Bad Medicine
Set sometime during the current season when Spike and Buffy are 'seeing' each other.
Bad Medicine
I ain't got a fever got a permanent disease
It'll take more than a doctor to prescribe a remedy
I got all the symptoms count 'em 1,2,3
First I need
That's what you get for falling in love
Then you bleed
You get a little but it's never enough
On your knees
That's what you get for falling in love
And now I’m addicted cause your kiss is the drug
Your love is like bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need
Bad, bad medicine
At least once a week, without fail, I find myself here with him. Buried away in a crypt, amongst the dead. Bile rises to my throat just thinking about what we get up to. The thoughts I once considered repulsive have suddenly become very real actions, actions that are repeated over and over again.
I often tell myself that it will be the last time. I often break my promises. It’s as if some dark force is pulling me towards him, against my better judgement, and at times, even against my will.
All I need I find here with him. He’s like some kind of ointment that can heal all of my pain, all of my grievances. That’s exactly what he is; he’s my medicine. A medicine that I’m beginning to form a formidable addiction to.
When I first came back to my house with Dawn after being gone…dead for so long, I felt like a disease. I felt like I was the hell of the earth, not that I had come back from it. Hearing his voice as I walked down the stairs seemed to sooth me, cure me even. He seemed to ease the pain, the horrible pain that invaded my body and my soul. Just like he’s doing now with his kisses, kisses that trace the curves of my body, causing me to writhe with pleasure. He’s not alive, I know that, but his heart still beats, it beats for me. As his body rises and falls above mine I can feel it beating. I know it’s not really there, I know it never will be, but I feel it just the same. After all, there has to be a place for his love for me, he has a heart in spirit, if not in the physical form.
“I love you Buffy.” He calls out as we both come together. I’ve not yet found the words to say it back.
He wraps his arms around me and pulls the blankets up over our naked bodies. Brushing the strands of hair over my face, he opens his mouth to speak but no words come out.
“What is it Spike?”
“Stay?”
It’s like an unwritten agreement between us that when we finish, I leave. I have to, I have Dawn to think about…or so I say. He’s never once questioned it. He’s always been grateful for the moments we spend together. But lately I’ve sensed his uneasiness about the situation. He wants me, all of me and he wants me to be his, and he doesn’t want to hide it.
“I can’t Spike, they expect me back…”
“It’s always about them isn’t it?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You live for them.”
“I live because of them.”
“Yet you bend at their will! Christ, you could be in heaven.”
“They need me.”
“But what about what you need?”
“It doesn’t matter what I need.”
“That’s up to you Slayer.”
“I don’t have a choice.”
“You always have a choice, you just have to be brave enough to make it.”
“Not this time, I have to go.” I say, rising from the bed and reaching for my clothes.
“You do what you feel you have to do Buff. I’ll be here for you, anytime you need me.”
I walk out the door of the crypt, knowing it won’t be long until I’m back, just like he knows it. I’ll inevitably come back in due time for another hit, and I know he’s willing to provide, anytime, any place. I just hope that sometime I can find the words to finally repay him for all that he has given me. The three words I’m so fearful of. Maybe then what we do won’t be sin…maybe then his medicine won’t be bad, but good.
The End
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