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Chapter 5 Page 16: Kass's Awareness


Chapter 5 Page 16: "So you're telling me at the start of this, you were sincerly liking me?"
"Kass, I still like you...how someone could possibly not feel special things for you? Look at yourself: you're a beauty... and you're so tender, and sensitive... you were offering to me love when I didn't want to open eyes to live a further day, and in fact, my major mistake, my biggest mistake ever was to be so selfish to mantain your love burning for me even when I had started to realize I would never succed in givin you anything similar nor as big."
"You know Jill... I'd like to be able to hate you: I think I'd be better if I could... but I am not there, I can't get there cos what you're telling me is something I've always known. I knew there wasn't any space for me in your universe. I don't know why I have always looked for that space in your universe, then, and why so determinedly..."
"Sometimes we just can't decode what makes us the way we are, especially with others we care about.. but tell me now: don't you wish for someone who's gonna love you more than anyone and anything else around?"
To that question, a lightlamp passed through her moonish irises: sure she wished so to herself.And for the first time, she understood it would have happened only if she were going to believe it first.
"Everyone finds that person out in the end, right?"
"I don't think so: I think the ones who find that person out are those who truly put themselves in the quest, Kass..."
He was right, she thought. And she also thought after years passed to be satellite around a sun, it might have come the time for her to become the sun, for a change, and see what would have happened after.
"Okay... starting from tomorrow, I'll be out like an hunter..."
"You won't have to... dozens of men will try to get you instead...all you have to do is to figure out what you really want."
Love. Love was all that she'd ever wanted to get. To think it was like alms had brought her to the underevaluation of her own self,and therefore to the underesteem of the feeling too.Since to love stayed at the peak of her own list of mattering facts, the one who was going to get that precious gift from her should have shown an alike consideration for the level of intensity the sentimental side must have reached in their affair.She shouldn't have got to push her own love to the ground anymore: she was going to launch it up to the clouds and higher, instead.
"Can we go out and have a walk Jill? Let's consider it our goodbye..."
"It's okay...but I don't wanna say goodbye to you..."
"We're going to say bye to one another then, like friends do. It's gonna take us sometime, but we'll be that as well, one day..."
"I said it and reapeat it Kass: if you feel you don't wanna see me anymore, I do understand..."
To see him, to look at him...She realized it wasn't anymore harmful to her: she realized it was still a pleasure to do it, because he was such an attractive man...but the thrill, the fear, the vertigo weren't there anymore.To look at him had ceased to shake her veins from inside.The fire was gone, like all their words had been raindrops and wind, a summer rain that had made her soul ash mudding, and fertile.
A moment, to set her free. Kass had grown, and she smiled to him:
"Don't worry: we're meeting again, believe it and don't worry for me: I've become stronger... I am very strong, now!"
And she gestured at him like a body-builder presenting bycipits, laughing and spreading her golden red curlies around, perfuming the air.
"I don't hate you anymore for you won't love me: I got this just now... and it feels like after all I never really cared about it. That's strange indeed, cos I know I deeply cared about that instead.So my conclusion is that... now I also don't love you anymore!"
She wasn't feeling stomach pain saying what she had...it was true then: she wasn't in love with him anymore.

COPYRIGHT APPLIED: RELATE TO MAIN PAGES TO LEARN MORE
: For their explicit contents, images and excerpts of writing might be unsuitable for children alone, due to their references to also loving/sexual life. Parents's presence might be requested to see/read the material, although it isn't nor pornographic nor violent at all.

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