I Know You

You are too short

You have bad skin

You couldn't talk to them very well

Words didn't seem to work

They lied when they came out of your mouth

You tried so hard to understand them

You wanted to be part of what was happening

You saw them having fun, and it seemed like such a mystery, almost magic.

Made you think that there was something wrong with you.

You looked in the mirror trying to find it.

You thought that you were ugly

And that everyone was looking at you.

So you learned to be invisible,

to look down,

to avoid conversation.

The hours, days, weekends.

Ah, the weekend nights alone.

Where were you?

In the basement, in the attic, in the room?

Working some job, just to have something to do?

Just to have a place to put yourself?

Just to have a way to get away from them?

A chance to get away from the ones that made you feel so strange and ill at ease inside yourself.

Did you ever get invited to one of their parties?

You sat and wondered if you would go or not.

For hours you would sit and imagine the scenarios that might transpire

If they laugh at you

If you would know what to do

If you would have the right things on

If they would notice that you come from another planet

Did you get all brave in your thoughts

Like you were going to be able to go in there and deal with it

And have a great time with it

Did you think you might be the life of the party

That all these people were going to talk to you

That you would find out that you were wrong

That you had a lot of friends

And you weren't so strange after all

Did you end up going

Did they mess with you

Did they single you out

Did you find out you were invited because they thought you were so weird

Yeah, I think I know you

You spent a lot of time, full of hate

A hate that was pure as sunshine

A hate that saw for miles

A hate that kept you up at night

A hate that filled your every waking moment

A hate that carried you for a long time

Yes, I think I know you

You couldn't figure out what they saw and they way they lived

Home, was not home

Your room was home

A corner was home

The place they weren't, that was home

I know you, you're sensitive

And you hide it, because you fear getting stepped on one more time

It seems that when you show a part of yourself that is the least bit vulnerable

Someone takes advantage of you

One of them

Steps on you

They mistake kindness for weakness

But you know the difference

You've been the brunt of their weakness

And strength is something you know a bit about

Because you had to be strong to keep yourself alive

You know yourself very well now

And you don't trust people

You know them too well

You try to find that special person

Someone you can be with

Someone you can touch

Someone you can talk to

Someone you won't feel so strange around

And you've found

They don't really exist

You feel closer to people on movie screens.

Yea I think I know you

You spend a lot of time day dreaming and people have made comment to that affect

Telling you that your self involved and self centered

But they don't know do they?

About the long night shifts alone

About the years of keeping yourself company

All the nights you wrapped your arms around yourself

So you could imagine someone holding you

The hours of indecision

Self doubt

The intense depression

The blinding hate

The rage that made you stagger

The devastation of rejection

Well maybe they do know

But if they do they sure do a good job of hiding it

It astounds you how they can be so smooth

How they can seem to pass through life

As if life itself was some divine gift

And it infuriates you to watch yourself,

With your apparent skills in finding every way possible to screw it up

For you life is a long trip terrifying in wonderful

Birds sing to you at night,

The rain and the sun

The changing seasons are true friends.

Solitude is a hard won ally faithful and patient.

Yea I think I know you.