We use symbols all the time to express ideas or emotions.
The symbol stands for something else by reason of relationship or association.
In the D/s community and especially in your relationship symbolism is the
unspoken words and meanings to ideas and beliefs. The formal lifestyle
is filled with symbols that come in the form traditions and ceremonies which
can be seen and that which is only spoken. These symbols are rarely
seen by the vanilla world and when they are witnessed the meaning is lost
for the meaning comes from within yourself. I will only briefly describe
some of the symbols and you can research them further if you want to further
your knowledge of symbols.
THE BDSM EMBLEM
The first form of symbolism is the BDSM emblem. (Pictured
at the left on this page.) To the vanilla observer it is seen as an
attractive piece of jewelry. We are free to wear and display it nod to those
who see it and understand it's meaning. I use this emblem as an icon
for one of the hard drives on my computer at work. Although BDSM would
be frowned upon at the corporate environment I work in, I freely display
the emblem getting compliments and sometimes the question "Where did you
get that icon?"
The outside rim and the three spokes curving inwards indicative the "chains"
or "irons" of BDSM servitude/ownership. The three inner fields are
black and represent a celebration of the controlled "dark side" of BDSM sexuality.
The three holes in the black denotes the incompleteness of any individual
practitioner in that BDSM. However "together" and "whole" individuals
may be, there remains a void within them that can only be filled by a complimentary
other. The three divisions represent the various threesomes of BDSM.
First, the three divisions of BDSM itself: B&D, D&S, and S&M.
Second, the three-way creed of BDSM behavior: Safe, Sane, and Consensual.
Third, the three divisions of our community: Tops, Bottoms, and Switches.
The resemblance to a three-way variation on the Yin-Yang symbol was not by
accident. Just as the curved outline of Yin and Yang represent the
hazy border between where one ends and the other begins, so do the curved
borders of the BDSM symbol represent the indistinct divisions between B&D,
D&S, and S&M.
A collar is an identifying band of leather, metal, or other
material worn around the neck of the submissive to indicate that they belong,
or have surrendered, to another. It is my belief that today collars
are given and accepted too easily, just as the engagement and wedding ring
is in the vanilla society. Don't rush to wear the collar of another,
or to give your collar away to soon. Spend the time getting to know
each other so that when the collar is given it is because you, (the Dominant),
knows the value of the one you want to call yours. To the submissive,
I say, make sure the Dominant has proven themselves to be honorable and that
they will put your wants before their own so you can wear the collar with
pride and certainty that the relationship will last.
There are many types of collars. A beautiful metallic necklace can
be worn all the time. To the vanilla person it will appear to be a
piece of jewelry, but in your heart you will know and feel the reminder around
your neck that you have turned you life over to one who is worthy.
There are also collars made from different types of leather and suede that
are worn in private and around others in the lifestyle to indicate you belong
to another. There are also leather and metal collars that have rings
attached to them so they can be used as restraining devises during scenes.
In our relationship I first presented katrina with a green nylon collar when
we knew that we wanted to explore our relationship further. The collar
green symbolized training and the collar was much the same as a friendship
ring given in the vanilla society. (Although I am not katrina's first
Master I explained that she was a novice to what I expected of her within
our relationship). katrina was to refer to me as "Sir" and not "Master"
while wearing the collar because we were getting to know each other.
I gave katrina her "training name" at this time and continue to use it today
when I want to signify that she is at a learning experience in life.
At this point in our relationship we felt comfortable with each other and
wanted to get to know each other better. Part of our relationship now
was filled with assignments, katrina following my directives, completing
and going over play lists, and preparing our first contract.
After some time I felt I knew the submissive potential within katrina and
we were starting to feel our completeness when together. katrina was
also building trust in me as I earned it. katrina and I discussed how
serious we each took collaring and that we should not enter into it lightly.
I told katrina I felt that for her to wear my collar would be much the same
as engagement in the vanilla society. From that day on she, and all
she had, would belong to me as my slave and would refer to me as "Master".
CEREMONY OF SUBMISSION
katrina and I had a simple, private, ceremony of submission.
There are also formal ones with a small gathering of friends. I led
by telling katrina how much delight I received in her submission to me and
how I was complete because of her submission. I promised to always
put her needs before my own knowing that she would fulfill my needs in life.
katrina then let me know that she felt I was a good caring man worthy to
receive her gift of submission and that she would strive to please me.
I then asked katrina what gifts she brought for me. (The gifts were
symbols of her previous relationships in life). Among those gifts katrina
gave me the collar that her previous Master had given to her. I held
it in my hands and looked her in the eye as I told her "we" would cherish
it always because it had helped to bring us where we were today. I
then placed my collar around her neck and clipped a leash to it while promising
to guide her through life always being careful to keep her safe. I
changed her name to katrina and explained to her she was to be proud of the
name for it not only came from a history of royalty, but was given to her
CEREMONY OF THE ROSES
This is a private bonding ritual, that dates back for centuries,
and at the most is shared with only one or two of the couples closest friends.
I will elude to a basic ceremony but remember that there are many variations
on this and it is normally modified with special touches to make it as unique
as the relationship that is being bonded.
The submissive carries a single white rose blossom that has not fully bloomed.
The Dominant holds a single red rose that is opened almost fully. Although
both roses must have thorns on their stems and be freshly cut, it is nearly
impossible to find a white rose with thorns. If one can not be found
the thorns from the Dominant's red rose can be shared as his offering to
lead the relationship. The couple stands facing each other and the
Dominant removes the submissive's collar. He quickly purifies the collar
by passing it through a flame and then returns it to her neck declaring to
her that he will protect and guide her for eternity With a thorn from
his red rose he pricks the submissive's finger and lets two drops of blood
fall on the white petals of her white rose. This symbolizes the Dominant
taking her virginity and her belonging fully to him. The submissive
then offers her rose to him and repeats the procedure and lets two drops
of blood fall onto the white rose, one above hers and one on top of hers.
The first drop signifies his willingness to shed his blood to protect her
and the second signifies their unity. The two then press their fingers
together vowing to become one flesh and one blood. If witnesses or
friends are in attendance they will take a length of light chain and pass
it quickly though the flame and then wrap it around the couple.
The chain symbolizes all the small links in their life that have made them
what they are today and what has brought them together. The couple
will again make their vows that their souls will be bound together for all
eternity. The roses are touched so the blood from hers becomes their
blood on his. To signify their unity they now exchange their
roses, neither owning the part they have brought to the ceremony. The
chain is removed and never used again. Instead it is wrapped in a cloth
to be presented to the couple when the ceremony has ended. The couple
will keep the chain until they find a couple who they feel is worthy and
they will use the chain at this couples ceremony, presenting it to them carefully
wrapped after the ceremony. It is a deep honor to receive the chain
of ones who have gone on before you. The couple then puts their roses
into a single vase. Later the vase is taken to their room to remain
as a reminder to them as they think upon their new bond while joining their
bodies. The next morning they share their hopes and dreams of being together
for eternity while they take turns plucking the petals from the roses and
placing them in a container together. These petals are kept throughout
their lifetime together and a portion of them are buried with each in death.
SYMBOLISM THROUGH WORDS
Words are easily used when around vanilla people for their true
meaning is often misinterpreted or lost on them. katrina will often
call me "Sir" or say things like "Whatever Master likes" or " a slave's work
is just never done." The vanilla's think she is either being respectful
or good nature teasing. To us she is proclaiming her submission to
me around those who would not understand and I feel proud to hear the words
knowing the others will never know the depth and meaning behind them.
I explained to katrina when we first started seeing each other what it means
when I say "Please". She viewed the word's meaning to be what people
in the vanilla society believe, that I am being polite. It was only
after I explained that I used the word as a request and not a form of politeness
that the deeper meaning became ours. When I say "Please" I am really
saying "Please me." Now what slave would not love to hear those words
knowing that this not only a request from her Master but an opportunity only
awarded to her.
There are many other symbols used in the D/s community.
These can be from handkerchiefs to signify your tastes and station in life
to actions you take that have far greater meaning behind them. It is
my hope that I have piqued an interest within you to continue to learn about
symbolism and how it can pertain to your relationship. Keep researching
and learning for the knowledge will bring greater depth to your relationship.
It is said that scenes are only 1% of D/s. Now it is up to you to find
the deeper meaning of what D/s means in your relationship. katrina
and I would be pleased to hear from you if you would like to share the symbolism's
in your relationship. If you express in your email that we have the
right to use your email we may place a link off this page to share personal