Ahhhhhhhhhhh, the nostalgia of our old slagging matches. Remember that day in the lunchroom we cursed each other so obsenely that the eardrums of all the other peoples ear drums burst simultaneously to sheild their innocent little brains?

First things first, this man is known as THE QUIFF, or quiffy for short. Never The Fonz. Only WARNO is the fonz.

For those who don't know, the beauteous Sara is my ex and his current girlfriend. As you can see, he's always been a year behind me.

To continue this theme, i would like to point out... He spelled note without the "e". He wrote n.b.b, trying to announce the arrival of a second not, but instead merely abbreviating Nota Bene BENE (which as everyone knows, is bullshit, even in latin). He wrote rascally with a K (*screams of shock*). HE DIDNT EVEN END HIS EMAIL WITH A FULL STOP.

Now that the pleasantaries are over, lets get down to business (menacing snap as the gloves come off).

In short, all i really need to say that this man was obviously balls-deep in cat anus while writing this email. How else do you explain the misspellings, the shit excuse to go "back to work" in "technology", the pained "Meeee-ow" in the background every time he starts a sentance?

Yes fire does rock. But it wont save you from my wrath at your encouraging the stalking of my girlfriend. Already Marshall, priest of stalkerdom, is gaining support. Me and Aoife can barely sit down in the Jet Center without hearing camera shutters.

And your getting a beating for singing "Danny Boy", you cat-fuckin' rat-rapin' snake-satisfyin' llama-lickin' gnat-needlin' shark-spikin' GIRAFFE GIGGOLO.

You've satisfied (and left short) more animals than the average zookeeper sees in a lifetime.

Alcorn would be proud.

And finally, a reminder of why you're called THE QUIFF.