Step #3: Bouncing Off Rock Bottom
OK, so now you know you're a spinless dung beetle. Where do you go from here?¹
There's only one place you can go, and that place is the pub. So many famous and intelligent people were addicted to something. Freud was a coke head, Lewis Carol was addicted to herion and Van Gogh cut off his own ear.² Your vice can be alcohol.
Step #4: The Larval Stage
You are no longer a vapid invalid, but your friends still are. How do you get new friends?
There's no need to break it gently to your friends that you no longer wish to be associated with them; they're stupid and therefore inferior. Just dump them like a sack of bricks and proceed to find new companions. You can start by going to a beatnik-java-drinking-dolphin-safe cafe. The hippies are so far gone they'll be accepting of anyone wearing a dark and somber ensemble.
Step #5: Spread Your Wings and Watch for Cars
Now that you've developed into a beautiful emperor moth it's time to procreate.
That's right. Welcome to the gene pool! It's time to spread your seed like a wildfire and be that promiscuous catholic school girl you've always wanted to be. With your new found intelligence you'll be attracting all of the ladies (or gents), just don't forget your morals at the front door; because you can't be that Rico Suave with your mother nagging in your ear. Be cool, relax, pop open an ice-cold brewsky and make your father proud!
And on that note, I have now contributed to the making of America into the beautiful country we once were...³
1 - The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Well, the third step...
2 - He must have been on something to do that!
3 - CANADA!,eh?