It's a-me! Mama mia!!

01/02/03:

Thanks Vigo! Happy New Year, folks. Hope you all had a great holiday. Scratch that, why should I want you guys to be any better off than myself? I never stick to resolutions, so I rarely make 'em but this year (and soon!) I swear I'll get around to posting the KRANG stuff I've had stewing in me brainmeats all of last year. I'll also probably open up the locked archives (the end of last year's updates are free to view) now that I've edited them somewhat. It actually wouldn't be too tough to find them on your own, but after reading thru them for editing purposes I wonder why one might want to do so. I still like the SMBSS DVD update, but I really never should've brought up certain topics. I should have made my decision regarding unlocking them by next update, so hold your breath (and slash your wrists while yer at it!). Things to look forward to in the first couple months of 2003 include my birthday, the MegaCon, and somethin' secret.... Until then, party on, dudes:

P.S.: Check your local toy aisle RIGHT NOW for NEW TMNT ACTION FIGURES!! They fuckin' rock!! I currently have the 7 regular figures but am trying, for now, to keep from buying the huge versions of the turtles (and the vehicles, and the kitana sword, and the bo staff....). I could overlook the G.I. Joe stuff, I ignored the Transformers toys, and I've so far been able to stay away from the revamped He-Man figs, but those turtle boys won't cut me no slack! Out!

01/09/03:

First off, I saw the greatest thing ever tonight on TV. The preview channel listed a show about spider monkeys on Discovery or something, so I obviously had to turn it on. What I saw for the 15 minutes I watched BLEW MY FRIGGIN' MIND! The monkeys were feeding, like normal documentary stuff, but then the voiceover guy says something like "eating only a few of these fruits is the equivalent of a glass of alcohol to humans". The program then proceeded to follow the monkeys around in their inebriated state. It was hilarious. Drunk monkeys, can you imagine it? One misjudged a branch's distance and fell like forty feet but apparently their tails remain sober enough to keep them from plummeting to their doom. Rats! The monkey hangover segment was also great, but that just made my night.

Ok, on to the business at hand. The reason I stopped by tonight was to report on my drive home from work last night, just over 23 hours ago at the time I am typing this. I'm comin' home, just after midnight, and I'm like 5 minutes on the road when a cop riding right alongside my car swings behind me and pulls me over (I somehow didn't notice him, which is quite out-of-character for me). He came up to my window and a slight chill wafted into my car. I'll try and get this conversation nigh-verbatim:

COP: Evenin'.

AL: Good evening, sir.

COP: License, please.

AL: Oh, yer sir. Sorry. (fumbling for wallet, produces ID)

COP: Where are you comin' from this evening?

AL: From work; the mall; (tugging at nametag) Target.

COP: Target?

AL: Yessir.

COP: You know what the speed limit is here?

AL: (looking for posted limit signs in vain) 55....?

COP: Right here it's 55; by the mall it's 45. You were going 55 back there. Why is that?

AL: Uh, I was just - well, I just got off work and was heading - um, no excuse.

COP: (handing back ID) ....Just watch yourself in the future or else you're looking at a $145 ticket.

AL: Um, yes I will. Thank you sir.

WOW!! What a great story, huh?! I really showed Johnny Law what for, eh? Now, for all of you out there saying, "Al, you are such a pussy!" let me first, agree, and second, explain: I have no problems with cops. I've always been a pretty "good kid". But this was a long time comin', my friends. You see, I've no patience for road travel and I may have, perhaps, had problems in the past maintaining the various federally mandated speed limits on my daily route. Despite the possibility of having a reputation of a "speedster" I have always had a personal rule: I never go more than twice the speed limit. Go ahead, laugh it up. I'll wait. But it's true, and I never have.... EVER. But, yeah, it's possible that I drive my '91 POS a little too ambitiously. Like Dustin Hoffman, however, I am an excellent driver. Definately. I'm just sometimes in a hurry ('cause I'm gonna miss Wopner. Yeah.... nevermind). OK, so I'm always in a hurry. Those who know me are aware of the fact that I am, 90% of the time, always late. To EVERYTHING. But driving faster doesn't really help in this kinda traffic, so whatever. The point I'm failing to make here is that I have a problem. So I now resolve, nine days too late, to try and obey the speed limit with increased regularity for 2003. Or at least for a week. Whichever comes first. Of course I am a cheap bastard who'd rather spend his money on Ernest DVDs than on a ticket, but I'd much rather try and avoid a situation like the following:

(man, I've been just itching to use that pic!)

02/02/03:

Today is my birthday. Well actually, today is B-day plus 2, but I wrote this on my birthday and it's MY damn website so if I SAY it's my birthday then by God, it's my birthday. It was a very happy birthday because I went to the doctor last week because of something I've mistakenly discussed on this very page a year prior. Without opening old wounds (ouch!) I'll just say that things are still fine. Saliva and tooth enamel remain non-carcinogenic. Basically it's the same diagnosis, but it all boils down to the fact that some chickie baby served me a dose of albinism. That's localized pigmentation pileup, nothing contagious. WHAT A DAMNED RELIEF! So things are swell. I can now legally booze it up and gamble it away but I feel no different. I wanna thank my fellow goofs for the birthday acknowledgements and my family members, though they are banned from reading this site, for calling and coddling and generally making my day A-OK. Yay. But OH, have I the birthday-gifts for YOU GUYS!! Over at FFL, a two-part epic is ready for viewing that pits the Kool-Aid Man against wrestling's Macho Man. Ohh, YEAH!!! On this site, hopefully within 24 hours of your reading this, there should be my first-ever DVD review in the Flicks section for Spiderman (I just need to finalize my scoring process, but I have to go to work right now)! I won't bother updating here for that, just check the flicks section at your discretion. But if you need MORE new stuff RIGHT NOW, then have I got the cure for what ails ya! At this very moment, a review on the Shows page awaits for one of the hippie-trippiest shows I've ever seen, The Legend of Zelda. Go there NOW! It will amaze you!

(you WILL go there! OBEY THE PIGGY FIST!!)

03/18/03:

OK, it's been over a month since I've updated this site. Sorry, gang. Those two last pages I made from my last post took a lot outta me. I think it'll be best for all involved if future reviews are made a wee bit more concise with fewer storage-sucking pics. But that'll have to wait because I'm smack-dab in th' middle of slappin' together a mega-page concerning the mega-event that is.... the MEGACON!! This year's 'con was probably my favorite ever but I'll wait for the final page to explain just why that is. It may be a while before it is up, since I'm technically out of room on this website, but I anticipate that it'll be up in a week or so. That, of course, is only because I have to concentrate on getting myself prepared to go away to college this fall. And that includes a local summer skool course. So my time here is limited. Add that to the fact that I have a full-time workload ahead of me and you can see why I'm behind schedule (but work equals money, and that means that next week's Vista Series Roger Rabbit DVD WILL be MINE!! ....can't wait!). I made some nifty new cyber-collages on the main page, if you didn't bother to let them load and therefore didn't notice. But you want to know what today's opening quote was meant for, don't you? Well, it's a two-parter.

First off, it looks like little Georgie Bush is going to get his wish and declare war on Iraq in under 48 hours (unless Saddam and his scud-crew pack up shop and leave, but who are we kidding?). I think war should only be a last resort, but honestly, I don't care anymore. I have no political agenda. I'm not even registered. I've never liked Bush, but he just may be my favorite president, regardless of actions. He's certainly the most photogenic (every pic is a laugh-out-loud winner!). So if he says we need to go to war, I may not believe him, but I'm not gonna be able to do much about it. In any case, I just can't care about it when I have so many problems I need to sort out on my own. I actually had something I was gonna say here that I thought was pretty damned impassioned and forceful, but it's late and I forget.

Today's quote, on track again, has to do with Americans calling things like French fries "freedom fries" and other such bullshit as some sort of slam to the whiny Frenchmen who are getting all upset over our war effort. I think this is absurd. I mean, first of all, "freedom fries" sounds about as fucking queer as an electric inner tube. Second, what good is it doing? Do any of you actually think that by pouring out bottles of expensive French wine and vehemently asking your grocer if they sell "freedom" bread and "freedom" toast, those sweaty frogs will back down in shame? I'll bet the pompous fuckers are just LAUGHING at us, and we deserve it. We are stupid. America is stupid. We're loud and pushy and abrasive and unapologetic. And we're proud of it. So what would I suggest? Glad you asked. I don't want us to go to war, but I ALMOST want us to just to SPITE the French. It's easy to criticize us for wanting war when you're experts of giving up the ghost at the first sign of trouble. If and when we attack Iraq, I'd like to see the Frenchie-given Statue of Liberty put to good use. I think it'd make great television footage to coat the inner walls of the statue with plastique, GB2-style, fill it with bombs and incendiaries and such, and drop the bitch on Iraq. Or wherever. I just wanna see it.

I'm no idiot - well, I won't discount it, at least. But I know that the foreign nations opposing our would-be war have valid points. I actually agree with them. They are speaking as countries that have been ravaged and utterly decimated by war in the past. War is hell. And I'd like it very much if everyone would "give peace a chance" and shit. But life sucks. And I get bored easily. Oh, and I'm sickeningly lazy, too. What more do you want from me? That got weird, but it related to my opening quote. The REAL reason for the quote, however, is because I've been craving a McDonald's Egg McMuffin for nearly a month now. I hate the place, but I loves me some stomach-cramping muffin, bacon, and egg-substitute. Unfortunately, they only offer breakfast meals for a fraction of the operating hours. With many locations open 24 hrs. you'd THINK they'd be more readily available, but you'd be wrong. Disastrously wrong. Sometimes they'd make some earlier, but mostly they only offer them from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. This is an outrage. What kind of sinister marketing ploy only offers such a trivial, yet admittedly amazing, sammich only five hours a day (and all hours I'm usually sleeping). I've been DYING for some McMuffiny goodness, to no avail. And it has rendered me painfully in need of a fix. I must go now, I'm gettin' the shakes....(NO, not the MILKshakes)....

P.S. - I'd just like to add, for the record, that I've ALWAYS hated the French, even before doing so was so popular. All you other fucks are just posers, yo.

P.P.S. - Most of the previous anti-French comments were meant purely for satirical purposes. Well.... some of them, at least.

04/01/03:

APRIL FOOLS, you fucks! My prank is that I thought I had posted a real funny-like update on April 1st, but it turns out that I either lost the info or I dreamed it all up (I'd enter it into my dream journal but I already have a new one comin' up for it). Anyway, this isn't a real update then, so no pic for you. On to the REAL update:

04/07/03:

The 2003 MegaCon Road Trip page is, finally, finally, finally up. It took me some time to get to it since I was immersed in the new Legend of Zelda for Gamecube, but now that I've beaten the shit outta it I can focus on more important things (until I start a new quest with my saved data). However, there have been some interesting developments in my life as of late, not the least of which is the fact that I am about to go back to skool. I am pretty much set to go to the International Academy of Arts and Sciences in Tampa, but I've run into a housing snafu. I could've looked at apartments today but the people down there in charge of things never returned my messages/pleas for help. So even though I am supposed to start classes next Monday, it looks as though I may have to wait until July. And that pisses me off since I was mentally preparing myself for skool in less than a week, after I was sold on the place at an open house visit this past Saturday. Oh, well. I'll keep you posted. But check out the MegaCon page in the Road Trip section below, as I know I've dickteased enough of you out there with promises of its splendor. And yes, today's pic (as well as the quote) relates directly to the 'con. But you'll have to read about it to find out why.

P.S.: Oh, yeah. I got me a McMuffin on Saturday, so I'm set for a little while now (but NOT another 41 days!).

05/12/03:

Hey. Remember last month when I was talking about leaving for skool, and then not leaving for skool, and then juggling echidnas (ok, not that part)? Well, I'm typing this from Tampa, and I've been attending IADT for nearly five weeks now. The classes are cool, the honeys are fly, and my roommates are manageable. So far so good. I hate driving around this place but the city is amazing. I saw the Cowboy Bebop flick last night with Bill and a couple of his friends (Kevin & Danh), and it was great. On the downside, although I'm going to a skool filled with computers, I'm going to be insanely busy for a while. But I'll get back to this place as often as possible. I just fixed FFL so that all the pics that mysteriously would not show up will now (hopefully) show, but that's about it. I did actually intend to update here and use that opening quote three days before I left (to make it sound better), but things were just too crazy. I'll get back here as often as possible, and you can (again hopefully) expect plenty of WACKY anecdotes and stories soon enough. Welp, gotta go now. Those echidnas won't juggle themselves, y'know.

07/21/03:

Trust me when I say that the quote is meaningless (It's been on my mind, is all). My lucky, secretive number is now 666, however.

With that outta the way, I must report that I am now in my second quarter at IADT, having made straight A's last quarter, and am doing hunky-funky-fuckin'-dory. Projects this session promise to be tougher (I'm taking two Adobe courses - Photoshop & Illustrator - and another drawin' class). I should be working again soon (yep, at Target). I am looking into doing a massive ongoing collaborative website project with a friend of mine when I have the time. As for my social life, well.... like I said, the quote is meaningless. So if you believe that, don't worry about the pic:

P.S.: Go see the Pirate movie that's out now (even though, as Bill pointed out, it's too bad it's not rated "ARGH!" - heh). Two words: Zombie. Monkey. That's right. Oh, and don't go and see the new Sean Connery movie (but do read the fucking amazing comic it's based on). Two words: Steaming. Shit.

02/02/04:

What do you want from me, an apology? Well, forget it. I've got so much to do it's crazy, and before I add much more content around here I need to optimize my graphics to free up space and lessen load times. Then I need to add tables. Oof. But today is my birthday. I'm 22, living in Tampa with my girlfriend Charlyssa (we've been going out for nearly nine months now, and she's the greatest thing to ever happen to me), going to skool where I play with computers and going to work at Best Buy (so long, Tar-J!) selling cameras. I'm pissed about Disney pulling the Ed Wood DVD release from tomorrow to GOD-FUCKING-KNOWS-WHEN, I still have an assload of credit to pay off and I just had $600 worth of brake work done on my car. Other than that, things are about the same. I have lots of web plans, Lyssa and I'll be going to the Megacon next month and I'm still a goof. That's right, damn it!

I'll be back, I SWEAR, so stick around. Out!

02/09/04:

I love my girlfriend.

There are a number of reasons why this is true, but the most recent and outstanding has to be the fact that she did something for me that no other was capable of. She filled a void in my world that had made me feel shallow and worthless. She accomplished the impossible. That's right, kids, she found me a sealed copy of the recalled Ed Wood DVD. At BLOCKBUSTER of all places. Holy smokes, folks!! This is HUGE! The wave of love for her that was equal only to the wave of relief when she pulled that sexy disc out of her purse after picking me up from work was pert'near orgasmic. The flick is just as amazing and - ok, I'll say it - delightful as I remember it and I couldn't be any happier. Due to its extreme rarity, by the end of the year this may still be my favorite DVD of 2004 when it comes to rewatchability. Yes, I am serious. Even after the special editions I've been waiting for of Goodfellas, The Shawshank Redemption, and Dawn of the Dead come out, even after Star Wars, the holy trilogy is released (as it seems it will be) and yes, possibly even after Aladdin. The only real competition will be the Zim set and the extended Return of the King, but we shall see. We shall see.

I had a great birthday, but forgot to mention earlier how amazing my Christmas vacation was. I spent the actual holiday with my family in Florida and flew up to New Hampshire to hang out with Lyssa's family for a couple of weeks. It was a blast. I took advantage of the lack of sales tax up there, gave skiing a shot, and felt very welcomed and at home. Good times.

Right now, I am behind on schoolwork, still need to renew my drivers license, and am about to apply to an apartment complex to "officially" move in with Lyssa (co-ed housing is not permitted through the skool, but that hasn't stopped me from living with her for the past nine months). I'm still working around the site, thanks to the web development classes I'm in, so expect to see some new stuff fairly soon.

02/14/04:

Finally. A Valentine's Day where I don't want to blow my friggin' brains out; metaphorically speaking, of course. So even though Lyssa and I were working today, we still had a fantastic evening after we both got out of Best Buy (so far, working together is really cool). Oh, and we're moving into our own place at the end of March, and it seems as though I have excellent credit (the lease was put under my name until Lyssa turns 21 later this year). Good times. The best. The Megacon is fast approaching and I'll have pics a'plenty, to be sure. So GET READY!!

The site's being worked on nearly every day now, by the way. Pics are being reformatted and we now have some tables and mid-page links set up. Expect more. Soon. Yo.