Cordelia Says
"I aspire to help my fellow man. Check. As
long as he's not smelly, dirty or something gross."
"I mean, they promised me they'd take me to St. Croix, and
then they just decide to go to Tuscany. Art and buildings? I
was totally beachless for a month and a half. No one has suffered like I
have. Of course I think that that kind of adversity builds character.
Well, then I thought, I already have a lot of character. Is it possible
to have too much character?"
Cordelia: Buffy. You're really campaigning for bitch-of-
the-year, aren't you?
Buffy:As defending champion, you nervous?
Cordelia: I can hold my own. You know, we've never really been close,
which is nice, 'cause I don't really like you that much, but... you have
on occasion saved the world and stuff, so I'm gonna... do you a favor.
Buffy: And this great favor is...
Cordelia: I'm gonna give you some advice. Get over it.
"Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it.
Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it.
'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've
got now."
Cordelia:"It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none
of that rust and blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry clean
till judgment day, you are living with those stains."
Jenny:"Yeah that's the worst part of being hung upside down by a
vampire who wants to slit your throat... the stains."
Cordelia:"I hear ya!"
Cordelia: "Of course, that's it. We attack him with germs!"
Buffy: "Great! We'll corner him and then you can sneeze on him."
Cordelia: "No! No, we'll get a box with the Ebola virus and… and…. Or it doesn't even have to be real, we can just get a box that says Ebola on it and… chase him with the box!"
"Well, thats the most fun you can have without having any fun."
"Excuse me? Who gave you permission to exist?"
"Oh, he's a vampire. Of course! But the cuddly kind, like a Care Bear with fangs?"
Cordelia: "Is Mr I'm the lead singer I'm so great I don't have to show up for my date or even call gonna be there?"
Oz: "Yeah, you know, he's just goin' by "Devon" now."
"Like this time I sorta ran over this girl on her bike. It was the most traumatizing event of my life and she was trying to make it about her leg, like my pain meant nothing"
Cordelia: "Nobody told me I was supposed to bring a gift. I was out of the loop on gifts."
Giles: "It's, it's tradition among, um...people."
"God, what is your childhood trauma?"
"Feels like home…if it's the 50's and you're a psycho."
Cordelia: "Eww, what does this do?"
Giles: "It extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutating cells."
Cordelia: "Wow! What does this one do?"
Giles: "It elongates its mouth to engulf its victims head with its incisors."
Cordelia: "Ouch! Wait, what does this one do?"
Giles: "It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done."
Cordelia: "Boy, there's a demon for everything!"
(Praying)Cordelia: "And if you get me out of this, I promise I won’t be mean to anyone, unless they deserve it, or if it is that time of the month, when I don’t think you or anyone should tell me what to do…"
Willow: "Ask for some aspirin."(Has headach from lisening to Cordieal praying)
Codelia: "And could you please send me some aspirin… hey!"
Home