If It's Over

Won't you talk to me
This is so out of hand

“Alex, talk to me. Please.”

Nothing. Not a word, sound, or movement came from him. He just sat there, on the edge of their bed, his head in his hands.

Something's gone wrong
With the life we planned

She ran a hand through her red hair in frustration, her brown eyes glued to his form. This wasn’t the way things were supposed to be. They had dreams, plans, wishes, goals, they had to fulfill. They had a life together, shared a love so strong. That alone should have been enough to withstand the obstacles. Their love.

Where, when, did they go wrong?

Won't you look at me
You're avoiding my gaze

She walked to the edge of the bed and knelt in front of him. She took his hands, so cold, in hers and spoke.

“J, look at me.”

He opened his eyes, looked down at her briefly before turning away again, and she caught a glimpse of a total stranger. The stranger that she had been living with for the past two months.

And it seems like you've changed
In so many ways

He’d changed. Of that there was no doubt. She just never expected it to reach this low.

She understood the withdrawal. He liked to keep things a secret when it came to new album tracks; he loved her look of surprise later on. He didn’t talk much about business; he tried to keep that outside their home. She tolerated the press parties, his behavior there, and the way he’d taken up showing her off. It made her uncomfortable, but if he wanted to do it, then so be it. She loved him that much. She never questioned his behavior to the fans; they were the world to him. He’d always talked about how he owed them more than he could ever give back, and she knew that the adoration went both ways in that relationship.

It was the time spent alone with him, the long moments of silence that could have been spent talking, being with each other instead of at different areas of the house, that bothered her.

There had been a time when they’d thrive in those moments alone. They did everything together. The attention they’d lavish on each other was beyond anything either of them thought they’d be capable of giving. Those days, those nights, were as intense and passionate as her wildest dreams.

Those days were gone. Alex was gone, and as badly as she wanted it al back, she knew it didn’t lie within her. It was in his hands, and she was getting tired of waiting.

She was getting hurt.

It isn't fair
It isn't right
If it's really gone
Then tell me tonight
If it's over
If it's over
Let me go

“All right,” she sighed, not moving for her place in front of him. “If you won’t talk to me, I’ll talk to you.”

She searched his face for some kind of acknowledgment, some kind of agreement, something. Again, she found nothing.

“What happened to us, Alex?” she asked him, her voice soft and filled with sadness. “Where did we take this turn?”

He shrugged. Just barely.

“You can’t keep doing this. You can’t ignore me or pretend I’m not here. Unless of course, you don’t want me to be here...”

He turned back to look at her, his gaze burning into hers, and she saw a sudden spark in them. Deep down, behind the walls that were there, she saw AJ. The one she knew and loved.

Won't you speak to me
I'm just here holding on

“This is hard for me, J. It really is. I need you to talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours. Tell me what it is I can do to help you. I want to, I need to help you. I want to be here for you like I promised. In good times and bad. You have to let me in here,” she tapped his chest lightly, “Again. Tell me what you want me to do.”

'Cause baby I don't really need to wait around
If the feeling is gone

“I don’t deserve this,” she continued. “I need to know so many things... but if you were to tell me only one thing, I’d like to know if there’s anything left here for me.”

Her intake of breath was shaky and, as his eyes remained fixed on her, she knew it was now... or never.

“I have nothing to do here,” she began slowly. “If you have nothing to say to me. I don’t need this, AJ, nor do I want to keep living through it.”

Don’t you know, I don't need no apologies
I'm not looking for sympathy

His gaze never left hers, and, try as he might, he couldn’t muster the courage, find the words, to tell her what he wanted to say. He didn’t know where to begin.

“AJ, I’m not asking for much. Nothing you can’t give, anyway. I don’t want an apology for not being able to tell me what’s going on, I don’t want you to sympathize with what I’m going through, none of that...”

All I'm asking for
Is your honesty
Won't you give it to me
Give it to me now

“I want the truth. Is there, or is there NOT anything left for me here? I can’t read you the way I used to be able to, I can’t tell what you’re thinking lately, what’s going on in your mind. If you still love me. I can’t find a way to help you. Lord knows I want to, but if you can’t give me something to work with, I’m afraid I’m done here.”

It isn't fair
It just isn't right

She used to be able to look in his eyes and see herself the way he saw her. She could feel the love emanating form his gaze, warming her heart, filling her senses.

Now, she couldn’t even see her own reflection, much less his vision of her. She found no traces of any emotion whatsoever in his eyes. Except for the fear. It had seemingly replaced everything in him; all the love, the passion, the courage... it was all gone, and in it’s place was fear. What she couldn’t understand, however, was the reason the fear was there. What was he afraid of all of a sudden?

Life threw them a cheap shot, and they had no choice but to take it and deal as best they could, not matter how unjust or cruel it seemed.

'Cause if it is really gone
You've got to say the word tonight

“Last time, I promise,” she whispered. “AJ, is it... are we.. over?”

If it's over
If it's over
Baby if it's over
Won't you let me know

As the walls crumbled, as her beloved AJ resurfaced, as warmth filled his eyes once again, the tears fell. His tears, her tears, and the realization that what was once their strongest force, their best weapon, their most prized possession, was now something reserved for their memories.

Nodding slowly, she leaned up and grazed his lips briefly.

“I understand,” she whispered.

Baby if it's over... let me go.


Song Credits:
Title: If It's Over
Artist: Mariah Carey
Album: Emotions

Copyright ©2001 SO