The Trials and Tribulations of Pumpkining
A journal from the front lines of Suburbia

round 1 ~ 20 pumpkins, made 5 little kids cry
round 2 ~ 13 pumpkins, caused 2 senior citizens to have heart attacks and die miserable, pumpkinless deaths
round 3 ~ 34 pumpkins, slayed one angry homeowner with lawn ornament
round 4 ~ 2 pumpkins, caught by cops, kicked off student council
round 5 ~ stole 10 pumpkins from other towns, an upset Wakefield secedes from the Middlesex County
round 6 ~ 0 - Originally had 48 before realizing we had been stealing from our own stash

Bin Laden, FBI cite pumpkining as a leading cause for WTC attack
"RMHS figured it out before we did," admits an embarassed Colin Powell.

Slow-witted student inadvertently lists 'pumpkining' as major extracurricular activity on Common Application

Consequently rejected from Holy Cross, offered scholarship from UMass

Big hit on local farmstand goes awry as students accientally steal 45 squashes
'Halloween is ruined,' whimpers would-be-pumpkin thief.
Mixed produce prank considered

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