You Spin Me Right Round, Baby

Episode 420: Spin the Bottle

Parlour games, anyone?

By Carmexa

Disclaimer: If this recap sucks, it's because I've had approximately no sleep in the past week. I'm not in top form. But I'll try. And if this recap rocks your socks off, well, just think how mind-bogglingly, freakishly incredible it would be if I were in top form. And I get rambly when I get tired, so you're just going have to suck it up and enjoy my incoherence.

Previously on Felicity: Felicity and Ben's respective tongues went on exploratory missions in the other's throat. Their tongues liked it. So did they. So did we.

Here we go. Opening scene: chemistry lab (read: site of aforementioned tongue wrestling). We know it's a chemistry lab because there are lots of beakers and whatnot and because it's the only class that anyone on this show ever attends. Ben's sitting at the lab table, looking like a scruffy vision of perfection. He looks sort of frustrated. I don't know. Whatever. He looks hot.Felicity walks in, probably thinking the same thing, and takes a deep breath before approaching him. She murmurs "hey," and Ben responds that the lab is "brutal," and somehow the word flows off his tongue like something really delicious that I can't think of right now because I'm slipping into a catatonic state (Ben's hotness + sleep deprivation = disoriented Carmexa). ["Tongue. Delicious. Oh dear, impure thoughts. But yeah, everything Ben says takes on a certain sexiness. He says: 'This lab is brutal.' I hear: 'I'm your bad boy; come give me some good lovin'" -- Bitchavia] Anyway. Felicity says she wants to talk to him about what happened the other night. [Insert bouncy porn music.] Ben keeps looking at his notes, and tells her not to worry about it. His brow is all furrowed like, and whammo! There he is! Smug Ben! Hellllloooooo, Smug Ben. ["Where have you been my boy!? Welcome, have a seat. Stay a while and tickle us all with your witticisms and general hot-ness." -- Bitchavia] He tells her that even though he was initially pissed off, he now "gets it," and gives her this condescending look that says, basically, "You silly, silly girl. Look at me. Am Adonis. Resistance is futile." He keeps up with the half-smile, and informs her that she's not over him. Felicity pretends not to know what the term "over me" means, and Smug Ben tells her that it's very obvious to anyone with eyes and loins that she still wants him. Join the club, bitch. She tells him that seriously, she's with Noel now, as if that has any bearing on her level of wanting-Ben-ness. Ben stares at her incredulously and asks her if that's why she was "all over [him] a week after [she and Noel] got together." Heee, I love you, Smug Ben! ["I love you, too!" -Litigia] Smug Ben tells Felicity that she knows that she made a mistake but just can't admit it. Smug Ben is looking very smug. And very edible. Felicity gets all flustered and says "first of all," she wasn't ALL OVER HIM (In caps.), but it's obvious she hasn't seen last week's episode, because I can assure her that yes, like any non-paralyzed-person, she was alllllllll over Ben. "And second..." well, there really isn't a second. Felicity's caught off-guard by Smug Ben and his hot smugness. She finally spits out that she was going through a "confusing" time , and Smug Ben immediately agrees that yes, it must be confusing trying to fight/ignore/deny the involuntary orgasm she has every time she sees him. Smug Ben just hopes, for her sake (ha!), that she gets her head dislodged from her ass in time to get back together with him, but we all know that what he really means is, "Baby, take me back! Plllleeeeasseeeeee." But Smug Ben is funnier, so we'll take it. ["Smug Ben also drives Felicity wild, which is damn funny to watch." -Litigia] ["Smug Ben reminds me of Season Two Ben, the Ben that chased Felicity all over the place. Those episodes rocked. This one isn't too far behind." -Dyslexia] Felicity realizes that she will not be able to resist Smug Ben, so she leaves him to find another lab partner. Smug Ben says, "Good luck with that," but you know he's just counting down the seconds until she's all over him, all over again. He looks back at her with this intense, amazing, perfect, smug look that says everything that she's thinking, and Felicity gets all flustered. Again.

Shit. I just spent a page on the first scene. Color me Litigia. ["Hee! Long and rambly can be fun!" -Litigia]["Not when you have to format, HTML and italicize the sucker, it ain't! -- Bitchavia] I'll try to do better! I promise! Shit.

Ben walks into the loft, wearing that green sweatshirt, and carrying his trusty ball. BASKETball. Ahem. ["Ball. Size. Big. Ben. Many more impure thoughts." -- Bitchavia]He tries to grab some food, but Sean swats him away, telling him that the Singing Rodent Ranger (or, as they call her in uneducated circles, Julie) is coming to see him, and all the food is for her.["And it's all low-fat food. If anyone should be eating low-fat food, it's Sean, not Miss 100-lbs-Soaking-Wet-Ratface." -- Bitchavia] Sean's all smitten with her, but he's going really overboard in his attempts to woo her. He's also being really annoying. Ben tells him that he should lay off because the Singing Rodent doesn't know how badly Sean wants to hook up with her, and it could be sort of problematic. Sean ignores Sage Ben. Um, if Ben gives you advice on women, take it. Trust me. I wanted to hit Sean over the head with a large silver hammer in this episode. What a fucking dipshit. Meghan walks into the loft; she's come to get her stuff. Blahblahblah, she's bitchy; Sean's stupid; they pretend to hate each other.

Felicity is tapping a pencil loudly against a newspaper. Noel's looking for a cheap apartment (Manhattan cheap = less than $1200. And yes, it is impossible. Trust me). Felicity keeps tapping. Noel is annoyed. Felicity's got her panties in a wad over Ben. As always! She says he was acting like a jerk in O-Chem, but when Noel asks her what he was doing, Felicity can't respond. Ha! She can't respond because then she'd have to tell Noel that a) she and Ben were making out like horny lemurs, b) Ben thinks that she's not over him, and c) that she isn't. She walks over to Noel and kisses him. It's an obligation kiss. Like an "I traveled back in time for you and I don't really want you, but it's probably not a good idea to tell you that, so let me kiss you like you're my great-aunt. Ugh. I miss Ben" kiss. ["That kiss is like a vaccination. She thinks if she can be fakey lovey-dovey enough to Noel she'll ward off the Maladie du Ben, which in the end is incurable."-- Bitchavia] She tells him that she "loves being with" him, which to me, seems like a huge ass cop-out. She can't say that she loves him.... which is appropriate, I guess, since she doesn't. ["For those of you who are counting, this is Noel gets a clue scene #1." -Litigia]

Shot of Ben's perfect back. Shot of Ben's perfect front. His hair is parted differently than usual, and if I do say so myself....mmmmmmmmmm.["His hair is like John Travolta's when he played Vinnie Babarino in the 70s. If it were possible for Ben not to have a good look, this might be it. But it seems to be a common mutation for his hair, and it'll eventually get all shaved off." -- Bitchavia] He's grinning like a moron (but a gorgeous moron), and the Singing Rodent Ranger is there. Goody. Kill me. She squeals, and they hug. ["Maybe it's been a really long time since I've watched a Julie episode, but I didn't remember her being this squealy and whiny before." -Litigia]["Oh for the love of Lilith, her voice is like a cat being put through a Cuisinart!" -- Bitchavia] Oh, shit. It's her guitar. Say it ain't so. She and Ben go into the loft, and shoot the breeze while Ben informs her that he and Felicity have broken up, and so have Sean and Meghan. He also tells her that, in a nutshell, Sean really wants to get together with her. The Rodent just thought she was in town for an audition, but I guess Sean thought that, euphemistically, audition meant sex with him. How wrong he was. Especially now that the Warbling Rat has seen Ben in all his hotness. You can tell that she's already hatching some evil, whiny plan to get to him. ["Julie reminds Ben that the last time Felicity and Noel were dating, Julie and Ben were also dating. Ben gives her a look like he had completely forgotten that he had ever gone out with her. Heh." -Litigia] Also, I don't like her shirt. ["Yeah, what's up with that?" -Litigia]

Sean comes in. She's playing the fucking guitar. ["Thank Adonis we only had to hear like three notes out of Rodent's throat. I don't know why I can't stand any noise that comes out of her. She didn't even start bugging me until Season Three, but anywho, she is what she is, and she IS annoying." -Dyslexia] I want to bash her over the head with it, but I haven't figured out how to reach into my television screen yet, so I can't.["If you can't curb these violent impulses, it could get ugly when we go see her. Did you know Amy Jo Johnson IS Janis Joplin. Shyeaaah, right. Could be worth a few laughs though. Especially the part when Carmexa gets hauled out by the police for jumping on stage and thrashing her with her own guitar." -- Bitchavia] But if I had figured out how to do that...wow. I could just reach in and grab me some Ben whenever I wanted. Hmm. Maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up. Anyway, Sean continues to be annoying, and the Rat rejects him. ["Just in case you care, Sean gave her tickets to a concert he wanted to go to with her. She wants the tickets, but not Sean, so he just gives them to her." --Litigia] She's a bitch. I hate her. Let's move along.

Dean and Deluca, back room. Felicity is being swallowed by a giant box. Ben gazes at her smugly and asks if she'd like some help. She says no, but he grabs the box from her anyway, and says, "You're welcome," except that all you really hear is "welcome." Smug Ben has returned! ["And I still love him!" -Litigia] He leans over the stepladder that Felicity is standing behind and asks if she and Noel are still together. Heh. Felicity says she's sorry to disappoint him, but yes, they are. Fuck! I just opened a bottle of Coke, and the goddamned thing practically exploded. Shit. Anyway, Smug Ben, who does not have Coke all over his favorite white tank top, says that he actually feels sorry for Noel, because it's going to suck (for Noel, anyway) when Felicity ditches him again. Felicity says that that's not going to happen, and tries to be all mean, telling Ben that Noel is everything that Ben is not: kind, funny, ugly, etc. Smug Ben just ignores her and scrunches up his face and says "yeah," knowing that she's totally full of baloney. And then, out comes the trump card: "So, I guess you told him about our little study session then, right?" Heeee! I bet not! Felicity says that no, she hasn't, because it didn't mean anything. Next to the dictionary listing of delusional, there's a nice headshot of Felicity. Smug Ben replies that that seems highly unlikely because she seemed pretty damned into him. Felicity drops a bunch of cups, and says that Smug Ben holds no appeal for her. Noting the dropped cups, Smug Ben smiles a big smile and replies that he can see that he has "zero effect" on her. Double hee! Felicity informs him that kissing him is about as exciting as kissing her arm (which seems not only highly unlikely, but about as probable as me becoming a vegan Baptist). ["Or a vegan Scientologist!" -Litigia] ["Good point." -Carmexa] Then, she demonstrates by kissing her arm loudly as Smug Ben grins from ear-to-ear. She lies and says that the arm kissing was a thousand times more exciting, and Noel walks in.["Funny how arm-kissing segues so nicely into the entrance of Noel. They go together like rama-lama-lama-kadinky-a-ding-de-dong." -- Bitchavia] I guess Noel didn't hear the whole bit about kissing, huh? Too bad. Felicity looks freaked out, and Smug Ben looks like he just won a lifetime's supply of Knicks tickets. He's all, "Hey, man!" and you can tell that Felicity just wants to slap him. Which could be sort of kinky. But whatever. Ben stands right behind her, so that it totally looks like they are very much a couple, and Noel ignores him and tries to tell Felicity that he's applying for an apartment in the East Village. Smug Ben, in turn, ignores the whole conversation and asks Noel if he'd like a latte or anything. Noel wants a regular coffee. ["Because he's plain and boring like that." -Litigia] Smug Ben claps and says loudly, "Regular coffee!" while Felicity tries to talk to Noel. Noel and Felicity sit down at a table, and before you know it, Ben's there, too! He hands Noel the coffee, gives him a big, smug smile, and then stands there, listening to their entire conversation. It's an f-ing riot. ["And when Noel worries about getting the apartment, Ben says, 'Oh, you're definitely going to get it.' Hee!" -Litigia] Noel keeps blathering on about the apartment and how much fun it's going to be, and then the Whining Mouse walks in, and Felicity squeals and hugs her. Enough with the squealing. Please. Noel asks what an overgrown rat like her is doing in the city, and Ben informs him (smugly) that J-Blo ["Ha! And the scary thing is, J-Blo is actually more annoying than J-Lo. 'Tis true." -Dyslexia]["Oh man, can we not mesh the words 'blo/blow'' and 'Julie' together. It's giving me sickening thoughts and I might puke up the mustardy sausage I just ate against my better judgement in the wee hours of the morning. Bleaaaah." -- Bitchavia] is in town for an audition. Before anyone can get much of a response in, Smug Ben asks her if they should go, and Felicity looks shocked and upset that he and the whiner are going out together. Smug Ben confirms that it's all right that Felicity close for him, and she says, haltingly, that it is. Ben and J-Blo leave. Felicity and Noel agree that Ben is being strange and smug, which we've established. We've also established that it's very sexy and more than a bit endearing.

Felicity and Noel are playing Boggle. This is supposed to be a shout-out to their first season relationship, but it's such a total loser thing to do that it just seems ridiculous. BOGGLE?!? If you're not a wheelchair-bound octogenarian, there is no reason you should be playing Boggle. I love board games as much as the next girl, but at least pick a hipper game. ["No kidding. Scrabble? Trivial Pursuit? Hungry, Hungry Hippos? Anything else!" -- Bitchavia] Well, it's Noel. Let's not give him any credit. But geeze, if you need one scene to show you just how dull Noel and Felicity are together, here you go. Snooorrreee. They start kissing, but it just looks incestuous. And I hate Felicity's robe. It looks like something my grandmother would wear. Except my grandmother has more style than that, so never mind.["It's the kind of robe you'd wear if you were playing Boggle, so it's perfect." -- Bitchavia] The Rat from Nimh comes back from her dinner with Ben, and Felicity goes to set her up with a mattress. Jesus! Look at that mattress! It's like a futon on steroids. I want their college apartment. I want their college mattress. I want their college life. I'm not bitter. They start talking about Ben, and Felicity says that he needs to accept the fact that they're over, and like the conniving whore she is, J-Blo says that she wants to hook up with Ben. Felicity looks like she's going to throw up, but says that it wouldn't bother her. And then her pants catch on fire. Well, she's not wearing any pants, but if she were, they'd be flaming. All of a sudden, she gets pretty manic and starts explaining that their relationship ended really quickly, but that she can't explain it because it's too complicated. What? Time travel isn't an acceptable answer in this situation? The Whining Whore says that Felicity and Noel are really great together, and Felicity agrees. She also tells her that it's okay if the evil one wants to move in on Ben. And there go the pants again! Whoosh! Oh, the humanity!

Shit. The fire alarm in my building just went off. ["Must have been Felicity's pants." -Litigia] Fuck, fuck, fuck. Okay, it stopped. Good.

Felicity comes back into her room, and Noel's in her bed. She starts rambling on and on about Ben and the whore. ["Reminds me of Noel trying to get his groove on with Felicity in the hotel room in 'Gimme an O.' All she can talk about is Julie and Ben. I'm thinking it's starting to remind Noel of those days, too." -Litigia] She says that she thinks that Ben is using the Pink Power Ranger in a feeble attempt to get back at her, etc etc etc, and she's all worried that Julie is going to get hurt. Uh huh. Felicity's a pretty bad liar, and she seems pretty freaked out at the prospect of someone else getting together with her Smug One. Noel ignores Felicity's freaked out state, and asks her if she'd like to move in with him. She says yes, but we all know that it's not going to work. Aww, that's too bad. In opposite-land. ["And that was Noel gets a clue scene #2." -Litigia]

Ben and Julie (I can't come up with any more names for her. I'm tired.) are walking to her audition. He tells her that she'll be fine, because she's sooo talented. Ben, your memory is playing tricks on you. She sounds a lot like nails scraping down an acoustic- guitar-shaped chalkboard. They talk a little about Sean, and Julie says she feels bad. But she doesn't, obviously, because she proceeds to ask Ben out. In fact, she offers up two tickets (two tickets that Sean gave to her!), and Ben says yes, because he's a nice guy. As she walks away, he just looks so sad. It's so obvious that this is not what he wants at all. Poor Ben.

Back at the loft, Ben has to break the news to Sean. Not only is Julie Rat not interested in Sean, but she's super-duper interested in Ben, and they're going out together. I'd feel sort of bad for Sean here, but he's just so damned annoying that I can't quite muster it. Instead, I focus on Ben's forearms. Much, much nicer. Sean threatens to kick Ben out of the loft for yanking Julie out from under his nose. Ben can't believe he's serious, and he's not, really, but he's pretty pissed off nonetheless. ["I can't believe they're sort of fighting over Julie. Julie?!! What are they, card-carrying members of the Rodent Lovers of America Society?" -- Bitchavia] Ben's forearms are out of the shot right now, but I'm more than happy to just stare at his face. I manage to catch something about Ben offering not to go out with her, and Sean saying that the damage has been done, but I'm distracted, so who can be sure? ["Yeah, that's pretty much what happened." -Litigia]

Felicity walks into her living room. Meghan's crying and eating ice cream. She pretends that she's not ["crying (she's not hiding that she's eating ice cream" -Litigia], and that she could care less that Sean broke up with her for a mouse-slut. Julie comes in. Meghan doesn't kill her, but obviously wants to. She leaves. Julie and Felicity go into the kitchen, and Julie breaks the news that she's going out on a date with Ben. Felicity shoots little lasers from her eyes and Julie's head explodes. But nothing comes out. She says again that she's totally all right with Ben and the whorebatross hanging out, but she could not possibly look any less all right. Poor, jealous Felicity. ["Poor, jealous Felicity, my ass. This is great!" -Litigia]

Back at the chemistry lab. Ben's in goggles. Not swim goggles. Lab goggles. ["They are pretty hip lab goggles, if you ask me. Does Oakley make lab goggles or does Ben just look really, really sexy in everything? --Dyslexia] You know. Anyway, he manages to pull the look off. I know you're surprised. Rawr. He's working with some guy in a UNY letter jacket. Trevor had one of those, too, I think. So much school spirit, those boys. Anyhoo, Felicity storms up to Ben and asks him if she can talk to him for a second. Smug Ben always has time for Felicity! He wants to know if it's about his new lab partner, Josh (the UNY jacket guy), but it isn't. Felicity says it's about Julie. Smug Ben's all like, "Baby, I warned you that I wouldn't be an option forever. Of course, I'm full of shit, but c'mon. You know I'll do anything to make you jealous at this point, and it's obviously working. Dammit. Can we just have sex on the lab table?" Felicity tells him that he's a Neanderthal and that she can't believe the shit he's pulling. ["She accuses him of just using Julie to get back at Felicity." -Litigia] He smiles a lot, and looks very smug. That's pretty much what he does this episode. And he does it well. Smug Ben tells her that if she's really so over him, and really so over Julie, then she should come out on a date with them. Subtle, Ben. And then-heeee!-the icing on the cake! "Bring Noel! Unless it'd be too weird for him." Felicity can't say no to that. I mean, you know there's going to be tension of the sexual variety, and Ben's going to be there. She's never been able to refuse that before; why start now? As they part ways, they manage to nearly collide twice. It's pretty funny. ["I laughed." -Litigia]

Felicity and Noel are drinking club soda (How appropriate. I hate club soda.) ["But it might help get that Coke out of your tank top, Lovey. Or is that a myth?" --Dyslexia]["Yes, club soda really is an amazing stainlifter, and you can use it on most water-based messes." -- Carmexa] {"Thank you, Martha Stewart. It''s a good thing." -- Bitchavia] to celebrate their new apartment. ["I like club soda, but come on! Do we need one more hint at how boring these two are together?" -Litigia] The lease hasn't been signed yet, and Felicity hasn't even seen the place yet, so the celebration seems a little premature, but you know, what do I know? Heh. Everything. Felicity manages to tell Noel that even though she'd love to go see the apartment tonight-oops-they're actually going out to dinner with Ben and Julie. They both agree that it's a bad idea, but they'll go anyway. Boring. Let's move on. It should be noted that I really liked Felicity and Noel's scenes together in the last episode, because Felicity was really crazy and frantic and hilarious. But now that she's sort of normal, they're back to their regular boring selves. ["By the way, I'm counting this as the Noel gets a clue scene #3." -Litigia]

Meghan's getting hit on at Epstein Bar. She's rejecting everyone, and then Sean shows up. Meghan is her regular bitchy self, Sean apologizes, blahblahblah, they go out together to the concert. ["Meghan orders Sean to pay for her drink, which he does, without question. Heh. I love that girl." -Litigia] Kick his ass, Meghan.

Indian restaurant. ["Mmm...Indian food. Mmmm...Smug Ben." --Dyslexia] Felicity, Noel, Ben, and Julie are all sitting around a table, making small talk about finding an apartment in the city, and Felicity announces that she and Noel are actually going to be living together. Uh oh. Smug Ben steps over the line here. ["But before Smug Ben appears, we see a look of major hurt on Ben's face. Smug Ben is really Hurt and Tortured Ben, you see?" -Litigia] Way over the line. He brings up the apartment that he and Felicity shared together for a few days. Felicity tries to move the conversation along, but Ben keeps dwelling on it. He asks her if she remembers the dancer who took a bath in their tub, and Felicity replies that she does but that she can't remember the dancer's name. He pesters her until she admits that she does remember, and that the girl's name was Bridget Pasterchek. Ben reminds her how jealous she was of Bridget, and then, in a pretty mean but very honest move, points out that it's pretty fucking ironic that Felicity was the one who was paranoid about him cheating on her. He looks right at Noel as he says this. Ouch. Oh, Ben. Oh, my sweet, poor, hurting Ben. The whole situation is too uncomfortable for Felicity, so she gets up and walks away. Ben follows her, and immediately apologizes, saying that he shouldn't have said the things he did. He asks her to come back to the table, but she doesn't want to because she'd rather not have to withstand another round of torture. Ben is upset, saying that she doesn't have any idea what torture is, but that he does. Torture is "coming home from a long summer, having one lousy day, and finding out your girlfriend slept with your roommate." Oh, Ben. He looks so hurt, and asks her how this all happened. He cannot understand why she changed her mind so quickly about being with him, and begs her to explain it to him. Of course, Felicity can't, and just says that he did things that "made it easy," but he still cannot begin to comprehend what she's talking about. All he wants is an explanation, and she can't give it to him. God, the heartbreak. My poor boy-Felicity, stop hurting him! He doesn't even know what he did wrong! ["They go back to the table, all hurt and tortured." -Litigia] Julie ["clearly not a master of perception" -Litigia] wants to know if they want to go back to the loft to hear her godawful croaking, and they all agree.["I guess since it's already turning out to be the Night of Mutual Torture, they figured why not." -- Bitchavia] Ben looks like he's either going to burst into tears or punch a hole through the wall. ["Also, Noel is starting to look pissed at Felicity's insistence on hanging with Ben and Julie. Which makes this Noel gets a clue scene #4." -Litigia]

Sean and Meghan return from the concert. Sean wants to get back together with her. Meghan wants him to suffer. This storyline bores me. They come into the loft, and Meghan suggests a game of spin the bottle, which sounds to me like the worst idea in the history of the universe. ["Well, she doesn't just suggest it out of thin air. It should be noted that Julie was singing when Meghan entered and Ben, obviously bored with her warbling, was spinning a beer bottle on the table. Now, it makes more sense." -Litigia] Then again, if I was sitting around a table with Ben, spin the bottle would probably sound like an amazing idea. ["I'd certainly take this game over Boggle." -Litigia] Hmm. Meghan spins. Lucky bitch! It lands on Ben, who immediately looks at Felicity. She immediately looks like she's going to be sick. Meghan kisses Ben (who then wipes his mouth. Hee.), and you can see Felicity's brain start to sizzle and steam with jealousy and anger. Ben spins. It lands on Felicity. Surprise. She whines about how it can't be happening, and they let her skip that spin. Ben spins again. It lands on Felicity again. She looks totally panicked, and protests again, but finally agrees to just get it over with. Silly Felicity. The smugness returns for a moment, and Ben starts rolling up his sleeves in anticipation, which cracks me up. ["Hee!" -Litigia] He leans towards her, just waiting, and Meghan reminds them that they have to kiss for at least five seconds. Rules are rules, you know. Felicity sort of spazzes out, and Ben just looks into her eyes and gives her a little smile. Jesus, you could cut the sexual tension between them with a cleaver. Ben leans in to kiss her, and they just press their lips together like first-graders while Meghan counts. This reminds me of my first kiss when I was in seventh grade. The five second rule scared the shit out of me, and then the boy-his name was Luke, if you'd like to know-stuck his tongue down my throat, and that was that. But I suppose that is neither here nor there, because Ben does not-for once-do much of anything with his tongue. Both of them open their eyes and sort of smile-mid-kiss-and it's pretty cute. But then, what else is new? Noel sighs and looks like he'd like to die. All in due time, my pretty. ["Double hee!" -Litigia] Julie spins. ["Meghan tells Sean to stop praying so loud. I know you're not interested in the Sean/Meghan storyline here, Carmexa, but that was pretty funny." -Litigia] It lands on Ben, who is getting all of the action tonight. Felicity looks even more stricken than she did before. The gnawing rodent immediately dives in, and she and Ben kiss for about a minute and a half, while everyone else looks really uncomfortable. You can see the steam coming out of Felicity's ears, making her curls frizz. Jealousy is such a bitch, isn't it? Actually, she just looks really sad and upset...especially when Ben ends the kiss and looks straight at her. Noel sees it all, and leaves. ["Noel gets a clue scene #5." -Litigia] Meghan starts to bitch at him, Ben twirls in his chair, and right as Noel walks out the door, Speedy starts to giggle, but they cut away from him quickly. Nonetheless, it's adorable. ["Duh." -Litigia]

Sean and Meghan. Not getting back together. Whatever.

Noel is back at Felicity's place, thinking. The music reminds me of the last scene in The Princess Bride. I mean, it's not the same, but there's a similar quality. I always wanted to go to the Fire Swamp with Wesley and kick ass. ["I wonder if Julie lives there with the other Rodents of Unusual Size. If you go there, look into it, Carm." -Litigia] Sigh. If you're going to dream, darlings, dream big. But I digress. Noel tells Felicity that he doesn't think it's a good idea for them to live together, even though he's always wanted to. And then, in Noel's finest moment in the history of the show, he breaks up with her by saying that he'll never "inhabit [her] the way that Ben does." We love you, Noel! ["We do! Someone give these writers an Emmy, because anyone that could write a storyline that would make the goddesses love Noel deserves an award of the highest magnitude." -Litigia] First of all, because it's true, and secondly, because you finally had the cojones to say it out loud and actually mean it. Finally. Noel is sick of being the lap dog. Sick of being the sloppy ass seconds. He's not gonna take it anymore! Felicity lies and says that that's not true, but Noel is emphatic: she will never be over Ben. It's true. And Felicity knows it, which is why she can only watch him walk away as she realizes just how right he was. Sigh.

Next week: The End. I'm in denial. Let's not talk about it, please.