Planet Terror

This movie rocked my face off. I can't remember there being any points in the whole movie that I wasn't being thoroughly entertained. There was a mock preview in the beginning called 'Machete,' which had me rolling from the start. I also love the scene where the roll of film was missing and when the picture came back everything had gone to hell. Lots of humor, gore, and action made this one of the best mainstream horror movies I've seen in a looong time. Most of the gore in the movie was pretty sarcastic as a throughback to cheesey splatter movies from the 70's. Do yourself a favor and chatch this flick! 4.5/5

Characters

• Cherry: Go-go Dancer turned zombie ass kicker! Loses a leg but gains a very large gun.
• Wray: Tow truck driver who just happens to be a badass with guns.
• Dakota: Anesthesiologist for the local hospital. Planned on running away with her lesbian lover and son, but her plans kinda changed.
• Lt. Muldoon: Bruce Willis! Marine who is trying to find experimental gas releated to the outbreak. Shot.
• Dr. William Block: Husband to Dakota. Prick doctor who also works at the hospital. Gets shot.
• J.T.: Runs the local Bar-B-Q. Quite obcessed with his sauce. Not so much about hygiene... but sauce, yeah, he's all about that! Blown up.
• Sheriff Hague: You can probably guess his job. Also, brother of TJ. They bicker about sauce alot. Also blown up.
• Abby: Scientist who was responsible for the gas that explosed the virus. He also has a hobby of ball collecting. And not the rubber sort. Head blown off.
• Earl: Old cop fellow, who is Dakota's dad. Not really much more to say.
• Tony: Dakota's kid. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Shots himself in the head seconds after being told not to.
• Skip: Guy that owns the go-go club. Kinda sleazy, but lives through it all.
• Tammy: Dakota's lover I assume. That was never made quite clear. Brains eaten completely.
• Deputy Tolo: Tom Savini! Has a nasty habit of shooting the wrong people, like old men on an IV drip. Shredded.
• The Crazy Babysitter Twins: The name pretty much says it all.
• Rapist #1: Quentin Tarantino! LOL, his balls melt off.

The Totals

• Body Count: 47. But that's a rough estimate. It became obvious in the first 10 minuets, that this was not going to be easy.
• Weapons Used: A lot of guns. Also, knives, a saw, a saxophone, a table leg, needels, and helicopter blades.
• Gratuitous breast shots: 0
• Moments where characters are mysteriously unable to run from certain death: 0
• Ominous thunderstorms: 0
• Explosions: 27
• Prostetic legs that double as large guns: 1
• Children who should not play with guns: 1

Random thoughts or things I learned from this film

• If you hire Machete to kill the bad guys, you better not be the bad guys.
• Car door handels are trecherous.
• Female deputies' shirts natually get shorter during zombie attacks.
• Mini bikes can be an effective transportation even in a zombie filled commute.
• Bruce Willis killed Osama Bin Laden.
• Putting sunglasses on at night during a zombie fight may look badass, but it will get your boyfriend killed.