House of the Dead

A group of party goers show up late at an island rave only to find the party completely deserted. Soon they are attacked by hordes of zombies. I was determined to like this movie, but it wasn't an easy task. For one thing the plot, or lack of, was terrible. It was basically 'Run from the zombies.' Another thing that really annoyed me was they keep flashing scenes from the video game during the action sequences. Also they kept doing those slow motion Matrix-like scenes, which started to come off like a rip off. And most of the characters were unlikeable and flat. The only intersting characters were Captain Kirk (ha ha) and Clint Howards characters. I did however like how they faded the characters into red whenever they died. If you're looking for an action zombie movie with lots of boobs and guns and no real plot, this is the movie for you. 2.5 out of 5.

Characters

• Rudy: Party goer who goes to an island for a rave. Soon is attacked by hordes of zombies.
• Alicia: Rudy's ex who also ends up on the island with a small group of her friends. Shows up late and misses the massacre, but the zombies aren't done yet! Stabbed with a sword.
• Captain Kirk: Yes, that's really his name. He's a fisherman/smuggler who gives the party goers a lift to the island. The fact that he smuggles guns helps out a bit. Blows himself up with a dozen zombies.
• Castillo: The main zombie who has been around for hundreds of years bringing the dead back to life. Decapitated and head squished.
• Casper: Part of the coast gaurd or something like that. Chases after Captain Kirk (I laugh every time I say that) and ends up on the island also. Gets her legs ripped apart by the zombies and bleeds to death.
• Karma: Black chick who they compare to Foxy Brown, even though she acts nothing like her. Decides to hold off the zombies by herself and becomes fodder.
• Simon: Model who is pretty much a moron. Blows himself and the house up.
• Liberty: Hot Asian girl who attacks zombies with matrial arts. The zombies are not impressed. Zombie fodder.
• Greg: Friend who should have really looked out for those twigs on the ground when trying to sneak away from zombies. Zombie chow.
• Cynthia: Greg's girlfriend who is pretty much an airhead. Zombiefied and shot.
• Salish: (Clint Howard) He' s Captain Kirk's right hand man. No he's not Spock. Very superstious about the island, but ends up a zombie anyway.

The Totals

• Body Count: 16, plus a massacre.
• Weapons Used: Lots of guns, gernades, TNT, axes, jars, swords, a machete, hatchets, and more guns.
• Breast Shots: 4, and very nice ones.
• Moments where characters are mysteriously unable to run from certain death: 3
• Thunderstorms: 1
• Explosions: 7

Random Thoughts and Things Learned

• Harbor partol carries lots of fully automatic weapons.
• If I were ever in a zombie movie, I'd moan and walk around stiff like, and try to fit in.
• All college student know martial arts, how to fire illegal weapons, and how to fence with swords.
• Ok, we get it already! You saw The Matrix!
• Being attacked by zombies gives you the ability to jump six feet in the air.