"I Know You" by Henry Rollins
You are too short
You have bad skin
You couldn't talk to them very well
Words didn't seem to work
They lied when they came out of your mouth
You tried so hard to understand them
You wanted to be part of what was happening
You saw them having fun, and it seemed like such a mystery, almost magic.
Made you think that there was something wrong with you.
You looked in the mirror trying to find it.
You thought that you were ugly
And that everyone was looking at you.
So you learned to be invisible,
to look down,
to avoid conversation.
The hours, days, weekends.
Ah, the weekend nights alone.
Where were you?
In the basement, in the attic, in the room?
Working some job, just to have something to do?
Just to have a place to put yourself?
Just to have a way to get away from them?
A chance to get away from the ones that made you feel so strange and ill at ease inside yourself.
Did you ever get invited to one of their parties?
You sat and wondered if you would go or not.
For hours you would sit and imagine the scenarios that might transpire
If they laugh at you
If you would know what to do
If you would have the right things on
If they would notice that you come from another planet
Did you get all brave in your thoughts
Like you were going to be able to go in there and deal with it
And have a great time with it
Did you think you might be the life of the party
That all these people were going to talk to you
That you would find out that you were wrong
That you had a lot of friends
And you weren't so strange after all
Did you end up going
Did they mess with you
Did they single you out
Did you find out you were invited because they thought you were so weird
Yeah, I think I know you
You spent a lot of time, full of hate
A hate that was pure as sunshine
A hate that saw for miles
A hate that kept you up at night
A hate that filled your every waking moment
A hate that carried you for a long time
Yes, I think I know you
You couldn't figure out what they saw and they way they lived
Home, was not home
Your room was home
A corner was home
The place they weren't, that was home
I know you, you're sensitive
And you hide it, because you fear getting stepped on one more time
It seems that when you show a part of yourself that is the least bit vulnerable
Someone takes advantage of you
One of them
Steps on you
They mistake kindness for weakness
But you know the difference
You've been the brunt of their weakness
And strength is something you know a bit about
Because you had to be strong to keep yourself alive
You know yourself very well now
And you don't trust people
You know them too well
You try to find that special person
Someone you can be with
Someone you can touch
Someone you can talk to
Someone you won't feel so strange around
And you've found
They don't really exist
You feel closer to people on movie screens.
Yea I think I know you
You spend a lot of time day dreaming and people have made comment to that affect
Telling you that your self involved and self centered
But they don't know do they?
About the long night shifts alone
About the years of keeping yourself company
All the nights you wrapped your arms around yourself
So you could imagine someone holding you
The hours of indecision
The intense depression
The blinding hate
The rage that made you stagger
The devastation of rejection
Well maybe they do know
But if they do they sure do a good job of hiding it
It astounds you how they can be so smooth
How they can seem to pass through life
As if life itself was some divine gift
And it infuriates you to watch yourself,
With your apparent skills in finding every way possible to screw it up
For you life is a long trip terrifying in wonderful
Birds sing to you at night,
The rain and the sun
The changing seasons are true friends.
Solitude is a hard won ally faithful and patient.
Yea I think I know you.