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Garbage in, Garbage out
||| NOW WHAT? ||| SAME OL' SAME OL' ||| ¿QUÉ? ||| RIBS 'N' DICK |||
Yes, it's here, the long-awaited arrival of the new and vibrant site for the latest and most happening in the world of bizarre cartoon mayhem!

What the hell do you mean, "Not another one"?

No, seriously, the main difference between my strip and that of, say, the PLIF people is that I don't get paid for mine. I receive no pecuniary reimbursement whatsoever for my efforts, and while this means on the one hand that I am free to follow my comic muse in the manner of my imagining, unrestrained by the commercial demands of syndication, it also has the knock-on effect that I am in no way obliged to give a rat's ass about customer satisfaction.

While I don't usually make a deliberate policy of pissing people off for the sheer hell of it, I have been known to make exceptions, and if you are in any way offended, hurt, or sickened by anything you see here, I don't care.

Really I don't. I don't want to hear about it. Not even the complaints from people so ignorant it's funny. I see no reason why I should give my email address out like halloween candy just so Billy-Joe MacInbred from Dog Pisser, Alabama should send me semireligious hatemail 'cawz his momma sayd that that sawt of thyng waz wrowng.

I draw the cartoons for my own satisfaction as much as anything else, as kind of occuapational therapy for two decades' accumulated neuroses; that and the ego boost of seeing my stuff come up on a google search. Anything else is a bonus. If you like some of them, good. If some of them don't please you as much, sorry; come again in a few weeks, and I'll probably have some better ones for you then.

If, on the other hand, in your considered opinion, they all stink regardless of content or quality, your nose is probably too close to your ass anyway.

Feb 10th
Okay, this is probably the end for the time being. I haven't done anything new for this site in quite a while, having mostly beeen working on my most recent project with my good friend The Log:
Eventually, I'll move all the good stuff from this site to there, or vice versa, or just mesh them together with links, and let the rest go to hell.
It's been an experince.

Dec 23rd
Okay, confession time. I admit, I gave in, I betrayed my principles, I finally went to see the Harry Potter movie (although I never broke my word as such, as my family bought the ticket--hah.) I even enjoyed it; but NEVER, I repeat NEVER will I sink so low as to buy the video, not even a Japanese pirate from the market stall.
However, off the subject, I finally got round to drawing the new cartoon, and there are a few new cards in the back section. Hope you like the festive colour scheme, incidentally. Merry Exmas.

Dec 12th
Yes, I know, it's been a long time. I haven't done a new cartoon as such yet, but if you go to the WildCards page, you'll find a veritable mound of new creations behind some rather snazzy HTML jittering, courtesy of the Private Eye site code. Think of it as an early Christmas present.
The things I do for you, o loyal and trusted fans...
By the way, o noble readers, I'm uploading this from my good friend The Log's house. Bless him and his connection.

Dec 2nd
Just a quick note. I'll be away for the next week with interviews and stuff, but shall return with artwork by Saturday. Be good.

Dec 1st
Pinch and a punch and all that. I've done quite a few new illustrations for the WildCards page, but you'll have to wait until I get the time to scan them in, and Rowan has finally put up his link to me, though you have to scroll to find it.
And, to my lasting shame, I have now bought and read all the Harry Potter books, and will even confess to having done so with pleasure; but I tell you this, my friends: I may have betrayed all that I believe in, I may have surrendered my self-respect for a few battered volumes, I may have sacrificed my principles for nothing more than papercuts and eyestrain, but I am not yet sunk so low that I would ever, EVER, condider paying to go and see the film.
I have done some terrible things in my time, but I have my pride. Thank you.

Nov 25th
NOW I've got it working. My scanner is finally cooperating, the new cartoon is up, and everything is absolutely up to date except my assignments. Bliss.
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I CONFESS! I read a Harry Potter book the other day and actually enjoyed some of it. I may even see the film. I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HELP IT, IT'S A SICKNESS. Thankyou for your understanding.

Nov 23rd
now it's all sorted out, after I lost the disk with all the files on and had to start again from scratch. I really hate using other people's systems. My bottle of Stolichnaya calls to me.

Nov 22nd
Status report as of now: Son of Tapestry, sequel to the first cult screensaver - FINISHED.
TapestryDance page, now with more dancing Gifs than ever - FINISHED
This week's cartoon, definition and general tidying up of the html - FINISHED
Essays due in first thing tomorrow morning - NOT EVEN STARTED
I think that about covers it. Now I'm going to get some sleep.

Nov 21st
Well, well, have I been busy lately. Work progresses on the LRT sequel, provisionally titled "Son of Tapestry", and the TapestryDance page nears completion, thanks to a bit of stolen code from the Armadillo Dance people.
Visit me, you bastards! Or better still, link. I'm tired of having to recommend this to my friends and admit it's my work, just for the guilty thrill of seeing the hit counter go up. Oh, and I forgot to do a cartoon this week. So sue me.


Oh, and on a retentive note, all the images are my own work, not yours. Feel free print them, stick them on your wall, place them on your desktop or homepage or whatever; colour them, shrink them, enlarge or enhance them to your heart's content, even stick them on T-shirts or tattoo them on your back if the fancy takes you, but please leave the credit banner at the top, and I would take it as a personal favour if you linked to this page when you use them online. Thanks. I can't be arsed with copyrights and related legal fargo, so I'm trusting you. Be good.


Last updated 10/Feb/02

Swift cucumber justice to my enemies