HEATHER GRAHAM
Oct. 21,01:
This past Friday I received a magazine in the mail. The magazine is called "REV", maybe you were unfortunate enough to receive it too. After I looked threw this magazine and read a good portion of it I came to the conclusion that this magazine is absolute garbage! There are many things that are horrible about this magazine, and right now I Doug am going to tell you about these things. Let’s see where do I begin? Oh I know let’s start with the cover! Whoever is in charge of choosing what picture to put on the cover of this magazine should be shot. The cover girl on this issue is heather graham, now there is no doubt that she is one hot choice piece of ass and a few of the pics of her inside the magazine prove that. Now for some odd reason the jack-off in charge of the cover chose to put the worst picture of heather I have ever seen right smack on the cover. It doesn’t even look like her! Id like to give you all the name of this fool but I have yet to find the column that talks about the cover and the fool that designed it, which for all of you that don’t know SHOULD be on one of the first 3 pages like it is in almost every magazine I’ve ever read! All I see is that the cover story is by David Giammarco (sounds like a fudge packer). So David if u read this, and it is in fact you that butchered the cover of REV then I Doug give you the MIDDLE FINGER SALUTE!
Ok now that that is out of the way I will continue to point out what is wrong. The tie Domi interview is ridiculous! Tie Domi is not that tough, in fact he is just a goon that has no skill what so ever and he only fights people that can't fight worth a damn! We’ll see how tough he is when the Leafs play the devils and Scott Stevens beats his ass for that cheap shit he pulled on Scott Niedermayer. I know this is a Canadian book so you feel the need to interview a tough guy from a Canadian team. But why Domi? Whoever in charge of the idea to interview Domi is a crack head. You want a good interview interview a tough guy like Donald Brashear! Now that would be interesting, well maybe not a REV interview cause they don’t ask any decent questions. They probably could not get Donald so Domi had to do. The interviewer should have asked stuff like" hey Domi, are you any bit nervous about the fact that Stevens is gonna make you his bitch?" or " does it bother you that your not the toughest fighter on the leafs anymore?". That would have been interesting. If people reading this think I’m a fool for the 2nd question then the obviously are not big hockey fans because I recall Shane Corson (while with Montreal a few years back) beating tie Domi senseless! Now that’s who REV should interview, Shane Corson, somebody with skill, and the balls to play hard and give it his all night after night, he is the true leader of the leafs. Shane may not be the best point getter but he has the most hart and he plays with class unlike tie Domi who is an embarrassment to the game. Set that interview up REV, maybe then you won’t have to give your magazine away for free! Another thing don’t show anymore pics of that interviewer guy, something about his goofy expressions that makes me wanna slap him upside the head.
Moving on I would now like to comment on the HOOTERS GIRL interview. What cock knocker in the head office came up with this idea? I am sure I speak for all men when I say, "who gives a flying fuck about what a hooters girl has to say!". I mean c'mon . Do you have retards running the head office? Sure the hooters girl is somewhat attractive, and sure men wanna see attractive sluts in magazines, but c'mon a hooters girl? What is lower then that job? Oh I know, next month lets interview a prostitute! Yes, that’s a fantastic idea! I know you mongoloids at REV wanna show hot chicks to please the readers, and that’s great, but once you give them a chance to speak there mind you ruin the whole section of the magazine! I am now going to review some of the questions you geniuses asked the HOOTERS GIRL. *as a waitress are u a neat freak?*you had no previous experience when you started at hooters, what were you like?*what is the secret to hooters girl success?* ........Ok why would anyone give a rat’s ass about the answers to those questions? Her answer to the hooters girl success was "people think it’s all about looks, but its about personality". What is she talking about? It’s all about looks! I doubt they ugly hooters girls get the tips that the hot ones do. I don’t care how nice they are. I go to hooters for 2 things, tits and ass, I don’t care if she is nice, or smart, or a bitch, I came to see tits and ass! If I was old enough to get into a strip club id never enter HOOTERS, never ever! But because its the only place that a 17 yr. old dude can go to to eat crappy food and see chicks in tight slutty clothes is HOOTERS that is where I go! And yes I said the food was crap! And despite what some of the naive girls may think, us males are not there for the wings. One more thing before I move on. The HOOTERS chick was asked "what bugs you about customers?" and her reply was "some people, you'd think it's the first time they've ever went out to eat. You’ll ask them, "what would u like to drink?" and they'll be like," uhhhhhh..... "If you go in a classroom, you should sit at a desk!" ...........Ok here is my problems with that, what in the hell does the comment "if you go in a classroom, you should sit at a desk!" that is re-god-damn-diculous! Cause what she should have said is "you sit down at a desk and learn" cause in my opinion HOOTERS is the class and the table u sit at is like the desk, her complaining about people ordering has nothing to do with that last comment cause the person obviously came in and sat down! Another thing the waitresses at HOOTERS from my experiences come to the table to take your order way too fast. Sure that may be a good thing but please let me sit down and look at the menu before you jump outta nowhere to take my order! I must admit I have had a hot HOOTERS chick come to take my order and I said "uhhhh....." but that’s cause its a little hard to think when 1. You’ve barely opened the menu, and 2. You have a chick leaning over your table with her big fat fake titties damn near in your face! That causes every man that isn’t a Homo to lose his train of thought for a few moments! So to the HOOTERS girl and the person that had the bright idea to interview I must award you both with a DOUBLE MIDDLE FINGER SALUTE!
Now on to the Michael Landsberg interview. This wasn’t that bad, wasn’t to good either though. interviewing him = good idea, giving him a little amount of lame questions= bad idea! The questions REV asked were alright but the should have asked things like " has there ever been a guest that you wanted to hit?" or "have you ever banged that hot piece of ass Thea Andrews?" or maybe even " can you name some athletes or celebrities that absolutely refused to come on your show?" or last but not least " how does it feel to know that the only magazine that wants to hear what you have to say is a crappy MAXIM rip off called REV?" Now that’s what I call questions!
Ok that’s about all I have to comment on, or at least that’s the only interesting thing's I have to comment on. The rest of the magazine is filled with useless crap like jumping on the" we love fire fighters" ban wagon, meanwhile know one gave a rats ass about them before September 11th! So please everyone stop kissing the asses of fire/crime fighters now because you didn’t care before, I find it sickening that people care just because of a recent tragedy. I mean hello-o fire fighters and cops die every single day in duty, and they have since the beginning of time its a little late to start throwing benefits and tributes for them now, don’t you think? Also the magazine is filled with crap like gadgets and clothing that only people with to much money and time on their hands will buy........
Well that’s all folks! If some things I said didn’t make sense to you it may be because of 1 of 2 reasons, 1. You’re an idiot, or 2. I’ve been up like 18 hrs and I’m tired as fuck
Please post any comments in the guest book on my home page. If you are from REV and you read this and your pist off, or you want me to write for you to give your magazine a good kick is the ass to shake things up so people will buy it, e-mail me!
***MESSAGE RECIEVED FROM SOME PACKER FROM REV***
Thanks for your input, Doug. I did check out the site -- I believe that I was visitor number 474. I'd offer to remove you from our subscription list, but maybe you'd like to stay on the list and keep us in check via your site? Let me know. Best, Gary Butler Editor, REV Magazine Multi-Vision Publishing, Inc. 655 Bay Street, Suite 1100 Toronto, ON M5G 2K4
***STATEMENTS FROM ME (DOUG)*** ok jackass although i want to be taken off of the list if u send me any moreof these garbage magazines i ma read them and point out to everyone tha views this site how extremely shitty REV is. now that that has been cleared up i have a question......HOW THE FUCK DID I GET ON YOUR LIST??? i dont recall inlisting myself onto the mailing list for shit. i also dont recall winning (or losing in the case of u sending me this shit) any draw to recieve REV. I would appreciate it if yu bastards told me why i was selected to recieve trash mail, and how u bastards even got my name and addy seing as im 17 and not really part of any group or class of people that being in school or having a decent job or maybe even just plain socializing with the outside world would make me a part of.