Standing Outside the Fire
Disclaimer: I 100% own the dialogue and story in this fic and I 100% wish I owned the characters. But I don’t * sigh *
Set: Sometime during season 5 when Spike was only just realising his feelings for Buffy. She of course did not reciprocate.
Feedback- This is my first Buffy fic so any feedback would be really appreciated! wild_in_the_streets@hotmail.com
~~~
We call them call cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk the tables being turned
We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flames
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always comes with getting burned
But you got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire
We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall
We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all
They're so hell bent on giving, walking a wire
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire
There's this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly higher and higher
I can't abide standing outside the fire
~~~
When I enter the ugly place that calls itself The Bronze, I don’t know what I’m looking for. Maybe it’s a game of pool with a stranger…maybe it’s those delicious onion thingies that they have at the bar…maybe it’s merely some more bourbon for my flask. But more likely it’s a short, feisty, blonde vampire slayer we all know. I don’t know why I do it to myself. She bloody doesn’t even know that I bloody exist. I’ve always admired the girl, not that it makes any damn difference to her.
I seat myself at the bar and order a drink. Looking around I see the usual crowd. I don’t know when this place became as it is today. It used to be some lame-ass hang out for the high school kiddies…now those kiddies seem to have matured. Only thing is they ain’t found themselves a new stomping ground yet. They are still doing the same old things they did when they were in high school. Tis just sad really.
It isn’t long before I spot Buffy entering the bar with the rest of the Scooby Gang. Tara and Willow are canoodling while Anya yaps poor Xander’s ear off. Bloody hell that woman could talk the paint off the walls! Not that I’m complaining or anything. She’s pretty damn nice. Always treated me real good, not like the others. Anya actually talks to me like I’m someone worth talking to…like I’m somewhat human, not a vampire…not a monster.
“Let’s Dance Xander!” I hear her exclaim in the very high pitched voice she has which somewhat resembles pigs being slaughtered. Mmm…pigs being slaughtered…pig’s blood. What I wouldn’t give for some of that now.
“C’mon Willow, you and I have to dance too!” Tara says, pulling Willow onto the dance floor with Xander and Anya. Buffy watches her friends, looking slightly dejected before going to sit down at a spare table. I watch as she fiddles with the hem of her skirt revealing her long, silky legs. What I wouldn’t give to touch those legs…without being beaten up for it. I shake my head trying to rid myself of those thoughts before I order another drink. I take a swig and continue to watch her. She does not look happy at all. In fact she looks bloody sad. She’s probably still hurt over that damn Riley. I knew that would end. I saw it coming a mile away. Riley was all wrong for her and he knew it. That’s why he did what he did, with those vamps and all. Buffy doesn’t need a hero; she needs someone who’s as messed up as she is. Someone bad…evil…someone like…Oh no, don’t go there.
I can’t help me self, within minutes I’m making my way over to her. As if she’ll be glad to see me. She doesn’t see me approaching so I take the time to admire her. Her long golden hair cascades over her shoulders and she delicately runs her fingers through it. Hell, I wish those fingers were mine.
“Spike.” She mutters, less then enthused by my presence when I finally sit down beside her.
“Hey Buffy.” I reply.
“I don’t have any money, ask Xander.” She utters before turning away.
“Well believe it or not sweet cakes but I don’t need any money. The wad I nicked from that business man earlier should last me at least til tomorrow.”
“Well then what are you doing here?”
“I need a motive?” she gives me the death stare, willing me to leave her alone, but my own will is stronger than hers. “I was around…saw you sitting here and thought I’d keep you company. Do we have to go through this every time?” I ask, remembering the last time I tried to sit with her at the Bronze.
“We wouldn’t have to if you’d stay away from me.”
“Any other options?” she rolls her eyes. “How’s Dawn?” I ask.
“You stay away from her.”
“Hey…I wouldn’t hurt her, I like the gal. She’s a sweet lil’ thing.”
“Stay away from her.” she repeats herself.
“Alright, alright, don’t get your nickers in a knot…or…”
“Eww.”
“Look, I’m bored, you’re bored, what do you say we get the hell outa this joint and go kill something.” She contemplates this invitation for a moment.
“With you? No.”
“Why the hell not?” I snap.
“Because I would rather have spiders run rampant on my face than go anywhere with you.”
“So that’s a yes?” I exclaim, rising from my chair.
“Did you just hear one word I said?” she retorts.
“Yep, now come on!” I say, dragging her to her feet and out the exit of the Bronze with surprisingly little protest.
____________________________________________________
We call them call cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk the tables being turned
“So…where do you wanna hunt tonight?” I ask her as we wander along the road leading up to the Bronze.”
“Umm…near the old highschool?” she suggests.
“Grave yard it is.” I say just to get her all riled up. I love it when I can make her mad. It’s the power to make her feel something…anything…even if that happens to be hate. I love having some power over her, as little as it may be. Most of the time I feel I’m in her power, like she has me trapped in her spell, and there’s not a goddam thing I can do about it. I’m destined to be under her command, always wanting…always waiting for the day that it can be returned.
“My mum told me you came over today.” She attempts idle chitchat.
“Oh yeah, we watched that episode of Passions where…”
“I really don’t care.” She interrupts.
“You know, you could stand to be a little more polite.” I tell her.
“Excuse me?” she almost laughs. I hate it when she laughs at me…more like a scoff really. She thinks I’m a joke. I’ve always been a joke!
“You’re always so bloody rude!”
“I’m getting advise on my manners from a vampire? A vampire who wreaked havoc on the lives of many a civilian in his time without ever saying please?”
“Hey! What did I ever bloody do to you…I mean, aside from the ‘trying to kill you’ stuff.”
“Spike…”
“Really? Can’t we just try and be friends. Is that so much to ask?” I wait in hopeful anticipation.
“Spike, we’re mortal enemies, what makes you think that we could ever be friends?” not exactly what I’d hoped for.
“I have a chip.” I offer. I was always using that excuse. I have a chip. Truth is that the chip isn’t what is keeping me from hurting her. I never tried to kill her before I had it. I always admired her…I always lo…
“And I have a pain in my ass, namely you.” She retorts, moving closer to the crypt. My crypt.
“What are you doing lurve?” I ask.
“We’re getting some weapons.”
“Couldn’t have gotten any from your place eh?”
“We’re here aren’t we?” I follow her into my crypt, butterflies going crazy in my stomach. Butterflies aren’t something that happens very often once you’ve entered the plain of the walking dead. Vampires just don’t have much to get all tingly about! We have no fear…not much any way, and have nothing to be nervous about. And love isn’t exactly something that develops among us. We’re too filled with hate to love. Therefore we rarely find ourselves with sweaty palms and a rapidly beating heart. Yes, we do biologically lack the human heart, but that doesn’t mean we don’t feel it, beating away, blood pulsing through our veins. Ever since I started spending time with the slayer though I feel almost as I did when I was human. Sometimes I even feel, almost…innocent, as strange as it sounds.
Buffy yawns and rubs her temples with her fingers, interrupting my thoughts.
“You tired? I didn’t think it was possible for the slayer to get tired.” I say.
“It’s very possible.” She sighs, closing her eyes for a moment.
“You know, maybe we should skip the fighting of evil things for tonight, and you could get some sleep.”
“No, I’m fine, we’ll just get some weapons and…”
“Buffy.” I interrupt, turning her around to face me. She looks so worn out, so completely spent. It must be a tough job saving the world. I immediately feel horribly sympathetic towards her. Just seeing her look so unhappy and worn out is tearing at my heartstrings.
“You don’t happen to have anything to eat do you?” she sighs as she accepts my invitation to rest and takes a seat on my couch.
I open the fridge to see. Blood is the real food of vampires. When you’re hungry it’s what you crave, it’s all you crave. Food does absolutely nothing for the appetite, but some of it tastes bloody well good!
“I have some fruit.” I offer. She stares at me in surprise before nodding her head. I take the platter of fruit over to her and place it on her lap. She immediately digs in. I watch her lips wrap around the grape she has in between her slender fingers and I cringe as my thoughts wander. I imagine those lips pressed against mine, those fingers roaming my body. It’s all I can do not to scream. As that thought transpires someone is reading my mind as from somewhere in the graveyard, a scream erupts.
Buffy jumps, her eyes wide. I hold myself still for a moment, praying the scream had not come from my lips. When Buffy jumps to her feat and heads for the door, I know it didn’t. I follow her to outside the crypt and another shriek is heard. This time it’s the voice of a baby. Buffy begins to run in the direction of the screams and there’s nothing I can do but follow.
As we get closer I can smell the fresh scent of blood and I know it’s too late. All that’s left to do now is kill whatever mongrel did it. Buffy stops short and I almost slam right into her. She seems to be frozen in shock so I follow her eye line, hoping to catch a glimpse of whatever it is that is making her react in this way. My blood ran cold as I saw those familiar figures standing there in the dark.
“I’m back.” His cold voice echoes into the night.
____________________________________________________
We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flames
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always comes with getting burned
But you got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire
“I’m back.” That dark, sinister voice breaks the unbearable silence. I see Buffy cringe, her eyes wide with disbelief. This was a voice she thought she’d never hear again…not like this. Not since the day when she pushed him into the portal connecting earth to hell.
“Angel?” she asks, questioningly.
“Angelus.” The tall, petite blond corrects her. Her voice unmistakable to me. She, Angel’s sire had joined Drue and me on our rampage in the early 18th century. Darla.
“Wha…What...?” Buffy stammers, taking two steps backward, treading on my toes. I hold her still and try to act as some support for her. Some support for what must be one of the most difficult things to witness. Her love has been transformed once again…only this time not by her.
“He’s one of us again.” Darla says, confirming Buffy’s greatest fear.
“But…that’s impossible.” She whispers.
“Not really me love.” Angel speaks almost gaily as he approaches Buffy. I quickly stand in front of her, putting some solid distance between them. Angel just grins. “All I need to be whole these days is just sex, plain and simple. You weren’t around so…” he looks over his shoulder at Darla whose smile widens.
“Angel?” Buffy almost sobs. I hate hearing her in pain. It bloody kills me every time.
“Oh quit your whining. You always were far too immature to be the slayer…far too immature to be with me.”
“Alright, that’s enough!” I growl, surprising everyone. “Why don’t you just sod off? Go on, go back to LA or whatever hole it is that you came from and leave Buffy alone!” I say with finality.”
“What’s gotten into you Spike? Dru would be very disappointed to see you working with the slayer.” Darla says.
“Or are you shagging the slayer?” Angel laughs.
“I’m doing nothing of the sort!” I spit. “Look, the two of you better sod off now or the two of us will have to beat you to a pulp.”
“Be me guest.” Angel smiles. I hear Buffy unzip her jacket and pull out her stake. She pounces on top of him without a second thought and tackles him to the ground. Meanwhile I take Darla.
She’s always been stronger than she looks, and this time is no exception. Within moments she has me pinned to a tombstone. I try to break myself free but with no success. I haven’t exactly been concentrating on my fighting these past few weeks, so my strength is slightly lacking.
Darla turns to look over my shoulder, still holding me down firmly so that I cannot get up. When she sees Angel has Buffy in a similar position to the one she has me, she lets off a shrill whistle, getting Angels attention and the two of them leave Buffy and I defenceless on the ground, spent.
“Why didn’t they kill us?” I ask Buffy, still in shock.
“It’s not Angel’s style. He wants to torture us first. Make us suffer.”
“Like he did Dru.” I say. She nods her head, trying to get up. I’m struggling to believe what has just happened, and from the look on Buffy’s face I can see she is too.
“I need some bourbon.” I murmur, pulling her arm and heading towards the crypt. We walk in silence for some time before she voices her thoughts.
“I can’t believe this. I can’t believe that after everything…with everything happening with Glory…how could this happen again?”
“It certainly is the last thing that we need. We now have two bloody vampires on the rampage as well as a hell god!”
“We just can’t win.”
“Now I don’t want to hear that defeatist attitude pet. You’re the slayer, you can always win.” she looks at me closely, trying to decipher the look in my eyes, trying to see if I’m telling the truth.
“You think so?”
“I know so. Now let’s get Giles and tell him what’s happening. We need him if we’re ever going to get rid of bloody Angel.”
We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall
“Giles, we have a serious problem.” Buffy announces, walking into the Magic Box.
“It’s not Glory is it?” he asks.
“Worse.” I say.
“Well what on earth can it be?”
“Angelus is back.” Buffy replies.
“Come again.” Giles struggles to grasp the concept.
“You heard the gal. He’s back, he’s dead and he’s damn evil. We ran into him and Darla a few moments ago.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“We kid you not.” Xander says, bursting in the front door with Tara, Anya and Willow at his tail. “Angel just stopped us in the street to ask politely for some bodily fluid.”
“He seemed mean. Not at all like I remember.” Anya adds.
“That’s coz he turned.” Buffy informs them.
“Oh god. This really isn’t what we need right now.” Willow says.
“You’re telling me.” Buffy adds, taking a seat at the desk.
“How are you Buffy? I mean, it can’t be easy seeing him like that, again.” Willow asks Buffy, rubbing small circles on her back.
“I don’t think I’ve processed it yet Will.”
“Well hurry and process. We need the slayer to do her thang.” Xander says, pacing the room.
“I agree.” I say.
“No one asked you, walking dea…wait, you agreed with me, yes?”
“Look, maybe if we use the spell again, we can give him back his soul.” Willow suggests.
“Sweety, those types of spells are really dangerous when used more than once on the same demon, you know that.” Tara says, bringing me great relief. Honestly, I never really liked the guy and the thought of Buffy slaying the mongrel once and for all gives me somewhat of a thrill.
“We just have to sit on this a day or so and come up with some sort of plan.” Buffy says, her head in her hands.
“But…but…he may have us all killed by then.” Anya whimpers, cuddling up to Xander.
“He won’t, trust me.” Buffy tries to reassure her; positive she knows the actions of her former lover. I however am not so sure. He looked like he wanted to get down to business to me. And with Darla involved, I know they won’t wait long to take action.
~~~
Buffy asked me to watch Dawn while she talked to the others so that’s where I am right now, at her house, watching telly with the munchkin. Joyce is at the hospital getting some more tests taken, much to my dismay. I really like that lady. She’s the only one around here to treat me with any real decency… ‘cept for ‘lil’ bit of course.
“Spike, do we have to watch this?” Dawn whines, picking up the remote.
“Ey!” I yell, snatching the remote back and turning the volume up.
“It is a repeat.”
“Yeah…but this is the episode where Dawson races Pacey in that sailboat contest to try and win the brunette and…”
“You are such a girl.”
“Am not!” I growl. “I am a vampire.” I say simply, putting on my ‘evil’ face.
“Please, you don’t scare me.”
“Oh don’t I just?” I challenge.
“No. I mean take a look at yourself Spike. It’s a Friday night and you’re sitting here with a fourteen year old watching a crappy, teenage girl cult show.”
“Ey! It’s not crappy, aiight!”
“Spike,” Dawn’s tone turns serious. “What are you doing here?”
“Buffy asked me to look after ya.” I answer; turning the volume up so I can hear Andie’s sweet ‘lil’ voice.
“Do you always do everything she tells you to do?”
“No! I am me own person you know.” I snap.
“Not with her. You’re always doing what she says.”
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
“Who asked you anyway?”
“It’s just an observation.” She smiles innocently.
“Well quit observing.” I say, turning the telly off and walking into the kitchen to get myself some damn peace.
I hate to admit it but the kid does have a point. Lately I have been doing what ever it is that I think would please the slayer. A damn chip doesn’t mean I have to go all sappy does it? Yet somehow I can’t help me self. The moment I look at her I get all weak and willing to do absolutely anything she wants. I’d even die for her you know…that is of course if I wasn’t dead already.
“Well hello, hello.” The voice of Angel breaks me of my reverie. He’s somehow entered the kitchen without invitation.
“I was Buffy’s lover remember, I’ve been here before.” He seems to read my mind, not at all unlike him. His words make me angrier than I like to admit. He was he lover. In that instant I just want to kill the bastard!
To Be Continued…
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