Where else but in Australia or possibly Russia, can a person as lazy as i am, not only get a job but get promoted?
A list of what I do at work.
1. Shuffle papers as people walk by.
2. Mentally undress co-workers.
3. Steal pens.
4. Put Hot4's magz in computer books, pretending to learn
5. Use the guillotines to cut sandwiches.
6. Use the heat guns to toast sandwiches.
7. Use the heat guns to cook food.
8. Use the shrink wrapping machine to wrap, shrink wrap.
9. Text people and say that I'm just getting the time
10. Verbally abuse customers whilst Mentally undressing them.
11. Drink dangerous amounts of coffee.
12. Put food items on my boss's tab.
13. Accidentally say " I thought secretary's were supposed to be hot" without realizing its the boss's wife.
14. Break the vacuum cleaner.
15. Ring up my work pretending to be Indian and Chinese.
16. Answer the phones under a different company name.
17. Get couriers to pick up paper clips addressed to "Fairy Land" and other non-existent places.
18. Draw lips and eyes on the phone, saying its my girlfriend and not to look at her like that.
19. Shoot rubber bands at people, blaming someone else.
20. Take bites out of peoples lunches they ask me to get.
21. Order the wrong food for people even tho I have a list.
22. Turn the soft chairs into a fort and play fight.
23. Address empty envelopes to people out of the white pages.
24. Use the computers to download child-porn and place it where the customers will see it, labeling the folder " My Stash"
25. Spitting on the floors and when getting caught, saying i sneezed and getting away with it.
26. Stare down the old lady that works in the office across the street because she freaks out.
27. Draw naked women on the memo pads and sticking there everywhere.
28. Collect all the money people give me to put in there parking metres and use it to buy coffee.
29. Steal money from the petty cash.
30. Use the money to buy more staples for staple gun shoot outs which i always win and I'm the only one that plays.
Posted by ego2/frosted_rabbit
at 7:57 PM EAST
Updated: Tuesday, 7 December 2004 8:06 PM EAST
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Updated: Tuesday, 7 December 2004 8:06 PM EAST
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