November 24, 2001
Season’s Beatings
Knights of Columbus Hall, Desoto, Mo

Mike Sharona def. D’Mon G
- Sharona lasted about three minutes before having to resort to using Doogie to beat D’Mon. Yeah, it sucked. But this was only the beginning of this one. On the plus side, at least CJ came out and beat the crap outta Doogie.

Outtkast and Ratboy def. Johnny Greenpeace and Sam Bacardi
- Greenpeace and company ran rampant until Ratboy yoinked Tree and ran off. Greenpeace came sprinting after his manager and after a totally sweet wipeout while rounding the ring stairs, Johnny rounds corner number 4 at full speed and gets greeted by a flying Outtkast. Johnny’s peace-lovin’ noggin thwacked the tile floor and Sam Bacardi’s Busch lovin’ face got misted my Nikki, leaving the man from Moe’s down to be covered by Ratboy.

Chaz Wesson w/ some Coach def. Johnny Jett
- In a match more older schooled, Chaz needed Coach to hold Jett’s leg to barely nudge past the American. Yeah, I know. At least Jett knocked Coach stupid (well, stupider, God beat him to the punch). And for some reason, Coach came with a briefcase. I assume this is important somehow, maybe Crazy Max will finally be debuting. Who knows.

Delirious and MsChif def. Operation Shamrock - This one was exactly what you’d expect – all hella sweet moves that I don’t know the name for. MsChif got personally pissed when Ash wouldn’t hit her cause she’s a girl. Good call there Ashman. Turns out she doesn’t have the same policy about boys, cause she stomped him right back to 1988. In the end, Billy brought out his trusty trampoline, but it was used against O.S. when Billy went airborne and landed not on Delirious as intended, but instead he hurt his hetero life mate Ash. Delirious got his finisher on the Irish Luchador and the rest is history.

D’Mon G and CJ def. Mike Sharona and Doogie.
-This match could have easily gone either way and showcased Mike Sharona thinking he’s a bird (but not that Bird silly) and doing totally sweet stuff that I was too busy drooling over to write down and Doogie getting his Oxy-10 needin’ rear end kicked all over the place. D’Mon continued his habit of winning on his pathway to becoming the next GCW champ at the next Adults F’N Only show

Dingo somehow managed to def. Matt -Matt went down and hardcore with the Light Heavyweight champ, but even a dive off a floor speaker on the stage at the Hall could not pry the gold off Dingo. These two battled all over the place and Dingo viciously took his belt to Matt’s back (the mark it left? Sickeningly sweet; you could actually make out all those little shiny studs on Matt’s back which for us was a good thing, but for Matt, most likely a bad thing). Dingo mercifully ended the match with two successive power bombs and a DVD, collectively known as the baddest move in pro wrestling yesterday, today and damn near ever – the Ego Buster. That’s why he’s OUR champ, YOUR champ, and GCW’s Light Heavyweight Champ. This scrapes by the Ben / Adonis match as this cousin’s pick for match of the night.

Big Fag Ben def. Jack Adonis in an Alaskan Death Match -My eyes are all kinda misty over here. This is another one of those contests that thought it wiser to explore all the wonders this KoC Hall had to offer. On their magical journey, these two intrepid individuals found a big honkin’ stack of chairs but sadly, failed to find Ben’s talent, which has been missing since July ’83. I’d like to say that Adonis squashed Ben and at the very end, Ben hit a roll up or something, but it really didn’t go that way. Adonis had several shining pearls of brilliance, but Ben really dominated this one. These two also used more than their fair share of officials. In this match of Alaskan death, Roy Swatner (who mized me, electing to shake hands with the lady sitting next to me instead, you suave bastard), Gordon Nickelpumper and CJ McManus all fall to the wrath of two unrestrained wrestlers. Ben put Adonis through two chairs and Heinz came out to make the count. Heinz. Buddy. What the hell are you thinking? You really wanna aid in helping Big Bad Has Ben surmount everyone’s favoirite heartthrob? Whateva brah.

Nikki Strychnine came to the ring and made fun of Deno Blade for no showing a title shot. But he did want to give Desoto a match, so he brings out his opponent, Ratboy. Oh.

Nikki Strychnine def. Ratboy to retain his title. -One freakin move and a pin. Hoo boy. I tell ya, my folding chair needed seat belts for that one. Nikki sez he’s gonna keep this train he’s running on GCW going by bringing out his next mighty challenger…..

Nikki Strychnine surprises us all by def. Outtkast. -Congratulations Nikki. You just joined the list of people that have beaten Outtkast. If you wanna read this list, its entitled “GCW Roster.” ‘Kast did exactly what he and Nikki rehearsed last night – he got inthe ring and laid still until Nikki finished his business. With a now overinflated ego, Nikki gets the balls to set down an open challenge. This leftmost the crowd wondering who could possibly heed the call. Buddy oh buddy did we not see this one coming……

Nikki Strychnine BARELY def. Johnny Mutha Fuggin Greenpeace -Hell yeah. The peace chants were there rockin’ the house as Johnny stepped up to bat. Fuckin’ A. ‘Course, Nikki and friends did triple team the man with balls just barely small enough to fit thru a door like the GCW referee’s on a ring rat. Greenpeace put Kast and Ratboy in their place and almost in their graves time and time again, but it just wasn’t enough to grab gold.