Virus: What...the fuck?

Pimp Daddy Shane: HIYA GANG!!!!!

Virus: .......

IcE: .......

Scott Pantera: .......

Ron Tanner: .......

Gnome: .......

Pimp Daddy Shane: Er...I mean...sup....niggas...?

Virus: I am not your "nigga".

IcE: Nor am I.

Pimp Daddy Shane: Then...wassup...crackas...?

Ron Tanner: I don't have time for this...I'm off to the zoo.

Scott Pantera: Same here.

IcE: Me too.

Gnome: .......

[IcE, Pantera, Tanner and Gnome all leave to the gates of the Asheboro zoo. Virus begins to follow with his shiny Eternal strap, nearly blinding all the pedestrians as he walks by, but is stopped by the Pimpin' bear.]

Virus: Why are you clinging to me like this? I have business to attend to.

Pimp Daddy Shane: D00de!!!!! Er...ahem. I mean...my nigga...

Virus: Here we go.

Pimp Daddy Shane: Do I...know you?

Virus: I'm sure...everyone does.

Pimp Daddy Shane: Thaz right...you be that "Virus" cat...Uh...can I get an autograph?

Virus: No?

Pimp Daddy Shane: Why?

Virus: You have a bear mask on and a pretty shitty pimp act goin'...I don't even want to be near you.

Pimp Daddy Shane: Come on!

Virus: Fuck off anal bead.

Pimp Daddy Shane: What the hell?

Virus: You heard me....now stop riding my dick and go pimp the rest of your cubs to Ace or something.

Pimp Daddy Shane: Oh...my brotha...

Virus: No...your ghetto peasant.

Pimp Daddy Shane: He kicked your ass!!!!!!!!!!!!

Virus: But who has the title?

Pimp Daddy Shane: YOU CHEATED!!!!!!!!!

Virus: Look here Pimp Daddy...you are about THIS close to getting Inoculated and thrown out of a window.

Pimp Daddy Shane: But we're outside!

Virus: You know what I mean dick.

[Virus walks away, but notices the bear following him. He turns and upon seeing the pimp he flips him the bird.]

Pimp Daddy Shane: What was that for?!

Virus: You're getting on my last nerve. I don't even know you.

Pimp Daddy Shane: Pimp Daddy Shane...at your services.

Virus: You aren't black.

Pimp Daddy Shane: Yes I am.

Virus: Prove it.

Pimp Daddy Shane: You wanna see my rabid black cock!?

Virus: What the hell?!

Pimp Daddy Shane: Give me a bitch to hammer! Give me that sweet Chasey Duarte Douglas's ass to ram!

Virus: Why are you still on my ass?

Pimp Daddy Shane: Because you're my peep and I wanna hang witcha.

Virus: .....I don't think that's the reason. Are you some kind of hetero-phobic stalker?!

Pimp Daddy Shane: Well pin a rose on your nose, sunshine, you have successfully placed me in Rothy's category! Where I don't belong!

Virus: Pin a rose...on my nose...Sunshine? Fuggin' queef.

Pimp Daddy Shane: Look here. I saw your promos before you took on Ace...

Virus: ....Point?

Pimp Daddy Shane: They sucked. They injected about as much excitement into me as a wad full of my own cock feathers.

Virus: Ok. That was the last straw...

[Virus gets ready to knock some of this fool's teeth out, when he restrains after Shane screams for mercy...]

Pimp Daddy Shane: OK! OK! Look, I just want to give you some TIPS!!!!!!!!!!!

Virus: Do you really think I want to take tips from a little white boy in a bear mask...with a pimping act that blows n00ts. Sounds logical.

Pimp Daddy Shane: Dude...just accept it. You suck...you decrepit frail bastard.

Virus: Explain your reasoning on how I do indeed "suck"...I need a good laugh.

Pimp Daddy Shane: All you do is go on about pointless, poetic crap.

Virus: Since when?

Pimp Daddy Shane: Ramblings! YOU RAMBLE! *Pretending to be Virus* "The frail line between the galaxies and the intergalactic balance has been disturbed..."

Virus: That's not me.

Pimp Daddy Shane: *Pretending to be Virus* "The declining and tattered state of the United States will lead to the ultimate dismembering of all the morality still left to dwell on this planet"...

Virus: That's not me at all.

Pimp Daddy Shane: *Pretending to be Virus* I'm gay.

Virus: You are so far off.

[Virus finally knocks out the bear with a hard right, and turns to the camera.]

Virus: That's me.

[At this point we see Ron Tanner waving to Virus, and Virus catches up.]

Ron Tanner: What the hell took so long?

Virus: I was dealing with that defect pimp.

Ron Tanner: Oooohhh...aight...well brother, let's go.

Virus: Brother?

Ron Tanner: Brother.

Virus: When did you turn black?

Ron Tanner: Eh...I guess I've been facing too many...uh...what's the word?

Virus: Porch Monkeys!

Ron Tanner: That's it.

Virus: Well whatever, I am gonna cut a promo...I called this damn crew down here to tape a promo AFTER I got threw with the zoo trip, but that damn Pimp screwed it all up.

Ron Tanner: Whatever man...later.

Gnome: .......

[Tanner and Gnome walk off, and Virus takes a seat on a nearby bench.]

The Virus: If I've said it once...I've said it a thousand times. As time marches on...Unknown Soldier continues to stink up the air waves for everyone to be subjected to...including me. I thought watching Ace try to be like me was bad, but now I've got some guy who has completely lost his mind all over me...Unknown Soldier, you've single handedly proved my theory that Ace is the single most ignorant and idiotic specimen this place has to offer...wrong. If you think about it, if you review all the information and research...twice over if you'd like, you'll realize that you indeed to capture that title with pure ease. You have now officially signed a contract with my mind and become the new star host of my nightmares, giving me something to shiver about even in my deep slumber. I wake up in the middle of the night, sweating and panting like a beast...not because you've frightened me into such situations, but because your PROMOS gave me the willies. What the hell do I have now? Should I sleep with one eye open, begging and praying that one of your promos will NOT suddenly, without notice, pop up on the boob tube and play on all night...? Giving me MORE nightmares...jesus...I'm hallucinating for god sakes. I hope you aren't this bad in the ring. I mean..."The thought inside, you drive against that thought, and wonder, could it be the foolishness of that following being.... He's the eternal one,"...what the shit? Give up the act my friend. It's getting worse and worse by the day. You are showing first hand just how much you can terrify camera lenses' all across the nation. Because remember, it doesn't stop at just me. Nooooo...you cruel bastard, you have to frighten all the innocent women and children, and for what? So you can look "Dark"? All these sacrifices you are making to be like me just gives this company and country a bad name, and whether you are ok with it or not, I ain't, and I'll show you what happens when I don't approve of something.

I mean...we all make sacrifices in not only this business, but in this lifetime. Whether it be giving up your favorite foods to look chiseled, or giving up women to be in the catholic priest hood, there's always something. You? You've made many sacrifices. You've given up sanity. You've given up the only absolute that you have that can help take you to the top, and that is a status of being "Sane"...the most pure thing a person could possess, the reassurance that they are still themselves, and they still have their mind in tact. Once a sacrifice is made Soldier, there is no turning back, and you're stuck with what you've got. Moving on. You've sacrificed the small chance you ONCE had of being well liked and respected, when you decided to get in front of a camera or get inside the ring and compete....because let me tell you, once you did that, there is no more "Respect" whenever your name is mentioned. You've ruined that. All you had to do was sit around and keep quiet. Don't even think, you shouldn't be allowed to think. It's that simple. You should have kept to yourself, so you wouldn't have to learn the bitter truth...that you are just a "never-was" in this industry. Face it Soldier, I could go on and on about the "sacrifices" you've made, but I don't want to bore you as you've done me. Treat people how you wanna be treated, bitch!

I literally have no desire to engage in a clash of wits and personalities with you, but when you continue to blab on and on about non-sense, I simply MUST retaliate. You see, I am going to confirm something for you. Do you REALLY think that what you intend to do will actually happen? Intentions, be them evil or good...do not always live up to their hype, kind of like you. All they are are statements. I've made them before. We all have. But do you know the difference between my evil intentions and yours? Yours are not evil. They are not innate. They are just void and idle. They hold within them no meaning, just words, that mean absolutely dick to everyone. Yet you continue to spew them like there is no tomorrow. What are you thinking? That I will actually believe them? That I will hear those words and let them send chills down my spine?! They are about as effective on me as Mike's hard lemonade. I have yet to be challenged here in DRWF, and you only further that fact, you give it more depth and meaning. Why do I even stick around? Because I have something to prove, and that is you people here are not all you're cracked up to be. Whatever you think you are, you are completely off on the assumption, especially you Soldier. Your words and mind just continue to slip, and flow through life like lumps of smelly shit, and they prove your worthlessness here...but that's not enough for you. I have to prove it first hand...straight to your face...and that's exactly what I will do this weekend.

Yes, I knew it. You've been down on your knees until they start to bleed...praying...worshiping...begging God that he would take me away from here...pleading to him to restrain me from making an ass out of you and a God out of myself...and it's made everything clear now, that you are without a shadow of a doubt, scared. Don't be embarrassed, it happens to lots of people, when they are facing me, that is. It's an everyday occurrence, even those built up to be "HUGE" superstars around this place feel the exact same way when I am in their presence or am scheduled to be, like in your case. But to tell the truth, I've never seen any of them actually show it on live cable...to millions of fans. Usually, it just shows in the ring...or unwillingly in their words, but you made it very apparent, as you proceeded to wish me away. All I can say is...I'm touched. That you would be SOOO scared of me, you would go to such high altitudes of self-degrading as to portray yourself as a pansy, a fruit, and a fairy, at your own expense, just for me? My goodness, what a deed. I think I'll return the favor...and in doing so, I'll end it quickly and make sure you don't suffer TOOOO much, and it will be over just like that. Don't thank me now, just don't cut any more promos, that will be thanks enough in my book. I'll just mark it down as a good deed, next to Ace's...when he didn't speak on our match for this past pay per view, Death Warrant, when I became everyone's favorite champ. When I captured a title that you Unknown Soldier, will NEVER be any closer to than this week when I grace your presence...and that you will only dream about for countless lonely nights. If you want, I can add to that "favor" I promised you, and introduce you to a friend of mine. *Holds up the belt*...gold to face, full contact...and let you eternally bleed when it knocks the unknown shit out of you. Take my advice Soldier, continue to stay out of my business, it may help take you farther, but rest assured, you won't get too far, because I won't allow it, and just KNOW that I am barring your path to greatness, I am the guard that stands his post...for ALL of eternity...or until the day you give up. I AM your demise.

Deny it all you want. Continue to believe whatever you want to believe. See things through your eyes and your eyes only...see where it gets you. I am a realist. Not a ego maniac. When I compliment myself, when I tell people not to take my name in vain, insinuating that I am God, I am not being cocky or arrogant, I am just being realistic, and telling the truth. It's hard to swallow for some, people like you that are hanging onto sanity with a mere pinky, about to slip...but it won't make you choke. Eventually, you'll come to terms with the fact that I am better than you Soldier. I am smarter, I think differently, and think with a purpose...hell, I don't know why I am reviewing this. I know it, everyone watching knows it, the critics, the wrestlers, the fans...all of them, the only one who is alone in not understanding is you. So if your the only one I have to prove it to, I may as well not even bother, considering the lack of talent that is expressed and reflected whenever you speak...you of all people do not need convincing, being as bad as yourself, you should look up to me, and model me. You should be the "follower" as you proclaimed me. Don't start things you can't finish, Soldier, it will lead only to trouble, and that's exactly what awaits you...Trouble.

The DRWF is fucked? Since when? Since Ace won the title? News flash! Ace, you are no longer on top! Which means the DRWF IS on top...especially with me in your former position. You should have whipped out the notepad and taken notes from those skitzo's, they make more sense than you do. Hell, they are more intimidating than you. But in the end, they are still nowhere close to me, so they should just stay in their little nut house, with YOU...where you belong. You actually thought you could defeat me and retain that title? You are crazy, I see it all from the doctor's point of view now. And when you spew things like "it's understandable that you were so afraid of losing you had to have CbK help your stupid ass"....do you understand what went down at Death Warrant? I wasn't a bit afraid. That's what Chasey Duarte Douglas said, a woman. Women don't understand wrestling. And it's also what the pimping bear said, and he's a queer, and they don't understand wrestling either. So what are you? Why don't you understand? What is not to fathom? What if I just wanted some buddies to talk to? To watch my back? Or maybe it was all IcE's plan, because he wants revenge at you. Well whichever it is, you don't need to know, if you can't even figure it out yourself. Just sit tight with your friend "Dude", and wish you were still the champ, and wish that someday you can regain it...even though it will never happen, it will just KEEP you dreaming. Because that's all you are to me. A dreamer. You don't have a sliver of a chance of being me, or even comparing to me. Go compete with your own people in the bush leagues, people like Pumped or Jason tha Dynasty, and until you figure out how to turn dreams into reality, stay the fuck out of my business.

And as I begin to wrap up this presentation of greatness and all that other good stuff, I am lead to one last person. Don't worry, this won't take long. Pike, a rookie, seems to enjoy referring to me as Ace's "Ex-Boyfriend. He likes getting his nose into business where it doesn't belong. Since when do you have the right to make that statement? Sure, it wasn't an extensive insult, like the ones I spout, but it was more like a plure to gain recognition, mentioning my name, the Eternal champion, in your promo, to make people think you are somebody, and not just another countless "rookie" or "newbie". Don't use my name to your own expense kid, you don't want to be sniffing around in my business. You don't want me on your ass. Just keep quiet when it pertains to me. In fact, I'm letting it slide, because to tell the truth, it didn't affect me one bit, it just caught my eye last night, as I was bored out of my mind, and going over some tapes of promos I had received from the front office. I thought I'd toss it in here, to make it known to you Pike, not to get on my bad side, or you will reap the ever painful consequences. You don't know how I think, or how I inflict pain on unsuspecting by-standers...you don't even know me one bit. My rage feeds on anyone and everyone that gets in my way or on my bad side, and you are damn close to crossing that thin line between the "Good" and "bad" sides. If I were you, I'd do something to redeem myself...and FAST. Take advice from chumps and losers like Ace...I've got a tendency to rip apart my enemies and leave them high and dry in a puddle of their own blood, and if you want that as your fate, on your conscious it'll rest.

[Virus flips the bird to Shane one more time, as he is staggering around, and Virus begins to head to his car. He gets in, but we notice as it is pulling out and heading out, leaving all the other CbK losers alone, that Pimp Daddy Shane is getting in his own little hoop ride, and following an unsuspecting Virus. Cut to static.]

"The Four Horsemen" by Metallica