standing wrapped in each other’s arms.

“Josh…” Lightening flashed brightly around them, but neither cared.

“Justin…”

They both pulled away after what felt like an eternity and stared into each other’s eyes. Blue Crystal met Blue Fire. They leaned in and kissed. Lips touched softly at first both of them unsure. Moments past, light kisses being shared between the two men. A passion underneath that neither wanted to deny. JC tightened his arms around Justin’s waist. Justin moaned and moved closer to JC’s body to where a breath of air couldn’t pass between their bodies.

At Justin’s moan JC took the chance and ever so lightly brushed his tongue against Justin’s bottom lip, Justin’s mouth opening a little more, granting him entrance. They stood there in the embrace, tongues caressing each other’s softly but with a fire that would rival any volcano. Soft moans of contentment passed in the still air as their hands grasped to the other tightly. Finally coming up for air minutes later they stared at each other both blushing furiously but refusing to break the steady gaze. 

I'll always remember...

It was late afternoon...

In places no one would find... 

In places no one would find

All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)

It was then that I realized

That forever was in your eyes

The moment I saw you cry 

---Mandy Moore Cry 

 



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